BLACKOUT

by Olivia Evans

  I paused outside the open door, watching as he moved around the room, dropping clothes into the drawers. His walls were covered in sports posters and framed photos alongside different-sized trophies and medals that took up every inch of free space on top of his furniture. His bed had a Georgia Tech comforter with a small UGA pillow peeking out from behind the others.

  “Sleeping with the enemy?” I joked, nodding toward the pillow. Gavin followed my line of sight and scowled at the offending bedding.

  “Wren,” was all he said as he pulled it off the bed and tossed it into the hallway. “She did that a lot when I was at UGA. Apparently, she has no intention of stopping.”

  I grabbed a stuffed Tech yellow jacket and tossed it to him. “No reason you can’t return the favor.”

  He let out a small laugh. “She’ll probably throw it in the ocean.”

  I shrugged. “Wait until she’s asleep and put it next to her in bed like she’s cuddling with it and take a picture. Next time she harasses you, threaten to post the picture online. She’ll leave you alone.”

  Gavin stared at me for a moment, his lips parted before a wide smile spread across his face. “I’m actually ashamed of myself for not thinking of something like that sooner.”

  “You were too concerned about her throwing your stuff away to think outside the box. Just don’t tell her it was my idea. I want her to like me, not put laxatives in my coffee.”

  “Speaking from experience?”

  I shuddered a little. “Let’s just say when Bailey, Krista, and I lived together, we did some dumb shit to each other under the guise of a prank.”

  Gavin reached out and pulled me against him, his arms winding around my back and holding me close. “There’s still so much I don’t know about you, but I have a feeling it’s going to be an amazing adventure.”

  I dropped my forehead to his chest and closed my eyes. “Not all of it will be amazing,” I muttered before I could stop myself. I tensed as soon as the words left my lips, but Gavin just continued to hold me, seemingly unbothered. For a second, I thought I’d gotten lucky and he hadn’t heard me. The feeling was short-lived.

  “Everyone has skeletons, Lonna. We’ve all done and said things we’ve regretted. It’s what we do after that defines us.”

  “How do you always know exactly what to say?”

  Gavin pulled back, his expression incredulous. “You’re joking, right? I feel like I say the wrong shit all the time.”

  “You do all right,” I said with a smile.

  “Hey now,” Wren said from the hallway. We turned to where she stood with the UGA pillow in her hand. “Easy with the merchandise.”

  “Then don’t put that crap in my room,” Gavin shot back.

  “Hater,” she muttered, opening the door to the room across from Gavin’s and tossing it inside. “Are you guys ready to come down? Dad is on the verge of falling asleep, and Mom has gone into full planning mode for cooking tomorrow. He’ll drag her to bed soon just to shut her up.”

  I cut my eyes to Gavin, and whatever expression he saw on my face caused his brows to pull together. He leaned closer and whispered against my ear. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable joking about my parents. I swear you’ll be fine.”

  I hated he felt like he needed to apologize for joking with me. Everyone loved to traumatize their friends by saying inappropriate things involving parental sex. Eight months ago, it would have been funny. Hell, ten minutes ago, it was sorta funny. I wasn’t sure why it caused my stomach to clench a little at the thought now, but it’d happened and I felt like crap about it.

  “I’m fine. Let’s go visit with your parents before they go to bed. You promised me a walk on the beach tonight.”

  Gavin smiled and slipped his hand into mine. “I did.”

  “We’re ready,” I said to Wren, who was still in the hall, her expression colored with curiosity.

  Downstairs, we settled onto the couch and made small talk with Gavin’s family about work, my parents, and Wren’s time at school.

  “Do you like to cook?” Lisa asked.

  “I do. I’d love to help tomorrow if that’s okay.”

  “Nonsense. Gavin can show you around town, and you guys can just relax.”

  “We’ll have time for that,” Gavin said. “If Lonna wants to help, you should let her. You know Wren will be useless.”

  “Hey,” Wren objected, tossing a pillow at Gavin before a sheepish smile spread across her face. “He is right, though, Mom. You remember what happened last Christmas when I tried to help.”

