Riding Hard (Hell Ryders MC Book 4)

by J. L. Sheppard

  The flush on his cheeks deepened. It made her think the man had never been complimented. Geez. What type of woman was Cullen’s mother? And if he couldn’t get women, then how had he impregnated one?

  She swallowed. “So women dodge you, how do you have a son?”

  He released a loaded breath. “You sure you want to talk about that shit now?”

  She did and couldn’t help it. She wanted to know. Had Cullen’s mother left him? Why would a woman leave a man as attractive as him? Why would a woman leave her son too? Maybe he hadn’t treated her right. Maybe Lex had been wrong to assume he loved Cullen’s mother. Maybe he hadn’t. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to leave, but life had other plans. Maybe she hadn’t left at all. Maybe he’d kicked her out though this didn’t explain why she never saw her son. The possibilities were endless. But it was his life. He should share it when and if he wanted.

  She shrugged. “You don’t have to say. Besides, I think I know enough.”

  He cocked his head. “Have you heard shit ’round town?”

  No, she hadn’t. She hadn’t asked around about him either.

  She shook her head. “I’ve lived across the street for three weeks, and I haven’t seen her. As a woman, I can’t envision going a day without my child. I don’t have kids of my own, but still…”

  His eyes darkened. “She wanted something from me. When she got it, she decided she didn’t want it anymore. And by ‘it,’ I don’t mean Cul. To her, he was just a means to an end.”

  She heard the heartbreak in his voice, saw it in his eyes. Whether that was because he loved her and lost her or because the woman had never loved their son, Lex didn’t know. But Lex now knew, whoever she was, she wasn’t a good mother.

  Devastating.

  All of it.

  Especially for Cullen, a beautiful, dark-haired boy who didn’t have a mom. Lex couldn’t picture her life without hers. At least Cullen had Dodge.

  She didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do either. She knew nothing she said or did would undo that hurt, but on impulse, she placed her hand on his forearm. His stare shot to her hand. Then he met her eyes and smiled. When she returned the smile, he grabbed her hand, tightened his fingers around it, set it on his thigh, and didn’t let go. They sat side by side, hand in hand talking about nothing as deep: her job, his, her family, Cullen, and so on. A great conversation, despite the cursing, it flowed easily because he was easy to talk to. She hoped to him she was too.

  An hour later, on their way back to Dodge’s car, her phone buzzed. She nabbed it from her back pocket and saw her sister’s name flash on the screen.

  Yikes. She’d forgotten. She’d called her sister last night and told her she planned to visit meaning her sister had been waiting for her all morning.

  She spared Dodge a glance. “Sorry, I have to take this.” She slid her finger across the screen and brought the phone to her ear. “Hey.”

  “Just wondering when you’d be gracing us with your presence,” her sister teased. “I wanted to grab a bite when you got here, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold out.”

  “You should definitely not wait for me. I… Something came up—”

  “Don’t tell me you’re not coming!” Meg, doing her dramatic bit, yelled.

  “I’m going. I’m just going to be a while.”

  “How long?”

  She swallowed. “Should be there in an hour, okay?”

  “You haven’t left?”

  She bit the side of her lip. “Something came up.”

  “Fine,” her sister pouted. “I’m eating without you.”

  Smiling, she hung up.

  Dodge opened the car door for her. “Everything all right?”

  “Yeah.” She climbed in. “Just my sister, Meg. I told her I’d visit today, and it slipped my mind.”

  He nodded and closed the door. Opening the back door, he helped Cullen inside, strapped him in his car seat then climbed into the driver’s side and turned on the ignition. “I’ll drop you off then.”

  She smiled. “That’d be great.”

  A short drive later, he parked in front of her house and got out of his SUV. She said goodbye to Cullen. Then Dodge walked her to her door.

  Once there, she faced him. “Had fun. Thanks, and thanks again for what you did.”

  He grinned. “Not a problem, Lex. See you around.”

  He waited until she opened her front door and walked inside before he turned and strode back to his car.

