A Mother's Secrets

by Tuppence Van de Vaarst

  She sighed in relief as the carriage rolled to a stop before her townhouse. Niara scrambled out, while Vinet and Nazir followed at a more sedate pace. Gwyn immediately dropped into step behind them.

  Vinet kept herself from sighing again. She half suspected that Gwyn was actively trying to make sure that she and Nazir had no privacy to talk. While Gwyn’s attitude towards Nazir might have changed, her opinion about their potential relationship and its dangers had not. Vinet shoved that thought away as she made her way towards her study. She needed to check if any messages had arrived for her, and whether or not there was any business she needed to take care of. She hoped there wasn’t, but she was sure there was. If nothing else, her attendance at Papsukkal needed to be confirmed, her costume chosen, the constant pressures of positioned nobility. She sighed as she sank into her chair. Why couldn’t things ever stop?

  She wrote a hasty note confirming her attendance at the Papsukkal festival. Briefly, she wondered if Lord Auriel was in charge of the celebration. He was the king’s steward, after all. But maybe he would have delegated it to another noble. There would be plenty of nobles eager to gain favor with the king or his steward for their own social advancement, rather than the good of the kingdom. Sycophants who won’t do anything that doesn’t benefit them directly, she thought.

  “Mama?”

  Vinet felt a smile spread across her face as her daughter poked her head into the study. “Yes, dear?”

  “Would you play outside with me? It’s so much warmer here!” Despite her obvious eagerness, her voice was tentative. She knew her mother had work to do.

  Vinet felt a surge of warmth as she laughed and rose to her feet. Business could wait. “Of course,” she said. “Get your cloak on, though. Just because it’s warmer doesn’t mean it’s warm enough to be without it.”

  “Yes, Mama,” Niara dashed off to get her cloak.

  Vinet followed at a slightly more sedate pace, a smile still on her face. Niara had taken all the revelations in stride. She was her daughter and her heir, and still the most adorable child Vinet had ever known.

  Niara, practically bouncing up and down in excitement, was waiting at the door to the garden when Vinet arrived. Vinet’s smile turned to a grin as she saw the little leather ball held in her hands.

  Vinet took a deep breath as they entered the garden, taking in the smell of flowers beginning to bud, the sound of birds chirping away as they courted, and the soft feeling from the earth that spoke of new growth, of new life. Mazda’s Rise was certainly here, although the planting would not officially begin until after Papsukkal. It would be a good year for planting, though. Assuming the war in the southeast didn’t spread to the rest of the kingdom.

  She shook off the solemn thought as she turned to face her daughter. “Ready?” she asked.

  Niara laughed in delight and tossed her the ball. Vinet caught it, and the game was on.

  Niara was good at the game, and Vinet found herself laughing with her daughter as they tossed the ball back and forth. She tossed the ball with a little extra strength, and Niara laughed. “Mama!” she exclaimed as the ball sailed over her head.

  A cough made Vinet spin around. Gwyn stood at the entrance to the garden, an expression of dismay on her face. Vinet felt her own face echoing that emotion when she saw Lord Dannan standing next to Gwyn.

  She saw Niara stand still as well, completely forgetting the ball. She felt a flash of pride as Niara remembered her manners and curtsied.

  She smoothed her own expression and gave Dannan a cool nod. “Lord Dannan,” she said. “I was not expecting you.”

  Dannan seemed stiff and tense, but he gave Niara a small bow in response and nodded back to Vinet. “Indeed. We were all worried about you, Lady Vinet.”

  Vinet caught Niara’s worried expression and walked over to her daughter. She leaned down to whisper. “It’s alright. Fetch the ball and go with Gwyn into the house.”

  “But…” Niara said.

  Vinet ruffled her daughter’s hair. “Ask cook to give you an apple tart.”

  The little girl could not resist the promise of an apple tart. Her face broke into a smile and she darted off, grabbing the ball, then Gwyn’s hand. Vinet nodded at the inquiring look Gwyn sent her, and the two walked away, leaving her alone with Dannan.

  There was a moment of silence. Well, if Dannan wasn’t going to immediately interrogate her about her daughter, she wasn’t going to bring it up, she thought. “I didn’t expect to see you until the festival,” she said levelly.

