The Imperfections: A Forbidden Romance

by Sam Mariano

  I scroll through the camera roll quickly, my eyes peeled for Alyssa and only Alyssa. No one in my family is blonde, so as soon as I see a blur of golden hair, I stop scrolling and click on the picture. It’s not the same one from the contact page, but it is Alyssa with Levi in her lap, his finger in his mouth. Thompson is squeezing her neck in a strangling hug and Alyssa is grinning at the camera. She must have sent it to Bri one day when she was babysitting, because her arm is outstretched as she snaps the selfie.

  I send it to myself real quick, then I delete the message from Bri’s phone so she doesn’t know I did. I steal another glance at the back door and go to close the phone, but something else catches my eye.

  Screenshots of a woman’s social media profile with “the whore” written on it in sloppy red marker. I scowl and scroll to the next couple photos. One is just a close-up of a license plate on a blue car. One is a company photo cropped to emphasize Theo and some washed-out brunette with a big nose and mousy features. She’s standing next to him in the picture, and it’s the same woman whose profile Bri took a screenshot of.

  The alarming thing is, it damn sure isn’t Alyssa, and what reason could Bri possibly have for slandering a woman Theo works with unless there’s something going on between them?

  “Scout, no! Bad doggie! Uncle Brannnnnt!”

  My gaze jerks to my nephew’s shriek. I see Scout running off with his ball, so I know it’s not incredibly urgent. Since I doubt I’ll get a chance like this again, I send myself the three photos that seem to allude to something going on with Theo and that woman he works with. Once the messages arrive on my phone, I delete them from Bri’s message chain like I did the picture of Alyssa.

  Once I have what I need, I close out the apps on my sister’s phone and put it back where it was on the table.

  “I’m coming,” I tell Thompson to stop his complaining. I slide my own phone back into my pocket and push back from the table, then I chase after Scout to retrieve my nephew’s stolen ball.

  13

  Alyssa

  Much like it did before I met Brant, life goes on.

  Now that I have a baby to support on my own, I have to amend my plans a little bit. I was planning to go to community college full-time for two years, so I figured I’d live at home to save a little money. Now, I think Brant might have a point about me and the baby needing a little more space.

  I still have some occasional babysitting gigs, but since I worked for Bri and Theo the most, not working for them anymore has drastically cut into my income situation. It’s clear babysitting won’t be enough, and honestly, after everything with Theo, I’m ready for a different kind of job.

  I manage to get a pretty good one working reception at a yoga studio in town. I mentioned my pregnancy to the owner during the interview since I didn’t feel right getting the job and then springing it on her. She was really cool about it, even telling me since their prenatal yoga class on Saturdays ends before my Saturday shift starts, I can attend for free.

  That seems healthy, and I want to make a point to make some healthy choices, so I’m happy to take her up on it.

  I meet a guy, too. I didn’t think I was even interested in meeting anyone, but there’s a golden-haired guy who jogs down my street shirtless all the time. He’s around my age, but he lives with a couple of roommates in a house down the street, so he must have at least some of his shit together. Anyway, he’s really cute, and when he asks me to go to the summer festival with him, I can’t think of a single reason to say no.

  That’s how I wind up strolling down the crowded aisle at the fairgrounds, leaning on his strong arm so we don’t get separated as we navigate brightly lit, aromatic booth after booth in search of an elephant ear. I haven’t had to deal with any morning sickness yet, but when I got a whiff of cinnamon sugar and deep-fried dough, I decided to blame the baby for my sudden, overwhelming desire for an elephant ear.

  Privately, anyway. I haven’t told Dirk I’m pregnant yet. I figure that’s not really first date conversation.

  We finally find the elephant ear stand. I was starting to worry. The fireworks will be starting soon, and it feels like we’ve been walking in circles trying to find this damned concession stand for ages.

  “You’re a cheap date, you know that?” Dirk asks, looking over at me as we wait in line.

  I cock an eyebrow, surveying him skeptically. “Excuse you?”

