The Imperfections: A Forbidden Romance

by Sam Mariano

  Since I’ve obviously bruised her feelings a bit, I nod my head once in quiet agreement. “I’m not arguing any of that. You’ll make some man very happy someday.”

  After several seconds, she says quietly, “Just not you.”

  Even though I know she’ll think it’s mean no matter how gently I say it, I can’t bring myself to give her false hope. “Just not me,” I confirm.

  She doesn’t say anything for the longest time. She doesn’t take another bite, either. Finally, her chair scrapes hard wood as she pushes it back and stands, grabs her plate, and hauls it over to the sink.

  “You didn’t finish your breakfast,” I point out as she dumps her remaining eggs.

  “I’m not hungry anymore,” she tells me, rinsing the dish off in the sink and leaving it. “You can do your own dishes. I want to go home.”

  I hate hurting her feelings, and I wish I hadn’t filled her with all these false hopes about a future we can never have. I can’t believe I did that. I don’t know if the whiskey had me that far gone or the sex was that good, but something must have possessed me to say such things to her.

  Maybe it was self-loathing, because now that I practically proposed to her last night and told her I’d never marry her today, she’s going to despise me, and knowing that makes me miserable.

  Probably better that way, I guess. If nothing else, it should make staying away from her easier, knowing even if I gave in to a moment of weakness and showed up in her room again, she’d probably kick me in the balls before she’d ever bring that pretty little mouth near them again.

  “I’m really sorry, Alyssa.”

  “I don’t care, Brant,” she states before turning and leaving me alone in the kitchen.

  12

  Brant

  When Sunday rolls around and I have a day off, I don’t know what to do with it. Normally I’d hang out at home, take Scout for a hike, maybe work in my shop a little bit, but this weekend, all that stuff I’d normally do reminds me of Alyssa since she was along for the ride last weekend.

  I figure it’s best I don’t think about her since she hates my guts now.

  When I took her home after trying to let her down easy at breakfast, she didn’t say a word to me on the long ride back to her house. When I pulled into her driveway, she climbed out of my truck without a peep and walked right out of my life without looking back.

  I know that’s for the best; I was starting to like her too much. Still, it’s put me in a bad mood and I don’t like my own company as much as I usually do, so I give Bri a call and ask what they’re up to today. I damn sure don’t want to see Theo, but I haven’t had a chance to spend time with my sister since before all of this started, and I need the reminder of why I can’t have Alyssa in my bed since she clearly wants to be there.

  Well, wanted to be there, but she’s soft enough I could probably make it up to her and get her to want that again if I tried. In particularly lonely moments as I struggled to sleep last night, I fantasized about just that—saying fuck it, taking on the big commitment, and going all in with her.

  Problem with all in is one person might get rich off the hand, but someone else might lose everything. If it didn’t work out with Alyssa, me and mine are the ones who stand to lose.

  Best to let her hate me and abstain from drinking from that well.

  Since I don’t want to cheat Scout out of my day off just because I’m in a mood, I load him into the truck and haul him with me to Bri’s house. They don’t have any animals, so the boys like to play with him, and Scout doesn’t have any small humans, so he enjoys the playtime just as much.

  Levi’s a little young so he doesn’t care as much about having a pup around, but as soon as Thompson sees him, his little face lights up with excitement and he comes running.

  Bri and Theo are sitting on the patio furniture when I make my way to the back yard. Scout abandons me to run after his new playmates, and I make my way over to my sister and brother-in-law, though just the sight of Theo has me second-guessing my choice to come over.

  “Hey, Brant,” Bri says, leaning forward and reaching for me.

  I walk over and bend down to give her a little hug. “Hey, Bri.”

  “I’m glad you decided to come over,” she tells me with a big smile as she leans forward and pours some lemonade into a glass for me. “It’s such a beautiful day. I was just telling Theo yesterday you haven’t been over in ages. Wasn’t I, Theo?”

  With a bored, obligatory nod, Theo murmurs, “Yep.”

