Chasing Mercury

by Kimberly Cooper Griffin

  4B laughed at his honesty.

  “About the same,” she admitted.

  She heard him clear his throat again. “You sound good.”

  “So do you?” she said for lack of anything to say and then cringed at the question she made it into. She squeezed the bridge of her nose. What was she supposed to say to this person she didn’t know?

  “Um… this is kind of new territory, so I’m not sure how to act.”

  “That makes two of us,” she admitted.

  Kev laughed and sounded self-conscious. For the first time, and in a very clinical way, she wondered how close she and Kev really were. They were engaged, but why hadn’t he come to see her? She had the excuse of her amnesia. He didn’t. Being in an out of state trial didn’t seem like a good enough excuse.

  “Your mom told you I’m still in Dallas working on a case that keeps on dragging out, didn’t she?” he said, as if reading her mind. “They have us backed into a corner, and we’ve had to work day and night responding to the surprise witnesses and evidence they’ve called up. It’s been…” he seemed to catch himself. “It’s no excuse. I should have flown out as soon as I heard. Even if it meant losing the case. Anyway. I’m turning the case over to the rest of the team. It’s got at least another week, but I’m coming home tomorrow. I need to see you. See for myself that you’re okay. God, I should have come as soon as I heard… Anyway, my flight gets in at 5:00. I’ll come straight from the airport. Is that okay? We could go to dinner.” He sounded tentative.

  She wanted to tell him no. What would they talk about? What would he expect from her? What about Nora? She thought she should feel guilty, but she didn’t. Not about Nora, anyway. Quite the opposite—she felt bad she hadn’t told Nora about him yet. She realized her earlier condemnation of him was a bit hypocritical.

  “Elizabeth? Are you still there?”

  “Oh, sorry. Yes. I’m still here.”

  “So, we’re on for tomorrow?” he prompted her.

  She searched for an excuse not to see him and her mind came up blank.

  “Um, sure?”

  “Great! We’ll go to Scampi’s,” he said. “Oh. I gotta run. They’re calling us into court. I love you.”

  She was relieved when he hung up before she had time to reply. Her fingers pulled up Nora’s number, but hovered without selecting it. She wanted to talk to her, tell her about Kev and ask her what to do. Instead, she dropped the phone without calling her. Why get Nora worried about someone she didn’t feel anything about?

  When the doorbell rang the next evening, she met Kev and stepped out onto the front porch so she wouldn’t have to invite him inside. No one was there to help her entertain him. Her mother, who was thrilled they were going out to dinner and positive it would kick start her memory, had left for Washington, D.C. earlier in the day. Her father was still at work. Earlier, when Kev had called from the airport to confirm their plans, she’d suggested she meet him at the restaurant for dinner, but he wouldn’t have it, insisting on picking her up.

  They faced each other on the door stoop under the expansive carport that stretched over the circular drive in front of the house. Kev’s car, a red Porsche, was parked at the base of the sweeping steps leading up to the door. He fiddled with his key fob, took a step toward her, and hesitated. He looked like he didn’t know what to do with his arms.

  “You look great, Elizabeth,” he said, reaching out and taking the coat she had draped over her arm.

  “You do, too,” replied 4B, stepping into the coat he held open for her. All she had to compare him to were the lifetime of two-dimensional pictures that she had poured through over the last couple of days. Here he was in person and she didn’t know how to act. She turned to face him. The man who stood before her was tall, handsome, and had a great smile. He’d matured and filled out since the most recent photos of him, none of which did him justice. His sandy blond hair blew in the cool damp wind, a reminder of the earlier storms. Most of the clouds were gone and the cold, cobalt sky was darkening as the sun started to set. The huge porch lights picked that moment to click on, and the small landscaping lights lining the drive blinked to life. The switch from day to dusk was complete.

  She looked at Kev and felt nothing in his presence aside from curiosity about the role he played in her life.

