Silent Screams

by Zachary Ryan

  It made sense when my mother told me I was just like him, and that he was an evil man. “Mom didn’t deserve to be humiliated like this,” I said. “And I shouldn’t have been kept in the dark. You wanted to protect me from mom’s controlling ways, but what about yours?” I asked.

  He might have said something, but I wasn’t paying attention. I felt my phone go off. I pulled it out of my pocket, and I saw the newest blast from Chet. Sadly, he didn’t honor keeping my secret in the dark, and now everyone knew that I had fallen from grace. The perfect image was the only thing I had left, and that was just taken from me.

  “I’m done here,” I said. I turned to walk out of the living room.

  My dad grabbed my arm. “We need to talk about this,” he said.

  I ripped my hand out of his. “No, we don’t. You already decided my new life path. You and your little girlfriend can keep planning out a life for me. I hope you continue to be delusional and think that you aren’t anything like mom,” I said, and walked out of the door to the house. I felt like my whole body was vibrating. I found out the truth about my parents, and it was time to find out the truth about Chet. He wanted to call me out, well, it was time that I gave him the same friendship gift.

  Chapter Seventy

  Ben

  I was blinded by rage when I got to Chet’s place. I ignored all the whispers and stares when I walked into the house. I was too focused on other issues to deal with people knowing about me working at a bar.

  My main issue was Chet on his little ego trip about calling out everyone for their secrets. I walked into the backyard, and he was standing there with Brick and Tyler. I walked right up to him and pushed him. “What the flying fuck?” I screamed.

  He turned to me. “Are you upset about my little text?” he asked, and I could tell he was being coy.

  “If we’re going to be honest with the class, why don’t you tell me the truth about where you were during the shooting?” I asked. It was time to call him out because there were way too many inconsistencies with his story.

  He looked at his friends then back at me. He looked so confused. “Why would you even question where I was? You don’t ask those questions.”

  I nodded. “It’s just oddly strange that you’re perfectly okay opening up about it to millions of your fans, but you can’t answer the question for me right fucking now.” I stepped really close to him. “Are you worried people are going to find out the truth?” I asked.

  He pushed me back. “Fuck you. You’re just mad that I told everyone about the fact that you’re poor now. I guess your mother realized that you were dead weight,” he said, while laughing with his friends.

  “You want to talk about family drama?” I asked. He had no right to bring up anything about my family. It was one thing I thought I could trust Chet with. I would have been able to get over him telling people about me being poor, but not the mother comment.

  “You have nothing on me,” he said. He turned to ignore me.

  “Except for the fact that your dad loves your brother more.” I shrugged. “I guess, that makes sense why you bullied Gabe and Lane. They’re a constant reminder that you’re the less liked twin,” I paused. I needed to really go below the belt. “Maybe that’s why you faked this story of where you were during the shooting. It was the first-time daddy truly loved you,” I said.

  It was only seconds before he turned around and lunged at me. I knew to brace myself. I’ve known Chet for years. We have had so many fights over the years, and I’ve always beaten him. He was straight strength, and it weakened him quickly.

  He tackled me to the ground and began to roll around. I heard people screaming about the fight, but my focus was on Chet at the time. He got a couple of swings in, but I was able to accept the blows.

  He got on top of me. “Don’t you ever bring up my father in public,” he said, as he punched me in the face.

  “But it’s okay to bring up my family bullshit,” I said. I lifted my arm and punched him as hard as I could across the face. He fell down, and I got on top of him. I balled my fist and began to punch him in the face. “Tell the fucking truth for once in your life, Chet.” I could tell that he was starting to bleed from his nose. “Where were you?” I asked.

  He chuckled. “You already know the answer. I’m not saying it out loud for your satisfaction,” he said.

  “Finish him,” Gabe said.

  I turned to see the sheer excitement on Gabe’s face. “He has ruined my life and yours. He caused you to betray one of your best friends. He doesn’t deserve to live.”

