Superpowerless

by Chris Priestley

  A small pile of pill-sized stones gather in his hand and he cups it to try to keep them from bouncing off. They begin to melt almost immediately they touch his skin and he brings his hand in to study them more closely before they disappear.

  They are tiny, irregular balls of ice, each a clouded grey-white. He tips them out of the window as water drips though his fingers. Surprised to realise how cold his hand has already become, he puts it to his mouth and blows warming breaths on it.

  Then, as suddenly as the hailstorm came, it ends. The roofs of the sheds and garden offices and the lawns they stood on were for a while littered with the debris of the storm, but in minutes there is no sign as it melts away and everything is as it was.

  Chapter 26

  Sex and Death and Comics

  David had thought that all his desire to talk to Holly came from him – and initially this had undoubtedly been true – but he can tell now that Holly has found an oasis in that room too.

  David has barged his way, unwanted, unwelcome, into her secret life with Mark, but now that he has it means that, here at least, Holly does not have to pretend. There is a kind of peace.

  David knows all about that – the white noise that hisses away continually in his ears, that makes it so hard to be alone, to be quiet. How he needs the distraction of the comics to escape, if only for a while.

  David likes it. He likes it a lot that she seems so content to be in his company now. So content that he worries that he might ruin everything with the request he now hears himself making.

  ‘Am I hearing right? You’re saying you want me to coach you?’ says Holly. ‘You want me to be your sex coach?’

  ‘Well … yeah … I suppose – in a way,’ says David.

  Holly raises her eyebrows and then laughs.

  ‘Oh my …’

  She shakes her head and chuckles to herself.

  ‘I don’t think so, David, sorry. It would be weird.’

  ‘Would it?’

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘It just would!’

  David slumps back against the wall. He had rehearsed this moment many times and it wasn’t like he hasn’t imagined Holly refusing – it’s just that that doesn’t seem to have prepared him for the disappointment.

  ‘Are you going to sulk now?’ she asks.

  ‘I just don’t see what the big deal is,’ he says.

  He does. He does see what the big deal is.

  ‘It’s not like I’m asking you to have sex – just talk about it.’

  Holly laughs.

  ‘Oh – that’s OK then. You know there are chat lines for that kind of thing?’

  David frowns.

  ‘I don’t just want to talk about sex,’ says David. ‘Not like that. Not the way you mean. I want to know about it. I want you to give me some tips. Like with the kissing.’

  ‘But kissing is one thing, David,’ she says. ‘This is something else. Seriously. What the hell would your mother say if she found out?’

  ‘Why would she ever find out?’

  Holly sighs.

  ‘I’m not going to do it, David, so can we just drop it?’

  ‘Maybe I’ll ask Mark then,’ he says.

  The humour drains instantly from Holly’s face. David wishes he could unsay it, but he can’t. It’s there in the room, hovering, glowing between them.

  ‘Oh – I see,’ she says. ‘It’s like that.’

  Her voice is cold and hard. David puts his hand up as though she has pulled a gun on him.

  ‘Sorry – that was out of order.’

  ‘Yeah – it was.’

  She mutters these words in a low, barely audible hiss, like an angry cat, and then scowls and looks away towards the window.

  David has a very strong sense that whatever he might say will be the wrong thing and says nothing. He picks up a comic and flicks through the pages.

  ‘What’s the sudden panic about sex anyway?’ she says without turning round.

  David puts the comic down.

  ‘Ellen has invited me away. You know – overnight,’ says David.

  ‘OK,’ she says, sitting at his desk. ‘What does your mother have to say about this?’

  ‘She doesn’t know. She thinks I’m going to a festival with Joe.’

  Holly screws up her face. She looks tired – tired of talking to him.

  ‘I’m not sure I should be hearing this.’

  ‘Come on,’ says David. ‘I need to tell someone, and you’re the only person I can trust.’

  She shakes her head.

  ‘Jesus – I hope that’s not true. Why are you so intimidated by this girl anyway?’