  Dannan smirked. “Come now, Lady Vinet. Did you think a tale about an accident would not raise my suspicions, after our conversations?”

  Vinet gave a tight smile. “No, indeed.”

  Dannan waited, but Vinet didn’t volunteer information.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “I was unconscious,” she stated.

  “Why?” Dannan’s eyes were dark.

  “I wish I knew for sure,” Vinet said, meeting his eyes without flinching. “I had a vision. It left me like that.”

  Dannan’s only reaction was a raised eyebrow. “Has that ever happened before?”

  She shook her head. “Never.”

  “Did you do anything to cause this vision?”

  She had to be careful around Dannan. He knew too much of magic for her to lie to him. “Well, I called it,” she said, allowing a wry smile to appear. “But I’ve done that before.” She sighed. “I did not see just what I intended to see, though.”

  Dannan snorted. “You never do. That is why visions are hardly the best way to gather information.”

  She tightened her lips. “It was this time.”

  Dannan’s eyes narrowed even more. “What did you see?” he asked.

  She shifted her cloak on her shoulders. “Lord General Torainn’s bastard son.”

  Dannan’s eyes widened. “He had a mistress?”

  She nodded. “They’re both in Ninaeva now. Safe.”

  “And do you plan to keep them there?”

  “For as long as they want to stay.” She didn’t feel like defending her actions.

  He frowned. “You said that you didn’t just see what you meant to see. What else did you see?”

  She frowned. She should have expected the question. “Barely anything,” she said. “I fell into a lake and started drowning. The water tasted like… like blood and decay.” She grimaced, feeling the taste in her mouth again. “Someone said ‘pawn.’ I managed to wrench control of the vision again, and then blackness.” She was not going to mention the other thing that voice had said. Niara was not going to come under Dannan’s scrutiny if she could help it.

  “Was that all? No more details?”

  Vinet pushed down her flash of fear. He had no reason to suspect she would leave out details. “If I knew more, I might be closer to understanding why I fell unconscious,” she snapped.

  “A voice that said the word pawn,” Dannan began to pace back and forth. “This is why I told you to avoid magic, Lady Vinet. You were tampering with dangerous things.”

  She felt her hands clench at her sides. “I was not about to have a vision of a child in a hovel and not do anything about it!”

  “You had no idea who the child was!” Dannan exclaimed. “He could have been Torainn in the past, or a vision of the future! Visions aren’t precise and pursuing them will get you hurt! Magic is dangerous, Vinet. I won’t have you ending up like my…” he broke off, panting.

  Vinet looked up, startled. Like who? Like his family?

  Dannan didn’t finish the sentence. He took a few more deep breaths, then said in a more level voice, “If you let your heart lead your efforts and let your passion get the better of you, then magic will betray you. Trust me on this. I did not have this scar when I married my wife.” He gestured to his disfigured face, and his strange citron eye.

  Dannan’s talk of passion annoyed Vinet. “If magic will betray me, then how do I stop it?” She was aware that she had snapped, but sh
e couldn’t stop. “I can’t control my visions, Dannan! This one I called, yes. But the one at Pellalindra’s wedding happened without any will of mine! I need to learn how to use my visions, Dannan, not ignore them! Otherwise it will kill me.” She cut off, breathing heavily. She had no idea why she had said that. But its truth spoke to the depths of her soul.

  “And will you teach your daughter?”

  She glared at him.

  He seemed entirely unaffected by her stare. “I told you that these abilities tend to be inherited. Will your daughter share your talent, I wonder?”

  She turned away. “She will,” she said flatly. She refused to look at Dannan.

  “Has she shown any signs of it?”

  Vinet shook her head, still refusing to look at Dannan.

  She heard him sigh. “Well, then maybe there is still hope she will not,” he said. “You yourself said you didn’t have a vision until you were thirteen. Maybe it will pass her by.”

  Vinet shrugged, although she was certain the magic would do no such thing. Her daughter was too much like her in all other ways. And Kinaevan seemed certain his granddaughter would share his talents as well.

