Berry and Co.

by Dornford Yates

  CHAPTER VI

  HOW NOBBY ATTENDED A WEDDING, AND BERRY SPOKE NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.

  "If I am to drive," said Jonah, "I won't be responsible for doing it ina minute under two hours." He looked down at Nobby, who, with a sectionof one of my shoe-trees in his mouth, was importuning him to play by thesimple expedient of thrusting the bauble against the calf of his leg."My good dog, if you expect me to interrupt an agreeable breakfast tojoin you in the one-sided game of which you never tire, you are doomedto disappointment. Go and worry your owner."

  With a reproachful look the terrier took his advice and, trotting acrossto the sideboard, laid his toy at my feet and looked up expectantly. Ihardened my heart.

  "It is not my practice," said I, "to gambol upon an empty stomach. TryJill."

  Slowly the brown eyes sank from mine to the bottom button of mywaistcoat. As I moved to my place, plate in hand, he gave a protestingbark, which was answered by a fox-terrier from the box-seat of a passingvan. In a flash Nobby was upon the sill of the open window, hurlingdefiance at the intruder.

  "Is he coming with us?" said Daphne.

  "I don't see why he shouldn't. We can leave him at Hillingdon whilewe're at Church. By the way, what time does the balloon go up?"

  "The marriage," said Jonah, "is to be solemnized at two o'clock. As Isaid a moment ago, it'll take us two hours to get there. If we start ateleven, that'll give us an hour to brush one another, lunch and rehearsethe series of genial banalities with which it is the habit ofwedding-guests to insult one another's intelligence."

  "I believe," said Jill, "I heard the telephone."

  I called upon Nobby to suspend his fury, and we all listened. Sureenough, a long spasm of ringing came simultaneously from the library andthe lobby in the back hall.

  "I shouldn't be surprised," said I, "if that was the Club, to tell meI've drawn a runner in the three-pound sweep." And, with that, I left mykidneys and repaired to the library.

  "Can I speak to Major Pleydell?" said a voice.

  "Who is it, please?"

  "The Waddell Institute speaking."

  "Oh, yes. Will you hold the line?"

  I went to the foot of the stairs and shouted for Berry. There was noreply. In some annoyance I ascended the first flight and shouted again.From behind a closed door his voice answered me. It was with a maliciouspleasure that I located its origin....

  A moment later I opened the bathroom door.

  From the depths of a luxurious bath Berry regarded me.

  "That's right," he said. "You come in. Don't take any notice of me. Anddon't shut the door, or the servants won't be able to see in."

  "You are wanted," said I, "upon the telephone."

  "How interesting!" said Berry. "I suppose you told them to hold on."

  "I did."

  He sank into a recumbent position and crossed his legs.

  "What a marvellous thing," he said, "the telephone is. There's thatfool, Heaven knows how many miles away, sitting with his ear glued to apiece of vulcanite, and here am I in the midst of an exactingtoilet--d'you think he'd hear me if I were to shout? Or would you rathertake a message?"

  "It is," said I, "the Waddell Institute."

  The savagery with which my brother-in-law invested a very ordinaryexpletive was quite remarkable.

  "Why," he added, sitting upright, "cannot they ring up at a lawful hour?Why must they----"

  The sentence was never finished. With the rush of a whirlwind, Nobbytore into the room. His delight at having run me to earth wastransformed to ecstasy at encountering unexpectedly another member ofthe household, hitherto missing from his tale, and, observing that thelatter's face was a reasonable distance from the ground, and so lessinaccessible than usual, the Sealyham leapt upon the rim of the bath tooffer the lick of greeting which it was his practice to bestow.

  The result was inevitable.

  Nobby tried to save himself by reaching for Berry's shoulder with hisforepaws, but at the critical moment his buffer flinched, the paws fellshort of their objective, and with a startled grunt the terrier fellheavily into the bath, his desperate claws leaving two long abrasionsupon his victim's ribs.

  The scene that followed baffles description.

  Berry began to roar like a wounded bull, while a bedraggled Nobbyscrambled and blew and slipped and scratched, caring not at all what washis understanding, so long as it provided a foothold and kept his headabove water.

  "He thinks I'm a straw!" yelled Berry. "He's catching at me. Don't standthere like a half-baked corner-boy. Get him _out_!"

  But I was helpless with laughter, from which I only recovered in time torescue the offender, who, with the bath to himself, was swimmingsturdily in the deep water and scrabbling fruitlessly on the porcelain,while Berry, in a bath-dressing-gown and a loud voice, identified andenumerated the several scratches upon his person.

  "For Heaven's sake," said I, "go and answer the telephone."

