Broken Dreams Boxset

by Rebecca Barber

  “Come home. Move back in here. It’s your home. Where you belong. Just come back.”

  “I can’t!” she said, her voice full of exasperation.

  I was tired. Today had been bullshit. My boss wasn’t exactly thrilled when I’d told them I was unavailable to travel for more than one night and even then, those trips had to decrease. After a two-hour meeting come argument, they’d finally conceded and given me the position I wanted. Getting my way though, had taken its toll. I was drained. All I wanted was to get changed and beat the shit out of the punching bag that was waiting for me in the garage. Now it seemed, I was the punching bag. Deservedly so, but still.

  “Why not? Why do you have to be so bloody stubborn, Maggie?” Shit! I hadn’t meant to let my frustrations escape. Not like that anyway. I might have been thinking it, but I still should’ve kept that shit to myself.

  “For fuck’s sake, Drew! We can’t keep doing this! You asked for a divorce!”

  It felt like today we were both up for the fight. The smart thing to do would be back down, but I wasn’t feeling smart. There was too much on the line to lose. Backing down, giving in wasn’t an option.

  “Do you even know why you asked for a divorce? You don’t love me. That can’t have changed in three weeks!”

  “It hasn’t.”

  “Then why…”

  “It was a mistake!” I exclaimed, unable to hide the exasperation in my voice. I wasn’t sure if Maggie was deliberately trying to piss me off, but she was going the right way about it.

  “But you did it! You can’t just take that shit back!”

  “Why not?”

  “Are you fucking kidding me now? You asked for a divorce not broke my favourite coffee cup.”

  “Are you ever going to let it go?”

  “Let it go? You cannot be serious! I don’t even know why you decided that was the best thing for us.”

  “It was!”

  “That wasn’t your decision to make!”

  “Someone had to make it! We weren’t fucking happy! We were both walking around, avoiding talking to each other, caught up in our own heads. We were nothing more than roommates sharing a bed. We couldn’t go on like that.”

  “And you went with divorce as the answer?”

  “I didn’t know what else to do. You were unhappy. I was unhappy and nothing was changing. Nothing had been changing. Something had to give.”

  Maggie might not like what I was saying but there was no way she could disagree. Things had been shitty for a long time. With hindsight, I knew my solution had been a knee-jerk reaction and the wrong call, but at least we were now talking about it. I couldn’t be sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing but breaking the stalemate was not just a good thing but necessary.

  “Mags. Admit it, you were miserable.”

  “Drew, you asked for the divorce. You did that. Not me. You can’t just undo it like it was nothing.”

  “Why not?” I challenged stupidly.

  “Oh my God, Drew! This is…this is…”

  “Maggie. Shut up!” Her face paled. I’d never spoken to her like that before, but my nerves were shot to shit and my patience had run out. “Nothing changed.”

  “Then why…”

  I was sick of having this argument. With Maggie. With myself. I was over it. In two quick strides I was in Maggie’s personal space not giving her a chance to protest or turn me down.

  I crashed my lips down on hers, taking what I wanted. What I needed. What we both needed. When she gasped, I took the opportunity and plundered. Maggie stopped fighting me and rubbed herself against me. My hands were everywhere. I couldn’t get enough of her curves. Pulling away from her lips, I trailed kisses down her neck, my nose getting tangled in her hair.

  When Maggie moaned, I knew I was done for. Reaching down, my hands found her arse, and I hoisted her up, her legs wrapping around me as she grabbed hold of my hair, tugging, making my scalp burn in the best ways. As much as I wanted to get her up the stairs and laid out across our bed, I didn’t have the willpower to wait that long. Instead, I set her on the dining room table, swiping my arm out and knocking the books and other crap to the floor.

  Pulling back, Maggie growled at me. “I’m not going anywhere,” I assured her as I pushed that painted-on skirt up her pale thighs, my own pants tightening with every inch of delectable skin that was revealed. Lifting her arse, Maggie helped me wriggle it up until I could see the damp patch on the black lace thong she was wearing.