  Dannan was silent for a long time, and finally Vinet turned back to look at him. He seemed unaware of the world around him. Finally, he met her eyes again. “The royal librarian may have a few tomes that could help you. Mention my name and you should get access.”

  “Thank you,” Vinet inclined her head, relief suffusing her. He had accepted her tale.

  Dannan sighed again. “I must be going. But take care, Lady Vinet. Control your passions and heart in all things. It will affect your magic, you have my word on it.”

  Control her passion in all things? What of her passion for her family, for learning, for…

  Almost on cue, Vinet saw Nazir enter the garden. He stopped a fair distance away when he saw Vinet and Dannan.

  Dannan glanced over at Nazir and frowned.

  Vinet stiffened. She was not about to listen to Dannan give her a lecture on propriety. What happened between her and Nazir was no one’s business but their own. “About Niara,” she said, forcing him to look at her again. Although she was planning to acknowledge her daughter, she wanted it to be on her terms, not Dannan’s. “It is not known. I plan on announcing it soon, but until then, if you would be discreet…”

  A smile appeared on Dannan’s face. “No one shall hear the truth from my lips,” he said.

  She could almost hear the implication that she had only herself to blame if the secret came out. She shook her head, but only said, “Thank you, Lord Dannan. I will not keep you any longer.”

  He recognized the dismissal. “See you at the festival, Lady Vinet.” He turned and walked out.

  Vinet turned, but Nazir had already disappeared back inside. She cursed. When was she going to get a chance to talk to him?

  **********

  “Gwyn, no. I insist.”

  “But, Vinet…”

  Vinet shook her head emphatically. “You have been guarding me night and day for over a month now. You need a break just as much as I do. Enjoy Papsukkal.” She managed a smile. “I command you to enjoy the festivities.”

  She could still see Gwyn’s hesitation, so she shook her head again. “No arguments. I’ll be at the palace for most of it, along with every other noble in Saemar. If someone harms me there, through all the royal guards, then it’s someone not even you would be able to stop.” She was being blunt, perhaps, but it was the language Gwyn knew best.

  Vinet nearly rolled her eyes as Gwyn continued to hesitate. “Fine, but I’ll tell Evalynna to…”

  “No!” Vinet exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. “Evalynna’s half the reason I want you to enjoy the festival! Now go! Have fun! Be merry! Do the things you can’t do any other day!”

  Vinet saw the flush rise to Gwyn’s cheeks.

  “You don’t mind?” Gwynn asked softly. “About Evalynna and me?”

  Vinet stepped forward and drew her blood-sister into a firm embrace. “I’m so happy for you,” she whispered. “And I want you to enjoy your happiness.”

  Finally, Gwyn seemed convinced. “If you’re sure.”

  “I’m sure!” Vinet pushed Gwyn away and towards the door. “Out, out! Go get Evalynna and enjoy the festival!”

  Gwyn laughed as she left the room but threw one more concerned glance over her shoulder. Vinet sighed in relief. Getting Gwyn to think of anything other than her duty could be exhausting at times.

  “Are you sure this is the best idea?”

  She glanced over her shoulder to where Nazir had been sitting, head bent over a book. She nodded firmly. “Absolutely,” she said. “You’ve seen the way those two have been looking at each other. They need a day to themselves.”

  “That wasn’t what I meant,” Nazir said quietly. “Am I still going with you?”

  She caught a glimpse of the emotions on Nazir’s face. Hope, worry, fear, and excitement all played together, mixed with something else she couldn’t define.

  “Yes,” she said quietly. “I can’t be unescorted, after all, can I?”

  He didn’t seem to know how to answer that. Vinet caught her breath. They were alone together. The first time since she had woken up.

  She nearly cursed aloud as a knock on the door below heralded the arrival of Pellalindra. The two of them were heading to the festival together, since Lord Auriel could not be spared from his duties to escort his wife.

  She walked over and took Nazir’s arm. “Come on,” she said. “It’s Papsukkal. Things can happen today that would never happen any other time.”

  She saw his resistance melt away as her hand touched his arm. He stood up without a word and followed.