  "I shall die," said Berry, slipping his feet into a pair of pumps. "Ishall get pneumonia (bis) and die. I got into that bath in the prime, asit were, the very heyday of life. And now.... At least, I shall be inthe fashion. 'The body of the deceased bore signs of extreme physicalviolence.' Any more for the crime wave?"

  I wrapped Nobby in my brother-in-law's towel and followed the latterdownstairs.

  My sister was standing in the library's doorway.

  "What on earth," she demanded, "has been the matter?"

  I held up my hand.

  "Listen."

  Berry was speaking upon the telephone.

  "Is that the Waddell Institute? I am so very sorry--I might almost saydistracted--that you should have been kept waiting.... You see, I'vejust been mauled.... No. Not 'called,' mauled. Emma, ak, u, l forleather--I beg your pardon. Yes, isn't it tawful? Well, if you mustknow, it was a bloodhound. They told me at the Dogs' Home that he'd losthis scent as a result of the air raids, but last night the charwomangave him a sausage I'd left, and he pulled me down this morning.... Yes.This is Major Pleydell.... Oh, Walter Thomas Dale? Yes, I rememberperfectly.... Received the requisite number of votes? Splendid.... Canbe admitted on the fifteenth of June? Thanks very much.... What?... Oh,I shall pull round. Yes, thanks. I shall just get the wounds plugged,and.... Good-bye."

  We heard the receiver replaced.

  "Hurray!" cried Daphne. "I am glad. That's a real load off my mind.Write and tell them this morning, will you?" I looked up from theoperation of drying Nobby and nodded. "Poor people, they'll be sothankful. And now, what happened upstairs?"

  "Mixed bathing," said I. "Your husband had not left the bath when Nobbyentered it. Both were frightened, but neither was hurt."

  As I spoke, Berry emerged from the library with a cigarette in hismouth.

  "My milk-white skin," he said, "has been defaced. My beautiful trunk hasbeen lacerated as with jagged nails. You know, I tremble for that dog'ssoul. It mayn't be his fault, but it's invariably my misfortune." Heturned to my sister. "You heard about Walter Thomas? Good. And now Ishall slip on some iodine and underclothes and come down as I am."

  "Jonah says we must leave at eleven," said Daphne. "For goodness' sake,don't be late."

  "My wedding garments are prepared and but await my entry. The sponge-bagtrousers are unrolled, the elastic-sided boots untreed, the made-up tiedusted. Of course, we're taking Nobby?"

  I looked up from my charge, who was by this time fairly dry and as fullof beans as an egg is of meat.

  "Of course."

  "Of course. You never know. I might get run over. That'd give him anopening."

  "Here," said I, "is your towel. He's all right now."

  Carefully Berry fingered the fabric.

  "He was wet, wasn't he?" he said. "Yes. I suppose I can dry myself onthe curtains. I wonder which of us he would bite if I were to assaultyou." He hung the towel over his arm, picked up the terrier and lookedinto his eyes. "You wicked scrap! Why, he's not nearly dry yet." Nobbylicked his face. "Come along up with uncle, and we'l
l share thebath-mat."

  The two disappeared up the staircase, wrangling amicably regarding mybrother-in-law's right to pull the terrier's whiskers.

  "You won't forget to write, will you?" said Daphne, as we returned tothe dining-room.

  "I promise," said I. "You shall see the letter."

  Trooper Dale, W., had been in my squadron in the field, and for threeweeks he had taken my first servant's place. Incidentally he had alsotaken two pounds ten shillings in notes, which I frankly admit I had nobusiness to have left in my pocket. Taxed with the theft, he had brokendown and told me a piteous tale.

  A delicate wife and a little boy with curvature of the spine neededevery honest halfpenny that could be turned--and more also. Between achauffeur's wages and his Army pay there was fixed a great gulf,and--well, it was hard to know that the child was suffering for want ofnourishment.

  I caused inquiries to be made. A convenient aunt investigated the caseand found it genuine. Between us we did what we could. Then, on herreturn from Egypt, my sister visited the family and reported that theywould be most thankful if the child could be admitted to a first-classhome. With the Waddell Institute Berry had Influence, and at last acoveted vacancy had been obtained....

  Before we left for Monk's Honour I composed a suitable letter to theex-trooper, telling him that his little boy could soon be received intoan institution, from which there was every reason to believe that hewould eventually emerge comparatively restored to health.