  “It’s good to see you,” he said and then leaned forward to pull her into an awkward embrace. His hand drifted up to caress the back of her hair and he pressed her head into his chest. 4B fought an urge to push him away. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head and, after a pause, pulled away and aimed another at her lips. She turned at the last minute when she realized what he meant to do and it landed on her cheek. He gave no indication it wasn’t what he intended when he let her go. His smile was warm. “I’ve really missed you, Elizabeth.”

  She gave him a smile and followed him to the low sports car, where he held the passenger side door open for her.

  Thankfully the restaurant was nearby, because it was a nearly silent ride during which Kev held her hand between shifting gears, his thumb worrying the skin on her knuckles. 4B pretended not to notice his surreptitious glances, trying for an easy expression as she stared out the windshield.

  There was no doubt that the restaurant was a favorite place for them after the emotional greeting they received from the owner.

  “Cara! My Elizabeth! Come hug Isabella!” the bubbly woman shouted when they entered, and 4B found herself tucked into an exuberant, swaying embrace. Isabella was tall and thin and maybe in her late thirties, but the hug she enfolded 4B into felt like comfort bestowed by the plushest of grandmothers. “So many prayers! My knees are raw. An airplane crash? How does this happen? You are okay, though?” Isabella’s eyes welled up and she crossed herself, looking to the ceiling with gratitude, the words flowing continuously. There were no pauses in which 4B could politely respond, so she just nodded as Isabella walked them to their table. Once they were seated, and after another hug, Isabella went back to her duties and the waiter brought them a bottle of wine—a gift from Isabella.

  The waiter poured the wine and 4B looked around. Unopened wine bottles were stored on their sides, in multiple cubbies along most of the restaurant’s walls. Low lighting, quiet music, and candlelit tables gave the place a very romantic vibe. It was early for dinner, and aside from one other couple, they had the place to themselves. She wished she were there with Nora.

  “You remember Isabella, then,” said Kev with what seemed a controlled expression as the waiter left them and he placed the linen napkin in his lap.

  “Not at all,” confessed 4B, looking around to make sure she wasn’t overheard. “She seems very nice, but this is all new to me.”

  Kev looked a little relieved to know 4B’s distance wasn’t just toward him. He took a long drink of his wine. “It was hard to believe at first, that you were in an airplane crash. But once I realized it wasn’t some stupid prank, it was one of the worst days of my life. I’d been so busy with the trial, and I hadn’t heard much about the initial accident. Only bits and pieces from clips I’d see in the papers. And then your mother calls, nearly hysterical—that was a first—to tell me she’s flying to Juneau to pick you up after seeing your picture in the paper. Holy crap, Elizabeth. You can’t imagine… And there I was, stuck in Dallas… What happened?”

  4B told him what she knew, both what she remembered and what she’d been told. He asked many questions, but she was thankful he didn’t ask much about Nora. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to tell him, more like it didn’t seem to be any of his business.

  “Maybe it’s a good thing you have no memory from the actual accident. It must have been terrifying,” Kev said, searching her face. “Your mom said you only had a cut on your head? That’s amazing. It could have been so much worse.”

  4B lifted her bangs to display her wound. She wore a small bandage. Makeup and careful placement of her hair helped to camouflage the bruising, but the surrounding area was still quite pai
nful, which was evidence that she’d hit the bone pretty hard. Kev’s eyes showed his distress when he looked at it, demonstrating the depth of his affection for her. It made her uncomfortable. She tried to find something to say, to change the subject, but without a memory of their past, she was at a loss.

  “You look great, Elizabeth. I’ve missed you,” he said and took her hand across the white tablecloth. She watched as if she were a spectator as he bent to kiss it, sensing they both knew how awkward the evening was playing out.

  “Um, thanks,” she said, inching her hand from his clasp after the brief kiss. She tried to make it look like she was just reaching for her wine glass, but from the way he studied her face, she knew he could feel her discomfort.

  “You don’t remember me at all, do you?” he finally asked.