  I slide a glance in his direction but don’t bother greeting him. I swipe the lemonade and take a seat at the foot of the table, facing both of them, but I turn my attention toward Bri.

  Looking out at the boys playing with Scout, she calls out, “Be careful, Thompson. Don’t squeeze his neck like that.” Looking over at me, she says, “I can’t believe you’d bring that adorable puppy over here. You know the boys will be hounding us for one as soon as you leave.”

  I offer an obligatory nod of my own before taking a sip of my lemonade. “Scout’s a great dog. You should get ’em one.”

  “Maybe for Christmas,” she says, looking out at the boys playing in the yard again. “I just don’t know if anyone’s home enough for a puppy right now. Between me working extra hours and Theo constantly working late, it feels like we’re never here anymore. I don’t know if he told you when he came to see you at the bar the other night, but Theo wants to get a Challenger, so we’re trying to put away as much as we can toward a down payment.”

  Frowning, I look over at Theo. “What the hell do you need a Challenger for?”

  Bri jumps in, wanting to shield him from my inevitable criticism. “Oh, they’re real pretty. Did you see the one in front of the GMC dealership in town? The black one with white stripes down the side? Just imagine taking the boys for a ride in that car.”

  “I think the boys would rather have their mother home on occasion,” I remark.

  Jumping in with inexplicable daring, Theo tells me, “Bri likes to work, Brant. We don’t all live in the Stone Age where a woman’s only place is at home in the woods, barefoot and pregnant.”

  “And we don’t all live in an irresponsible fucker’s fantasy where a wife’s job is to work her ass to the bone in order to buy her husband as many new, expensive toys as he wants,” I offer back, just as nicely.

  With her mother tone turned way up, Bri says, “Now, don’t you two start this today. We’re going to have a nice day, no bickering. I swear, you’re as bad as the boys.”

  “I’m just saying—all these late nights Theo’s working, I hope he’s up for a promotion, at least,” I offer, sliding him a knowing look.

  The look he shoots me back is unamused as hell. “As a matter of fact, I am.”

  “He sure is,” Bri puts in proudly. “He’s working hard for it. He deserves some kind of reward for all his hard work, Brant.”

  I’m pretty sure he’s already had his fucking reward, but obviously I don’t say that.

  Since I don’t want to stress my sister out and I know my input won’t make a difference anyway, I let the matter drop. Bri prattles on, desperately changing the subject to tell me about some gossip at work with the boss hiring some woman he’s been having an affair with, but knowing what I know about her marriage, that’s not a subject change for me. All it does is remind me of Alyssa and how different it is spending time with her.

  Ordinarily, I avoid people as much as possible. I won’t say I’ve always been a total loner. Once upon a time, I enjoyed having a small, core group I was close to, but as I’ve gotten older, that’s changed.

  Everyone I’ve ever been close to has moved on to the next stages of life—some married with babies, some already divorced and on to new girlfriends and smaller apartments with alimony payments.

  Me, all that’s really changed aside from opening the bar is which dog’s accompanying me on hikes. I had a different dog before Scout, a basset hound that passed in April, and while I’ve always
enjoyed the company of dogs, people are a different story.

  Even people I genuinely like—such as my sister—are a struggle to be around sometimes. Wasn’t always like that, but has been now for about half of my life, so I’m used to it.

  Thing is, it’s not like that with Alyssa. I expected it to be that first night when I brought her back to my house. I kept waiting for her company to start draining me, kept waiting to long for the peace of my solitude, but I never did the whole time she was there. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute I spent with her. Being with her filled me up instead of wearing me out, and I’ve never encountered that kind of magic before.

  I’m just starting to scoop a creamy spoonful of Bri’s macaroni salad onto my plate when the previously inane conversation takes a swift, uncomfortable turn toward the very girl I’m here trying to avoid thoughts of.