  * * * * *

  It was a lovely day. And we were glad of it, for at two o'clock myCousin Madrigal was to be married from the old house where she was born,and in the old church In which she was baptized. A special train wasbeing run from London, but Monk's Honour lay four miles from the neareststation, and it was doubtful if the supply of cars and carriages wouldprove equal to the demand. Therefore we had decided to go down by road.With my uncle's land marched the well-timbered acres of Hillingdon,where the Tanyons lived, and they had very kindly invited us toluncheon, so that we should not descend untimely upon a simmeringhousehold. In their keeping we proposed to leave Nobby and the car. Thehouse was only five minutes' walk from the church and as many again fromMadrigal's home, so that once we had reached the village we should needno conveyance until the time came for us to return to Town.

  For a wonder we were all on time, and it was barely eleven o'clock whenJonah let in the clutch and the Rolls began to move. Daphne sat infront, and Jill between Berry and me on the back seat. The girls woredust-cloaks to save their finery, and two large bandboxes concealedtheir respective hats. Berry, Jonah and I wore light overcoats above ourmorning-dress, and three tall hats, ironed to perfection, each in hisstiff white hat-box, jostled one another on the mat at our feet. Asmaller box by their side contained three blooming gardenias.

  Once clear of London Jonah gave the Rolls her head, and we were soonfloating through the midst of blowing cherry orchards and fragrant hopgardens, which of the great sun were quick with radiance.

  The deeper we plunged into the countryside, the richer this became. Herewas a treasure of woodland, and there a wealth of pasture: grey lichenedwalls hoarded a precious park, keeping the timid deer in generouscustody: a silver stream stole between smiling hayfields, crept shadowedand cool under the dusty road and, beyond, braided a spreading cloth ofgolden buttercups, that glowed with a soft brilliancy, such as nohandicraft on earth could coax from the hard heart of costly metal.

  Presently we left the main road to sail up a curling hill, and over anddown past a fair steading into a friendly valley, where the cattle stooddrowsy under the shelter of giant chestnut trees, and luxurianthawthorns in full blossom filled all the neighbouring air with timelysweetness. At the bidding of an aged finger-post Jonah turned to theleft, and a moment later the car was scudding up a leafy lane,high-banked, narrow, and soon so screened and arched with foliage thatin a little we were being swept through a veritable tunnel, seeminglydriven through the living green. More than once the lane changeddirection, but the tunnel held: the ground was rising, but we sailed on,the steady purr of the engine swelling into a low snarl as we swung toright and left between the cool green walls....

  As we slid through Marvel, the clock of the old grey church showed usthat it was five and twenty to one. We were in good time, for now but ashort seven miles lay between us and the village which we sought.

  Jonah settled himself in his seat and prepared to cover the last lap atan easier pace....

  Before we had realized what was happening, it was all over.

  The road which we were using ran at right angles into a better-class wayby the side of an old oast-house. Here, for Monk's Honour, we must turnto the left. Jonah, prince of drivers, slowed for the turn and soundedhis horn carefully, for ours was the lesser road. As we rounded thecorner there was a deafening roar, a cry, a violent shock, a splinteringcrash, the Rolls quivered like a ship that has struck, and a great greentouring car tore past and was gone in a cloud and a flurry of dustbefore we had come to rest with our near fore-wheel eighteen inches upthe near-side bank.

  Dazedly I watched a little white dog with a black patch take a flyingleap into the road, stumble, pick himself up, and hurl himself in thewake of the monster, barking furiously. Then the whirling dust swallowedhim up, and I saw him no more.

  "LF 8057," said Daphne. "LF 8057. Write it down, somebody. Quick. LF8057."

  "That's right," said Jonah. "I got it too. LF 8057."

  In silence I dragged a pencil out of my pocket and with tremblingfingers wrote down the precious figures on the back of an envelope.

  "Anybody hurt?" continued Jonah, screwing himself round to look at theback seat.

  "We're all right," said I. "But it was a close call."

  "The brute!" cried Jill passionately. "The beastly stinking----"

  Berry spoke between his clenched teeth in a voice shaken with choler.

  "We'll have that blistered swine if we have to drag hell for him. Forall he knows, the car's overturned and on fire, and we're pinned underit. It's German. Pure full-blooded German. It's the most verminous thingI've ever dreamed of. It's----Burn it! Words fail me."

  He rose and got out of the car. I followed him and helped Jill toalight. She was a little pale, and, when she saw the havoc on theoff-side, her eyes began to fill with tears.

  I put my arm about her.

  "Don't worry, darling. It looks worse than it is. And we'll have thatmerchant's blood. We've got his number."

  Daphne came up to comfort her, and Jonah, after a cursory glance at thedamage, limped to the opposite side of the road, sat down on the bank,and lighted a cigarette.

  "What was he doing?" said Berry, his face still a dark red.

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  "Shouldn't like to say. Maybe seventy. Maybe more. But it was afrightful pace." I pointed along the road to left and right. "See how itcurves. And we're on the outside of the bend. To clear us at that pace,he'd 've had to go over himself."