  “Fuck me!” I murmured breathlessly, adjusting my aching dick.

  “That’s the plan,” Maggie confirmed, tugging me back to her and taking control of the kiss. It was a hard, hate-filled kiss with teeth clashing as we both fought for dominance. I knew I’d won when Maggie’s head tipped back and I had two handfuls of the best boobs I’d ever seen.

  “Now, Drew! Fuck me now!” she demanded, lifting her hips from the table, trying to find the friction she craved.

  Not wanting to keep her waiting, I replaced my hand with my mouth, nipping through her shirt while my fingers headed for the promised land. Tugging her underwear to the side, I didn’t need to dive in but there was no way I was going to miss this opportunity. To have Maggie spread out before me, writhing with pleasure, fuck yeah, I was going to make the most of it.

  My tongue touched her, and she arched up off the table only to come back down with a bang. I paused what I was doing to check she was still with me, and when her hand found the back of my head and pushed me into her, I knew she was right there. I licked and lapped and suckled and ate the best damn meal I’d ever had at this table until I felt Maggie’s thighs tighten around my head. From the way her legs were shaking to her breathless murmurings, I knew she was right where I wanted her. Stepping back was hard. Almost as fucking hard as I was, but if she was going to come, then I was going to be balls-deep inside her when she did.

  Standing up as quick as I could, I undid my belt and dropped my pants, yanking my aching cock from my underwear. Giving it a few rough tugs, I knew I was primed and ready to go. Sitting up on her elbows, Maggie watched me with wide, hungry eyes.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” I warned, moving back towards her.

  “Drew…” Her voice was low and breathless. When she licked her lips, I couldn’t wait another second.

  In one thrust I was home.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  MAGGIE

  I was lying there in the dark, cocooned by my blanket as Drew snored heavily beside me. When I’d stormed in, full of fury and frustration, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that barely an hour later I’d end up as naked as the day I was born, sore in the most delicious ways. I watched the minutes tick by on the alarm clock on the other side of the room. The illuminated red lights, counting down the moment until this fairy-tale came to a crashing end. I wasn’t stupid, at least most of the time I wasn’t. Events of the last couple of hours had me questioning just how true it was.

  Sleeping with Drew, screwing Drew, might not have been planned and may not have been my finest moment but I’d done it anyway. I didn’t regret it. I should. I know I should, but I couldn’t. Trying to silence the million and one thoughts bouncing around in my head, I closed my eyes and let the rhythmic sound of Drew’s snores lull me into sleep.

  I woke up starving. I’d been so angry with Drew I’d skipped lunch then come straight here. Now it was almost midnight and I still hadn’t eaten. The granola bar for breakfast didn’t count. Sliding from under the covers, careful not to wake him, I grabbed a pair of my old yoga pants, daggy ones with a hole in the knee and one of Drew’s hoodies before heading downstairs.

  I hadn’t stayed here in a few weeks, so I was surprised when I opened the fridge to see it was still full. And possibly even more surprising, it was full of fresh vegetables. Grabbing a couple of pieces of bacon and some eggs, I began to whip up pancakes and bacon. Breakfast food in the middle of the night was never a bad idea.

  I was on my second panca
ke when I felt him behind me. He didn’t have to say anything or even touch me for me to know he was there. It bugged me that he still had that effect on me. After everything we’d been through, I would’ve hoped that feeling had dimmed. The flame, though, hadn’t even flickered. The traitorous bitch.

  “Is there enough for me?”

  “Sure.”

  I slid the plate across the bench towards the empty space while Drew helped himself. When he sat down and took the first mouthful of fluffy pancakes he murmured appreciatively. It did things to my stomach it shouldn’t have.

  “We need to talk about this Drew. At some point, we’re going to have to talk.”

  “We do. And you want to do it now?”

  “Drew, dancing around this, isn’t going to help anything.”

  “What is then? You tell me what I can do that can help. I’ll do anything. I’ll give you anything. Just tell me what you need.”