  “No wrist band, no rides, and all you want is an elephant ear? You sure?”

  I shrug my shoulders, not bothering to explain that I can’t go on anything but the carousel or the Ferris wheel since I’m pregnant, and I’m not especially fond of the Ferris wheel. “I’m easy to please,” I tell him.

  Smirking faintly, he shakes his head but doesn’t say anything more about it. When we make it to the window to order, Dirk watches me order my elephant ear, then he orders us each a lemonade, too.

  I look over at him as he reaches for his wallet, glancing back to steal a peek at his butt. Dirk has a very nice butt, and I’m relieved that despite some lingering feelings for Brant, I’m not so wrapped up in what I can’t have that I’m unable to notice what’s right in front of me.

  I don’t want to get caught checking him out, though, so I tear my gaze away and glance around the crowded fairgrounds.

  I’ve had a nice night with Dirk, but it hasn’t stopped my mind from wandering to Brant a couple of times. Ridiculous, since it’s not like Brant would have even brought me here tonight if we were dating.

  In my mind, he would’ve. In my mind, he would’ve made me go on the Ferris wheel with him and I would’ve burrowed into his side, feeling like he could protect me even from a 40-foot fall. Brant just seems so capable to me, no Ferris wheel could hurt me if he decided not to let it.

  In reality, I know it wouldn’t have been anything like that. He wouldn’t have been able to bring me out in public like this, because despite telling me I needed to start expecting more from men than half-cocked bullshit, that was all he had to offer me.

  It’s better that I came with Dirk, someone more my age who isn’t afraid to be seen throwing darts at balloons so he can win me a pink stuffed frog.

  There’s no point thinking about the man I can’t have. If I want to develop healthier habits, it’s going to require breaking the bad ones I already have.

  My heart stalls as my thoughts of Brant seem to summon someone who looks like him walking through the midway, holding the hand of a little boy. I frown, leaning back to get a better look, but the man’s back is to me and people keep walking by, blocking my view.

  If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear that little boy almost looks like…Thompson.

  The boy turns suddenly, looking at the offerings of the various food stalls, then he points excitedly. “There it is! Blue cotton candy! I want blue.”

  When the man turns, I gasp involuntarily. That’s the face I’m making when he turns to look for this alleged blue cotton candy amid all the bags full of pink, and he looks me dead in the eye.

  Brant.

  All my healthy resolutions swiftly vacate my brain and something warm swaddles my heart at the sight of him.

  “Here you go.”

  I break eye contact with Brant and look back at Dirk just in time to take the giant cup of lemonade he’s handing me.

  Upon noticing I’ve lost a couple shades of color, Dirk frowns. “Are you okay?”

  I offer a wobbly nod and grab my elephant ear off the counter. “Thanks,” I say, my voice sounding a bit wooden even to my own ears.

  I’m about to drag Dirk off in the other direction so we don’t run into Brant, but Dirk heads back toward the main walkway before I can stop him.

  “Oh, hey—” I start, but before I can finish, I’m interrupted by a familiar shout.

  “Alyssa! Hey, there’s Alyssa,” Thompson calls out, pointing in my direction and looking back over his small shoulder.

  My eyes widen as I spot Bri and Theo trailing behind them. They haven�
��t seen me yet, so I turn, not even bringing Dirk, and race through the crowd in the other direction.

  “Whoa,” Dirk says, whirling around and searching for me. He finds me and follows, but my heart’s racing now, and I’d really rather leave than stay for the fireworks.

  A shame, too, because I love fireworks.

  Once I’m far enough away that I can slow down without fear of being caught, Dirk falls into step beside me. “Hey, where’s the fire?”

  I’m so embarrassed, and I feel absolutely awful for running away from Thompson when he was calling out to me like that. “Sorry. I just saw someone I don’t want to run into,” I explain half-heartedly, looking around, kinda paranoid.