  "How can we hit him best?"

  "All round. We can summon him under the Motor Car Acts and bring a civilaction for damages. He ought to go down heavily."

  "No escape?"

  "I should say we've got him cold."

  Berry heaved a long sigh and clapped me on the back.

  "I feel better already," he said.

  Before doing anything else, Jonah and I subjected the Rolls to a carefulexamination.

  Both wings and the running-board on the off-side had been ripped off,and the front axle was bent by the side of the steering-pin. The offfore-wheel had apparently been struck on the tire, and the fact thatneither of the fore-wheels had collapsed spoke volumes for their sturdyconstruction. The shock, however, had put the steering-gear out ofaction. So far as we could tell, that was the extent of the damage.Whether any further injuries would later appear, it was impossible tosay.

  I crossed to the girls and Berry, who were seated disconsolate upon thebank on the opposite side of t
he road. Heavily I made my report.

  "There's only one thing to do," I concluded. "I must leg it to Marveland see if I can raise a couple of mechanics, some tools, and a car. Ican drive back with them, and then we can leave them here and all go onin the hireling to Hillingdon. We shan't get any lunch, but we'll be intime for the wedding, with luck. By the time we get back from Monk'sHonour, if the fellows know their job, we ought to be able to get theRolls to Marvel under her own power. From there she'll have to come upto Town by rail. And we can go back by the special, whenever it leaves."

  As I finished speaking, Jill gave a little cry, and I turned to see asmall white scrap, way down the long white road, plodding wearily in ourdirection. It was our Champion. As he came nearer, it was obvious thathe was much exhausted. More than once he stumbled, and a red tonguelolled from his gaping jaws; but his little tail was up, and, as hetoiled gamely towards us, he wagged it to and fro by way of greeting. Ofone accord we welcomed him with a cheer. Obviously gratified by ourappreciation, Nobby smiled an unmistakable smile and, wagging his tailmore vigorously than before, quickened his flagging steps. A momentlater he thrust a dusty nose against my extended hand and, bowing histousled head sideways by way of homage, rolled over on his back and laypanting in the shade at my feet.

  "Good little chap," said I, stroking his heaving flank. "It didn't takeyou long to get a move on."

  "You darling!" said Jill, stooping to caress him "The way you went afterthat car was just heroic."

  "I suppose," said Berry, "that if I were to suggest that he knewperfectly well that he couldn't catch it, and that it was nothing morethan a brilliant display of eye-wash, I should be abused."

  "What a shame!" cried Daphne and Jill in a breath. "What a beastlyshame!"

  "I said so," said Berry. "Now, if I'd got out and chased it, you'd havehad me certified."

  "I agree," I retorted. "And if you were to offer to walk to Marvelinstead of me, I should have you watched."

  "Don't be afraid," was the rejoinder. "The shock was severe, but I'm notas bad as that. How soon d'you think you'll be back?"

  I turned to my sister.

  "I'm banking on being able to get a car. But there mayn't be one. So, ifyou can get a lift, don't wait." I pointed to Nobby. "He'll want to comewith me, so hang on to him. And if you could find some water"--I glancedat the oast-house--"I think he'd be glad of it."

  "All right, dear. Take it as easy as you can."

  A moment later I was striding along the Marvel road.

  By the time I had covered the two miles it was a quarter past one, and Iwas unpleasantly hot. I was also conscious of being improperly dressedin an unusually loose grey overcoat, tweed cap, striped cashmeretrousers and patent-leather boots. I had taken off my morning coat andwaistcoat before starting to walk, but the heat was awful, and my stiffwhite shirt and collar were wilting visibly....

  I was fortunate to obtain the services of two mechanics, but I mustconfess that my face fell when the only car that was available proved tobe a 1908 Ford....

  As we drew up at the fatal corner, the others came out of the oast-houseto see what was making the noise. When they beheld their conveyance,they were profoundly moved.

  "Do you mean to say," said Daphne, "that this is the best you could do?"

  I nodded.

  "And you'll have to look sharp if you want to be there before theservice is over. One cylinder's missing."

  "So's the skid-pan," said Berry. "And where's the back seat? I beg yourpardon--I'd got it the wrong way round. It is facing that way, isn't it?Yes. Oh, but what a line! What finish! You know, all it wants is a boardwith 'Ancient Lights' on the radiator, and somebody to close its doorsone day in every year, and then, whenever the fowls lay in it, you canturn them out."

  During this eulogy Jonah had been busy transferring the hat-boxes fromthe Rolls, and two minutes later the mechanics had been given theirinstructions, and we were ready to start.