  “What happened?” I asked, unable to stop myself from smiling at the look on Gavin’s face.

  “Let’s just say the fire department wasn’t happy having to come to our house on Christmas Day because Wren got distracted posting Snapchat pictures of herself with dog ears all over the internet.”

  I covered my mouth to keep from laughing. “You didn’t.”

  Wren nodded sadly. “I did. I burned everything on the stove I was supposed to be watching while Mom took a shower and got dressed. The whole downstairs filled with smoke before I had a chance to open the doors and windows. The only things we had left were ham and stuffing. It was a sad state.”

  The expression on Wren’s face was too much, and I was unable to stop the giggle that slipped through the fingers covering my mouth. “I promise I won’t burn anything. I don’t even have Snapchat.”

  Lisa smiled and stood. “If you’d really like to help, I’d love the company. We can open a bottle of wine and gossip about the boys.”

  “I’m down for some wine and gossip,” Wren said. “I’ll just leave the cooking to you guys.”

  “Thank God,” Jason said, standing next to Lisa. “We’ll have something to eat this time.”

  “Funny,” Wren said, but didn’t argue.

  He looked at me and smiled. “I’m so glad you could make it. We’ll see you kids in the morning.”

  Wren stood as well, her eyes already locked on the screen of her phone. “I’m going to chat with my friends. See you guys in the morning.”

  In what felt like no time, the room had cleared out, and Gavin and I were alone. “Wow, it got quiet in a hurry.” I shifted in my seat, the silence a little unsettling.

  “That tends to happen when Wren leaves the room.” Gavin stood and reached for my hand. “How about that walk?”

  I took his hand and joined him. “Should I grab my jacket?” Gavin shook his head and tugged me toward the front door. He grabbed a hoodie hanging on a hook and offered it to me. “This should be good.”

  “Is it yours?” I asked, slipping it over my head.

  “Yeah,” he answered, helping lift my hair out of the heavy material. It hung almost to my knees, and even though it didn’t smell like him, it still caused my heart to beat a little faster.

  Hand in hand, we walked the short distance to the sandy shore. The air was much colder than I expected, but it took nothing away from the beauty of my surroundings. The sound of the water rolling onto the shore, the smell of salt in the air, and the sight of the clear sky filled with stars were breathtaking.

  “I can’t imagine growing up with this every day.”

  “I always feel like a spoiled brat when I come back here now. I took all of this for granted. It’s like people who live in the mountains but never appreciate their beauty until they’ve moved away.”

  “I can see that.”

  “I’ve taken a lot of things for granted in my life,” he said, his voice barely audible over the sounds of the beach. “It’s not a mistake I’ll ever make again.” He slowed his steps to a stop and turned to face me, taking my other hand in his. “Seeing you with my family, I hadn’t expected it to make me feel the way it did.” He let out a short laugh and shook his head before uttering a quiet Fuck. “Here’s the thing, Lonna. I know we both have some serious issues and there are a lot of things we still need to learn about each other, but there’s no way I can deny how perfectly you fit in my life. It’s
like you were meant to be there all along. I know I’ve hinted at my feelings before, but I want to make sure I’m crystal clear. I’m pretty damn certain I’m falling in love with you. And if you don’t feel the same way, if what we have isn’t going in that direction for you, I need to take a step back. I don’t want to remember you as the girl who broke my heart.”

  I couldn’t breathe. Everything he said was everything I’d felt for the last few weeks. I’d imagined having his babies just hours earlier, for fuck’s sake. He seemed so vulnerable, unsure. I still had so many questions, but there was one thing I could give him. Reassurance.

  “I have no intention of being the girl who broke your heart. If I’m being honest, I want to be the exact opposite. I want to be the girl who stole it.” I felt like I was going to be sick. Was I ready for this? Was I ready for these feelings when I had so many others that were unresolved? I didn’t have time to think about the answer to any of those questions before Gavin’s lips were on mine, overwhelming and not even close to being enough. He kissed me in the way you only read about in books or saw in movies. The way we all sighed and dreamed of happening, even though we knew it never would. But it did happen; it was happening in that very moment, and I felt like a piece of seaweed floating away on the current. When he pulled his lips from mine, I was certain he’d branded me in a way I’d never recover from.

