My Redemption: Second Chance Series

by S. K. Lessly

  Tonya shivered and squeezed my hand. “I know, girl. I know.”

  We continued our trek, talking about everything but Sebastian and Paul. I gave her the rundown about my new job starting in a week, showing my excitement about starting a new chapter in my life. She, in turn, told me about her and Tyler trying to have a baby.

  Tonya and Tyler were the youngest of the ten-live crew, being in their mid-twenties. Their story was a pretty good one. They both grew up in Orange, New Jersey. They dated off and on during high school, but they were never really serious with each other. After their senior year, they went away to separate colleges, each pursuing a dream that didn’t entail coming back home or being with each other. But as fate would have it, they both moved back home and ran into each other. After that, they were inseparable. They’d been married for four years now, and Tonya had declared to her husband her biological clock was ticking. They needed to get started with this family before she went stir crazy.

  Tonya was a stay-at-home wife. With Tyler being a pharmaceutical salesman, he traveled a lot, which left Tonya home alone. This was one of the reasons why she was always at Tyler’s hip. She was so bored when he traveled for work that when he got home, she didn’t let him out of her sight. Some of that started to change when she and I got closer and started hanging out. It seemed that all she’d needed was a girlfriend to be with that had a schedule similar to hers and I did. I didn’t teach every day or all day. Sometimes when I got home early, Tonya and I would go out to lunch or shopping together. She was becoming a very close and personal friend, which was something I’d needed too.

  After walking for about forty-five minutes or so, we made our way back to the beach where Melissa, Amy, and Sabrina were catching some rays. Tonya recommended that we go shopping and all three women jumped up excited. We agreed to meet in the lobby in a half hour and went our separate ways to change clothes.

  I had made it to my room and found it empty. I checked my phone to see if Sebastian had at least called me, but no such luck. Oh well, right? What I wasn’t going to do was allow him and his cheating ass to ruin my vacation.

  Admittedly, Tonya could be right and I was overreacting about all of this. She was an outside person looking into my crazy life. Maybe all I needed to do was let this trepidation and unease fall away. Maybe if I did, the truth would be revealed.

  Paul

  “So, she keeps badgering me to start a family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” Tyler explained, giving Samson a wide berth as he butchered his golf ball with the wrong club, sending the ball into the trees. I shook my head while David and Sebastian looked at Samson wide-eyed.

  “Hell, Tyler, you’re barely home anyway. What’s the difference?” Samson retorted, giving his shot the finger before turning toward us.

  “Come on, Tank. Give me some credit. I’m not going to be traveling that much if she’s pregnant and probably not at all when the baby gets here.”

  “Okay, then what’s the problem?” I asked as I took my turn. Since I had grown up with the sport, I knew which club to use and how to use it. Since we were just starting our fifth hole, I grabbed a 5-iron and stepped to the tee. I easily took my swing, taking into consideration the light breeze coming toward us, and managed to keep my ball in the fairway.

  “Showoff,” Samson snorted. I smiled, realizing it wasn’t a bad shot.

  “The problem, Tiger Woods Junior,” Tyler retorted snidely. “Is that I don’t think I’m ready. I mean I know I’m not.”

  Tyler was next up. He’d had a little bit more practice than Samson and used a 3-iron to take his shot. It was a decent shot. It didn’t stay on the fairway, but at least it wasn’t lost in the woods.

  “Well, when do you think you’ll be ready?” I asked him once he stepped back from the tee

  He shrugged. “I don’t know: maybe in another five years.”

  David snorted and commented, “Come on, Tyler. In another five years Tonya will be in her thirties. The older she is, the higher the risk. Just give her the baby she wants. You won’t ever be ready.”

  “I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that,” Sebastian added in a matter-of-fact tone. He stepped up to the tee, a 5-iron tight in his grasp.

  “Why not?” Samson asked, watching him, puzzled. “I know for sure if Tonya is talking about it, Lauren will be soon too. Those women stick together.”

