A Mother's Secrets

by Tuppence Van de Vaarst

  The carriage stopped and Vinet blinked as an elven figure stepped up the carriage and offered his arm to her. “My lady?”

  Vinet took Saihid’s offer of assistance and let him help her out of the carriage, then turned to watch him help Pellalindra out. The look shared between them was one of such painful longing on Saihid’s part that it made her heart nearly break. Pellalindra’s expression carried sadness as well, but she determinedly straightened her shoulders and turned her back on Saihid. “To the great hall, Lady Vinet, or we shall be late for the feast.”

  Vinet hesitated long enough to place a hand on Nazir’s arm. “I’ll have to sit with the Council for the feast,” she said in a whisper. “Will you…”

  Nazir nodded, interrupting with a light touch to Vinet’s hand on his arm. “I’ll be fine,” he answered her unfinished question. He glanced at Saihid. “Maybe I can keep him company.”

  Vinet felt her heart warm. She smiled at him and nodded before following Pellalindra into the palace.

  The entire great hall had been redecorated for the event. Red, purple, and gold streamers hung all about. The entire room was illuminated by giant candelabras and torches. Tables lined the edges of the hall, but the entire center was free. For petitioners, Vinet assumed, and to accommodate dancing later in the evening. She couldn’t wait for that time to come. That would be when she could slip away from the festival, and spend a moment alone with Nazir.

  “Lady Vinet!”

  She was taken completely by surprise as Kamian approached her, swept her into a hug, and spun her around. “We were so worried! Thank Mazda you seem completely recovered. You are completely recovered, right?”

  Vinet laughed as she pulled away, though she had to suppress a flash of irritation. If she really had been injured, Kamian’s antics would have been thoughtless and careless.

  “I am completely recovered,” she assured him. “But tell me what I missed! How was last council session?”

  Kamian shrugged as he drew her away from Pellalindra and towards the high table. Vinet frowned a little as she saw the seat in the center, larger than the rest, almost like a throne. It wasn’t the throne, though. That was still on its dais behind the high table. Was the larger chair for the steward?

  “Oh, the council session was a council session,” Kamian said. “Lots of shouting and yelling. The only thing anyone could agree on was to host this event to distract everyone from the bad news.”

  “What bad news?” Mazda’s light, she thought, Kamian could be frustrating.

  He shrugged again. “The war has stalled, and we don’t know what happened to two of the lords. Their estates have been completely overrun, and there’s no sign of them or their households. And the king still hasn’t recovered, which is getting harder to conceal.”

  Vinet frowned. “How is an ill king different from a reclusive king?” she demanded, an echo of Gwyn’s words.

  “A reclusive king does not have the threat of death hanging about him.” Dannan approached the two. “And the threat of a regency.”

  Vinet raised an eyebrow at Dannan. “And how likely is that?” She asked in a hushed voice.

  Dannan shrugged. “No one knows, which makes the uncertainty worse,” he said. “Lord Auriel has been hiring the best healers to come tend him in secret.”

  Vinet nodded slowly. “Then we will hope for the best.”

  Kamian tugged her arm again. “Enough of this talk! It’s Papsukkal, it’s a festival, and we should be enjoying ourselves. Isn’t that the point?”

  Dannan scowled. “The point is for the people to enjoy themselves. We have responsibilities.”

  “Which they can’t do if we’re discussing fears and politics,” Kamian said in an unrepentant voice. “Come on, Lady Vinet. Let’s claim the best seats.”

  “Haven’t they been assigned?” Vinet protested, but she didn’t resist as Kamian drew her along.

  “Well, of course,” Kamian said. “And we have the best ones. May I have the honor of sitting next to you, my lady?”

  She couldn’t help but laugh as she sat down in her assigned seat and Kamian sat to her right. She felt a flash of relief, however, at the realization that General Alexander was seated directly to her left.

  The General gave her a warm smile of welcome. “It is good to see you back in the capital, Lady Vinet. No lasting ill-effects from your adventure?”

