Deceased and Desist

by Misty Simon

  “If you could put in a word for all of us letting him know that we think this is a waste I’d appreciate it.”

  “I can try but I don’t think anything will change.”

  “That wouldn’t surprise me, but at least if he tells her that her family might not be comfortable, then it’s not coming from us.”

  Ah, the old passive-aggressive, make someone else take the fall move. Nicely done.

  I’d used it a few times myself.

  “Tallie, what are you doing over behind the bush? I need you in place. You, too, Taylor.”

  Chapter Six

  We both jumped to, as if being given orders in the military. Mrs. Koser smiled. “Everything is perfect. Thank you so much for being here, everyone. Next year, if I make it, then.”

  A collective sigh was released. I didn’t know if it was because they could leave or because they knew they’d all be back here again next year.

  Dad helped her out of the coffin without wrinkling her perfect dress. Mrs. Koser smiled, again, showing her pearly white dentures, and thanked him while handing him a check.

  “I’ll call you with the date, Bud. I so appreciate the time and energy you put into humoring an old woman.”

  For my dad’s part, he was genuine when he smiled at her and let her buss him on the cheek. He shot daggers at me, though. That lecture was not far off, dammit.

  Just to hold it off a little longer, I went to shake Mrs. Koser’s hand and give her my warm regards. It was what I was supposed to do anyway, and maybe it would go a long way to shortening that lecture.

  “Tallie, just the girl I wanted to talk to.” Mrs. Koser sank her fingernails into my arm.

  “Uh, okay.”

  “We need to talk about this man you’re hunting for.”

  My dad’s eyes narrowed.

  “Let’s move this out into the hallway, ma’am, so that the cleanup can begin. It was such a wonderful presentation. I think everyone was pleased to see how lovely it will be.” As I talked, I quickly moved Mrs. Koser into the next parlor and closed the door.

  I didn’t lock it, but I figured my dad would have his hands full with everyone else and wouldn’t have time at the moment to follow me.

  “I take it your dad doesn’t know what you’re doing, young lady.”

  Own up or bluff? This was Mrs. Koser. Owning up would go a whole lot further than trying to lie to the eagle-eyed woman. “He doesn’t know and actually he’s forbidden it in the past.”

  “If I could forbid it, I would, too. I’ve heard about your escapades before but this one is different. That man was bad business. Very bad business. He was bad business before when he was a home inspector with his reports but he was even worse once he became a code enforcer. I don’t have my hand in much of our housing turnover anymore, but I know that he was trying to get my Larry to give him far more money than was quoted to not report a leak in the roof. Larry chose to fix it because he’s my good boy. And then that scum Eli asked for an audience with me, as if I would pay him to write things off. But when Eli came to my house, he didn’t ask about the house, he asked about a child.”

  “A child?” The conversation to this point had just been confirmation of what I already knew, but this was something else altogether.

  “Yes, the man had a set like you wouldn’t believe.”

  I choked and she giggled. It was good to hear her laugh like a teenager.

  “Oh, yes, he did and they were as brassy as Mary Beth Danner’s hair after her appointment at the salon. He wanted to know what I had done with the child I’d had forty years ago and if I’d given him up for adoption. He seemed to be under the impression that I’d pay to keep that secret.”

  What to say to that? I couldn’t believe she would give up a child when family was so important to her, and I was pretty sure I’d just seen her forty-year-old son, Brett, out in the room. She’d had ten children over twenty-five years.

  “I almost clocked him with my cane. The wretched man.” She giggled again.

  “But why would he ask that. Isn’t Brett that child?”

  She touched a few of the plaques people could use for mausoleums and trailed her fingers over the necklaces you could have made out of a loved one’s ashes. “Brett was one of two actually. I did have twins but only left the hospital with one of those babies. The other one never made it out. He died in my arms.”

  Now, I knew what to say to that. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Koser. That must have been difficult. Then and now.”

  “With so many other children you would think I wouldn’t miss him too much, but each one is special. You should have some of your own to know exactly how special.”

  Ah, yeah, we needed to move away from this subject. “So was he trying to blackmail you?”

  “He sure was. Said he was a private investigator and had a boy who wanted to know who his parents were and if I wanted to keep my secret I’d better pay up. Why he thought I’d have two sons and give one away secretly was beyond me, but he seemed desperate.”

  A sideline of private investigating with blackmail to supplement his blackmail income for home inspections? It seemed Eli earned very few honest dollars. Or at least he hadn’t when he was alive. Where were those files? What did he have on people? Who was this kid? Was there really a kid? So many questions.

  “Anyway, sweetie, I just wanted to let you know that there might be more people out there who weren’t able to tell the truth so easily. I won’t say anything to your dad about you looking into this, but I think next time I’d like you to negotiate a twenty percent discount on the room.”

  “Sure, sure,” I said, only half hearing her. This opened up a whole new avenue. I had to share with Gina!

  I walked Mrs. Koser out of the parlor and to the front door, giving her a hug when she left.