  I took the wheel, with Jonah sitting beside me. Daphne and Jill sat uponthe back seat, and Berry, in a standing position, Nobby, the hat-boxes,and the buttonholes more than occupied the remaining space.

  "Right behind?" I inquired.

  "Anything but," said Berry. "Still, the door that will shut is closed,so carry on."

  As tenderly as I could, I let In the clutch.

  Instantly, with a frightful jerk, the car leapt forward.

  As it did so, Berry lost his balance and, with a yell of apprehension,fell heavily into the welter of hat-and bandboxes, the cardboard ofwhich gave right and left. Construing his involuntary action as thedemonstration of a new game, Nobby immediately leaped barking upon himand began to lick his face. Daphne and Jill clung to one another,convulsed with merriment and emitting such tremulous wails of laughteras the function of breathing would permit, while, with tears coursingdown his cheeks, Jonah was trying to bellow a coherent description ofthe catastrophe into my ear. And all the time the good old car groundraving along the road, heaving herself over the macadam in a sickeningseries of lurches, to every one of which we found ourselves reluctantlycompelled to conform....

  The bride was ten minutes late, and we beat her by a short head. As wewere ushered, breathing heavily, into our places, there was a tell-talestir at the porch, uprose the strains of a well-known hymn, thebridegroom glanced round and gave slightly at the knees, and the nextmoment his future wife had entered the aisle.

  Furtively I felt my collar and wiped the perspiration from my face....It was with something of a shock that, as the echoes of the "Amen" diedaway, I heard a familiar growl.

  Hastily I turned in my seat to see Nobby three paces away. With backarched, one fore-paw raised, and his white teeth bared, he was regardingthe trousers of an amateur sidesman, who had set a foot upon the brokenstring which trailed from his collar, with a menacing glare....

  By the time I had bestowed the terrier under lock and key and returnedto the church, Madrigal was signing her maiden name for the last time.

  * * * * *

  Five days later Berry received the following letter:--

  _SIR,_

  _Mr. Douglas Bladder of The Vines, Swete Rowley, has handed us yourcommunication of the twenty-third inst._

  _We are instructed to say that, while there is no doubt that its numberis LF 8057, Mr. Bladder's car did not leave the garage upon the day ofthe accident in which you were concerned, for the reason that he and hischauffeur were engaged in overhauling the engine._

  _It is therefore obvious that a mistake has been made, and that unlesssome other car was bearing his number, which you will agree isimprobable, in the natural confusion of the moment the letters orfigures or both upon the offender's number-plate were misread._

  _Our client wishes us to add that, while the tone of your letter is notsuch as he is accustomed to, he appreciates that it was written whileyou were smarting under a sense of grave injury, and was indeed intendedfor somebody other than himself._

  _Yours faithfully,_

  _BERTHEIM AND GROWTH._

  This being the quarter in which the wind was sitting, we made ourdispositions accordingly.

  So far as the number of the car was concerned, Daphne and Jonah neverwavered, and we were certain about its colour and style. Moreover, wewere all agreed that, while the back seat was empty, there were twopeople in front, and that the one who was not driving was wearing achauffeur's dress. Finally, the village of Swete Rowley lay but sometwenty-two miles from the scene of the accident. But that was all. Itwas, of course, unthinkable that the offending car could have sustainedno damage, but it was quite possible that it would have nothing moreserious to show than a dented hub-cap and a battered wing; and, whilehub-caps can be changed in five minutes, it is no great matter tostraighten a bent wing, and any traces of battery which still survivecan be unanswerably attributed to one or other of quite a variety ofinnocent mishaps.

  Inquiries were set afoot, and the moment we learned that Mr. Bladder infact possessed a large
green high-powered touring car, which he was inthe habit of driving himself at a notorious pace, we threw down theglove. Solicitors were instructed, counsel's opinion was taken, aninformation was sworn before a Justice of the Peace, and within one weekof the date of his solicitors' letter, Mr. Douglas Bladder had becomethe recipient of a writ for four hundred pounds damages and fourseparate summonses under the Motor Car Acts. We were out for blood.

  At Marvel's Police Court the defendant appeared by his solicitor, whoasked that the hearing of the summonses might be adjourned, pending theaction in the High Court. This request was granted.

  Everything possible was done to expedite matters, and by great goodfortune the case of _Pleydell v. Bladder_ came into the Special Jurylist during the last week of July.

  * * * * *

  There is about the High Court a signal air of gravity which to thelayman is most compelling. The majesty of the Law is not apparent: ofseverity there is but a suggestion: something, indeed, of dignity, butless than a visitor will expect to find: something of silence. These arebut equerries, subordinate. The Lady Paramount is Consequence.