  “You’re the best thing in my life,” he whispered.

  “I know exactly what you mean,” I said, the sounds of my voice mixing with the lapping waves of the ocean. I shivered, and Gavin smiled before wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close.

  “Let’s get you back inside.” We walked in silence back to his childhood home, content just to be close. When we stopped at my room, he placed a soft kiss on my lips before wishing me sweet dreams and disappearing down the hall. I spent almost an hour on the balcony outside my room, thinking about the night we’d had, my time with his family, and the feelings brewing inside me. I wasn’t just falling in love with him. I was in love with him. I was in love with Gavin. It caused so many emotions to crest and fall inside me. Was it too soon? Were we setting ourselves up for failure? A lump swelled in my throat, and an uneasy feeling crawled across my skin. I closed my eyes and pulled in a deep breath. Like Melissa said, nothing positive will ever happen in life if all you see is the negative. With that thought, I made my way back inside and got ready for bed. Slipping between the sheets, I let the sounds of the ocean and the lingering traces of Gavin’s kiss lull me into a blissful night of sleep.

  “…and then there was the time a jellyfish stung my leg, and Gavin threatened to pee on me if I didn’t stop crying,” Wren giggled, taking another sip of wine. I laughed when I heard Gavin groan as he walked up behind me.

  “Mom, why are you letting her do this to me?” Gavin asked, dropping a kiss on my cheek. I let out a soft sigh, allowing my eyes to drift shut for a moment. Since my revelation the night before, I felt different. Not healed, but a little sturdier. We’d spent the morning spread across the front porch, eating donuts and drinking coffee. Every touch and smile sent a rush of warmth over my skin. After breakfast, Gavin and his dad went off to spend a little quality time together, leaving me with Wren and Lisa. I’d been nervous at first, but the feeling was only temporary. Likely because as soon as dinner prep started, so did the drinking.

  Lisa smiled and continued cutting potatoes, her expression filled with mischief. “She’s been waiting years to tell someone embarrassing stories about you. Don’t forget, it wasn’t all that long ago she thought you were asexual.”

  “Jesus,” Gavin sighed, dropping his head to my shoulder as I fought to hold back my laugh. “Go on. I can feel your entire body shaking with laughter. Let it out.” A gust of air burst from my chest, followed by a fit of giggles.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, not a hint of apology in my voice.

  Gavin shook his head. “Next year, we’re going to your parents’. Or on a cruise. Anything but this.”

  The fork Wren was using to steal bites of food clattered to the countertop, and when I looked up, she and Lisa wore matching shocked expressions. It was then I realized the room had gone completely silent and I wasn’t breathing. Wren and Lisa shifted their gazes to me, and I tried to swallow, but it felt as if my mouth were filled with cotton balls. I grabbed the glass of water in front of me and took a sip before clearing my throat. “We can do that,” I said, my voice gaining strength. “Although, I hope you realize Thanksgiving isn’t the only holiday next year. Wren will still have plenty of opportunities to tell me humiliating stories about you.”

  “Good answer!” Wren yelled before clamping her hands over her mouth. “Sorry,” she mumbled, her eyes dancing with excitement. Wren grabbed her fork and stabbed a piece of turkey as Lisa went back to her task, a soft smile curving the corners of her mouth.

  “Sorry about that,” Gavin whispered against my ear.

  I leaned into his chest and turned my face toward his. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. It’s not like I haven’t already thought about that stuff.”

  “Yeah?” Gavin asked, the sweetest smile stretching across his face. It made me giggle, that schoolgirl feeling sweeping through me.

  “Yeah. Now get out of here so we can make fun of you in peace.” I gave him a quick kiss on his lips and hip checked him.

  He stumbled back a few steps and shook his head, still smiling. “Whatever you want, Lonna.”

