Meant to Be Yours

by Susan Mallery

  “It’s a mess but it works for me. Come on inside and I’ll give you the tour.”

  They walked up the front steps and moved into the house. It took a second for her eyes to adjust to the less bright interior. She had a brief impression of hardwood floors and big windows and really ugly furniture. She was about to tease him about it when something moved. Something large and dark and alive.

  She jumped back and pressed a hand to her chest. “You have a dog!”

  She knew she sounded horrified, which was pretty okay because that was how she felt. She swung to face him, hoping he would say she was wrong and it was just a big, hairy rocking chair or something.

  Jasper looked surprised. “That’s Koda. You knew I had a dog.”

  “No, I didn’t. When did this happen? You never said you had a dog. You can’t. You really can’t. I don’t do well with pets.” Dogs especially, because they seemed so knowing and aware and what had he been thinking?

  She risked a quick glance at the massive creature stalking her. “Okay, I have to go.”

  “Renee, what’s going on? Are you afraid of dogs? He’s just an old guy who’s very gentle. You don’t have to be scared.”

  Scared of a dog? If only it were that simple, she thought, all thoughts of kissing and sex and good times vanishing as she stared at the creature who would be her undoing.

  It wasn’t fair—not in the least—yet here she was, facing her worst fear and knowing the second she admitted the truth, nothing was ever going to be the same.

  CHAPTER TEN

  JASPER HAD NO idea what was going on. If he were to line up ten people he knew, he would assume Renee would be the last one to have an irrational fear of dogs. And while he still thought of Koda as the dog rather than my dog, he found himself feeling protective of his new family member.

  He dropped to a crouch and called Koda to his side. When the dog sat next to him, Jasper looked at Renee.

  “See, it’s fine.”

  Her expression had faded from panicked to wary—an improvement, he supposed.

  “He’s a good guy,” Jasper said, careful to keep his voice low and gentle. “I got him when I was on my book tour. Someone dumped him at an RV park and he was starving to death, so I took him in. He’s very gentle. He likes it when I throw the ball or sticks and he has a stuffed toy rabbit he carries around in his mouth. He likes apples and cookies and sleeping by the fire. There’s nothing to be frightened of.”

  Renee didn’t look quite as worried, but she also wasn’t getting any closer to Koda.

  “I’m sure he’s the perfect animal, I’m just not a dog person.”

  “But you’re so softhearted.”

  “It’s not anything I can explain. When I was little...” She pressed her lips together. “I always thought maybe one day I could get a cat, but so far I haven’t been able to. It’s more about my mother.”

  “Was she attacked by a dog?”

  “No. It’s—You wouldn’t understand.” She kept her gaze on Koda as she backed toward the kitchen. “If you can accept my fear isn’t rational, then you should stop trying to explain it away.”

  She had a point, he thought, giving Koda another pat before rising to his feet. “Do you want to go home?”

  She shook her head. “I’ll still help. Why don’t you leave him here and we can work in your office? You do have an office where you write, don’t you?”

  “Out the back of the kitchen.”

  She glanced over her shoulder, as if judging the distance, then began inching in that direction. Jasper told Koda to stay until she’d escaped to the hallway leading to his office, then released him.

  “I’m sorry about this,” he told the dog.

  Koda seemed more resigned than upset. Jasper gave the dog a doggie cookie, then left him in the house and made his way to his office. He wasn’t sure what to make of what had just happened. Renee being scared of dogs bothered him. No—not her being scared. It was how she’d reacted. He was disappointed that she hadn’t made more of an effort. He didn’t want to think she was the kind of person who didn’t even try.

  He pushed his questions and concerns aside and joined her in his office. She stood in the center of the room, looking at his desk and the pictures and plotting cards he’d pinned to the giant corkboard against the far wall.

  “I didn’t read anything,” she said when she spotted him. “I don’t want to intrude.”

  “You’re not and I invited you. You can look at anything you like.”

  She stayed where she was and gave him a tight smile. “So do you have pages you want me to look at or are we going to talk about where you are in the book or what?”

  What he’d wanted was for her to help him figure out how to describe a kiss only right now that didn’t seem likely. Neither of them appeared to be in the mood. Pages might be safer.

  He’d already printed out the scene he’d been working on. He grabbed the sheets from the printer.

  “There have been three murders at different weddings around town,” he said, handing over the sheets. “Vidar can’t figure out the connection. In the first wedding, the victim is the bride’s mother. At the second, it’s a guest and with the third, it’s one of the musicians. He’s worried about Mandy’s safety because with nothing tying the victims together, he can’t find the pattern. They’ve been arguing about it and then he kisses her.”

  Renee listened, then glanced at the pages. “You want me to tell you what I think?”

  He nodded even as he realized he didn’t want to know she thought they were crap. Not that he wanted her to lie about them. Honest to God, when this was over, he was never writing a woman again. It was just too difficult.

  Renee set down her small handbag and took the pages, then quickly scanned the four pages before starting over and reading them more slowly. When she was done, she said, “Mandy isn’t mad.”

