Spaced Out

by Korissa Allen

  We stop at Dmaron, one of the smallest planets in the galaxy, to refuel. They have a small treat shop at the refueling station that Lila and Cody explore while Damien and I refuel. There is tension, and he doesn’t say anything to me. Eventually, I can’t take it anymore.

  “Look, I’m sorry,” I say. He turns to me and cocks an eyebrow. “For everything.”

  He turns away from me and doesn’t say anything for a moment. Finally, he says, “I’m sorry too. What you do with your life is none of my business.”

  “True,” I say. “But you aren’t wrong.”

  He shrugs and then goes back to refueling the ship. I still feel tension in the air between us, but it’s less. I feel lost, like I don’t know what to do with myself, so I climb back into the ship. Instead of taking a left toward the cockpit, I make a right and head to the back.

  There’s a cabinet in the back, five drawers high. To pass the time, and because my curiosity is getting the better of me, I check through each of the drawers. The first one contains trinkets, most likely from the last owner. The second drawer contains clothes; a few shirts and pants stacked neatly on either side of the drawer. I grab the top shirt and replace the one I’m currently wearing with it. It’s big on me but I tuck it into the new pair of pants. They smell old, like they’ve been sitting for a while, but they’re clean, unlike my old clothes.

  The next two drawers are empty except for a hairbrush in the fourth one. I don’t even bother touching it. However, something peculiar catches my eye in the bottom one. A small note is folded in fourths and tucked in the back corner of the drawer. I grab it and open it.

  I see you’ve finally found my second letter. Congratulations. I hoped the codes to your loved ones helped you out. I think no matter what you find, you’ll be okay. You’re one of the strongest people I know, same as Kyle. He thinks highly of you. You once asked if I remembered you from the mirrored hallway. I’m sure you know the answer now. One more thing. Since I’ll probably never see you again, I wanted to clarify some things. In the rooms at the Corps’ headquarters, yes those ones, it seemed a little quiet, a lack of presence if you will. That was because of me. No need to thank me, but I wanted you to know that I put that table full of brainwashing bread out for you and your friends on purpose. And yes, it was supposed to be brainwashing. I always thought you and Daniel were a better couple, so I may have pulled a few strings. No hard feelings? Thanks and good luck with the rest of your journey. Best wishes.

  I pull Gregory’s first note out of my pocket and compare it to this one. The handwriting is definitely the same, but somehow I miss him more after reading this one. It has more of a finality to it, a wrap-up of sorts. It also explains why nobody found us while we were in that part of the building. It’s strange how I can feel so close to someone I’ve only talked to twice.

  I hear footsteps approach from behind me, but I don’t look to see who it is. Just by the sound, I can tell it’s Damien.

  “What do you have there?” he asks.

  “Nothing,” I say, folding it up with the first one and slipping it into my pocket. “Just something I found in these drawers.”

  “You’re wearing a new shirt?” he asks.

  “There’s some in the second drawer,” I reply.

  He nods.

  “Were you going to tell me something?” I ask.

  “I just wanted to say that Lila and Cody are back and were helping me wash the ship a bit,” he says. “It was looking a little dirty. They should be done soon, if you want to check the control panels, get things ready for takeoff.”

  “Thanks for letting me know,” I say. I move around him and toward the cockpit, expecting him to take the hint that I want to be left alone. He doesn’t move.

  “Who wrote the note?” he asks suddenly.

  “What?” I ask, not sure I heard him correctly.

  “The note you have in your pocket,” he says. “Who wrote it?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.

  “I read the note already,” he says, sounding frustrated. “Just tell me who wrote it.”

  “Why do you care who wrote it?” I ask, my tone matching his.

  “Why can’t you just tell me?”

  “Because it’s personal,” I say.

  “I already read it!” he shouts. “I just want some context.”

  “You should finish helping Lila and Cody,” I say, turning back to my work.

  “Why is it such a big deal to you?”