  I was only partially paying attention, so I try to scrape together what I remember of what Bri was just talking about. My sister’s a talker, and I’m not in the right headspace to be good company tonight, so I didn’t catch all of it. I think she was talking about some movie she wanted to see before it leaves theaters.

  “Since our babysitter vanished right into thin air, we haven’t been able to set up a date night,” she’s telling me as she sprinkles a handful of potato chips on her paper plate. “Did I tell you about that?”

  I put the spoon back in the bowl and set the bowl down on the table. “I don’t believe you did,” I murmur.

  “You’re being dramatic,” Theo says, understandably dismissive. “She didn’t disappear into thin air. The girl graduated high school, and you know she was planning to go to college. She’s probably just busy, preparing to move away for school or something. Doesn’t have time to babysit anymore.”

  Bri frowns, shaking her head. “It’s still not like Alyssa to ignore every attempt I make to reach her. I’ve sent her text messages, I even called and left a voice mail, but she never responded. She’s never taken more than a few hours to get back to me, not even that time her grandpa was in the hospital. I’m worried about her, to be honest.”

  Wanting to shift the conversation—and my sister’s concern—away from Alyssa, I say, “Well, like Theo said, maybe she went off to college.”

  “No,” Bri says, more decisively. Looking over at Theo, she says, “She wasn’t going away to college, remember? She was going to community college and commuting from home.”

  “I don’t remember,” Theo says, rolling down the top of a chip bag and securing it with a clip. “Anyway, whatever the reason, she’s busy. We’ll just have to get a new sitter.”

  “I don’t want a new sitter,” Bri complains. Looking over at me, she places a hand to her chest and tells me, “Brant, this girl was a dream, I’m telling you. Sitters like this one don’t come around all that often—especially as cheap as she was. She charged well below the going rate and did far more than these other teenage girls who just sit around on their phones all night and let the kids run wild, then in the last half-hour before they know you’ll be home, they run around and clean everything up so it looks like they paid attention.”

  My lips curve up faintly. “If I remember correctly, that’s exactly what you were like as a babysitter. You just talked on a cordless phone instead of a cell.”

  Bri rolls her eyes and makes a dismissive noise. “Whatever, I was a good babysitter. Though, not half as good as this one. Our babysitter was a gift from heaven above. Not only would she play with the boys and do a good job keeping them entertained, she’d cook dinner if she knew I was going to be home late, and she’d clean up and do dishes. She even did laundry. One time, Thompson had an accident in bed before I went to work and I asked her if she could switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer so it didn’t sit there all day. Well, when I came home, all the laundry was dried and put away—and everything in the right spot. After that, she’d do laundry any time it was in the basket.” Shaking her head mournfully, she tells me, “The girl was a godsend. I was so stingy with her, wouldn’t even give my friends her number when they needed a good sitter. I was afraid one of them would pay her more and steal her away.”

  I barely stifle a sigh, looking down at my plate now, my appetite gone.

  Still on her tangent about how wonderful the girl I chased off is, Bri says, “You know what she said to me? One day I came home and she looked so tired, I felt bad. So I told her, you know, you don’t have to clean while you’re here. I’m only paying you to watch the boys, that’s really all you have to do. And do you know what she said to me?”

  “What’d she say?” I murmur, since clearly I’m expected to.

  “She told me she didn’t mind doing it, because after I worked all day long, she wanted me to be able to come home and relax and enjoy my family. Can you believe that? Girls her age just don’t care like that,” she says, shaking her head. “I’m gonna call her one more time, but if I can’t get a hold of her, I might go over to her house.”

  “Bri, she’s just a fucking babysitter,” Theo snaps.

  Bri looks up in surprise, since of course she doesn’t know why Alyssa’s a sore subject for him, or why he’d object to checking on her. “She’s a wonderful babysitter. Weren’t you just listening? That’s not what babysitters are usually like, especially ones her age, working for peanuts.”

  “We’ll find another good sitter,” he states. “We’re not going to stalk the poor girl. Maybe she did get another babysitting job making more money and she’s just too uncomfortable to tell you that. You know Alyssa’s not good with confrontation. You’re not gonna show up at her house and put her in that position. That’s crazy.”