  “That’s simple. I can’t have children so…” he announced in a calm and nonchalant tone. I had to stop and absorb what the hell he had just said. The second he dropped his bomb, he hit the ball and stood there watching it drop into the fairway. I would have been impressed if he hadn’t just spoken blasphemy.

  “Does Lauren know that?” I asked quickly, because shit, what he’d said didn’t make sense.

  Sebastian looked at me. “Of course, she does. I told her before we got married.”

  I didn’t say anything to that. What I was battling with was yet another thing I would be holding back from someone I was beginning to really care for. I knew for a fact that Lauren knew nothing about Sebastian not being able to father kids. I remembered specifically asking her if she wanted a family and she told me yes. She’d even confessed to me that she was looking forward to starting one soon with Sebastian.

  I shook my head, stumped as fuck, and trying to understand why Sebastian would lie like this. Samson whistled. I snapped out of my trance and followed the sound to find everyone had loaded into the golf cart.

  “Hey, Tiger, you ready?”

  I nodded, grabbed my bag, and got in next to Samson.

  “You alright, man?” Samson asked me.

  “Yup, I’m good. Let’s go!”

  13

  Lauren

  The next few days went off without a hitch. The guys went to play golf in the mornings and us ladies either vegged out by the beach or went shopping. When we got together as couples we had lots to do. Sebastian had a schedule that consisted of parasailing, scuba diving, and jet skiing. He had also rented a yacht and we sailed the bay for a few hours, drinking and enjoying the beautiful sights. We had dinner at local restaurants around the beach, walked the strip, and bought beach memorabilia.

  During these few days, I tried to act normal. I smiled and laughed at jokes. I even joined in a few times. What I couldn’t do was pretend Sebastian and I were cool.

  I didn’t do anything overt, but sometimes when he went to touch me, I would back away slightly. I didn’t think anyone noticed, but Sebastian sure did. He leaned into me one time and asked if everything was okay. I nodded yes, but he knew I was lying. Sebastian got the hint, though and left me alone in public. When we were in our room, we barely said two words to each other. I just couldn’t get that look he had in his eyes out of my head. I fought tears every night, my mind messing with my heart. I wasn’t sure how long I was going to be able to keep my peace. I was so close to going over the edge. When I finally fell, it would be a travesty for all involved.

  On our last day on the beach, we decided to pair up with our significant others, which left Sebastian and me alone. We were in the room getting dressed to walk along the beach when Sebastian turned to me, his mouth set in a hard line.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, his eyes speckled with anger.

  I had my bikini top on and was pulling up the bottoms when I turned to face him. “What are you talking about?” I knew of course, but I wanted him to tell me.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve been acting shitty towards me for the last few days now, and I’m lost as to why. I thought this was what you wanted, us spending more time together. I thought you were looking forward to this trip as much as I was. Now, that we’re here you give me your ass to kiss.”

  I looked at his incredulous face and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Lord, help me.

  “Are you cheating on me?”

  My question seemed to shock him a bit. He blinked his eyes multiple times and shook his head. “Un-fucking believabl
e.”

  “Answer my question?” I countered, feeling my temper flaring.

  “Are you serious right now, Lauren? How could you ask me that shit?” He shook his head and put his hands on his hips.

  “I’m dead serious, Sebastian. When’s the last time we’ve shared any type of intimate connection? You haven't touched me or held me in months. When I try to kiss you, you push me away. Or you kiss me as if it pains you. You’re barely home and let’s not get started on the fact you haven’t fucked me in months. Granted, I understand your situation, but damn, you won’t even talk to me about it. You refuse to get help or go to counseling. You used to be unable to keep your hands off me. You love sex way more than I do and you’ve gone from fucking me consistently to not at all. That doesn’t compute, Sebastian. Something’s going on and I want to know what.”

  The asshole started laughing, void of any humor, mind you, which was a bit surprising and disconcerting. It was also grating on my ever-loving nerve.