  “What?” I asked, looking at Gabe then back at Chet. I knew Chet was too weak to fight me.

  He got into my face. “I see the anger inside of you. This man has taken everything good away from you. Why does Chet get to live? Why does he get to continue to make people his victims? You talk about wanting control of your life, well here it is. Kill him!” he screamed.

  I looked at Chet then Gabe. I felt all my anger melted out of my body. I had been betrayed and bullied by so many people. Taking Chet’s life wasn’t the way that I should fight back. I wouldn’t use Gabe’s method to get my control back.

  “No, I won’t hurt him,” I said. I backed away from Chet. I saw Max and Kate come to his side. Chet began to cough up blood. “I’m so sorry that I took it too far.” I felt the pain in my hands. `

  “You’re a monster,” Kate said, when looking at me then back at Chet. “Someone call an ambulance. Hurry!” she screamed.

  I saw people looking at me. I saw the fear in their eyes. They were worried that I was going to make them my next victim. Had I just become the new Gabe? I shook my head. I only attacked Chet because he wasn’t telling the truth. No one in my life was telling the truth.

  I looked at my reflection in the siding glass window, but it wasn’t me. It was Gabe standing there with an evil grin. He was rooting for me to finish what he had started. He wanted me to end Chet’s life. Yes, Chet was a piece of shit, but he didn’t deserve to die.

  I ran out of that house and as far as I could. I slowed down, when the adrenaline began to wear off. I bent over and let myself begin to puke. “You could have finished it for everyone,” Gabe said.

  I looked up at him looking so disappointed. “I’m not you, Gabe.”

  He crossed his arms. “Are you sure? You have a lot of blood on your hands.”

  “Fuck you, Gabe. I never killed anyone,” I said.

  “You don’t need to put a bullet in someone to cause harm,” he laughed. “You and I are the same damn person. We wanted to feel like we had control in our lives. We wanted to fight back against our oppressors.”

  I shook my head. “I’m nothing like you,” I said. “I would never hurt someone like you did.”

  “You might want to consult with Lane about that then,” he said. He walked away from me and left me with the one bomb that I wasn’t ready to handle. I looked down at my hands covered in Chet’s blood. I tried my hardest to think that Gabe was just a coward, but wouldn’t the same be said about me now, after all that I’ve done?

  Chapter Seventy-One

  Cass

  It was a Friday night, and I wanted to get completely away from everything that was going on at school. I couldn’t get over Lane’s face when I saw him. I knew he needed his space to process everything that was going on with him. It didn’t surprise me that Lane was gay, but it hurt me that he didn’t feel like he could be safe with us.

  I heard Jarele’s phone go off. I lifted my head from his shoulder. “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  He gave me a weak smile. “Yeah, it’s nothing you have to worry about. People are telling me about Ben and Chet getting into a huge fight,” he said.

  “What?” I was surprised by that statement. I never thought Chet and Ben would get into a physical fight.

  “I guess Ben beat the shit out of him,” he said. “He deserved it after all the shit he’s done to everyone. How could you expose someone for being gay?” Jarele asked
.

  “Chet has his own demons, and we all know this. We can’t be surprised that he’s wanted to make everyone else look horrible to make himself look better.”

  His phone went off again. He looked at it before he got up. “I need some air,” he said.

  I grabbed his arm. “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  He gave me a weak smile. “Why wouldn’t they be?” he asked, before he stormed off.

  Jarele had been distant all night, and I didn’t know why. I thought we had gotten over Angela, the shooting, and the break-up. I thought we were working on getting us back on track. I truly believed that we were on the other side.

  I sat there trying to watch the movie, but I couldn’t. His phone continued to vibrate. I sighed, and I went to grab it. I didn’t want to pry on Jarele’s personal life. I wanted to believe him, and I did for almost our whole relationship. I truly believed he was a good man, but I didn’t anymore after that day.