  She felt her throat tighten. That had yet to be seen. “None,” she said lightly. “How has the time treated you?”

  Alexander smiled. “Well enough, with the war still raging in the southeast,” he said. “My grandchildren have been a welcome distraction from that, however.”

  “Grandchildren?” Vinet smiled and nodded to the server as she poured her a glass of wine. “I have heard you talk of one. How many do you have?”

  “Three,” Alexander accepted a glass as well. “My oldest, Rian, and the younger twins Ianna and Arrex. They are about the same age as your niece, I believe.”

  “Niara is seven,” Vinet said, suppressing a flash of pain at not being able to correct Alexander about her daughter. Soon. I can’t bear for people to believe her my niece much longer.

  Alexander continued. “They just turned five a few weeks ago. You should visit Lokrian at some point with Niara and the four can meet.”

  Vinet nodded and smiled in relief as the servers began distributing the food.

  Kamian leaned forward to join the conversation. “I assume one of their parents is your heir? So, one of the three will inherit? Rian, presumably?”

  A shadow passed across Alexander’s face. “My daughter, unfortunately, is no longer with us,” he said softly. “So Rian is my direct heir, yes.”

  Vinet swallowed. She hadn’t meant to bring up a subject that would remind Alexander of his loss.

  She never thought she would welcome the distraction of petitioners coming up to present their pleas to the Council. Lord Auriel had indeed claimed the large chair in the center of the high table. He looked very regal, as regal as a king, although he wore no crown. Pellalindra sat directly to his right, practically basking in the attention she was receiving. She was pointedly ignoring Conn, her other dinner companion.

  Vinet let her attention wander as it became clear that Lord Auriel intended to handle most of the petitioners himself. Most of the tables were filled with other nobles, all watching the proceedings with varying levels of interest. Most seemed more interested in their food or dinner companions, but a few were casting speculative looks at the council members and Lord Auriel. She could almost read their minds. Who is this steward who acts like our king? Why does the Council support him? She dearly wished she knew the answer to those questions. If I did, perhaps I would be less concerned that Lord Auriel might know who my father is.

  She looked around some more, trying to determine where Nazir and Saihid had gotten to. If Nazir was keeping an eye on Saihid, he probably wouldn’t be sitting at a table, but surely, they’d be in the same room. Finally, she caught a glimpse of them, all the way at the other end of the hall, beside the great doors. She spotted Saihid first, slumped against the wall beside the door. Nazir blended almost completely in with the shadows. The only thing that set him apart was his utter stillness. He seemed to be listening intently to whatever Saihid was saying.

  Vinet sighed and turned her attention back to the petitioners. Hopefully Saihid would confide in Nazir. She couldn’t imagine the pain Saihid must be facing, knowing that his child would be raised by another. Whatever Pellalindra intended to happen in private, the world would believe Lord Auriel the father.

  She glanced down the hall toward the two men again. She could never do that to Nazir. She could never put him in that kind of situation, or through that kind of pain.

  The meal seemed interminable. One after another, petitioners stepped forward, asking for judgments, for help, for blessings, and any other thing they could think of. Lord Auriel listened solemnly to all of them, passing judgments easily, occasionally asking o
ne or another of the councilors for input. She was startled the first time he asked her opinion.

  “What do you think of the case, Lady Vinet Rochelle?”

  Vinet looked at the young family in front of the high table. She felt her heart clench. They were dressed in their best clothes, but Vinet saw that they were still worn as thin as threads. The little boy’s thinness matched that of his clothes.

  “Grant them their petition,” Vinet said, keeping her voice as level as she could. “As well, extend an offer of employment from my steward in Ninaeva. If they present themselves to me here in the capital, I will arrange transport to Ilhelm for them.”

  Lord Auriel’s eyebrows rose, but he nodded. “Let it be done,” he said.

  The family left with exclamations of gratitude and joy, and Kamian leaned over to whisper in her ear. “That was thoughtfully done.”

  She smiled at him. It was good to know that at least someone on the Council approved of her actions.