  They made a splendid pair, Vinet thought to herself. As befitting Papsukkal, they wore wild garments, full of colors. Her gown was of various shades of blues and greens, with an asymmetrical hem that swished about her legs when she walked. She wore no jewelry, simply a flower crown braided into her long hair.

  Nazir was dressed no less magnificently. Unlike Vinet, his garments were of a single color, the purest, deepest black that anyone at Ninaeva could manufacture. He looked like a man of pure shadow, except for the silver necklace around his neck. She knew that a symbol of Mazda lay concealed beneath the high collar of his tunic.

  Vinet smiled as she saw Pellalindra waiting for them. Though Pellalindra looked as magnificent as ever, it could not be more obvious to Vinet that the Lady of Duskryn could care less for a celebration that took place outside of time and order. She still looked every inch the noble. The only difference was that her gown had been let out to reveal her pregnancy.

  Pellalindra’s eyes widened as she saw Nazir, and she gave Vinet a measuring look. Vinet returned her gaze steadily. She would offer no apologies or explanations for his presence.

  “Shall we, Lady Vinet?”

  Vinet felt her shoulders stiffen at Pellalindra’s decision to simply ignore Nazir’s presence. She won’t be able to ignore him for long. Not if I have anything to say about it. “After you, Lady Pellalindra.”

  There was a moment of awkward silence as the three of them sat in the carriage. Pellalindra took a deep breath and looked directly at Vinet, ignoring Nazir. “You are recovered from your accident, then? I trust there are no lasting injuries?”

  Vinet managed a smile. “None, Lady Pellalindra. Thank you for asking.”

  She could see the curiosity in Pellalindra’s eyes. “But what happened? The note was extremely vague.”

  Vinet took a breath. She did not want to tell Pellalindra about the vision that her struck her down, or the reason her trip to Venia had been conducted in such secrecy. “I fell ill,” she said.

  “Ill?” Pellalindra looked taken aback. “So there was no accident?”

  Vinet carefully avoided looking at Nazir. She didn’t want to give any of her thoughts away by remembering the events of her coma. “I do not know what caused the illness,” she said. “Gwyn believe
d it was an accident when she sent the message to the Council.”

  “I see,” Pellalindra said. She blinked. “Well, I am glad you are recovered.”

  Vinet inclined her head. “So am I.”

  An awkward silence fell over them again. Pellalindra did not seem to know what to say with Nazir in the carriage with them. Vinet took advantage of the silence to look out the window of the carriage. The festivities were already in full swing. The morale-raising scheme would be a huge success, Vinet could already tell. She just hoped that the Council hadn’t beggared the treasury to do it.

  “So, tell me, Lady Pellalindra, what has been planned that made it imperative I be here if I could?” Vinet asked, taking pity on Pellalindra at last.

  Pellalindra’s eyes widened. “Didn’t anyone tell you? The Council is bestowing random acts of generosity and kindness to those who petition during the feast. The entire Council must be present, of course, and my husband will preside over the festivities. The randomness will fit with the spirit of Papsukkal, while promoting goodwill towards the King and Council,” she nodded decisively.

  Vinet suppressed disappointment. A feast during which there were petitions would take hours. “And after the feast?” she asked, keeping her voice light.

  Pellalindra laughed. “Why, afterwards is when all the fun really happens! Or so I’ve been told. I intend to retire early.” She placed a hand on her stomach.

  Vinet suppressed a smile. No doubt Pellalindra would be retiring early even if she didn’t have such a ready excuse.

  She caught a glimpse of Gwyn outside the carriage window, walking arm in arm down the street with Evalynna. She smiled broadly as Evalynna stopped and drew Gwyn into a long, lingering kiss. The smile remained on her face as she turned back to the other occupants of the carriage. She hoped the rest of her night would go as well as Gwyn’s was.

  Nazir gave her a curious look, but she shook her head slightly, not wanting to explain while Pellalindra was in the carriage. If Pellalindra hadn’t been there, she would have told him with glee what she had just witnessed. She would have leaned across the carriage, taken him into her arms like Evalynna had taken Gwyn, and… she shook herself out of those thoughts as the carriage drew up to the palace. Now was not the time to act on that impulse.