Flame

by J. P. Scott

  “Well, I have to know if he’s good for you or not.”

  My flurry of anger and annoyance at my uncle melted with those words. He just cared about me. It did not matter if I fell in love with a man or a woman, or anything else in the rainbow spectrum. He just wanted me to be happy and for the person I was with to be a good person.

  “He’s a good guy, George. It’s too early to really know what’s happening there.”

  “It’s the handyman, isn’t it?”

  George was relentless. By process of elimination, he had to get there sometime.

  “Yes, it is. Any problem with that?”

  “Well, sleeping with the staff is never a good plan. How well do you know him?”

  I laughed. In some ways I knew Jonathan very well. In other ways, not so much. “I didn’t know he was Nancy’s cousin until today. But he’s shared a lot about his past. He’s got some issues, but has been very forthcoming about all of that.”

  George seemed to take all of this in, but he did not say anything more about it. He pointed down to the papers on the table, “I’ve got some thinking to do. Let’s chat later.”

  “I’ll call you at the same time I always do. I’ll be back down as soon as I can.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Cody seemed in better spirits when we met up at the coffee shop he had pointed to on our way into town. He had a latte waiting for me as I pulled up. He took over the music again as soon as we pulled out onto the highway leading out of Payson and back up to the Rim.

  “I’m afraid to ask. Did you transfer that money into your mom’s account?”

  “Joint account. And no. Well, not really. I put some money in there, but just a little bit. Enough that she can do some good with it.” He looked at me, “I’m glad you talked me out of moving everything. I actually got to thinking that maybe she would spend the money on my dad, or that he would discover it and figure out a way to get the money out of the account. I want to make sure he’s not going to find out about it.”

  “You don’t have to answer, but has he hurt your mom? Or you? Or any of your family?”

  He shook his head. “No. He’s just a drunk. He’ll be fine, but then he’ll go on a bender and disappear. He doesn’t even really yell or get physical. I guess if there’s any kind of abuse, it’s more emotional. He knows my mom will always stay with him, so he takes advantage. He’s got a soft place to fall in case the real work ever gets too much. There’s food, clean clothes, a warm bed.”

  “I’m sorry. That’s got to be rough.” I wondered if Jonathan had a similar life before he got sober. Had “G” been someone he could always turn to for support? Did that support keep stringing him along, fooling him into believing that it could last forever? What had been the final straw? What had been the thing that had made Jonathan hit rock bottom? Was that what broke the two of them apart?

  “I know I’m the last person who has any authority on how to turn people from the bad path to the good—”

  Before I could get anymore out, Cody’s smile changed to anger, “Don’t say stuff like that, Josh! You’re a good person!”

  “Are you kidding me? What I did to you and Alex was awful. It wasn’t even the first time that Ethan and I had casually moved in on another couple when they may or may not have been okay with it. We only thought about ourselves, never the other guys.” It was the truth. However, as the words exited my mouth, I realized that seemed like ages ago. It was not my life now. Is it the life I wanted? Was it really me and who I was deep down inside?

  “Well, that may be, but that isn’t the Josh that I’ve gotten to know these past couple weeks. I have to think that it may have been more of Ethan’s influence than anything in you. You are taking care of George when you shouldn’t have to. You’re running the business and actively trying to make it better. What happens next is something you care deeply about or else you would just decide. You wouldn’t care if George liked it or agreed with it.”

  I sat there stunned. I had never seen Cody get quite so emotional. Alex had. The difference now was that Alex got mad because I had behaved badly. Cody was mad because I did not believe I had been behaving well.

  “Okay. Well, then maybe I might have some wisdom to bestow about your dad.”

  “Let’s not go overboard.” Cody’s words cut through the tension and we burst into laughter.

  It was several minutes later that I turned to Cody. The young man beside me was unlike anyone I knew back home. He was honest, vulnerable, smart, and sassy. Alex was a lucky man to have found him and scooped him up. It was a good thing that Ethan and I had not been able to get in between the two of them.

  “Are we friends?” I did not know why I asked him that. In truth, there were not too many people I knew back home that I really considered a friend. Had anyone checked on me since I had moved out here? Before I left, had anyone called me out the way that Cody had just now? The answer was no.

  “I think we are. Imagine that.”

  “Imagine that.” It was strange how far we had come in such a short time. “I’m not sure I’m ready for Alex’s reaction to that news, though.”

  Cody’s smile faded and he exhaled. “Well, I bet you can imagine.”

  “Wait, what are you talking about?”

  “Well, after I was done with my errands in Payson, I called Alex. He happened to ask what I was doing down in Payson and I told him I came down here with you.”

  I could still picture Alex charging me and knocking me and him off the cabin porch and onto the ground below. He had been enraged, and I doubted that anger had a chance to subside much. Even though there had been time, there had been great distance. He did not know that I had moved on. He had not been there the times when Cody and I had hung out at the restaurant, or even when he helped me get home.

  “You didn’t tell him about the night you stayed over, right?”

  “Honesty only gets you so far. He never would have been okay with that, even though it had been totally innocent.”