  He smiled back, and she felt a warning tingle down her spine. That smile was far too intimate, far too knowing for her comfort. Did he think their relationship was something more than an alliance?

  She shrugged that thought away and returned her attention to the feast. The servers were finally bringing out the last course, and the stream of petitioners had trickled down to a handful. It was almost over.

  Finally, the last petitioner was sent away. Lord Auriel stood, and everyone in the room turned to look at him expectantly. “Let the celebrations commence! Let Papsukkal reign supreme!”

  “Finally!” Kamian exclaimed. He swung out of his seat and grabbed Vinet’s hand. “Dance with me?”

  She could hardly resist as he pulled her along. The musicians had already struck up a lively dancing tune; everyone was pairing up. Vinet cast a longing glance in Nazir’s direction. He stood as still as ever, watching her. Apart from Saihid and the guards, he was the only non-noble in the room.

  As Kamian dragged her onto the dance floor, she felt a pang of longing for her own Papsukkal celebration back home in Ninaeva. There, everyone in the castle, servants and all, would be joining in the festivities. One of the servants would be elected King of Fools, and Vinet would disappear into relative obscurity in the crowd to enjoy the wild country dances. Though this dance was no less wild. Kamian twirled her around with impressive skill and finished by pulling her close into a wild dip.

  Laughing, she pled a rest. He seemed poised to try and convince her otherwise, but another noblewoman came up and pulled him away.

  Vinet stepped back towards the wall and looked for Nazir. She smiled as she realized he hadn’t moved. He was still there, waiting for her.

  She walked over and took his hand. “Come with me,” she whispered.

  There was a question in his eyes, but he didn’t resist as she led him out of the great hall and towards the palace gardens. She felt her heart start beating faster as they entered the gardens. They were completely alone. It was twilight, and the last rays of sun glinted off the new green leaves.

  She forced her voice to be casual. “How was Saihid?” she asked, presenting the first conversation subject she found, avoiding all the things she truly wanted to say.

  He sighed. “As well as a man in that position can be,” he answered. “Perhaps it would be better if he were not head over heels in love with his mistress, and desperately wanted to be a father to his child. But he is a man of honor.”

  She swallowed. “You are a man of honor,” she said softly.

  He turned to meet her eyes. “Vinet…” he breathed.

  “I would never do that to you,” she whispered. “Never.”

  “Vinet…” Nazir swallowed. “Vinet, I love you. But if we were lovers it would be inevitable. If you weren’t a member of the Council…”

  “I have no more sisters to pretend to have bastard children for me,” Vinet said bluntly. “It would have to happen anyway. If we were lovers.” She said that last phrase slowly, annunciating every syllable.

  Nazir looked away. “I have tried to keep my distance,” he said. “But Vinet, every time I am near you, I feel…” he shook his head. “I can’t bear it much longer, Vinet. I have used Gwyn to keep us apart.”

  She stepped closer so that she was directly in front of him. As he looked down at her, she reached up and drew his face towards her in a kiss, stopping any further excuses.

  He resisted only briefly before drawing her to him, clutching her tight to his chest. She clung to him, feeling all the warmth and passion and love in his embrace. She could not let him go.

  He broke away. “Vinet, I’m not… we can’t…”

  “Marry me,” she whispered.

  He stared at her. “What?”

  “Marry me.” She swallowed. “There’s nothing stopping us.”

  He stared at her. She could see the disbelief on his face. “There’s plenty stopping us! You’re lady of Ninaeva, and I’m probably the son of a demon! And born of a commoner mother, to boot!”

  “I don’t care.” She grabbed his arm when he would have pulled away. “I love you, Nazir et-Alim.”

  “I love you, Vinet, but…”

  Loud laughter interrupted them, and they sprung instinctively apart as a young couple stumbled into the gardens. From the sound, they had drunk a bit too much. They caught sight of Vinet, and blushed and giggled before the man pulled the woman off into the bushes.

  “Lady Vinet? Are you out here?”