  “Why is it to you?” I fire back.

  “Do you love him?” he asks. His tone is different, quieter, sadder.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “Oh, so you won’t even answer that question?” he asks. He sounds mad, and like he’s fighting off tears.

  “I just don’t understand what you mean by it,” I say calmly.

  “Whoever wrote that note cares about you, a lot,” he says. “Do you feel the same way?”

  I sigh. I need to give him an explanation. “His name is Gregory,” I say. “That’s who wrote the letter. He was a janitor at the Corps’ headquarters who helped me on multiple occasions. He’s the one who gave me this ship and helped me escape.”

  “What happened to the first letter he gave you?”

  “I have it in my pocket,” I say. “He gave me the list of codes to each of my family members and Daniel.”

  “Oh,” he says. “Remind me to thank him.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  “Because he helped you escape,” he says. “And he gave you a nice ship.”

  I smile. There’s something about him that excites and worries me. I don’t want to get too close, but I can’t keep pushing him away either.

  I turn back to the control panels on the side of the ship and begin fidgeting with the air pressure valve to the tires. I can feel the ship slowly rising and lowering.

  “Hey!” a voice calls from outside the ship. “I can’t climb when it’s moving!”

  I walk to the side door and see Lila trying to climb the ladder back into the ship. I try to hide my smile. Damien helps her about halfway up the ladder before I take over. He helps Cody next and then climbs the ladder himself.

  “Did the air pressure seem off?” he asks once he gets inside the ship.

  I close the door and head to my seat. “No,” I say. “I was just having some fun.”

  He looks at the ground, smiles, and heads to his seat. He adjusts the takeoff controls and starts the engine. Pretty soon, we’re moving. We wait for the all clear signal and then take off. The feeling of weightlessness gets my heart pumping and adrenaline courses through me. Ever since the first time I took off into the air, this feeling has been the same. It’s one of the reasons I love flying so much.

  I fall asleep at one point because when I wake up, we’re landing again. I get really excited, until I realize we aren’t at the Coreno ship port.

  “Sorry,” Damien says, not looking at me. “I needed to stop here on Techario for a part.”

  “A part for what?” I ask, still groggy.

  He doesn’t answer. Instead, he keeps fumbling in his bag for something before finally grabbing the whole thing. He gets up, opens the door, climbs down the ladder, and disappears. It’s nighttime and I decide to fall back asleep. I check to make sure Lila and Cody are doing fine before I go to sleep. They both seem comfortable, each one covered in a shirt I assume to be from the drawer where I got mine.

  I don’t wake up again until I hear pounding on the door. Damien has finally come back and must have locked himself out. I open the door for him and notice that something seems slightly off.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “Yeah, never better,” he says. “Why?”

  “I don’t know,” I reply. “Something just seems… off.”

  His expression changes to worry. “Oh,” he says. “I wonder why that is. I think everything’s fine.”

  “I’m sure it is,” I lie. “I’m probably just tired or som
ething.”

  He nods and slips into the pilot’s seat. “We’re almost there,” he says. “Help me with the takeoff and then you can go back to sleep if you want.”

  “I’m awake now,” I say. “I don’t want to miss this.”

  The commander in the control tower gives us the all clear and we shoot off into space again. The feeling is back and I know I’m definitely not going back to sleep.

  About an hour later, I start prepping the landing gear. I make sure the air pressure in the tires is perfect and the brakes have enough fluid in them. We touch down soon after we enter the atmosphere, and I can feel the adrenaline pump through my veins again. I’m finally going to see Kyle, my father, and hopefully my mother again.

  The ship doesn’t land fast enough, and I’m already starting to collect my things so I can leave. I almost forget to hit the brakes once we’re near the end of the runway. Once I do, we screech to a halt.

  “Come on!” I say excitedly. “Hurry up you guys!”

  “What’s going on?” Cody asks, waking up slowly.