  “I’m not trying to make her uncomfortable,” Bri says defensively. “I just don’t want to lose her. If someone else offered her more, maybe we can match it. If we can save money for a car you don’t even need, we can pay a little more money to make sure our babies are in good hands when we’re not here.”

  “Jesus Christ,” he says, shoving his chair back and storming away from the table.

  “Where are you going?” Bri demands as he heads toward the house.

  He doesn’t even mumble some made-up answer, just stomps inside without a word like the child he is.

  Shaking her head, Bri says, “He’s so testy lately.”

  She freezes, her own eyes widening in surprise, like it just occurred to her who she’s complaining about him to. I’m the last person she wants to gripe to about that asshole, since she knows I already don’t like him.

  Quickly, she adds, “But he’s been under a lot of stress at work—that’s probably what it is. And money is tight, but it’s nothing to worry about.”

  Picking up my fork and spearing a couple pieces of macaroni, I say, not for the first time, “Why don’t you let me help you out?”

  “No,” she says firmly, shaking her head. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  “You’re not asking, I’m offering. Doesn’t have to be a regular thing,” I tell her, since I know an objection she’s made before is she doesn’t want to feel like some kind of charity case. “It’s family helping family, simple as that. I could give you a couple thousand dollars, just enough to give you some breathing room. Make an extra house payment, put a little in your checking account so you have some padding, maybe put a bit into the savings account for the boys. You’d be less stressed, and I wouldn’t miss it. It’s just sitting in my savings account right now, accumulating a few coins every month. I’d rather give it to you.”

  If she accepted, I wouldn’t actually have to take the money out of savings; I’d just take it out of the $5,000 in emergency cash I keep on hand at the house in case I ever need money when the bank’s closed.

  Only thing I don’t like about giving Bri money is that I know it’s ultimately just going to wind up in Theo’s miserable hands. If I do give Bri the money to pay her bills, she’ll just put the money she would have used toward getting that spoiled son of a bitch the car he wants.

  S
till, I can’t stand watching my sister carry so much stress when I know I could help.

  Shaking her head, she tells me, “There’s just so much lately. I’m so tired. I’m working more than I ever have and I never see the boys. Daycare isn’t cheap and I feel like I can’t even get him interested in spending time alone together, even if Alyssa hadn’t vanished.” She shakes her head, sighing. “Be glad you’re single with no one else’s wants and needs to have to take into account. Sometimes I envy you that,” she says with forced lightness.

  “Yeah,” I murmur, not terribly convincing even to my own ears. “I’m living the dream.”

  Bri offers me a wan smile, but I can tell Theo’s tantrum is still on her mind. Reaching over and patting my hand, she tells me she’s gotta run inside real quick then she runs after Theo, even though she didn’t do a damn thing wrong.

  I shake my head, wishing for the millionth time she would’ve married someone better than him. It’s a shame that man’s such a drain on her, siphoning the money she works hard for into yet another attempt to keep him happy, not even appreciating all the effort she puts into making his every whim a reality.

  She does too much for him, and he does too damn little for her.

  I sigh, sinking back in my chair and pulling my phone out of the pocket of my jeans. Yet again, I don’t have Alyssa’s number, but as soon as I think that, I realize Bri left her phone on the table.

  I flick a glance back at the house, then grab it. No passcode, same as Alyssa. Goddamn, these women are trusting. I open her contacts and don’t have to scroll far before I get to Alyssa Babysitter.

  Even though I tell myself I don’t need to have her number since I’m never gonna talk to her, I find myself copying it into my phone. There’s a picture of Alyssa with the boys as the contact photo, and even though I shouldn’t snoop through my sister’s phone, I open up her photos, thinking maybe I can swipe through real quick and find it. I’d like to send it to myself, but I need to be fast, because I also need to delete the message from Bri to me before she comes back.