  “Drew, it’s late…”

  “I don’t care.”

  “We have work tomorrow.”

  He didn’t even argue. Instead he grabbed his phone from the counter, shot off a text message then looked at me smugly. “There. I’m not working tomorrow. And neither are you.”

  “What?”

  “I messaged Glen.”

  “You can’t do that.”

  “Just did. Now, what’s next.”

  Junk-punching him was an option, wasn’t it? “Drew, it’s late. I just want to eat my pancakes and go back to sleep.”

  “No.” His voice was harsh. Too harsh. “We’re doing this. And we’re doing this now.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Yes you can. I know you can. You just don’t want to. And I get that, but if we have any hope at all, you need to spit out whatever it is that you have on your mind.”

  “No.”

  I don’t think Drew had any idea what he was asking of me. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I’d been holding back for too long. The truth was I was petrified. The thoughts in my head scared me even on a good day. The idea of giving those thoughts and fears a voice had me quivering.

  “If you’ve got something on your mind, spit it out.”

  Drew was baiting me, I knew that. I wasn’t a complete fool. But he was grating on every single one of my nerves. I could feel sweat gathering on my brow. I could hear my blood rushing in my ears. My heart was pounding. I bit my lip and tried to hold back the words. I wasn’t dumb enough to know that once they were out, there would be no way I could take them back. They’d sting and cause irreversible damage. But if the truth was what Drew wanted, then he needed to brace himself. When the dust settled, if the dust settled, I wasn’t about to bet either of us would still be standing.

  “Drew, you abandoned me. When I needed you the most you left me all on my own.”

  “I didn’t mean to. I had...”

  “Yeah, yeah. You had work. Always work.”

  “They needed me.”

  “I needed you! I lost our baby. The one we’d fought so hard for. The one I’d fought so hard for. The one I’d given up everything for. And I lost it. And you weren’t there!”

  I was shaking, my vision was blurred through the tears. My chest hurt; a deep penetrating ache as I struggled to breathe. This hurt more than I was expecting. I felt like my heart been torn out and stomped on. More than I could ever have prepared myself for. Perhaps more than I was able to endure.

  “Maggie.”

  “Don’t fucking Maggie me, Drew! Do you have any idea what it was like to go through that?”

  “Yeah I do. Because I went through it too.”

  “Oh, poor Drew. Tell me, how hard was it for you?”

  “Don’t be a bitch, Maggie. It doesn’t suit you.”

  “Now I’m a bitch, am I?”

  “I didn’t mean... Why do you always do this? Why?”

  “Do what?”

  “Make everything so fucking hard. Make everything about you.”

  “Are you serious right now? Do you know what it felt like to see the blood and know instantly, I’d failed at the one thing I wanted more than anything. To know that I’d completely fucked us up financially and it was all for nothing. That the gamble didn’t work. Do you have any idea what that was like?”

  Drew looked like he’d just gone eight rounds in the MMA ring. My words had shattered him. Even though I knew they would, even knowing it was partly my intention to inflict pain, watching him physically recoil destroyed me in a way I could never recover from.

  Losing the baby, our baby almost ended me. It shattered me in ways I never knew possible. Ways I’ve never recovered from. Ways I don’t think I ever could recover from. But watching Drew fall apart in front of me was excruciating. It was like reliving the pain all over again.

  “Drew… I didn’t mean…”

  I don’t know what the hell I meant.

  “Maggie, you might think you went through hell in that moment, but have you got any idea what it was like for me? When I saw the blood, I admit the baby wasn’t my first priority. You were. And I’m not sorry for that. All I could see was blood. There was so much blood. You were so pale and fuck, Maggie, there was just so much blood. And you were crying. I thought I was going to lose both of you. And in a way… in a way I did.”

  Now I was the one who’d had the wind knocked out of me. I hadn’t stopped to think about how it would’ve looked from Drew’s point of view. I’d been so caught up in what I was thinking, feeling and going through, I hadn’t really been paying attention to how everything was affecting Drew. I’d been so selfish. So extremely selfish. And worst of all, it’d taken until now, until right this moment for me to even realise.

