Spaced Out

by Korissa Allen

  “Look, I said I didn’t love her. Not that I didn’t like her. There’s a difference. I’ll try to understand if you will too, okay?” His eyes lock with mine, but I can’t hold his gaze, his pleading eyes. He uses the same voice he used when we first met and he was trying to show me how the ship worked. It’s the same voice my parents used when trying to explain something to me. I never liked the tone; it always made me feel smaller and unimportant and childish.

  “I understand that you wanted to fake your death so you could go live with some girl I’ve never met,” I say. “Just let me know if there are any details I’m missing.” He sighs, understanding my sarcasm.

  “You forgot the part about me loving you,” he says.

  “No, I think I covered everything,” I retort. He sighs again, giving a tiny eye roll but not saying anything. I clench my fist; I really want to hit something right now, but that wouldn’t do anything to our current situation. I’m not known to be a violent person, but sometimes I slip.

  I remember one time, Kyle was annoying me so much I punched him in the gut. He screamed and ran to my mother, who told me to go to my room and that she would talk to me later. I stormed up the stairs, but instead of going to my room, I went to Kyle’s. I found one of his favorite toys and smashed it against the ground. He came upstairs later and found his toy in bits and pieces on the ground. He started crying, and my mother came running again. I was in my room at this time, trying to act as innocent as I could considering the circumstances. My mother immediately came to my room and scolded me. Then she asked me where my jar of Stoneians was. I showed it to her proudly, because I had just saved up enough to buy a game I really wanted. She took the jar and poured all of the Stoneians out into her hand. My mother walked out of my room and down to Kyle’s room. I followed her, curious of what she was planning to do with them.

  “Zandrea, why did you break your brother’s toy?” Her voice was as smooth as silk.

  I blinked and said as innocently as possible, “Why do you think I broke it?”

  “Who else in this house would have broken his toy?”

  “I don’t know, the wind,” I said sarcastically. She rolled her eyes.

  “I want this to be a lesson to you; don’t break people’s things,” she said and handed my brother the Stoneians. I screamed and tried to swipe them away, but my mother grabbed my wrist, stopping me from reaching my destination. I proceeded to scream until my throat hurt. My mother tried to calm me down, but nothing could stop my screaming. First, I got punished for punching my brother, and then I had my Stoneians stolen by my mother, and now my throat hurt from screaming. What next?

  My mother came to talk to me that night to tell me why she took my Stoneians. “I wanted you to learn a lesson,” she said. “Hitting people and things is not right. It’s not good, do you understand? It never solves any problems. It only gets you into trouble.”

  I pretended that I understood, but I just wanted my Stoneians back. Now, I realize what she was saying. It’s like fighting fire with fire inside of a house made of paper—it hurts everyone within reaching distance and further.

  Daniel stands in front of me, arms crossed, a crease between his eyebrows. He looks worn out but still trying to stay strong. He knows better than to give in, because every time he does, I end up winning the argument. We usually don’t argue, but when we do, I tend to win. My parents agree I’m the most stubborn person they know, although they don’t know very many people. Our neighborhood back on Coreno is small, mostly because everyone around us has moved away to find a job. One of my mother’s friends left just before I did, and she was heartbroken. They were really close, but her husband had to leave to find work on another planet.

  Before Layla, I had a friend who lived three doors down from me. We played games together and had sleepovers. Her parents and mine were talking one night about the Corps and how they were planning to take control of Coreno. Her parents said they were leaving as soon as they could to find a place on the other side of the galaxy where the Corps hadn’t gained control. They asked if we wanted to join them, but my father said no and that we would be fine here. They left the next day, and we never saw them again.

  The Corps have taken over our lives more than any of us would like, but no one is willing to stand up to them, until now. They have ruined my life: taking away my father, making some of my friends too scared to stick around, and turning my own mother against everything that my family stood for. They have to be brought down, otherwise they’re just going to keep going up.