  ‘I told you – she’s more, you know, experienced than me.’

  ‘She wants to have sex?’ says Holly. ‘And you don’t?’

  ‘No – I do. I really, really do. I just don’t know how to, you know …’

  Holly stares at him in disbelief.

  ‘You don’t know how? Do they not teach you anything at school? And don’t teenage boys watch porn 24/7?’

  ‘Look, it’s not that I don’t know where things go,’ says David defensively. ‘I know what goes where. Mostly. It’s just that I don’t have any, you know, technique.’

  ‘Technique?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  Holly shakes her head and, finally, smiles.

  ‘You’re a strange one, David,’ she says with a sigh.

  ‘Why?’ he asks. ‘I mean, why especially?’

  ‘First you want help kissing and now this. Most boys just get on with it, you know. Most men too.’

  ‘And that’s a good thing?’

  ‘Well, since you ask – maybe not. But good or not, that’s what normally happens. I don’t think too many men would have the balls to ask, to be honest. It’s part of the whole macho thing, to act like you know it all.’

  ‘You think it takes balls?’

  ‘Yes!’ she says. ‘Of course. It always takes balls to admit you don’t know something. Most men don’t care whether they know or not.’

  ‘I just don’t want to look an idiot.’

  ‘You won’t look an idiot.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I guarantee she won’t be as experienced as you think,’ says Holly. ‘Even if she has – you know – done it – more than you, that doesn’t mean she’s been doing it with anyone who is any good at it.’

  ‘If she’s done it at all she’s done it more than me,’ says David. ‘It feels like everyone’s done it except me.’

  ‘Well, that can’t be true.’

  Holly is softening. The cool edge has gone from her voice.

  ‘I’m still a bit confused as to what you want from me,’ she says. ‘I don’t exactly have any experience with girls either.’

  ‘No – but you are one,’ says David.

  ‘True,’ says Holly, nodding. ‘That is true.’

  ‘So you must know some stuff. I know everyone is different and all that, but not everything is different. You know?’

  Holly folds her arms and studies him for a while.

  ‘OK,’ says Holly, looking him up and down. ‘Seriously. Well, my first tip is cleanliness.’

  ‘Cleanliness?’ mutters David. ‘You sound like my mother.’

  Holly shrugs.

  ‘If you are planning to put something into someone else, you want whatever it is to be clean.’

  David blushes.

  ‘I’m sorry – but it’s true. Some women may get a kick out of being mauled by someone with filthy nails and a stinky body, but best to assume not.’

  David casts a quick look down at his nails and hides them under his legs.

  ‘What else?’ he says.

  ‘OK. Appearance,’ says Holly.

  David groans.

  ‘I’m not talking about whether you think you look handsome or not – she’s already asked you to go away with her so she must see something the rest of us don’t.’

  David smiles. Banter. That
’s nice. Banter is good.

  ‘So what do you mean?’

  ‘OK – now don’t get all moody,’ says Holly, ‘but what is going on with your hair, David?’

  ‘What?’ he says, instinctively raising a hand to his head. ‘I like my hair.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes,’ says David, frowning. ‘So does Ellen.’

  ‘She’s said that, has she?’

  ‘Not in so many words, no.’

  ‘What words has she actually used?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ says David. ‘You can just tell.’

  ‘OK …’ says Holly. ‘But if you’re going to have hair that long, you need to wash it, David.’

  ‘Seriously – you are sounding exactly like my mother.’

  ‘Can I remind you that she is also female,’ says Holly. ‘So maybe she knows what she’s talking about too.’

  David waves this unwelcome intrusion from his mother away.

  ‘Look,’ says Holly, ‘it’s you who wants the advice. I don’t care if I give it or not, so –’

  ‘No,’ says David. ‘Sorry. You’re right, you’re right. Clean body, clean hair. Then what?’

  Holly leans forward, her face now a mask of calm.

  ‘The most important thing to remember about sex,’ she says, ‘is that you can have sex with anyone, anyone at all, but the only time it will be something memorable is when you have it with someone you really, truly love.’