  “I get to go see my family soon,” I say. I’m the first to climb down the ladder and the immediate shock of touching the ground sends chills through me. The air is warmer than the last time I was here. The sun is out, melting the snow outside the port.

  “Zandrea!” Damien shouts from above me. “Can you help Lila and Cody?”

  I turn around to see Lila halfway down the ladder and Cody beginning his descent. I help Lila the rest of the way down and wait a couple of seconds for Cody to get within arms’ reach. Damien comes down a minute later after double checking that we got everything out of the ship.

  “So this is Coreno,” Damien comments. “Nice. It seems like a pretty great place.”

  “It has its moments,” I say with a smile. I lead them to the front office so we can file our paperwork.

  “Name,” the lady at the front desk says. Then she looks up at me. “Zandrea? Is that you? I thought you were gone for good!”

  She moves around the desk and gives me a warm embrace. “It’s good to see you too Liv,” I say with a smile.

  “And who are these lovely people?” she asks. “You aren’t married with kids, are you? What happened while you were away?”

  “No, these aren’t my kids or husband,” I say. “This is Lila, Cody, and Damien.” I gesture to each one as I say their name. She nods along, shaking hands with each of them.

  “So,” she says. “Will you be needing a place to stay or are you staying with your parents?”

  “With my parents,” I say.

  “Which one?” she asks.

  “Both,” I say, like it should be obvious.

  “Alternating, I presume,” she says.

  “Why would I alternate?”

  “You didn’t hear?” she asks.

  “About what?” I ask getting a nervous pang in my stomach.

  “Let’s just say she wasn’t exactly happy to see him,” Liv says. “I don’t know the details, but you should go be with your father.” She hands me some paper and I sit down. My mind rushes through 100 different thoughts, each one entering and leaving so fast that my mind is in a whirlwind.

  Damien puts his hand on my shoulder. “Are you going to be okay?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “I just need to see them,” I say.

  We sign all the paperwork as Liv entertains Lila and Cody, and then we leave. Liv tells us my father’s new address, where he lives with Kyle, and we head there right away.

  The streets seem even emptier than I remember. Only one person passes us as we walk, and he seems surprised there are any people left. Little patches of snow sit around the buildings and in the yards of some of the houses. The whole scene is peaceful and quiet, not like a typical day in Coreno.

  I follow the directions Liv gave me and find the house she gave me the address to. It’s a nice house, slightly bigger than the one I grew up in. I walk up to the door, my heart beating double time. What if they’ve changed? What if they aren’t happy that I’m back? What if I’ve changed?

  “Everything is going to be okay,” Damien says. “Don’t worry.”

  “I’m just nervous,” I say. “I don’t know how they’ll react.”

  “They love you,” he says. “I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you.”

  “I’ve walked up to a house filled with people who I thought loved me before,” I say. “I was disappointed with the outcome.”

  “Don’t let one event define the rest of them,” he says. “Make a new memory, one with less sadness attached to it.”

  I nod and step up on the patio. I knock on the door and wait for someone to answer. Eventually, I hear footsteps and the memory of the first time I did this rushes back. Again, the knob seems to turn in slow motion and Kyle appears from behind it. However this time, he doesn’t wear a confused look on his face.

  “Zandrea!” he screams. “You’re alive!”

  He pushes the door open and runs out to embrace me. I return the hug and hold on to him for a long time. He’s at the perfect height for me to hug him. My father shows up at the door a little bit later, a huge grin on his face.

  “I see you’ve returned,” he says, embracing me. “We’ve missed you so much. I’ve missed you so much.”

  Damien clears his throat. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but-”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I say. “Father, Kyle, this is Damien. I met him on Juema after I picked up these kids, Lila and Cody.”

  They all take turns saying hi to each other and then my father invites us all inside. I take in my surroundings, noticing the lack of pictures and color.