  Vinet cursed under her breath. Nazir stepped backwards, so the shadows almost consumed him.

  Vinet blinked as Kamian stepped into the garden. “Lord Kamian?” she asked.

  His face split into a grin as he saw her. “I was hoping to catch you alone!” he exclaimed. “How has your Papsukkal been?”

  At that moment she wanted nothing more than for Kamian to disappear forever. She forced a smile. “Well enough.”

  “Then perhaps I can make it better.” His smile widened. “I have a proposal for you.”

  She frowned. “What kind of proposal?”

  He laughed and stepped forward. She could smell the faintest whiff of alcohol on his breath.

  “Surely, you’ve thought of it for yourself. We’re close allies on the Council, after all,” he said. “We both need heirs. Our lands are near. We marry, make our alliance formal, and join our lands and strengthen our positions.”

  She stared at him, open mouthed. Of all things, she had not expected this.

  He blinked. “It’s a sensible solution. And I find you quite attractive. We’ll have no trouble producing heirs.”

  Instinctively, she took a step backward. “I have an heir.”

  Kamian shrugged. “Your niece? But the nobles prefer direct bloodlines. Together we can…”

  “Niara’s my daughter.”

  Kamian stared at her. “Your daughter?” he finally said.

  She nodded. “It will be officially announced tomorrow. Niara, my first-born child, is heir of Ninaeva.”

  “But,” Kamian blinked. “You’re not…”

  “Not married, no,” Vinet interrupted. Her hands were shaking. “And never was.”

  “You can’t name a bastard child heir of the only civilized part of the north,” Kamian said. He shook his head. “No, together we can…”

  “No.” Vinet shook her head. She couldn’t listen to this right now. “I’m sorry, Kamian, no.”

  Kamian seemed entirely taken aback. “It makes sense,” he protested. “Vinet…”

  “No.” Her voice was stronger now, punctuated by a cut of her hand through the air. “I don’t care if it makes sense, Kamian, I will not marry you.”

  Kamian opened his mouth to object, but a piercing laugh interrupted them, and a group of giggling noblewomen entered the garden. “Lord Kamian!” one of them exclaimed. She ran over and threw herself in his arms. He caught her, a bit unsteady. “Tell us again about that famous duel you fought!”

  “Will you fight one for me?” one of the others demanded. �
�My parents want me betrothed to…”

  Vinet took advantage of his distraction and moved away. She saw him glance after her, but gave him no chance to call her back as she ran into the shadows of the garden.

  The moon was full, so she made her way through the garden paths easily, heading for a small circle of rosebushes. She needed to get away from Kamian. She needed to think. She turned a corner and sat down on a bench. She was trembling. She wished she’d brought a shawl. The night air was still cold, far too cold.

  “Vinet?”

  She glanced up at the sound of Nazir’s voice. He stepped into the circle, his entire posture uncertain.

  “Nazir,” she breathed in relief.

  He moved closer to her, finally sitting down on the bench next to her. He kept his distance, though, not touching her.

  “He was right, you know,” he finally said. “It would make sense.”

  She closed her eyes. “I won’t have him.”

  There was silence for a time. “Vinet, I can’t give you what he can,” Nazir finally said. “I am penniless, title-less, and it would be a terrible scandal if you married me. I can’t offer you any protection against the fates of the world. I can offer no influence with anyone else at court.”

  She shook her head. “Do you think I want any of that?” She opened her eyes again and looked at him. “I am lady in my own right. I have land, a title, and wealth. I have a daughter even, one who will be proclaimed my heir. I don’t need a lord to provide me with any of that. And I don’t want a lord. I want you.”

  Nazir took a deep, shuddering breath. She reached out and took one of his hands gently in hers.

  “Will you marry me, Nazir et-Alim?” she whispered. She blinked. “I can’t bear to think of living without you.”

  Nazir sat completely still for a long moment, and Vinet felt a spike of fear. What if he tried to be all honorable and claim it would be better if he left? What if…

  His movement was sudden and caught her completely off guard as he drew her to him in a hard embrace.