  “You are the most selfish person I have ever met. Do you know that? I can’t believe you right now. I confess something to you that was the hardest thing I ever had to do, in hopes you would understand. But what do you do? Try and jump my bones every chance you get. Why? So I can show you that I can’t get it up for you? You want me to be completely humiliated? Would that give you comfort?”

  I nodded my head. “Yeah, maybe it would. Maybe if you were trying to do something about this problem or let me help, things wouldn’t be so messed up.”

  “This isn’t something I want you to help me with, Lauren. You need to just understand. That’s all I’m asking you to do. Shit, is it that hard to not think of yourself for once in your fucking life?”

  Sebastian grabbed his shoes and put them on. “You know what? I refuse to do this right now. I refuse to even be in the same room with you. I’ve done nothing but try to include you on everything I was doing this week and you declined. You alienated yourself from me. I didn’t do that to you.”

  He stood, grabbed the room key, and turned to face me. “And to answer your question, no, I’m not fucking cheating on you.” He gave me a hard stare before he did an about face and left the room.

  I waited a few seconds after he left to breathe out my anger and frustration. Of course, I knew he was lying. Tell me you got the same vibe?

  The unnecessary posturing seemed to be a smoke screen. All he had to do was just say no. I had been more than understanding for close to eight goddamn months now. I’d given him all the space he needed. I had tried to make his home life as stress free as I could, to make it easier on him. I’d even mentioned us going to see a counsel or to help us with this issue and our marriage, but he had declined. But I was the one being selfish for wanting to be with my husband? That was bullshit! That whole tirade he’d just performed was bullshit!

  Since he stormed out of the room and I had no idea when or if he would come back, I decided to go out on my own. It was about one o’clock in the afternoon, plenty of daytime left for me to find something to do. I grabbed the car keys Sebastian had left and went over to the outlets for some shopping.

  The last time we all visited this place, I had wanted to buy this white two-piece swim suit, but Sebastian talked me out of it. He’d hinted that I was a little too curvy and my butt was too big for it. But when I tried it on, it looked great on me. It perked my boobs up and the bottoms sat very low on my hips. You, of course, had to be flawless when you wore this type of bathing suit and I was roll free. I worked hard for this body and I wanted to show it off.

  I bought the bathing suit, washed it, and let it sit out in the sun to dry before I put it on. Once it was dry enough, I got dressed and put my hair up in a bun. I grabbed my white flip-flops and my white sunglasses and made my way to the beach.

  When I got down to the lobby, I headed to the back of the hotel by the pool area, debating if I would sit by the pool or find a spot on the beach. As I stepped outside, I saw Sebastian talking with David and Amy by the pool. So much for hanging poolside. I made my way to the entrance onto the beach, not breaking my stride or looking in their direction. I felt their judging eyes on me, and I fought against giving them the finger. I refused to let him or anyone else ruin my last day of sunbathing and relaxing. I also needed to clear my head before I did something that I would regret like beat the shit out of both Amy and Sebastian.

  I kicked off my flip-flops, put them inside my bag, and started walking along the beach to find a quiet place to lay out alone. I noticed some people playing volleyball on my way to solitude. As I got close, I recognized Samson, Tyler, and Paul on one side of the net, playing people I didn’t recognize. I instantly felt self-conscious when I saw them, but I kept my course.

  “Hot damn, girl, you look good!” I turned at the sound of Tonya and smiled as I walked past her, Melissa, and Sabrina.

  I gave them a wave in greeting and kept walking. I was determined to find a spot by myself and relax. I wanted to try and forget my argument with Sebastian and figure out what the hell I was going to do.

  As I walked past the volleyball game, I saw a few heads turn in my direction, one of those heads belonged to Paul. I made eye contact through my sunglasses, but I kept my head straight until I heard, “Where you going, beautiful?” I turned to see some strange guy walking toward me but stopped abruptly when he got hit in the head with a volley ball thrown by Tyler.

  “Uh-uh, she’s off limits, "he said to the guy when he turned to find Tyler’s heated gaze. I blew a kiss to Tyler, thanking him and kept walking.