  “Oh my God. You guys are so stupid cute. Normally, my eyes would be rolled so far back in my head, you’d think I was having a seizure, but this I can handle,” Wren said, reaching for more food.

  “Get out of that,” Lisa scolded, smacking Wren’s hand. “Go set the table and let Lonna and me finish up.”

  Wren mumbled under her breath and hopped off the stool before moving into the dining area. Lisa came over to me and topped off my glass of wine, checking out my progress. “That looks great.”

  “Thanks,” I said, grabbing the glass of wine and taking a small sip.

  “Wren made a good point, though,” Lisa said, sprinkling a bit of salt in the pot.

  “What’s that?”

  “You guys really are stupid cute.” She gave me a little wink and a pat on the shoulder before turning back to her work, leaving me in stunned silence.

  Dinner was exactly what I expected. Wren poked fun at Gavin, while Lisa and Jason pretended to scold her. It was fun and easy and felt like a million dinners I’d had with my parents or Krista’s family.

  The next morning, Lisa and Wren dragged me to Savannah for Black Friday shopping, which wasn’t something I ever did, in principle. If I couldn’t find it on Amazon, was it really necessary? Nonetheless, we had a great time. That night, we built a small fire on the beach and sipped hot chocolate while Lisa and Jason reminisced about family vacations, the kids moving out, and the joy of having the place all to themselves. Gavin’s and Wren’s outcries were enough to send all of us into a fit of laughter.

  The air was brisk, but I felt nothing but warmth under my skin. Gavin stayed close, taking every opportunity to touch me. When he passed me a cup of hot chocolate, his fingers would brush against the back of my hand. When he walked behind me to grab wood for the fire, he’d glide his hand across my shoulders. When he wasn’t finding ways to touch me, his eyes were locked on me, his gaze adoring and intense all at once. It was new and exciting, and I wanted more. That night when he kissed me goodnight, a fire ignited in my belly that I hadn’t felt in over a year.

  Saturday afternoon came with a mixture of sadness and anticipation. I’d had a lot of revelations over the last several days, both exciting and terrifying. I’d also really enjoyed my time with Gavin’s family and was a bit sad to see it come to an end. But it was what I had planned when we got back to Atlanta that had me coiled into a ball of nerves.

  “Are you okay?” Gavin asked as he dropped our bags into the trunk.

  I smiled. “Yeah. Better than okay.”


  “I’m totally coming to crash at your place soon,” Wren said, pulling me into a hug and effectively ending my conversation with Gavin. I was okay with that. Now wasn’t the time.

  “I’d like that,” I answered, returning her hug.

  “Great,” Gavin muttered, his expression playful.

  “Don’t be such a stranger,” Lisa said as she and Jason took turns hugging Gavin then me. “We hope to see you again.”

  “You will, if I have anything to say about it,” Gavin said, coming to stand next to me.

  “I’ll be back,” I promised.

  After a few minutes of saying our goodbyes, we climbed into his car and headed for the interstate. Just like on the way to Savannah, we chatted about our youth, but it felt different this time. Over the course of three days, something inside me had shifted. I didn’t feel uneasy or timid, just nervous, but a good kind of nervous. It was already dark by the time we turned onto my street, which was a good thing considering what I was about to do. I cleared my throat and wiped my sweaty palms against my jeans.

  “Why don’t you pull into the parking garage,” I said, my voice breaking. I cleared my throat again and kept my eyes on the road, pointing to the entrance. I could feel Gavin’s eyes burning into the side of my face, but I couldn’t look at him. He slowed to an almost complete stop before muttering a quiet okay and pulling into the building’s parking. I directed him to the empty spaces assigned to our apartment and let out a shaky breath when the rumble of the engine died and we were left in silence.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, his words tinged with uncertainty.

  “Yeah. I just thought you might want to come up. Krista and Ethan won’t be back until tomorrow night. We could hang out. Maybe even pull out those VHS tapes of my theater days.”

  Gavin laughed and opened his door, rushing around to my side before I had a chance to do the same. He took my hand and pulled me to my feet before tugging me toward the trunk. “Let’s grab your suitcase and get upstairs before you change your mind.”