  She blew out a breath and dropped both hands into her lap. A sort of relief fell over her. She hadn’t acted as if she had recognized him, but she hadn’t said otherwise either. It was nice to have it out on the table.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t. My mom told me about you… about us,” she said, feeling awkward, but he deserved the truth. Just because she didn’t remember him didn’t mean he felt the distance that she did. It had to be tough on him, even though she still judged him for not having come earlier. If something happened to Nora, she would drop everything. Technically, she had been cheating on Kev with Nora, though it didn’t feel like it. If anything, she felt unfaithful to Nora for not telling her about Kev.

  “Do you remember anything?” he asked, taking another sip of his wine. He didn’t seem mad. Confused and sad, maybe even curious, but not mad.

  She shook her head. “I’ve been looking at photo albums. I feel something simmering under everything, like it will all come to me, but right now it’s just a big blank,” she confessed.

  “Do the pictures help?” he asked with a hopeful look.

  “I think so. They make the bubbling feeling stronger,” she said ambiguously. She didn’t want to tell him that only the pictures of Layce made her feel anything, that the pictures of him elicited nothing, except questions on why he hadn’t come to see her before now. It was so confusing, more so, because she really didn’t seem to care except for the principal of it all.

  “You sound the same. You look the same.”

  “Do I?”

  “Yeah, it has to be a good sign. I’ve really missed you, you know. Not just because of this. But being in Dallas has been hard. Hard for both of us, even before. Harder now, after all of this.” His voice broke on the last word.

  It was the first real emotion he had displayed, and 4B realized he was trying to be strong. Her mother had probably told him to be careful with her. There was a pause, and 4B wished he would speak, because she honestly didn’t have a clue what to say.

  “Why were you in Alaska?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “It seems so random.”

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “I have no memory from before I woke up after the crash,” she explained.

  “The last time we spoke was right after you returned from Guatemala. You told me you were going out to visit Layce and Andy in L.A. It was a last minute decision. I should have gone with you.” He ran a hand down his face. “This trial has taken over my life. Two weeks ago I was up to my neck in mountains of research. Now it’s strategy as we argue it in court,” his eyes flicked from her to the glass he held in his hand and back again. “Sometimes I wish I had followed your advice and become a human rights lawyer. At least I’d feel like I was doing something worthwhile when I’m living out of a suitcase. This whole mess about figuring out how many particles of petroleum in seawater my client can get away with before it constitutes negligence is ridiculous. I’m an attorney, not a scientist.”

  4B watched him speak, but felt unmoved by his frustration.

  “Sorry. I know you hate it when I complain about work, especially when I use it as an excuse not to see you more often.”

  “The good thing is I don’t remember it,” she said with a hopeful smile.

  He smiled back and took another sip of his wine. He was really a handsome guy. She wondered again why she felt nothing in his presence.

  “I guess you don’t remember we have that thing tomorrow night, do you?”

  “What thing?” she asked. She tasted the wine. It was good, but she wished it were the Moose Antler beer she’d had with Nora in The Strut. Maybe she was more of a beer person than wine.

  “The reception-slash-campaign fundraiser at the capital,” he replied. “Our firm is sponsoring the event for your mother’s office. I know you hate those things. I’d say we should skip it, but that’s another reason why I had to come back. I have to speak. I can go stag if I need to, though. If you’re not up to it.”

  Irritation rose in her. He’d come back for a fundraiser, not to make sure she was okay. Again, she reminded herself she didn’t care.

  “You’re right, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Your mom warned me. It’s not a big deal. You don’t need to go.”

  4B studied Kev. She was confused. He seemed very upset about the accident, but he hadn’t rushed to her side. Instead, he seemed very obligated to a fundraiser for her family, but he was being very understanding if she didn’t want to go. He seemed genuinely concerned about her. Was he just being nice by giving her an out? It seemed like he was letting her call the shots. Shots she didn’t have enough information to call.

  “Who’ll be there? Would I have to speak or socialize with people I should know?” she asked, wondering what she was getting herself into if she decided to go. Was she really considering it?