  He hadn’t tried to kiss her or hug her. He hadn’t even reached for her hand. Why? Hard to tell like everything regarding him, and yet, she couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

  Inside, she grabbed her duffle with a change of clothes, got into her car, and drove to San Francisco, completely forgetting to eat.

  Chapter Ten

  “So this biker, who’s an asshole, kissed you, and that’s the reason you forgot you were coming over?”

  Lex sat on the opposite end of her sister’s big, brown, leather sectional with her feet tucked under her and a glass of wine in hand. She’d just told her what happened that morning and filled her in with every interaction she’d had with Dodge since moving into her house. Usually, she shared everything with her sister. About Dodge, she kept quiet until now. Her excuse, her big sister was overprotective, and Lex didn’t want her showing up in Wadden and screaming at him, which Meg totally would do.

  “He’s not.”

  She felt the need to defend him even though he could be a real big one when he wanted.

  Meg leaned forward, placed her mug of tea on the coffee table, pulled her blonde, curly locks behind her, and then quirked a brow. “So he’s that good a kisser?”

  She hadn’t stuck up for him because he was a good kisser though she couldn’t deny he was a fantastic kisser. Fact was she’d seen different sides to him, and that morning, she’d seen a side that softened her. He’d intervened when Mitchell grabbed her, thinking she needed to be protected, something no other man had ever done for her.

  “I love you.”

  With saying that, Lex knew what would come—complete and brutal honesty. Sometimes, this “honesty” hurt, but Lex never held it against Meg because her sister only meant well.

  “You’ve lost hope of finding the right guy, and I know why. I’ve seen you cry for every one of these assholes, and it kills me that a wonderful woman like you, my beautiful baby sister, can’t find a half-decent guy. It’s not your fault. Never did I think that guy Lex is dating is trouble or that guy is going to break her heart. They all seemed normal, down-to-earth, good guys. Then, they hurt you. Even with Mitchell, the first time he came back with his many apologies, I believed him. Tim didn’t, but that’s beside the point.”

  Meg shook her head. “Now, I have to say this biker has heartbreak written all over him. You have to realize that. I mean you’ve already been at the end of his nasty attitude for no apparent reason. What do you think will happen when you get involved and it doesn’t work out?”

  Lex couldn’t argue that logic. The odds were stacked against Dodge. Not because he was a biker and cursed too much, but because he’d been a jerk more than once.

  Meg looked away for a split second and took a deep breath. “You only live once, right?” She shrugged. “True. From your description, he’s all bad-boy hotness and a great kisser. But, and I hate to bring this up, have you considered that if this ends bad, you’d still live across the street?”

  A knot formed in the pit of her stomach.

  “I thought you didn’t want to move ever again because this is the perfect house. Please realize I’m pointing this out even though I’d love for you to leave your house and come back to San Fran to be near me.”

  She smiled a soft, sad smile. Her sister was right and had just proved again she had her best interests at heart.

  Meg released a heavy breath. “You’ve always been cautious in relationships, and I feel like you aren’t doing that with this guy. Don’t just go f
or the wrong guy because you’re anxious about turning thirty and not being married with two plus kids.”

  Her gaze flew from her sister’s face to her lap.

  Was that true? Had she gotten so desperate she was ignoring all the signs, the reasons why getting involved with Dodge was a disaster waiting to happen?

  “Do whatever you want. I’ll support you either way. I just don’t want you to get your heart broken again, especially by a guy like this.”

  Meg’s honesty, this time around, made Lex feel like an idiot. She had every reason to be guarded, yet after one great morning with Dodge, she let herself get excited and hope. While she listened to her sister, that faded. Then it crashed and burned when she realized her sister forgot to mention someone very important—Cullen. He’d grown fond of her and vice versa. She and Dodge didn’t work out, Cullen would get hurt.

  Before she bought her home, she’d made a decision, one she planned to stick to. She was done with men. If she happened to meet the right guy, she’d take a chance, but whether or not that happened, she’d have a family of her own.

  “I can tell by the look on your face what I said sunk. Sorry to burst your bubble.”