  “Daniel,” I say. “I’m sorry.” He looks at me as if I’ve just admitted to killing someone.

  “You’re what?” he asks, astonished.

  “You heard me,” I say. “I don’t want to keep fighting, especially not with you. I just want to go home, see my mother again, and reunite my family. I want the Corps to be brought down so we don’t have to live in fear anymore. Is that too much to ask?”

  He looks at me, and his gaze softens. “No, it’s not too much. You’re right; the Corps needs to be obliterated. Where are the others?”

  I glance over my shoulder and find Kyle and Kelton at the end of the hall by the bathroom. Kyle is flinging soap at Kelton, who brings his arms up to protect himself. While Kelton is distracted, Kyle lunges at him, knocking him off balance. I glance back at Daniel, and he wears a worried expression on his face. I understand what he means, although he’s not saying anything. If it’s up to us five to save the galaxy, we could be in trouble.

  Nobody here knows what’s going on outside the Corps’ headquarters. We’ve tried to guess, but we have no way of knowing what’s true or what’s false. The only way to find out is to leave and to go back to help the people who were once trapped here. After my father showers, we pack up our belongings and start our trek back to the platform. Kelton says he knows his way around here, so we trust him. I start thinking about all of the things that have happened since we got here: finding my father, meeting Kelton, and Daniel faking his death so he could go live with Callie, which I’m still mad at him for.

  It dawns on me how free we have been these last few days. Besides the day we first came here, we haven’t seen many signs of life. We haven’t seen Max or David since I got shot, so who knows where they went. It’s eerie how alone we’ve been, with no one around trying to stop us. I wonder if they even know we’re here. But they must, because two guards found Kelton and Daniel, and they found Kyle and me. I wonder if Rowan taking that card from Kyle gave them access to anything and everything in the galaxy. I shudder at the thought that we gave them exactly what they needed. I rub my arms that are crossed over my chest, trying to relax my stiff body. It doesn’t work until Kyle wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer to him. I smile gratefully, hoping he understands why I’m shaking. He returns the smile, but I don’t think he gets the message.

  The building seemed smaller from the platform. The trek back takes far too long, and my feet begin to hurt after a while. I almost start complaining, but I remember there are lots of other people who deal with much worse—people in the war, people who are bystanders during the war, and my parents and friends, the list is endless. I keep telling myself this, to the beat of my footsteps, and try to focus on other things.

  Kelton holds the only gun we have in front of him and checks around every corner before motioning to us that it’s all clear. We swiftly move to the other side of the hall and continue walking. We round the next corner and then walk down a long stretch of hallway, painted a dark gray, the ceiling a bright red. Some of the paint has chipped off the walls, and underneath lies an ugly shade of green. Kelton looks around the next corner, but before he has a chance to motion us backward, the shouting begins.

  My legs can’t move fast enough, and two large hands rest on my shoulders, pulling me backward. I slam onto the ground with a thud and the hands grab my wrists. I try to yank free, but I’m not strong enough. I hear Kyle scream, but it gets cut off abruptly. The hands drag me along th
e ground toward the end of the hall. Everyone else is being pulled the same way as me, including Kelton, who fired his gun at one of them. They drag us past the body, and I almost throw up. They soon knock us out with a poison gas, and everything goes black.

  I wake a few hours later, or so I think, with my arms and legs chained to the wall behind me. The room is a dank, gray cell. This one isn’t like the ones I’ve been in before. The doors are not transparent, and to the best of my knowledge, there are no cameras. The walls look like they are made of concrete, and the floor is white tile, with a drain in the middle. I start to get a really bad feeling, and I can’t shake it. I begin to scream until my throat hurts, and a white smoke fills the room, knocking me out again.

  I look up and see Kelton walking into my cell. I try to smile, but it’s impossible with how much physical pain I’m in. He looks at me, examining my every move.

  “Hello,” he says finally.

  “Hi,” I croak out.

  “On a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you in?”