  “Not officially. People would want to talk to you, but mostly just because of your mother. You wouldn’t know most of them anyway, so memory or no memory, it would be about the same experience. Even though your mother has kept it out of the papers, pretty much everyone in local politics has heard about your amnesia.”

  “In the papers?”

  “You’re a senator’s daughter. It was all over the news when they realized who you were. Your mom worked overtime trying to explain why you were traveling under an assumed name. She explained it away by saying it was a security issue.”

  “Really? She hasn’t said a thing to me. I don’t even know why I was up there or why I was using another name.”

  “Don’t worry. I didn’t tell her it was the same name you used on the fake ID you had back in high school.”

  “A fake ID? Was I some sort of delinquent?”

  Kev surprised her with a sudden laugh. “That’s funny, actually. You were the least delinquent person I know. All I know is the Grace Trackton name you used on your tickets is the same name you used on the ID—an ID you never used, by the way. It’s amazing you still have it.”

  “Like everything else, I have absolutely no memory of that. I can’t wait to find out when it all comes back to me—if it ever does.”

  “I’m sure it will. Just give it time, Elizabeth. Layce might be able to fill in some of the gaps. The officials told your mother that you flew out to L.A. under your own name,” he said as he took another sip of his wine. His voice was hesitant when he asked the next question. “Have you talked to her yet? Layce?”

  “It would be awkward. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t remember her either.”

  His eyes dropped to his glass, which he slowly rotated by the stem. “It’s stupid, but, yes, it does make me feel better. I wanted to call her myself to see if she knew anything, but, number one, she hasn’t talked to me since that huge argument before I asked you to marry me, and number two, I didn’t want you to think I was nosing around in your business.”

  “My life is a bit of a soap opera, isn’t it?”

  “Not really. At least not until recently. It’s been pretty much med school and being a senator’s daughter. I’d say that’s a lot in itself. All of this false name business and travelling to parts unknown is new. I can’t wait for your memory to come bac
k to find out what’s changed.”

  4B was impressed with Kev’s patience. He seemed like a remarkable person. But he didn’t know about Nora yet. She wondered if it would change once he did. She wouldn’t blame him if it did.

  “Thank you for… well, I’m not sure what I’m thanking you for. But your patience is a relief,” she said.

  “Patience is my middle name.”

  Based on her mother’s short history lesson, she knew what he meant by it. She wasn’t ready to talk about their engagement yet.

  “About the event tomorrow. I’m not sure what I would wear…”

  He perked up. She knew then he wanted her to go, and she decided right then that she would. It wasn’t a date. It would just be fulfilling a commitment.

  “You and your mom already picked out that blue dress when you came home after Guatemala. You modeled it for me over Skype. It’s kind of velvety, with swirls, and a little lower cut than you usually wear… which is why I love it so much.”

  4B ignored the last part and remembered seeing something like it in the closet, where she had found several dresses hanging in bags. There was a blue one matching Kev’s description. Below it was a shoebox with matching shoes in it.

  “What time is the event?” she asked. Her mom would be thrilled.

  The doorbell rang the next night, precisely at seven. 4B sat on the edge of her bed talking to Nora. She was in the blue dress, swinging her feet with the matching shoes dangling from her toes. She’d already sent a picture to Nora of herself standing in front of a full-length mirror. It was Nora’s request. She tried to look poised and sophisticated in it. It felt like a sham, but Nora had actually gulped when she opened the picture on her phone, which made 4B feel more attractive than she’d ever felt in her life—at least as much of it as she remembered. She still felt like a little girl playing dress up, though.

  They’d been on the phone for almost a half an hour and 4B had been trying to figure out how to tell Nora about Kev. Nora knew she was going to the benefit with Kev, but she hadn’t asked more, and 4B hadn’t offered more. Now, with Kev waiting downstairs she knew she was out of time. She still couldn’t get the words out. She sighed impatiently.