  I could not help myself from asking, “You mean, you weren’t the least bit curious about taking a peek or trying to cop a feel?”

  “We’re gay. There’s always the least bit of curiosity.” He let the comment hang in the air, “But no, everything has been platonic.”

  “If Alex said that someone had helped him back to his hotel room when he was drunk and they both passed out together. Would that make you upset?”

  Cody thought about the question. “Maybe? I’m not sure. To be honest, Alex is my true first boyfriend. I’ve hooked up with a lot of guys. And up here, you tend to latch on to the best ones for whatever relationship you might get. There’s no guarantee anyone else will be showing up for quite a while.”

  “What if he told you that I had bumped into him. Had helped him get home. Had slept in his bed.”

  I saw Cody shift in his seat. It seemed like he was adjusting himself. “So that doesn’t make you angry, just a little excited?”

  “Shit, yes. A little excited, okay?” He shifted in his seat again, this time more out of annoyance and agitation with me. “I always thought you were hot. I even thought that Alex should be with you and not me.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded. “The thought of you and Alex together has crossed my mind many times. And I haven’t been upset about it.”

  “So, I have to ask again. Any peeks or feels? How platonic was that night?”

  “Fine, there wasn’t any peeks.” I looked over at him with his admission. “I did try to get you undressed, so you weren’t passed out in your clothes. When you combine that with getting you in bed, it was bound to happen that I would touch something.”

  I grinned, “Did you touch my dick?”

  “I mean, through your jeans.” He grinned back, “Your nipples perked up pretty good.”

  I reached over and slapped his chest. “You played with my nipples when I was passed out?”

  He took a long sip of his coffee before responding, “I did. And
I don’t regret it.”

  I cupped a hand over one pec as if protecting it. Beneath my shirt, I felt my nipple hard with excitement. “If it was anyone else, I might feel a little violated. But you’ve got me kind of aroused.”

  “We should stop. We’ve already pissed off my boyfriend. Maybe soon-to-be ex-boyfriend? Shit, I don’t know. Anyway, I don’t need to cause any problems for you and Jonathan.”

  I appreciated Cody’s concern for boundaries. Would Jonathan be upset with Cody having an attraction to me? Even it was very small? Would he mind if I had an attraction to Cody? My gut said that he would not. He would probably want to tie both of us up together and perform some hot act that neither of us had ever experienced.”

  “There’s nothing to worry about. I’m very happy with Jonathan. I don’t think we are looking for anything more.”

  “Good. Because I would like to be his friend, too. I think the three of us really need that in our lives—friends.”

  “I would agree, Cody.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I dropped Cody off at the restaurant. He asked not to be dropped off at the campground across the highway where is Airstream was parked. He said he had forgotten something inside the restaurant and needed to grab it. He would walk the rest of the way home. He waved goodbye and disappeared inside.

  In minutes, I was back on George’s property. As I pulled up, I noticed that Jonathan’s truck and camper were not in their spot. Had he said anything about going to get supplies? I thought he was going to spend the day working?

  After I parked, I unlocked the office door. The room was empty, but I called out to Jonathan anyway in case he was in the back. I checked the registration desk to see if there was any note and then stepped into the back office.

  I first noticed the stack of boxes in the corner. They had tumbled to the ground again. I began to stack them when my phone vibrated I my pocket. I ignored it and continued to stack them. I cocked my head as I looked at the restacked pile. There was something wrong. One box was missing.

  I entered my bedroom and stopped. The room was a scatter of papers. The paper looked familiar. I picked up one and read the contents. They were indeed the love letters I had seven before. In the corner, I saw the box I had put them in.

  Why were these letters scattered about? Had Jonathan been reading them? Was that why he was gone now? Had he become upset with the memory of “G” and the love they had shared that had been torn away from him? Where had he done? I hoped to Payson and to a meeting. Or possibly to a friend’s house he had made who could help him through the struggle. What if he had chosen to pull into a bar and succumb to the temptation of a beer?

  I began to scoop up the letters and join them together in a pile. The letter pages were strewn across the bed and the floor. I did not read them as I collected them, just adding them to the pile in my hand has I collected them.

  My phone vibrated again and I saw it was Cody. I ignored the call. I would text him in a bit when I had things put together here and had processed all that might be happening with Jonathan.

  With Jonathan’s belongings back in boxes and now stacked in multiple smaller piles to prevent tumbling, I looked around to assess if there was anything else amiss in the room. I went into the bedroom and peeked in the closet and drawers. Jonathan’s things were still there. Wherever he was, he had not planned on being gone for too long. Or had he left in such a hurry that he did not think about taking anything with him?

  I took out my cell and dialed his number. He still did not have a cell phone number and it went to his business voicemail service. “Call me when you get a chance,” was the only message I left. I wanted to say more, but in case I was wrong and panicking for no reason, I just wanted to urge him to call me and check in. Keeping it light and simple seemed the best strategy.