  David lets the words sink in. He nods.

  ‘OK.’

  Holly’s face cracks into a grin and then she puts her head back, laughing.

  ‘Ha!’ she says. ‘Nooooo. That’s bollocks.’

  David blushes. Holly laughs even louder. David peers at her, frowning. But it’s good-natured laughter, if a little wry. It’s certainly not the spiteful laughter David had feared it to be. She seems to be laughing at herself more than him in any case. But he’s never imagined her laughing out loud that heartily, shoulders shaking. It takes him a little while to adjust.

  ‘Oh,’ he says, simply because he’s realised he has to say something.

  Holly stops laughing and puts her hand on his knee.

  ‘There’s all kinds of sex, David,’ she says. ‘Sometimes it’s just fun and nothing else, you know. An entertainment. Like watching a movie or eating nice food.’

  He nods without really understanding. He looks at her hand on his knee. Her hand. On his knee.

  ‘Look,’ she says, ‘I’m not saying that having sex with someone you love isn’t special. It is. But sometimes it’s the sex that makes the relationship special – not the other way round.’

  She giggles to herself.

  ‘Sex can just be fun,’ she says. ‘It doesn’t have to be a big deal. As long as both people understand that.’

  ‘Is that how it’s been for you?’ says David. ‘Just fun?’

  Holly’s smile disappears.

  ‘No – not really,’ she says. ‘I’ve never really managed to pull that off to be honest. No matter how much I tell myself it doesn’t have to mean something, it always does. I’m a romantic. It’s a curse.’

  A romantic? David hadn’t thought of her as a romantic. Is she lying? Is she joking? Is Mark a romantic? She studies her hands for a while and then looks up at David with a smile.

  ‘But it’s different for men,’ she says. ‘Men don’t get bogged down in all that stuff. Men are more realistic. It must be great.’

  David doesn’t recognise this image of himself. He certainly doesn’t feel realistic. Is this because he isn’t a man? Maybe sex will make him more realistic. Maybe sex is going to be the introductory welcome pack from his adult self to his child self and everything will make sense after that.

  ‘But, David,’ she says, ‘if you’re not ready, then wait. Go at your own speed.’

  ‘That’s easy for you to say,’ says David. ‘I don’t have a speed. Or if I do, I don’t know what it is. I think about sex all the time. All the time. Well, sex and death and comics.’

  ‘Sex and death and comics?’ says Holly.

  David smiles.

  ‘Yes. It’s true. But mostly sex. I think I should actually do it instead of thinking about it. That’s got to be healthier. Hasn’t it?’

  ‘I don’t know about that,’ says Holly with a chuckle.

  ‘More normal then.’

  ‘Normal?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘And is that what you want to be: normal?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ says David. ‘I just know I don’t want to be like this forever. You know what I mean?’

  Holly nods.

  ‘Yes. As a matter of fact I do.’

  Chapter 27

  Superhero Porn

  David is sitting at his desk looking at the website for the Lapwing Festival. He scrolls through lists of bands and performers, settling on a few to concentrate on, and then looks them up on YouTube to watch them in action.

  He finds a few that he quite likes and downloads some of their songs to listen to – all in the service of answering the questions his mother will inevitably ask on his return from the weekend with Ellen.

  There are, happily, a couple of acts he already knows and likes. But he leaves nothing to chance. He looks up all the information about buying tickets, the campsite, the travel – trying to anticipate any line of enquiry she might make. Mostly he just tries to immerse himself in everything the website tells him so that he can actually imagine himself there. By the time he’s finished he actually wishes he is going – it would certainly be simpler. And it does sound good. Maybe next year.

  He’s still doing this when there is a knock at the door and Joe’s head appears.

  ‘Your mum let me in,’ he says, walking in, moving a comic and sitting on the end of the bed. ‘What’s happening?’

  David closed his laptop as soon as Joe walked in.

  ‘Not a lot. You know, just watching crap on YouTube. How about you?’