  Finally, the debacle was over. Earlier, I’d asked Taylor if I could give her a call with my dad’s answer. I might not need that now with this new information. However, it couldn’t hurt to get more information on the housing side of Eli’s business. And since I had not found a good time to ask Taylor about Eli, I thought that at least would be a good intro. I was thinking of how to organize all this information and where to go next when the dreaded lecture commenced.

  Dad had caught me as I was trying to sneak upstairs and call Gina to come over. I wished we were near the kitchen instead of on my steps, because at least I could have snagged one of my mom’s fabulous cookies to help the lecture go down. But it was not to be. He stopped me on the landing and I wasn’t going anywhere until I acknowledged I had not done the right thing and promised not to do it again.

  “Tallie, I need you to take things here seriously. I raised you better than this and you know the rules. Laughing in the parlor is forbidden unless it is a celebration of life, and even then that’s only for the family, not the staff.”

  “Sorry. It won’t happen again.”

  “See that it doesn’t. I will say that apology is running thin. It’s the exact same one you gave me the last three times I had to pull you aside.”

  “Then write me up or fire me. Your choice.”

  He huffed out a frustrated breath. “My choice would be for you to understand how wonderful it is here and actually become a part of it. I’m willing to make you a partner with your brother. There’s no saying that he can be the only beneficiary. I’m trying to pull your other brother in, too. This place would benefit from being run by three people. Perhaps, then, others could have an actual life before they have to be a guest here.”

  It was the first time I’d ever heard my father talk about wanting to be able to spend time away from the funeral home. This had been his life for all his sixty years, and I truly believed that he would die here someday, probably while embalming someone else.

  “You want a life?” I admit I was shocked and that probably didn’t come out quite the way I wanted it to.

  “Your mother does.” He shook his head. “Don’t get me started.”

  “Ah.” And I
left it at that because he was not going to give me anything else no matter what I said. Honestly, I didn’t know if I wanted anything else, at the moment.

  “Will you at least think about it?” he asked into the silence that hung between us.

  I couldn’t say no so I said yes, even though I’d thought about it for years in dread and paranoia and depression. Thought about how I might not be able to do anything else but deal with dead people all the time. Funny enough, I got involved with dead people, anyway. Go figure.

  He smiled at me, a rare occurrence when I was dressed for work and so was he. “Thank you. It would mean the world to your mother and to me.”

  God, nothing like a huge guilt trip. But I would pretend to think about it and then, after a few days, I would tell him absolutely not, just like I always did. Until then I wanted to ask about Eli since Dad seemed to be in a giving mood.

  “So, Dad, before you go.”

  He turned back at the doorway, and I almost lost my nerve. He smiled at me so I plunged in. “Have you heard anything more about Eli St. James?”

  “No, not yet. We have his contract, so I think we’ll get him soon since it was a simple heart attack. Why do you ask?” He peered at me, and I could almost see the gears spinning in his nearly bald head. “You are not looking into another murder mystery, Tallie.”

  He didn’t ask it as a question, he said it as a fact. He had no idea how wrong he was. “I’m just asking a question.”

  “And I heard all about how you thought you saw someone murdered at the Crossing Bridge Inn. Let it go.” Tucking his arms over his chest, he raised his eyebrows at me. Classic disapproving-dad-waiting-for-daughter-to-back-down.

  “Have you ever seen someone die of a heart attack with their head almost turned the wrong way?” I asked. “I know what I saw. He was perfectly positioned on the bed. He did not fall and break his neck while having a heart attack and land so perfectly. No matter what anyone says about my head injury possibly messing with my recollection and making me hallucinate, I know what I saw and when I saw it.”

  He shook his head. “No, I’ll tell you nothing about him. You need to find a hobby, honey. Maybe your mom could teach you how to make all those cookies you love or how to sew. You could make clothes or even jewelry. Your Aunt Margo makes lovely jewelry. I can call her for you.”

  “I don’t want a hobby. I want the police to take this seriously. What if we have a serial killer running around? Could you just call the coroner and see what he has to say?”

  Shaking his head, he patted my arm. “Let me call your aunt, sweetheart. She makes really nice potholders. You need to keep out of these things.”

  “No. It’s fine. Thanks.” And I stepped away because I was not going to lie and say I’d stop looking, but I obviously wasn’t getting anywhere here either. Gina and I would just hunker down and do our thing on our own. Maybe I could solve this before Hammond realized what a jerk he was and got involved. Wouldn’t that make him mad? And serve him right for not believing me.

  Finally able to escape, I ran up the stairs to my apartment and changed into comfortable clothes. After checking Max’s phone’s location on a people tracker, just because I could and felt closer to him knowing where he was, I called him and asked him if he wanted to have face-to-face time. Maybe I’d get a glimpse of a palm tree in Hawaii.

  “Hello, sweetie. Love you, but it’s really early here, Tallie.”

  I looked at the clock and it was eleven. Oh right, the six-hour time difference, so five in the morning there, whoops. “Sorry. But I don’t mind seeing you with bedhead. It’s one of my favorite looks on you.”

  “My internet is not all it’s cracked up to be over here, Tallie. Why don’t we just use the phone and then when I’m somewhere better we can go the face-to-face route?”

  “Okay.” I was disappointed I could not see the face I adored, but it was something to talk to him.