  I picked up his phone and saw that it was Amy that was texting him. Amy was Angela’s best friend. I clicked on the messages. It was filled with you should be here. It’s her birthday. Why aren’t you here? She would have been so upset.”

  “So, he’s still talking to her friends?” Gabe asked sitting next to me.

  I turned to him. “It doesn’t mean anything,” I said, putting his phone back where I got it. I turned back toward the movie instead of looking at Gabe.

  “Cass, you can’t be that stupid. You know damn well what this means.”

  I snapped my head. “And I don’t care. She had her time with him. She took him away from me for so many months, and I’m not going to lose that again. You saw that I was a complete wreck without him. I won’t do that again,” I said. I knew it was a fault of mine, but I could accept it.

  “Cass…” I could hear the softness in his voice.

  I closed my eyes, and I couldn’t look at him. I knew that he was worried for me, but I wasn’t going to let him get to me. “He makes me happy,” I said. I could hear my voice break.

  “But he’s not in love with you,” he said.

  “Yes, he is!” I screamed. There was only another couple in the theatre with us. We went to see a movie that was about to leave the theatres the next week. “Angela and Edgar were our outlets. We’re about to graduate high school, and we wanted to see if our feelings were true.”

  “If that’s the case, then why are her friends still blowing up his phone? Have you even thought of Edgar since you ended it?” he asked.

  “No, I haven’t.” I saw Edgar in the halls, but I didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t like Jarele, who couldn’t go anywhere near Angela’s locker. He couldn’t even mention her name, and her friends were still wishing Jarele was there to heal with them. “Edgar didn’t die.”

  “Is that what you’re going with?” he asked.

  I could feel the tears start to form. “I have to believe that. I will not give him up because of some bullshit girl.”

  He leaned in close to me. “You gave up dancing, your identity, and your strength to be with him. You choose to make someone else control your happiness.” He stood up. “You’re too scared to be on your own because you don’t want to be. Everyone wants to continue to attack me for being a coward but look at you. You’re staying in a relationship with a man that doesn’t love you,” he said. He didn’t give me a chance to say anything. He walked away into the darkness.

  Jarele came back a few minutes later. He checked his phone and put it down. “Anything important?” I asked.

  He looked at me then back at the movie. “It was just my mom asking what time I would be home.”

  I believed he lied to me to protect my feelings. “Okay,” I said. I wouldn’t fight with him. I wouldn’t cause a scene in the movie because Gabe was wrong. Jarele wasn’t my main source of happiness. I laid my head back on his shoulder. Jarele and I were in love, and we were healing. We would go through our bumps, and that was all this was. Jarele had protected me from so much pain, not because I couldn’t do it on my own, but because he truly loved me. I know I have found my self-happiness on my own, right?

  Chapter Seventy-Two

  Zachary

  “I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Gabe said, as we walked backstage. Opening performance was in a couple of hours, and I knew people wouldn’t be back here.

  “I deserved this. I busted my ass for four years, and it’s not fair that I don’t have a starring role.” I was over everyone else getting their spotlight because life decided differently for me.

  “Your talent will get you other performances, Zachary. You’re going to make it on your own. Why do you need this?”

  I looked at him. “She doesn’t deserve that damn applause because she got lucky. What struggles have Marylyn gone through that this would be a triumph for her?” I asked. I looked into his eyes waiting for him to give a response.

  “You’re better than this,” he said.

  “We thought the same of you, but look at what happened,” I said, walking away from him.

  I turned the corner, and I saw Marylyn’s costumes for the play. I pulled out a pair of scissors from my bag. I walked over to her dresses. She wouldn’t be able to go on stage if her dresses were ruined. “Have a fun time being naked on stage, bitch,” I mumbled to myself.

  I was about to take my first cut when I heard sniffles. I looked around, and I was trying to figure out where the cries were coming from.

  “Please, don’t kill me,” someone said. “Please, I don’t want to die,” they said. I recognized the voice as Marylyn’s.