  Her head shot up, stare meeting her sister’s. She shook her head. “No, it’s… You’re right. I guess I got carried away. I just never felt…”

  She couldn’t say it. She wouldn’t. This wasn’t a fairy tale. This was life. Life was hard, unpredictable, and happy endings weren’t guaranteed. What she felt was just a trick of the mind, her wanting to believe because he made her feel things she’d never felt, he was different from the rest.

  She shrugged. “So how’s work?”

  ****

  Lex spent the night with Meg and Tim in San Francisco. In an effort to avoid Dodge, she spent Sunday with them too. She didn’t start her drive home until after nine that night. Getting home an hour later, she parked in her garage. Inside, she turned on as few lights as possible, unpacked, showered, and headed to bed. As she lay awake in bed, she realized she’d gone through all that trouble to avoid him for nothing.

  Dodge wasn’t interested in a relationship. He’d defended, complimented, and kissed her, but he didn’t want her. A man who wanted to get involved with a woman made plans or at the very least asked for a way to reach her. He hadn’t done either. Granted, he’d called her once, but from the garage, the same number Em called her from. She doubted he’d saved her number. If he had, he hadn’t gotten in touch, hadn’t made plans.

  Realizing this didn’t stop her from avoiding him the rest of the week, running errands, staying at school late, not going outside at all. She did it for self-preservation. Deep down, she was terrified one look at him and she’d forget the reasons she had to stay away.

  ****

  Dodge swore things between them had changed, swore she’d come home, walk across the street, and knock on his door. Had it happened that way, he would’ve dragged her inside, kissed her, and then made them dinner. He had it planned out.

  Saturday, he’d gone grocery shopping with Cullen, bought steaks, rice, beans, and kept watch outside all day, waiting for her. Around four, she hadn’t arrived, but so sure any minute she would, he started making dinner. Hours passed. At seven, he served Cullen, not eating himself, still sure she’d come. Nine o’clock rolled around, he read Cullen a bedtime story, then tucked him in and concluded Lex had decided to spend the night at her sister’s. He went to bed, woke, and looked out his windows too many times to count hoping to see her pull onto her drive. All day he waited and watched. A repeat of the day before, she never showed. After Cullen fell asleep that night, he started to wonder and worry.

  She should’ve been home when the following day, a Monday, she had to work. He noticed she left for school at seven. It probably took her at least an hour to eat and get ready before that, and so, something had to have happened. She could’ve been in a wreck or maybe her sister had. He started kicking his own ass then. He hadn’t asked for her number. She was in trouble or hurt, and he had no way to reach her, no way to help her. If Cullen hadn’t already fallen asleep, he’d drive to the garage and look up her number in their system, if only he’d thought about it before, if only he’d saved her number when he’d had the chance.

  His stomach knotted and stayed tight for a half hour. That half hour, he put serious thought into loading Cullen in his car and driving to the garage to look up her number. Then he heard a car. He jumped off the bed, strode to his bedroom window, and parted the blinds. Spotting her car and her driving down the lane, up her drive, and into her garage, he sighed in relief, the knot in his stomach loosening.

  He waited for her lights to go on. They never did like she walked through her house in total darkness. Not even the light in her room went on. Even then, he thought she’d come knock on his door, and he waited an hour before he gave up and headed for bed, deciding she hadn’t because she figured Cullen was asleep. In no time, he knocked out, pleased with the thought he’d see her the following day.

  The next morning, he woke at six, looked outside, and saw her leaving for work, an hour earlier than usual. Even then, he gave her the benefit of the doubt, convinced himself she had to get to school earlier for whatever reason.

  That night, he couldn’t deny it. He watched her house all early evening and didn’t see her car pull in, didn’t see her outside on her porch swing reading. She didn’t come over. Every so often, like clockwork, he checked. He wanted to blame that on Cullen since his boy kept asking for her, but that’d be a lie. He did it because he’d started getting the impression she was avoiding him.

  In between checking for her, he managed to make dinner and eat. A while later, he supervised Cullen in the bath, read him a bedtime story, and tucked him in. In his room, he looked out his window and knew what he thought was in fact true. She was avoiding him. She’d finally arrived. Her living room light was on, and still, she hadn’t come over.