  “Why would she be mad?”

  “Maybe mad isn’t the right word. I’m not a writer, so I don’t know how to describe it, but there should be something more going on. Vidar’s really worried. He’s telling Mandy the problem and that he wants her to be careful. She listens to him, smiles and says ‘Yes, I will.’” Renee walked to the window, then looked back at him. “I can’t explain what I’m feeling, I’m sorry.”

  “You’re saying there’s no energy between them. He’s trying to save her life and she’s buying apple juice.”

  “I’m not sure I would have put it that way, but sure.”

  She was right, he thought grimly. Vidar was upset and Mandy didn’t share his feelings.

  “She’s not in danger,” he said more to himself than to her. “She could be but we don’t know if the serial killer is going to be at one of her weddings and regardless, she wouldn’t be a victim. She’s not a bad person. She’ll never be in danger.”

  He swore under his breath. “This book is a disaster. I need Mandy in danger and I’m keeping her as far away from the bad stuff as possible, which is what Vidar wants but if she’s not involved then there’s no tension and what happened to my talent?”

  “What if the bad person is someone she cares about?” Renee asked. “Like her sister or her boss? So the killer will be close and she’s in danger but without being icky?” She shrugged. “Unless that’s dumb, in which case forget I said it.”

  Jasper stared at her. “That would do it. Her business partner. Not her kid but someone else. Having it be her sister would work. What if her sister is her business partner?” He stalked toward her and grabbed her by her upper arms. “What if they’re twins?”

  “Twins is good.”

  “Twins is perfect. And just now—” He jogged back to where he’d been and retraced his steps, trying to maintain the right amount of energy as he looked at her.

  “Vidar is trying to get her to understand she could be at risk and she’s not buy
ing it. He’s frustrated. He cares about her as a potential victim, of course, but it’s more than that. He cares about her and she won’t listen.”

  He looked at Renee, trying to feel what his character would feel. He grabbed her and held on, letting the emotions flow through him. He was focused on where his hands gripped her and how hard he held her and, when he kissed her, what her mouth felt like against his.

  “That,” he said eagerly, racing around to his laptop. “Just let me make a few notes. The kiss, the twin thing, all of it. Fifteen minutes tops.”

  He struggled to type fast enough to get it all down. His mind was flying as he made notes on various possibilities. He wrote until it was too dark to see his keyboard and suddenly realized that it had been a whole lot more than fifteen minutes and it was very unlikely that Renee had waited for him.

  He got up and hurried to the house. After letting Koda out, he checked for her car, but it was gone. She’d left a note on the counter saying she was going to let him work and that she hoped it went well.

  “Way to screw up,” he muttered as he texted her an apology. Some days it seemed as if he couldn’t get anything right. Worse, he’d really wanted to spend the evening with her. He’d missed them hanging out.

  Koda walked back into the house and looked at him as if asking the state of meal service that evening. Jasper petted his dog as he headed to the pantry.

  “I’ll get right on that.”

  As for Renee and her reticence about animals, there was something there. Something she didn’t want to tell him. He was going to have figure out a way to get her to trust him enough tell him the truth.

  * * *

  RENEE BERATED HERSELF the entire drive home. She shouldn’t have reacted the way she did. She should have been more accepting of Jasper’s dog. It was just...did it have to be a dog? Couldn’t he have gotten a fish? She was pretty sure she could survive a fish. After all, what could it possibly have to say?

  She got back to her apartment in time to realize not only wasn’t she getting that booty call she’d been hoping for, she also didn’t have anything for dinner. She debated the sensible decision of the grocery store where she could get a nice lean protein and some salad, but decided today was not the day to be sensible. Instead she ordered takeout Chinese, getting enough for three so she would have plenty left over for lunches for the rest of the week.

  After loading her plate with a scoop from each of the containers, she went into the alcove/study where she had a small desk. She opened her personal laptop and checked to see if she had email (she did not) then went on Facebook to check out the happenings.

  She smiled at the requisite postings of toddlers discovering something they hadn’t encountered before, be it grass, a puddle or snow, then read up on her friends’ lives. Her friend Nell had posted a link to a video of a party. Renee clicked on it, then found herself watching yet another video and another until she unexpectedly came across a gender reveal party.

  A pretty brunette with an obvious baby bump motioned for two sets of parents to pull a cord. When they did, pink balloons floated down from the ceiling. There was lots of hugging and happy crying and plenty of laughter. The proud parents-to-be stood arm in arm, obviously thrilled with the news. The camera panned across the excited guests to a sign someone was putting up on the wall. It’s a Girl!

  Renee set down her plate and told herself it didn’t matter. So Turner and his wife were having a baby. It was bound to happen. Turner had always wanted kids. He loved children and couldn’t wait to be a dad. He’d always said he wanted a girl first because he’d read a study in one of his psych classes that fathers bonded easily with the firstborn, regardless of gender, but if a daughter was born second, he might not make as much effort to connect with her.