  “Eleven,” I say without thinking.

  “That’s good, that’s good.” He looks at a clipboard that just appeared in his hands. He marks something down.

  “How exactly is that a good thing,” I manage to squeak out.

  “Well, would you consider it a bad thing?” He looks back at me.

  “Um… yes, I would actually.” I sigh, and he gives me a confused frown. “Kelton, what’s going on? How did you manage to escape your cell?”

  “Well, I-” He doesn’t finish his sentence. Instead, he crumples to the floor, blood pooling underneath him. A man stands behind him, knife in hand, black hood over his head so I can’t see his face. I nudge Kelton a little, but his body remains cold, lifeless. I start to scream, shaking the chains that hold me to the floor. It’s a rage scream that makes my body shudder with grief. The love of my life, killed, stabbed, right before my eyes, and there was nothing I could do to save him.

  It’s that thought that brings me back to reality. My biggest fear: not being able to save someone I love. They set up that scenario on purpose. And I know what room, what cell, I’m in—the Torturing Room, the one that Kelton has been in multiple times, seeing the same, or maybe different, fear over and over again. This is what the Torturing Room does to you: shows you your biggest fear, over and over, until you can’t take it anymore, and grief and fear have taken over your entire body. If this keeps happening, I will be worth nothing, too far gone to come back. I just have to be able to overcome it, and now that I know what’s going to happen, I can be ready.

  The door creaks open, and Daniel walks in. Somehow, I remember that I’m still mad at him, and the scenario generators don’t know that. This should be easy, I think, but immediately after I say it, I know it’s not true. Daniel is my best friend, and there is no way that losing him would ever be easy.

  “Zandrea,” he begins. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.” A girl steps into the room behind him, and I recognize her as the girl from the launch pad. Callie, I think. Suddenly there’s a bitter taste in my mouth, and I want to throw up. Callie gives Daniel a quick kiss on the cheek and turns to look at me. Her overly makeup-done eyes look at me intensely. I glare back at her.

  “What a pleasure it is to meet you,” I spit.

  “Wish I could say the same about you,” she retorts. “Oh wait, it is. I forgot that Daniel chose me over you. I’m glad I could meet my competition, if you could even call it that.”

  I try to thrash out at her, but the chains on my hands and ankles pull me back. She takes a step away from me as if I’m going to bite her. The thought did cross my mind.

  “Vicious little thing, isn’t she,” she snarls. “I don’t know how you ever could have loved her.”

  “I didn’t,” Daniel says. “But I had to go along with it.”

  “You told me you loved me,” I scream. “You proposed to me and everything. You crushed my dreams! And you know what? Kelton is twice the man you’ll ever be! Good luck, Callie. You’re going to need it!” The tears stream hotly down my face, and I make no attempt to stop the flow.

  Callie crouches down in front of me and smacks my cheek hard. “Don’t worry, you were never a threat to me anyway.” She stands up, and a moment later I hear the door slam shut.

  The tears keep coming, but I can only think about what they said. Daniel said he never loved me and that it was only an act. Callie isn’t the kind person I thought she was, and she told me that I was never a threat to her relationship with Daniel. A new thought crosses my mind: Daniel is being held captive too. I wonder what kinds of things he’s seeing.

  I think I fall asleep, but I’m awoken by the sleep-inducing gas, and I’m launched into a different scenario. This time, Kyle appears, but not like Kelton and Daniel did. My mother is here too, and so are some medical workers. They don’t acknowledge me. The edge of my vision is blurry, almost like a dream, but it’s not, because I know exactly what is happening.

  Kyle sits on an operating table while the doctors talk to my mother. Kyle sits as still as a statue, and his eyes don’t move, don’t even blink. His blue eyes staring but not seeing. I touch his face with the tip of my finger, but he doesn’t even flinch.

  “So explain to me what’s going to happen?” It’s my mother’s voice.