  It was the moment I should’ve stopped. Stopped pushing. Stopped talking. Stopped making things worse, I just couldn’t. It was like the flood gates had been opened and there was nothing I could do to stop the tsunami.

  “That wasn’t the moment you lost me, Drew.”

  “Wasn’t it? Nothing has been the same since then.”

  “And who’s fault is that?”

  “What? You’re blaming me?”

  ‘What? No. I’m not blaming you. I’m just saying.”

  “Saying what, Maggie? Come on. Don’t hold back now.”

  I don’t know if it was a dare or a challenge. I guess in the end, it didn’t matter. Not really. The gauntlet had been thrown. There was nothing else for me to do than pick it up.

  DREW

  I wanted to be sick.

  And there was no one to blame for any of it but myself.

  There had been truth in every single word Maggie had said. And it stung like a motherfucker. I knew Maggie had taken the miscarriage hard, but I had no idea it’d done this much damage. And I didn’t know because I wasn’t there. Maggie was right. I’d abandoned her when she needed me and no amount of flowers, jewellery or fancy holidays could ever make that up to her.

  I’d fucked up. Epically. Now all I could do was sit here and cop it.

  “Why did you leave me when I lost our baby?” Maggie asked, and I felt like she’d just kicked me in the balls.

  Was she fucking kidding? I didn’t leave her. I was still standing right in front of her taking every single one of the bullets she was firing at my head.

  “I didn’t.”

  “You did. You fucking did. You brought me home from the hospital and treated me like I was broken.”

  “Fuck, Maggie! You were broken. Do you remember what those first few days were like? Do you? Because I do. You spent days in bed. When you weren’t asleep, all you did was cry. You cried and cried and cried. Nothing I did, nothing I said helped. When I tried to hold you, you pushed me away. You barely tolerated me. Any time I looked at you, Maggie, you yelled at me. You wouldn’t let me in. You wouldn’t let me help you. You wouldn’t let me be a part of it.”

  Maggie’s hand clamped down over her mouth. For as long as I’d known her, I knew she’d never been a great actress. There was no way she was faking the su
rprise marring her sad face. It didn’t surprise me she barely remembered. The doctors had offered up a cocktail of medications to help her get through, shame they didn’t think to throw in an extra handful for me. It might’ve helped. It certainly couldn’t have hurt.

  “I didn’t… I didn’t know.”

  “You were dealing with enough. You shouldn’t have had to worry about me too.” It’s why I didn’t say anything. It was why, I waited until I was in the shower, when I was sure she wouldn’t hear me before I’d broken down and cried for the baby I never knew.

  Every time she pushed me away, every time she slipped out of my grasp, each time she looked away unable to meet my gaze was like rubbing salt into an open wound. A gaping, festering wound.

  Maggie reached out and took my hand.

  I almost jumped at the contact. Almost. Instead, I sucked in a deep breath and tried to get my pounding heart under control.

  “I’m sorry, Drew. I’m so sorry.”

  “Geez, Maggie. I don’t need you to be sorry. I don’t even want you to be.”

  “Then what do you want? What do you want?”

  “What do I want?”

  “Yes, Drew. What is it you want from all of this? From me?”

  I ran my hand through my hair as I considered my response. I owed Maggie honesty. It was only fair. “I want the same thing I’ve always wanted. The one thing I’ve wanted since the day I first met you.”

  “And what’s that?” Maggie might have thought she was coming across sounding confident, but the way her voice wavered gave her away.

  “You, Maggie. You’re what I want. You’re what I’ve always wanted.”

  She dropped her hold on me and backed away, like she’d been doused in cold water. Icy cold water.

  “Andrew.”

  That wasn’t a good sign. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d used my full name. I gulped, swallowing down the lump that had formed almost stealing my breath.

  “Don’t, Maggie. Please. Please don’t do it.” I was pathetic. I was begging and I should’ve been embarrassed. I wasn’t, but I should’ve been.