  Renee remembered how she’d pointed out that wasn’t going to be a problem for him. He loved kids, wanted kids and he was going to bond regardless. Besides, unless he was going to have to stern talk with his sperm and get them to cooperate, there was no way to determine the outcome of any particular pregnancy until after the fact.

  He’d called her Miss Smarty-Pants, as he had whenever he’d been teasing, then he’d pulled her into his arms and had kissed her.

  “I want us to get married now,” he’d whispered intently, as he’d undressed her. “I want us to get started on our lives.”

  His intensity had thrilled her and she’d nearly agreed. Only they both still had a year of college left and he hadn’t yet met her mother. Renee knew however much she wanted to keep the two of them apart, she couldn’t. Before she and Turner made things permanent, he was going to have to know the truth.

  Now, in her small apartment, she brushed away tears. Not that she still loved Turner—she didn’t. The pain was more about what could have been than anything specific, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with.

  * * *

  RENEE HAD A difficult night of tossing and turning. The next morning she was exhausted and wished, just once, she could call in sick. But she had two weddings this coming weekend and a thousand details to deal with. She would suck it up and get through the day. And in a very few minutes, there would be coffee.

  One shower and some leftover Chinese food for breakfast later, she was feeling a little more perky. The sadness had slipped below the surface where, she hoped, it would fade in time. If it didn’t, she was going to have to get a few of her friends together to go out drinking one night. And wasn’t it nice she had friends she could call to go out for an emotional emergency?

  She hung on to that happy thought all the way to her office. After booting her computer, she threw herself into her work. Staying busy was the best distraction and it had the added benefit of getting things done.

  By eleven, she’d made a serious dent in her weekly list and was feeling much better about everything. She was just arranging doggie day care when Jasper walked in.

  He winked when he saw she was on the phone and quietly took a seat while she made arrangements for Buster to be kept company for six hours, including a long walk and dinner.

  “Interesting,” Jasper said when she hung up. “Given your reaction to Koda, I wouldn’t have thought you’d have a dog care service on the side.”

  She briefly thought about trying to explain about Koda, then told herself she simply wasn’t up to it today. She was feeling too emotionally frail. Later, she would come clean and deal with the consequences, but not just yet.

  “The Halloween-themed wedding has the bride’s dog as the best man. It was the groom’s idea, so Buster wouldn’t feel like he was being replaced. It’s all charming and wonderful, but then there’s a huge golden retriever to deal with. I was arranging for him to be picked up here after the ceremony. He’ll have company for the evening. Once the reception is over, the bride’s parents are taking him through the honeymoon.”

  “You are a full service wedding planner.”

  “I try to be.”

  He studied her for a second before saying, “Thanks again for your help yesterday. I’m sorry I got caught up in my work.”

  “It’s your process. I’m kind of getting used to it. And it’s fun to be the source of inspiration.”

  “You were that and I appreciate it.” He set several pages on her desk. “At the risk of being needy, would you mind letting me know what you think about those? No rush. Whenever you get a chance.”

  He looked hopeful, desperate and worried. Renee hid a smile. It was good to know someone as successful and impressive as Jasper had his own insecurities. It kept them on a semi-level playing field.

  “I have a few minutes right now,” she said.

  He stood up. “That would be great. I’ll just step outside so you don’t feel pressure. It’s okay if you hate them. It’s been tough getting Mandy right. I’m not sure I have her all the way, but I think it’s closer.”

  He ducked out before she could say
anything, leaving her alone with the pages. She picked them up and saw he’d added a few notes, setting up the scene.

  Vidar wanted Mandy to be careful. He had a gut feeling one of her weddings would be targeted. She didn’t believe him.

  “You’re not going to come in here and mess with one of my weddings,” Mandy said, glaring at him. “This is their special day. They’ll remember it for the rest of their lives and I want those to be happy memories—not tainted by some detective lurking in the background.”

  “They wouldn’t know I was here.”

  “You say that now, but what happens if you see someone suspicious in the crowd? Are you going to attack Grandmother Patricia because you have a nervous stomach?”

  Vidar told himself yelling at Mandy would accomplish nothing and it wouldn’t help his case. He had to win her with logic, not bully her with brute force. But damn, she was bugging him.

  “I need you to see that my concern is for the wedding party and the bride and groom. I don’t want to ruin anything, I want to protect them.”

  “I’d be more likely to believe you if your teeth weren’t clenched.”

  “You are the most frustrating woman in the world.”

  She surprised him by smiling. “You can’t actually know that, can you? At most you’ve met one or two thousand women, so how can I possibly take you seriously?”

  Without thinking, he grabbed her by her upper arms, drew her close and pressed his mouth to hers. He didn’t know how she felt about the kiss, but it shocked the shit out of him. Then it made him want to push her onto her desk and—

  Renee flipped the pages, looking for more, but that was where the scene ended.

  “What?” she shrieked. “You’re kidding.”

  Jasper appeared in the doorway. “What? You hate it?” His mouth turned down. “It’s okay. I can fix it. What didn’t you like?”

  “Where you cut me off.” She flung the pages at him. “You are such a guy, leaving a woman hanging right as things get good.”