  Here seem to dwell those things that signify. Here lies that crucialjunction which is at once the terminus of Cause, and of Effect thestarting-point. Here are wise analysts, skilled to distil its meaningfrom the idle word, surgeons whose cunning probes will stir its motivefrom the deed, never so thoughtless. Whole walls of law books, rangedvery orderly, calf-bound, make up a reverend pharmacopoeia, where youshall find precepts of iron, smelted from trespasses and old-timebickerings, whose long-dead authors, could they but come to life, wouldgape and stare and scratch their humble heads to find their modest namesbecome so notable.

  Pursed lips, brows wrinkled in thought, and restless anxious eyesindorse the serious aspect of the place. The very bustle of counsel, thescurry of clerks, the dash of messengers, proclaim matters of moment tobe afoot. The whispered consultation, the pregnant nod, the nervouslitigant buttonholing his lawyer, his advisers urging a certain courseupon an indignant suitor, the furtive fellowship of witnesses, thesolemn tipstaves, the ushers commanding silence, and the still smallvoice of Justice, charge all the dusty atmosphere with such importanceas ties up the ready tongues of chatterers, ushers the jest still-born,and renders the very self of Folly wide-eyed and breathless.

  Punctually at half-past ten his lordship entered the Court, returned thebows of counsel, and took his seat upon the Bench. With a sharp jinglethe usher drew the green curtains across the door which led into theJudges' corridor, descended into the well of the Court, and lookedcomplacently about him. Two or three cases were mentioned, the jury wassworn, and the Associate, after inquiring nonchalantly whether theKing's Counsel were prepared, called on the case of _Pleydell againstBladder_, and sank back in his seat with a look of resignation.

  Daphne, Jonah, and Jill were seated behind the junior Bar, while Berryand I sat one upon either side of our attorney at the solicitors' table.Upon the same bench, a little further along, was sitting Mr. Bladder, alarge bland gentleman, with an air of good-nature which in thecircumstances was rather too pronounced to be natural, and a taste indress which would have better become a younger and a slenderer man.

  Briefly our leader opened the case. There was little to be said, and hewas on his feet for less than a quarter of an hour, but in that space oftime he had presented to the jury so vivid a word-picture of theaccident, and had dwelt so convincingly upon the facts which pointed tothe defendant's guilt, that it was actually difficult to believe thatthe issue of the action was any longer in doubt, and I began tospeculate upon the amount of damages we should be awarded. Such is theart of pleading.

  A plan of the spot at which the collision had taken place was producedand officially accepted by the defence. Then Jonah was called. He gavehis evidence admirably, and all counsel's endeavours to shake hisconfidence regarding the identity of the number-plate were of no avail.Daphne followed her cousin. She was a little nervous at first, and theJudge requested her to raise her voice. She responded gallantly, and theconviction with which she told her story in corroboration of Jonahproduced a noticeable effect upon the Court. The result of hercross-examination was in our favour. I came next. Counsel for thedefence made a great effort to pin me to a certain estimate of the speedat which the offending car was moving, but I scented danger and refusedto be tied down.

  It was considered unnecessary and not altogether expedient to expose ourartless Jill to the mercies of our opponent's team, and, when I steppeddown from the box, my brother-in-law's name was at once called by ourjunior counsel--

  "Major Pleydell."

  His examination-in-chief was very short. As was to be expected, he madean excellent witness. I began to wonder whether the defendant would beso foolish as to appeal....

  Perhaps because the cross-examination of his predecessors had been sobarren, the leader for the defence rose to deal with Berry with amenacing air. He was a "silk," whose obvious confidence in his abilitywas shared by few. Influence rather than merit had, I was told, won hisadmission to the Inner Bar, and the supercilious manner which hecontinually observed towards the Bench afforded a first-class exhibitionof particularly bad form.

  "This mysterious car," he began, "that we've all heard so muchabout--you say it was green?"

  "I do," said Berry.

  "What sort of green?"

  "A bilious green."

  There was a subdued titter, and one of the jurymen made no attempt todisguise his amusement. The frown upon counsel's face deepened.

  "Was it a light or dark green, sir?"

  "Light."

  "Might it have been grey?"

  "It might. It might have been a beautiful ruby pink. But it wasn't. Itwas just green."

  A second titter, more pronounced than before, ran round the Court, andcounsel flushed angrily.

  "You have sworn that it was an open car?"

  "So it was."

  "And that there were two passengers?"

  "So there were."

  "And that the one who was not driving was wearing a chauffeur'suniform?"

  "So he was."

  "Listen. You saw its colour, you noticed its style, you swear to thenumber of passengers, and were actually able to observe how one of themwas clad. How is it that you cannot speak to its number?"