  I left the office and walked down the porch to George’s place. Nothing seemed out of place here either. I stepped to the hutch were George and I kept liquor in the lower cupboard. I had asked Jonathan before if these should be removed or possibly locked up so that he could not get to them. He said not to worry. But now I was worried. Maybe I should take the time now to load everything up and stash it someplace. I could use a break from drinking myself. And if things were going to continue with Jonathan and me, I would need to make decisions about if it was indeed okay to drink around him. So far, he had asked me to keep my life running as I usually would.

  When I opened the cabinet door, I breathed a sigh of relief. Everything looked to be just as I had left it before. I felt shame that I had thought Jonathan might have gotten into the tequila, vodka, or whiskeys stored down here. It was a good thing that he had not, but it filled me with guilt to have even suspected that he would. How many loved ones of addicts went through the same up and down of worry, doubt, and discovery countless times a day, much less for weeks, months, and years? I began to pull everything out and tried to think of where to stash the bottles. I decided to put them in George’s room for now until I could think of a more remote place. Maybe Cody would want them or could hold on to them for a bit.

  I returned to the office after putting everything away. There was not much to do besides think about Jonathan and worry. Then, I remembered Cody’s call. I pulled out my phone and was about to send him a text when I saw that he had texted me. I had not noticed any additional buzzes while I had been moving the alcohol, but my mind had been too focused that I was not surprised I had not noticed.

  The text said, “Is Jonathan okay?”

  Why would Cody be asking about Jonathan? What would have happened between dropping Cody off at the restaurant and now to make him concerned?

  “Hey. Just seeing your text. What’s up?” I set the phone back down and turned my attention to the computer on at the registration desk. I checked to see if there were any emails, but it looked like all spam. When I looked up, Cody was stepping onto the porch. He did not knock but came right into the office.

  “Cody! What’s up?”

  “Where is Jonathan? Is he here?”

  “Actually, he’s not. He must have needed something for a project. His truck is gone.”

  “I don’t think he’s shopping. Can you call him?”

  I shook my head, “He doesn’t have a cell phone. Cody, what is going on?”

  Cody’s face was lined with seriousness and his shoulders were tight and pinched together. “I just need to talk to him. I need to know what he said to my mother.”

  “To your mother? Does he even know her?”

  “He must. While we were down in Payson, they ran into each other at the restaurant. When you dropped me off, I found her sitting in a booth and crying.”

  “What did she say happened? “

  Cody shook his head. “She didn’t say much. Just that she couldn’t believe he was back. Other than saying his name, she was tight-lipped but clearly upset. When I pressed her for more information, she ran out of the restaurant and drove away. Without my car, I could not follow her. I thought I would come straight to the source.”

  “Well, he’s not here.” I thought about the scene I had walked into. Was the encounter with Cody’s mom and the letters connected somehow? She clearly was not the mystery “G” in the letters. Did she know who it was? Or did Jonathan and her have a history of their own? Had Jonathan wronged her in someway before he went into treatment?

  “I don’t know when to expect him back. He did not leave a note or anything. Do you want me to text you when he gets here?”

  He pounded the registration counter, “I just want to know what he did to her!”

  I went around the counter to where he was standing and put my hand on his shoulder, “Hey, we will figure this out. Jonathan grew up in the area. From what I’ve gathered, he went through some hard times. It’s possible he did something to her before. If she did not know he was back and they ran into each other, it would certainly be a shock to her.”

  “What kind of hard times?”

  This was the type of
conversation I was not prepared to handle. How open should I be about Jonathan’s alcohol addiction and treatment? It was his story to share. Even though he was back on his feet and doing the right things with going to meetings and staying sober, it carried with it a stigma. Would Cody understand or would that make things worse? If his own father had a drinking problem, this could trigger his anger more. But possibly, it would help him to understand what was going on and why his mom was upset.

  I shrugged and gave in, “Jonathan is in recovery. He just moved back from Colorado where he was in treatment.”

  Cody seemed to be taking the information in and processing what that could mean for why his mom was upset.

  “Had you ever seen Jonathan before? Or ever heard his name?”

  “I hadn’t. But it’s possible that he knew my mom…or even my dad before he left. If he drank heavily, it’s quite possible he hung out with my dad and brothers at the bars or at someone’s house for their parties.”

  “And if they did know each other, your mom might associate him with the struggles she has with your dad. She may not know he is recovery but sees the memory of some event where she was hurt or angered.” I watched has the tension in Cody’s body slowly released. He looked like a balloon slowly losing its air and half expected him to emit some sort of whistling sound as air escaped. “Give your mom some time to calm down and talk to her. Maybe she will be more open. When Jonathan comes back, talk to him and get some answers. Maybe it is good that he’s not here right now, it will give you some time to think about it and be better emotionally prepared for it.”

  Cody turned and grabbed me in a hug, burrowing his face into my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, rocking gently back and forth. We stayed that way for several minutes before he pulled away and looked up at me. Our eyes locked. I was captivated by his gaze as he trembled. The hug had seemed to allay his fears, but there was still so much worry and concern there. I wanted there to be something else I could do to take all of that away from him. I reached up and brushed his hair off his forehead. My touch seemed to send tingles through him. I felt myself pull closer to him, suddenly desperate to kiss him. He pulled closer and our lips touched lightly.