  There are a lot of reasons I don’t want to run into them. I can’t face Brant when I’m on a date with someone else, for one thing. I also can’t explain to Thompson why I stopped babysitting him, and I don’t especially want to face Bri and Theo—especially because I’m not sure Theo even knows I’m alive. Brant wasn’t too clear on what he would tell Theo about how he handled me, but it just seems best to avoid running into all of them at the carnival.

  “Big, scary ex?” Dirk teases, rather adorably, actually.

  Yes, I think, but I shake my head no. “Just people I used to babysit for. Maybe we should go.”

  “Nah, we’re not going anywhere. I just found you that damn elephant ear, and now we’re going to enjoy some fireworks. There are plenty of people spread out on the lawn—I’m sure you won’t run into whoever you’re trying to avoid again.”

  “I’m less sure,” I tell him, looking over my shoulder.

  Exaggerating his own cockiness, he tells me, “Well, if you see them again, just hide behind my bicep. They’ll never spot you there.”

  I bust up laughing, and Dirk smiles, wrapping his free arm around my waist. “That’s better.”

  I smile a little easier, looking over at him. “Thank you for that incredibly obnoxious remark. It was exactly what I needed to hear.”

  “That’s what I’m here for. Finder of elephant ears, utterer of obnoxious remarks—I’m a man of many talents.” He looks out across the lawn for a place to sit. Pointing with his lemonade cup, he says, “Right over there, I see a spot. Follow me—I might have to push some little old ladies out of the way.”

  “And kick some puppies?” I play along, following him as he leads me to this spot he’s found.

  “Hey, those puppies were asking for it,” he tosses back.

  I shake my head. “Totally impervious to their big, adorable puppy dog eyes. Boy, you do have a lot of talents.”

  Looking back at me with a cute little smirk, he assures me, “You’ve only scratched the surface, baby.”

  Grinning, I follow his lead. If I had a free hand, I might even reach down and twine ours together.

  To be honest, I had my doubts about going on this date. I wasn’t sure I was ready to open up to someone else again so soon after having my heart scratched up by Brant, but I didn’t see the point in staying home alone and inviting sadness when I could go out instead, either.

  I like Dirk, though. I’m not sure how he’ll react to the news that I’m pregnant, but I like him enough that I think I should tell him sooner rather than later. If it’s too much for him and he wants to bolt, I’d rather know that now than invest more of myself in another man who isn’t even willing to consider traveling the distance with me.

  I don’t want to be like my mom or my sister, dating losers who don’t stick around. Maybe I’ve already repeated one of their mistakes, but I don’t have to stay on that path. Brant might not have been the one, but he did open my eyes to the fact that maybe I need to aim higher. My baby deserves better than what I had, and it’s my job to ensure he or she has it.

  A little thread of melancholy wraps around me as I look at Dirk and consider how old he is. He’s 19, a year older than me, but he’s not even in the prime of his life yet. Do I really think he’d wanna saddle himself with a girlfriend who’s carrying someone else’s baby?

  Dirk’s wearing a red, plaid shirt open over his white T-shirt and jeans, and since we didn’t bring a blanket to spread out on the lawn, he takes his shirt off and spreads it on the ground for me. Then he sits down behind it and spreads his legs, patting the ground between them.

  “You can sit here.”

  “How gallant,” I remark, handing him my lemonade.

  He takes it for me and I try to sit down like a lady, but I’m wearing a dress and holding an elephant ear, so it’s a challenge.

  Once I’m settled in between Dirk’s legs, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me back against him. “I like your panties,” he teases in my ear.

  “Hey, I wanted to sit down politely, but not more than I wanted to keep this elephant ear on the plate. Can’t win ’em all.”

  Dirk chuckles and I relax against him, ripping off a corner of my deep-fried, cinnamon-sugar-covered dough. I stuff it in my mouth, not at all like a lady, and look up at the darkening sky. “I love fireworks. I don’t know what it is about them, but it always makes me happy watching them.”

  “Well, we’ll have to watch them again next weekend,” he tells me. “You doing anything for the Fourth?”

  “I don’t have any plans yet,” I reply as I tear off another piece of my elephant ear and hold it up. “Want some?”