  “Are you guys living in the Funeral Hall?” I ask. The Funeral Hall is a giant room in the House where people go after their loved ones have died. The room is very lifeless and depressing because there aren’t any colors or a natural source of light. Just one light hangs overhead. I went there once when I was young after one of my father’s friends died.

  “Somedays, it seems like we are,” my father replies. “Having you here will hopefully change that. We were so worried about you. I knew you would stay strong but the Corps don’t exactly play fair.”

  “Why are you living here?” I ask. “Instead of with Mother.”

  His expression goes solemn.

  “What happened?” I ask, more seriously this time.

  He looks away from me and at the one picture he has lying on his counter. From a quick glimpse, I can see that it’s my parent’s wedding photo. His eyes turn red and puffy as he looks at it. I walk over to him and put my arm around him.

  “Father,” I say. “I know that whatever happened between the two of you was difficult. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. Tell me what happened, and I might be able to fix it.”

  “You can’t fix it,” he says. “What’s done is done.”

  “Father-”

  “You don’t know her like I do,” he snaps. His tone isn’t mad, just frustrated and upset. “Once her mind is set, it can’t be changed.”

  “What does she have her mind set on?” I ask.

  “Chris,” he replies.

  I freeze. I thought he was gone, I thought Kelton killed him. I didn’t know he was still here. And he’s in my house. With my mother. Anger flows through me at the thought of him still being here.

  “He’s completely brainwashed her,” my father says. “She wants nothing to do with me, or even Kyle.”

  “Did she say anything about me?” I ask.

  “No,” he says. “And I’m sorry, but I don’t know if she’d even remember you.”

  My heart sinks. My own mother probably doesn’t even remember me. “Oh,” I say. Damien puts his hand on my shoulder, and without thinking, I whip around and bury my head in his shoulder, tears flowing uncontrollably from my eyes. He holds and comforts me until I stop crying.

  Lila and Cody sit on the couch, absorbing all the information, probably not understanding half of what’s being said. My father sends them off to do s
omething to keep them occupied. My father pulls me to the side, and Damien and Kyle start talking quietly in the corner of the room, almost as if they’ve known each other for a long time.

  I stare at Damien for a while before I realize my father is talking to me. “What did you say?” I ask him.

  “I asked what they did to you at the headquarters,” he says. He looks worried.

  “Don’t worry about me,” I say. “We need to figure out how to get Mother back.”

  “That’s why I need you to tell me what they did to you,” he says.

  “I’m not following,” I say confused.

  “My theory is that Chris has been developing some stuff to use,” my father explains. “If you tell me what he did to you, we might be able to reverse it and help your mother.”

  “He tried controlling my dreams,” I say. “Turn them into nightmares and use them against me. His intent was to make me go so insane that I would die. Somehow he wanted to use it on other people-”

  My father gives me a look, and it finally hits me. Chris was testing me to get to my mother. He wasn’t planning on using it on everyone, just her. And I helped him get it to the right dose. Without thinking, I turn around and run out the door.

  I hear my father’s voice calling behind me, but I don’t stop running. I need to find my mother and Chris and somehow reverse all of this. I run in the general direction of where I used to live and come across my house. It looks the same from the outside, the attic window still ajar and the porch swing still slightly lopsided. I run up the porch and knock on the door.

  The last time I did this, I was nervous but excited. Now, I’m just anxious. Who’s going to open the door? Will my mother recognize me? Will Chris? The knob turns, not as slow as last time, and the door is pulled away from me. My mother stands at the door wearing the most beautiful red dress I’ve ever seen. It reaches to her knees and has sparkly red fringe that reaches slightly lower. I want to hug her and punch her at the same time.

  “What do you want?” she asks me, leaning against the doorframe.

  “Do you know who I am?” I ask.

  She looks me straight in the eye before answering, “No.”

  My own mother doesn’t even know who I am. My eyes fill with tears but I force myself to stop. I can’t show her any signs of weakness. I hear loud breathing behind me and realize my father is trying to catch his breath.