  "I will tell you. I was sitting----"

  "On your oath, sir!"

  "No, on the back seat." There was more than a ripple of laughter, andthe Judge shot a quick glance at counsel before removing his _pince-nez_and sitting back in his chair. "The heads and shoulders of Mrs. Pleydelland Captain Mansel, who were seated in front, obscured my view."

  "Wasn't it because the car was travelling too fast?"

  "Certainly not. They saw it."

  "That is a matter of opinion."

  "It is a matter of fact," was the retort.

  "It is easy to be rude, Major Pleydell."

  "I'll take your word for it."

  Counsel appealed to the Judge.

  "My lord, I must ask your lordship----"

  "I see no reason to interfere," was the cold reply.

  Counsel swallowed before proceeding. He was one of those who cannot letill alone.

  "The truth is," he announced, as if byway or conclusion, "that yourrecollection of the whole matter is extremely hazy, isn't it?"

  For a moment Berry regarded him. Then he leaned back in the box andfolded his arms.

  "You know," he said, slowly shaking his head, "you know, you can't bewell."

  There was a roar of laughter.

  "Never mind my health, sir," was the heated reply.

  "Oh, but I do," said Berry. "If you were to burst or anything, I shouldbe all upset, I should."

  Again the Court, which was now packed, rocked with merriment. The tonein which counsel put his next question reeked of the insolence of anger.

  "You consider your recollection clear?"

  "As daylight. Let me explain----"

&
nbsp; Counsel held up a deprecatory hand.

  "Pray spare us. There was, I believe, a lot of dust."

  "There was."

  "Any amount of it?"

  "Any amount. The road was thick with it."

  "And the air?"

  "Any amount of that, too. For a windless day, I never----"

  "No, no, _no_! Wasn't the air thick with dust?"

  "After the car had gone by--yes. It swallowed up the dog completely."

  "The dog?"

  Berry started and looked round uneasily.

  "Perhaps," he stammered, "I shouldn't have...."

  Counsel rose at the bait like a carp upon the tenth of April.

  "This is most interesting. You say the dust swallowed the dog?"

  "Yes, and the dog swallowed the dust. It was quite remarkable."

  Amid the tempest of laughter counsel stood glowering.

  "What dog are you referring to?"

  "A Sealyham. When the car had gone by, he jumped out into the dust ithad made and ran after it."

  Hurriedly counsel conferred with his client.

  "Why didn't you mention this dog before?"

  "I didn't think it necessary."

  "Did you tell your solicitor about it?"

  "Yes. He didn't think it necessary, either."

  "Really! You know, I thought we should get at something presently. Now,if the defendant didn't happen to own a Sealyham, this would be rather avaluable piece of evidence to show that it wasn't his car, wouldn't it?"

  "I don't think so. You see----"

  "Come, come, sir. Up to now nothing has been said of the offending carwhich could not be said with equal truth of the defendant's."

  "I cordially agree."

  "Both are green, both open, both, according to your story, bear the samenumber."

  Berry nodded.

  "Unquestionably," he said.

  "Wait. Supposing the defendant swears that he has never had a Sealyhamor any other kind of terrier?"

  "I don't know that I should believe him, but I shouldn't argue it.Perhaps he doesn't like dogs."

  "You'd accept his statement?"

  "For what it was worth."

  "Exactly. And if he had no terrier, it's quite obvious that the car outof which the Sealyham jumped was not his, but somebody else's?"

  "Undoubtedly," said Berry. "As a matter of fact, it was ours."

  The explosion of mirth which this statement provoked showed that hisheadlong progress towards the pit which he had digged had been gleefullyfollowed by nearly everybody in Court, and counsel turned very pale.

  "Have you ever discussed this case with any one?"

  "I have."

  "Who with?"

  Berry took a deep breath.

  "Well, I haven't seen my dentist lately, but I think everybody else Iknow has had it."

  "Have you discussed it with the other witnesses?"

  "Ad nauseam."

  "Have you indeed? Perhaps that explains why you all tell the same tale?"

  "That," said Berry coolly, "is an infamous suggestion."

  Somebody gave an audible gasp, and there was a breathless silence.Sitting back in his padded chair, the Judge might have been a gravenimage.

  "Sir?" thundered counsel interrogatively.

  "And one beneath the dignity of even a stuff gown."

  For a long moment the two men looked one another full in the eyes. Thencounsel sat down somewhat unsteadily....

  Berry was followed by an expert witness, called to substantiate ourcontention that two hundred pounds was a fair charge for the executionof such repairs to the Rolls as the accident had necessitated, and thatanother two hundred for the hire of a similar car for the month duringwhich our own was in dock, was not excessive.