  “Of course,” says one of the medical workers. “We’ve already put him in a deep sleep, and now we are going to operate on his brain. I’m going to inject this purple liquid into his head, which will allow us to access all of his memories. You tell us which ones you want removed.”

  “How do you remove the memories?” It’s my mother’s voice again.

  “Good question,” says a different medical worker. “We don’t actually remove them, just gloss them over. This is why you can’t say anything to him about the memories we’ve taken away. If you do, the memory resurfaces and he’ll be able to remember that specific memory. The purple liquid was designed to modify a part of your brain called the hippocampus, which helps transfer short-term memories to long-term memories. The hippocampus grows neurons to help retain memory. But the purple liquid also stops the hippocampus from growing certain neurons to retain the memories we took away. And that, in short, is how the purple liquid works.”

  “Fascinating,” says my mother flatly. “I think we can begin.”

  “I just need you to sign some paperwork that states we are not responsible if this doesn’t work because you told him something.”

  My mother grabs a pen and signs her name. “I’m ready,” she says.

  “Excellent, now tell me what memories you want us to get rid of,” the medical worker says. My mother reads off a short list of things she doesn’t want him to remember, and the medical workers begin operating. A tear slips down my face when she says my name, and I begin sobbing after she reads my father’s name. Thankfully, no one can hear me sobbing in the corner of the small room. Everything goes black after that, and I’m sobbing in reality. Only do I stop when I hear a knock on the door.

  The door opens slowly, creaking as if it’s 100 years old. A dark figure walks in, tall with a big frame. “Hello,” the voice says. “Remember me?” Rowan steps into the light where I can see him more clearly. He’s still intimidating, and I shrink back against the wall. Last time I saw him, he stole a card from Kyle and pretended he was going to give us Kelton. I’m still furious with him for that.

  “Oh, sure,” I say smugly. “You’re the coward who couldn’t keep up his end of the bargain.” At the mention of him being a coward, he scowls at me, making his wrinkled face even more wrinkled. He soon releases his scowl and gives an airy chuckle.

  “I think you misunderstood what my intentions were. Besides, you were roaming free up until about six hours ago. I couldn’t let you go, but it was fun while it lasted, right?” He looks happy, in a very menacing sort of way, and it makes my stomach hurt. “Anyway, I was planning on having you as personal bodyguards, but I figured with everything that I’
ve done to you, you wouldn’t agree. So then I got to thinking, what if I made you help me? But I also thought making you wouldn’t be enough. You would have to be so depressed, barely even living, for you to agree, and so, here you are now!” He says it as if it’s his biggest success ever, and I’m guessing it probably is.

  “How exactly would you make us so depressed that we would help you automatically?”

  “That’s a good question, but I think you already know the answer. You see, I need an army, because eventually, they’re coming for me. And as much as I would love to fight, I’m too old.” I roll my eyes at this remark because he doesn’t look a day over thirty-five, but I keep quiet. “It would be so easy to destroy each of you, but where would the fun in that be? No, I decided you would much rather be in here than out fighting alongside the Corps. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think all of these people, even Daniel, mean a lot more to you than you let on. Tell me again why you allowed Kelton to be a part of your group. And don’t leave out any details, especially the one about you falling for him instead of your best friend. I find that part to be really intriguing and not really like you at all.”

  My voice shakes a little as the next words come out. “How do you know all that?”

  He motions toward the cell I’m in and the surrounding walls. “Do you not see that you are in the Corps’ headquarters? I know everything about everyone.”

  “I hadn’t noticed,” I say sarcastically. “But thank you for pointing that out. By the way, I was just wondering, if you know everything about everyone, why do you want me to tell you about my personal life? You should already know all of the details, right?”

  “Ha ha, very funny,” he says like I have time for laughing when I’m in my death cell. “You know, I think you’re the most fiery out of them all. You would be perfect for my force. You have the right skill set. I could slowly kill all of the other ones, and you would be the only one left. Brilliant, right?”