  “Nah, you go ahead.” He misses a beat, then he says, “Well, we should hang out. My mom and her boyfriend are having a cookout, which will undoubtedly be lame and mostly attended by people who are disappointed in me, but she lives close enough that we could walk down to the fireworks after.”

  He says that lightly enough, but without even needing to know why the people in his life would consider him disappointing, loyalty springs up inside me and I reject their dumb, mean opinions.

  Like it’s a physical thing happening, I feel Dirk start to sink into a tiny fissure in my heart that Brant left. Protectiveness blossoms, and much to my relief, I get the sense that if I keep watering this relationship, it’ll keep growing. Maybe Dirk will be someone who accepts the love I wanna give him, and maybe he’ll give it back to me, too, instead of rejecting me like Brant did.

  Despite my new, happier feelings of optimism about Dirk, the thought of Brant rejecting all I wanted to give him still brings a sting of tears to my eyes.

  I blink it away and refocus my attention on the guy who might still have a place in my future rather than looking back at the past. Nothing new and better can happen back there.

  “Do you like kids?” I ask, leaning my head back on Dirk’s shoulder.

  “Kids?” he echoes, understandably confused. “Sure, I like kids. Why?”

  “Just wondering,” I murmur, before popping another small piece of cinnamon-sugar-covered deliciousness into my mouth.

  Since we’re still very much in the getting to know each other stage, after a few seconds, he says, “You said you babysit, right? Do you do that full-time, or…?”

  “I used to babysit more, but I needed to get something a little less sporadic before college starts in the fall. I actually just started a new job as a receptionist at the yoga studio in town, so I’ll be doing that and babysitting. Between the two, hopefully I’ll start making enough to move out soon. This time next year I’d like to be in a place of my own. What about you? When you’re not busy jogging in front of my house without a shirt on, what is it you do for money?” I shoot back with a little smile.

  “Maybe that is my job.” When I look back at him skeptically, he continues. “What, you don’t think people would pay me to jog by their houses shirtless? I’m starting to think you don’t have any faith in me at all,” he jokes.

  I grin, ripping off another piece of elephant ear. “I figured that was more of a hobby than a money-making excursion.”

  He chuckles. “Well, you figured right. I’m not doing anything terribly impressive right now, just a dishwasher, but with my roommates, it pays the bills.”

  I nod my head, accept
ing that. “What do you think you want to do someday?”

  Before he can answer, a wall erects itself in front of us, blocking the moonlight shining down on us and muffling the pleasant background noise of the families around us playing with sparklers and talking amongst themselves while we wait for the fireworks to start. My heart drops right out of my body as I look up at the imposing man standing there, glaring down at me while I eat an elephant ear and let someone else hold me in his arms.

  With a pleasant tone that jogs me out of my shock and replaces it with confusion, Dirk says, “Hey, Brant. Didn’t expect to see you at the fireworks.”

  Brant mildly glares at me but responds like he’s addressing Dirk. “Didn’t expect to see you, either.”

  I frown, confused, and look back at Dirk. “You know him?”

  Not bothering to let Dirk answer, Brant says, “Yes, he does.”

  I look back at him, and Brant smiles faintly.

  “I’m his boss.”

  14

  Brant

  When I spotted Alyssa at the food truck across the midway, it didn’t occur to me right away that she was here with anyone. She was all I saw, her golden blonde hair pulled back in loose pigtails, her pink dress short and flirty the way she seems to like ’em, her blue-green eyes widened in shock at the sight of me.

  Then, before I even had a chance to react, Thompson spotted her, and Alyssa bolted.

  Slowly, my focus pulled back and I took in the sights all around her. The elephant ear stand with a big yellow banner advertising freshly squeezed lemonade. The young guy standing beside her, buying her that overpriced carnival food—a kid I recognized, since I see him a few times a week washing dishes in the back of my bar.

  A guy who, just last night around closing, was talking to the line cook about this “extremely fuckable blonde” he was taking to the fair.