  I started walking toward the cries. “Gabe, I’m a good person. Please, I don’t deserve to lose my life,” she continued with her pleas.

  I followed the sound behind a rack of clothes. I pushed them to the side to see Marylyn curled in a ball on the ground crying her eyes out. The girl that had been nothing but a cruel bitch to me was on the ground shaking.

  “Marylyn?” I asked, as I dropped the scissors on the ground.

  Marylyn looked up at me. “What do you want?” she asked, while getting up.

  “What was that all about?” I asked. I couldn’t get the words of her pleading out of my head. “Did Gabe almost kill you?”

  She brushed past me to walk over to the vanity. She began to fix her makeup. “It’s nothing for you to worry about. Shouldn’t you be worried about your future career as a talentless bitch.” She then walked toward the stage.

  “You should ruin her,” Gabe said. “She legit has been nothing but cruel to you and that’s not fair to you. You belong on that stage and no one else.”

  I couldn’t sit there and agree with Gabe anymore. “You pointed a gun at her. You tried to kill her.”

  “So?”

  “Yes, Marylyn has always been a bitch, but she doesn’t deserve to die for it. No one deserves to die because of you.”

  “I didn’t kill her. She will be fine,” Gabe said.

  I thought back to Cass’s breakdown and now Marylyn’s. I’ve had my moments of waking up from having the memory of Gabe with a gun sneak into my dreams. “Fine!” I screamed. “No one's fine because of what you did. We’re all trying to find some kind of normal or happiness since you killed ten people.” I looked at the dresses. “This was why Marylyn and I were so competitive. This was our way of getting our normal back.” I looked at Gabe. “And I’m not taking that away from her.”

  I turned and ran towards the stage. “Marylyn.” I screamed.

  She turned around. “What?”

  I didn’t give her a chance to respond. I walked up and pulled her into a hug. I knew it was weird and awkward, but she needed it in this moment. “I’m sorry.”

  She was rigid for a moment, but she collapsed into the hug. She hugged me back, and it was the first time we actually connected. “I’m so stressed tonight, and that moment came fleeting back to me.”

  I looked at her, and I finally saw the Marylyn that was behind her mask. She was as terrified as me w
hen I got on that stage. I wiped a tear. “You’re going to kill it out there.”

  “No, this is supposed to be your moment, not mine.”

  I looked at her and I didn’t need to be competitive anymore with her. I could tell her the truth. “I wasn’t meant to be the lead. I would have let everyone down, and I couldn’t do that to the people I love.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  Marylyn has been so vulnerable with me, and I couldn’t do it. “It doesn’t matter. I just want you to know that you’re meant to be the lead and you’re going to kill it.” I broke from the hug. “You better go collect yourself before the show.”

  She nodded and walked away. I turned to the stage and looked at all the empty seats. I thought about all the people that would sit in these seats tonight and applauded the performance. They would throw roses and praise how well the musical went. Too bad none of those things would be meant for me.

  I heard clapping and turned to Gabe. I nodded at him. “I don’t deserve that applause, and it’s okay. I might not have the love for the stage anymore, but I’m not taking someone’s joy away from them like you did.”

  I ignored Gabe’s words, and I exited stage left. I said my goodbyes to the place I felt most at home. I felt my heartbreak, but I wouldn’t let anyone know. Eventually, I’ll have to tell my family, but for now I just wanted to imagine for a second what it would be like to receive all the applause and roses, that I would never deserve.

  Chapter Seventy-Three

  Lane

  I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore. I knew it was my fault. I had caused all of this damage. I was the monster that got them killed. I wanted nothing more than for Colby to tell me that I was being stupid. I wanted him to kiss me and make the pain go away. I saw Cass and Zachary’s expressions. They were worried about me, but they shouldn’t have been. They should have tossed me to the side. I don’t deserve anyone’s sympathy. Ben had a right to expose me because it was karma.