  She had a change of heart, he understood. She was her own woman, her own hero, and made her own decisions. The least she could do—tell him. Avoiding him like they were teenagers was fucked. He had the urge to go over there, bang on her door, and make her explain. How he managed not to as pissed as he was, he’d never know. In the end, he made the right call. He couldn’t let her know how much he cared, so he let it lie.

  The rest of the week, he looked out his windows too often, but he never even caught a glimpse of her. She never got home earlier than seven, and when home, she parked in her garage and never went outside. He didn’t know how her mailbox didn’t overflow and figured she had at least a week’s worth of trash in her house somewhere, since the town collected the garbage Thursday mornings and her bin hadn’t been on the street.

  All that trouble just to dodge him infuriated him more. Raising a kid, especially alone, taught him patience. He had lots of it, but she wore his thin. Any moment he’d snap, and he knew for that reason alone, he needed to stop looking out his windows, stop noticing shit, stop trying to catch a glimpse of her. He just couldn’t.

  Now, Friday evening, he sat watching TV and heard a car out front. Like a fiend needing a fix, he dashed to the window in the living room, looked out, and spotted Classy, Trig’s old lady, parked in Lex’s drive. He saw Lex for the first time since Monday morning.

  She looked beautiful. Her long, strawberry locks styled in curls wearing a pair of skin-tight jeans, a green shirt exposing cleavage, and high “fuck-me” heels. Dressed for a night out. Without him.

  Fuck.

  The full force of his anger hit him square in the chest, fury like he’d never felt. He figured any moment he’d turn green and destroy everything. Instead, he took a deep breath, stepped away from the window, and headed to his fridge for a beer.

  An hour later, with Cullen fast asleep, he sat on his leather couch aimlessly flipping channels when his cell, on top of the coffee table, rang. He looked to it and wasn’t surprised to read “Hash” on the screen. The brother called him at least once a week, told him
to get a sitter, and party with them.

  He needed to. It had been a long time, but he just couldn’t. Ever since Cul’s mother left, he felt guilty leaving him. Even before, he hardly left Cul. It got to a point where he couldn’t trust Lilliam with her own son. The only break he got—when one of the old ladies offered to sit.

  He reached for his phone, nabbed it, and answered. “Not tonight.”

  “I’m guessin’ you done with the librarian?”

  Pathetic, he never got started, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it.

  “You done, you let me know ’cause I’m gonna make a move.”

  Hash, dark-haired, around his stature but thinner like her ex, fucked everything in sight, and he fucked multiple women at the same time. It was his thing. In fact, Dodge had never seen him with just one.

  A woman like Lex wouldn’t go for Hash. She wanted family and kids bad enough she was willing to have a kid on her own.

  He shook his head. “Brother, think you’re getting ahead of yourself. She isn’t—”

  “Don’t underestimate me. I throw good game. She’s had a few drinks, and she’s lookin’ fuckin’ hot wearing the tightest jeans known to man. The woman’s got the nicest ass I’ve ever seen.”

  He clenched his jaw. His fingers, of their own accord, tightened around his phone.

  Hash talking about her like that fucked with him. It shouldn’t. What Hash said was true. She had a nice ass, and she wasn’t his and didn’t want him. Besides, she wouldn’t go for Hash. No fucking way.

  “She’d go for me.”

  Dodge heard the smile in Hash’s voice and what he hoped was over confidence.

  “I know it. Them women that look all innocent love bad boys, and every woman has had at least one one-nighter, right? I could be hers.”

  He saw red, adrenaline pumping, blood pressure skyrocketing. He shot to his feet. “Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. Her. You hear me, Hash? You stay the fuck away, or I’ll fuckin’ beat the living shit out of you. I’m not playing, brother. She’s mine.”

  He never lost his cool, even in fights. For so long, the only person who could make him snap was his mother. She died years ago, and he thought he’d been free of losing his shit. Then Lilliam came along. She had a knack for it too. Every day, he was pissed off and lashing out. She did it because she got a kick out of making his life hell, making him miserable. Now, for the first time, his brother made him flip, and it was not lost on him that it was because of a woman.