  I continued down the beach until I found a place away from the volleyball game. I claimed an empty cabana and laid my towel on the cushion. I lathered up in sun screen before I settled in for a day to myself.

  I sighed and relaxed my mind. A few strange men tried to interrupt my Zen, but once I told them I was married, they went on their merry way. After a while, I closed my eyes, listened to my Spotify playlist, and tuned the world out.

  I laid out for a few hours before I called it a day and headed up to my room, praying it would be empty. It was and relief washed over me. There was no way I was ready to deal with Sebastian, not in the state I was in. Feeling my stomach rumble, I showered and changed into a long form-fitting sundress and made my way out to the strip in search of a place to eat.

  As I walked past a very bustling and loud restaurant, I saw my vacation group settling down to eat. I thought about joining them until I saw Sebastian. He and I made eye contact and all the anger I had felt earlier came rushing back. I kept walking, talking myself down from turning around and giving him and everyone else around an ear full.

  “Lauren, wait up!”

  I heard the familiar voice calling me and I considered telling him to go away and keep moving. I knew deep down I had no energy to fight and Paul would definitely make it hard to resist. I stopped walking and turned around to find Paul strolling up to me, a warm smile on his face.

  Paul was dressed a pair of tan linen pants and a peach, button-down, silk shirt that was unbutton slightly to reveal a sliver of his perfectly-muscled chest and tanned skin. Keep it together, Lauren.

  “Hey, where you going?” he asked me once he was close. I took notice in the way his eyes slowly roamed my body, which caused heat to warm my veins.

  “Oh, I’m going to, uh, go get something to eat,” I answered without looking directly into his eyes. I couldn’t let him see the hurt and pain I was desperately trying to hide from him.

  “Okay, well we have a table already. Come eat with us.”

  I finally met his eyes and adamantly shook my head. “That’s okay. I just need to be alone for a while.”

  “Lauren, you’ve been alone all day. If you want, I’ll go with you.”

  I studied this man before me. His handsome face, dimples, perfect body, and enticing lips, along with the fact that I hadn’t had sex in months, made him going anywhere with me alone a very bad idea. The way I was feeling right now, I was capable of doing something tha
t might jeopardize our friendship and I didn’t want to be that person.

  So, I smiled and said to him, “That’s sweet of you to offer, but I’m good. I have a lot on my mind and I really just want to be alone. I’m fine. Trust me.”

  Paul sighed and stepped back. He folded his arms over his thick muscular chest and regarded me. “Will you at least tell me what’s going on with you later?”

  “Sure, I’ll tell you later,” I lied. He looked at me for a minute and for a split second I felt he knew I was lying to him. But to his credit, he didn’t let on either way. He just backed away from me, nodding. “I’ll hold you to that. Be careful.”

  I watched him jog back to the restaurant before I resumed walking. A block down the street, I found a pretty decent-looking place to eat. It had seating outside facing the sidewalk and I found a perfect table for one. I watched the crowds on the street and the sidewalk stroll by me as I enjoyed my meal of grilled salmon, rice, and veggies. I had to say, the time alone to simply think about my relationship with Sebastian was well worth it. I had some difficult questions to ask myself, mainly was I being selfish? I didn’t think I was, but I guess that’s why they call it being selfish.

  I also had no idea what to do about Sebastian. I hadn’t been able to shake the feeling he was cheating on me. This feeling had surfaced ever since we came back from the Poconos. Regardless of what he’d told me, I still had this feeling he wasn’t being honest with me. I had taken Tonya's advice and tried to let it go, thinking Sebastian wasn’t the type of person to do such a thing. A part of me believed he loved me too much to jeopardize our relationship, or worse, my health. The other part felt like any man was capable if they put their mind to it. Some really didn’t care if their spouses were loyal to a fault, and did everything they were supposed to do in a marriage. The asshole was still going to cheat.

  Gah… just thinking about this is making me even more murderous.