  “So, what are you doing? I hear you might need a hobby.”

  I did not realize that the grapevine extended all the way across the country and part of the ocean too. “And how did you hear that?”

  “Your brother sent me a text.”

  He was a dead man. Jeremy was going to need to pick out his own box, and then I was going to put him in there. “I do not need a hobby, and I do not need my brother texting you things.”

  “Calm down now. He was joking. And he and I have been friends for years. It’s only because you’re his sister as well as my girlfriend that I get all the info. If you had just been his sister, then I might never have heard about any of it. Since you’re also my girlfriend I get all the details.”

  “And do you believe him?” I asked, waiting to see which answer he’d choose and how I’d feel about it.

  “I don’t think you need a hobby, and if you think it was murder then I don’t doubt you. But I would hope that you’re going to just let the police take care of this one instead of trying to do the investigating yourself.”

  “The police aren’t listening and think that if they can get the coroner to confirm the cause of death as a heart attack without looking into it, they won’t have to do anything more. Burton is out of commission for a little while because of some injury, and the new officer in charge has decided that I am a partaker in ‘shenanigans.’ ” I made the air quotes around the word even though Max couldn’t see them. “And now my dad is telling me to leave it alone.”

  Max hummed on the phone. I didn’t know whether or not to take that as an “I’m sorry” thing or an “I’m not sure I believe you either” thing. Because he was so far away and I didn’t want to get into a fight over the phone, I let it go.

  “Anyway, how are things?”

  “So, you are going to get involved, and you are going to investigate on your own.”

  “I’d rather not talk about it if you don’t believe me.” I huffed out a frustrated breath and plunked onto my couch.

  “Tallie.” He drew my name out on a long sigh. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s more that I want you to be careful. I’d like to come back to an alive girlfriend instead of a dead one.”

  If that wasn’t the sweetest thing someone has ever said to me I didn’t know what was. “Aw, you really do like me.” I smiled when he laughed.

  “Of course I do. I wouldn’t be talking to you if I didn’t. Now my day is just starting and I know yours is nearing the middle. Why don’t you get some rest and just let the police do their thing. I’m sure they’ll figure it out eventually like they always do. That way you’re not in any danger.”

  Except if Hammond decided to do nothing and never looked into the death, then I would be seen as a liar. It wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever been accused of, but it still made me grind my teeth.

  “Have a good day, Mr. Taxinator. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “You, too.”

  We hung up and then I sat on my couch with my phone in my hand for a minute. I hadn’t actually lied. I hadn’t told him I wouldn’t look into it even though I also hadn’t told him I would. Good enough for me and my conscience.

  Next on my list of calls was Gina. “Come on over after you close. We’re going to have to do this quietly because apparently no one believes me, and I am not going to go down like that.”

  * * *

  Letty had told me she didn’t need me for any of today’s cleaning jobs. With nothing else on my list today, I had hours until Gina got off work. And since I wasn’t supposed to do too much, I figured I should go pick up my car. I could also try to see if I could get a closer look at the room where Eli St. James had died—murder or natural was debatable—but he had definitely died in the room. There were bound to be clues that the police hadn’t picked up since they believed it was natural and there was nothing to investigate. I knew differently. And I was going to prove it.

  It wouldn’t be easy, but I was determined to not feel like a fool. I refused to have any more people tell me my imagination was getting away from me, that I was
looking for a murder because I had nothing better to do, or that I needed a freaking hobby.

  My father drove me over to the inn. I wished it had been anyone else, but when I called all my other friends and family, no one else was available. I knew as soon as I got into the car that the three-mile drive was not going to be short.

  “Tallie, put your seat belt on.”

  I paused in doing that very thing with the clip in my hand and looked at him in disbelief. He stared straight ahead.

  I made sure the click was as loud as possible by scooching over on the seat so that none of my body was covering the noise. I even said, “Done and secured, Captain,” just to get his goat.

  He simply started the car and pulled out onto Main Street.

  I braced myself for whatever he was going to lay down on me.

  “Have you thought more about my request?” he asked, still looking straight ahead.

  I had to roll back through several conversations to figure out what he was talking about. At first my head was stuck on the hobby thing, and I almost told him that I had a hobby, my boyfriend, but then I realized he was talking about the offer to be a joint owner of the funeral parlor.

  I should have walked. It was only three miles. I would have been fine, I was sure of it.

  “Um, I’m still running it through my brain,” I said lamely, looking out the side window. Talk about awkward.

  “It shouldn’t be that hard. You’re part of the family, the business is part of the family, and it’s what you’re meant to do. Your brother told me that he would love to have you on full-time and would be willing to share everything with you.”

  I barely kept myself from snorting. Yeah, now that my brother had Gina of course my dad would want help, and there was no way he’d actually treat me as an equal. I’d spent the last year as the lackey, and rising above that wouldn’t be easy even if I was put on the sign out front—Graver and Sons and Daughter, or Graver and Daughter and Sons. That would be better but it would never happen. I just wasn’t ready to dash my dad’s dreams just yet.

  “I need more time.” Of course the light in front of us turned red. Dad slowed down and gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. In anger? Frustration?