  ‘Nothing much. Mum was pleased with the exam results, which means things are bit more relaxed.’

  David nods.

  ‘Yeah – mine too.’

  ‘It’s good to have it all over and done with to be hon— Wait – have you done something to your hair?’

  ‘What? No.’

  He blushes.

  ‘It looks different. Kind of fluffy.’

  David puts his hand defensively up to his hair and pushes it back from his face.

  ‘I washed it, that’s all. What’s with the sudden interest in my hair?’

  Joe grins.

  ‘OK …’

  David smiles sheepishly and Joe picks up the Hulk comic he’s moved aside, looking at the cover, which shows a bald man swinging a ball and chain and hitting the Hulk in the head. David smiles. It’s typical Joe. He’s trying to make peace.

  ‘That’s got to smart,’ says Joe. ‘Who’s the bald dude?’

  ‘He’s called the Absorbing Man.’

  ‘What? Like a sponge?’ says Joe with a chuckle.

  David frowns. He doesn’t care if Joe isn’t into the comics, but he has a low tolerance of him mocking them.

  ‘He can become whatever he touches – metal, rock, whatever he wants.’

  ‘What happens when it rains?’ says Joe. ‘Does he just turn to water and go down the nearest drain?’

  ‘He can control it,’ says David. ‘There’s no point in having a superpower if you can’t control it.’

  He flinches a little as he realises what he’s said. If only.

  ‘What about the Hulk?’

  David nods and has to admit this doesn’t apply to the Hulk, whose whole story revolves around poor old Bruce Banner not being able to stop himself becoming the Hulk or controlling the green monster once he’s changed. David’s always liked the Hulk though.

  ‘Why the ball and chain?’ says Joe. ‘Why has the Absorbing Man got a ball and chain?’

  ‘He was a convict. It’s a long story.’

  ‘Why are they s
tanding on a missile?’

  ‘Read it if you want,’ says David. ‘Then you’ll find out.’

  Joe lays the comic down.

  ‘Nah – not really interested enough.’

  David shakes his head. Joe ignores him. He wants to talk about something else.

  ‘What happened about the weekend with Ellen in the end?’ he says.

  ‘Still haven’t really decided,’ says David. ‘I shouldn’t have asked you.’

  ‘No. You shouldn’t. You’re still going though?’

  David shrugs.

  ‘Yeah – I think I am. If I can.’

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Are you nervous?’

  ‘Why would I be nervous?’

  Joe grins.

  ‘Er … Because I’m pretty sure you’ve never had sex with anyone but yourself and you’re the nervous type.’

  ‘What? I’m not the nervous type. Bollocks. Besides, who have you ever had sex with?’

  ‘Yeah – but I’m not going off on a dirty weekend, am I, so that doesn’t really matter, does it? We’re not talking about me, are we?’

  ‘We’re not talking about me either!’

  ‘Imagine if Absorbing Man had sex!’ says Joe. ‘What happens then?’

  ‘He can control it,’ says David. ‘So he wouldn’t turn into a – whatever it is you’re imagining.’

  ‘Ewww,’ says Joe. ‘I wasn’t. But I am now. Thanks.’

  ‘Luckily I’m not Absorbing Man so it’s not a problem I have to think about.’

  ‘Does the Hulk have sex?’

  ‘No one has sex in comics,’ says David. ‘Well, not these comics anyway. They’re from the seventies. Things were different then.’

  ‘People still had sex though, right?’

  David sighs. Joe grins.

  ‘Superheroes must have sex,’ says Joe. ‘The ones who fancy each other. It stands to reason.’

  It’s not like David hasn’t thought about this himself.

  ‘I suppose. Mr Fantastic and the Invisible Girl in the Fantastic Four are married, so …’

  Joe laughs.

  ‘Mr Fantastic? I bet he gave himself that name.’

  ‘Reed Richards then. That’s his real name.’

  ‘How does he know he’s having sex with her though – if she’s invisible?’

  ‘She’s not invisible all the time, you chump.’