  As he stepped down from the box--

  "That, my lord," said our leader, "is the case for the plaintiff."

  It was a quarter to one when Berry's antagonist rose again to his feet.Shortly he opened his case. Nothing, he said, was more difficult toprove than a negative. But for one thing, it might have gone hard withan innocent man. Everything looked very black, but, as luck would haveit, most fortunately for himself, Mr. Bladder could prove incontestablythat upon the twenty-second of May his car never left its garage, forthe very good reason that its engine was down. "I shall call thedefendant, and I shall call before you his chauffeur. Both will tell youin detail that the dismantling of the engine was commenced at ten in themorning, and that by half-past twelve--a few minutes before the actualtime of the accident--the operation was completed." That the plaintiffhad suffered an injury he did not attempt to deny. As a fellow-motorist,he had Mr. Bladder's whole-hearted sympathy. His annoyance wasjustified, but he could not expect Mr. Bladder to pay the penalty forsomebody else's misdeeds. He had no doubt that the witnesses honestlybelieved that they had correctly memorized the letters and figures uponthe number-plate. It was his duty to satisfy the Court that they weremistaken....

  As he sat down, I realized that it was not going to be a walk-over.

  Mr. Douglas Bladder made a masterly witness. I have rarely seen a moreaccomplished liar. His regret was infinite. With horrified hands hedeplored what he referred to as "the shocking affair." He thunderedunsought denunciation of "the dastardly conduct of some fugitive cur."As a motorist, he "so well understood our feelings." But--at length andwith a wealth of detail he described how he and his chauffeur had spentthe twenty-second of May. With the exception of an hour for lunch, theyhad worked on the car in the garage from ten o'clock until five. "Itseemed a shame," concluded the witness, "to waste such a beautiful day,but I had earmarked the twenty-second for the job, so we went throughwith it."

  A most dangerous thing in the hands of any witness, detail is seldomemployed by the dishonest. It is not difficult safely to embroider alie, but it apparently requires more thought, patience, and rehearsalthan ninety-nine rogues out of a hundred are prepared to spend. It soonbecame unpleasantly clear that Mr. Bladder was the hundredth knave, andthat in return for his labour he had a story to tell which was asexcellent an imitation of the truth as you might reasonably expect tohear in six whole months of Sundays.

  I began to feel extremely uneasy.

  To make matters worse, he came through his cross-examination untouched.For every question put to him he had a good natural answer, and, when hestepped down from the box and the Court rose at five-and-twenty minutespast one, it was with something of a shock that I found myself wonderingwhether by any possible chance a mistake had been made, and we werepursuing an innocent man.

  Berry had engaged a table at the _Savoy_, and he and the others leftimmediately, for there was little time.

  I stayed for a moment to speak with our advisers.

  "It's no use disguising the fact," said counsel in a low tone, "that weare up against it. I believe that fellow to be a prize liar. He's tooinfernally suave. But he knows his job inside out, and he's shaken ourcase badly. I can't speak for the Judge, but he's impressed the jury,and you can't get away from it. If his chauffeur comes up to thescratch, I believe they'll stop the case." I groaned, and he touched meon the shoulder. "You go and get your lunch," he said.

  Heavily I made my way out of the building.

  I was waiting for the taxi to which I had signalled, when--

  "I observe," said a quiet voice, "that you don't remember me."

  I swung round to see a tall dark girl with grey-blue eyes and a charmingsmile regarding me amusedly. But a moment before I had passed her uponthe steps, and, as I did so, wondered what was her business with theSupreme Court. I took off my hat. Now that I saw her properly, her faceseemed faintly familiar.

  "Forgive me," I said. "I was preoccupied."

  The smile deepened.

  "I defy you to say where we have met before."

  I continued to rack my brain feverishly, but it was no good.

  "I can't concentrate," I said desperately. "I can tell you where weshall meet again all right."

  "That's not the po
int. Try Madrigal's wedding."

  "Of course. You were one of her bridesmaids."

  "That's better. How's Nobby?"

  The taxi was waiting, so I opened the door.

  "I'll tell you about him at lunch. We'll find the others at the_Savoy_."

  She hesitated.

  "It's very good of you, but---"

  "My sister," I said gravely, "would never forgive me."

  The next moment we were rocketing past St Clement Danes.

  "And now," said I, "what have you been doing in the Palace of Lies? Whatincorruptible judge have you corrupted with your smile? What jury haveyou bewitched with your small mouth? Or are you just a ward inChancery?"

  My lady smiled.

  "What a pity," she said, "you can't remember my name! However will youintroduce me?"

  "I shall call you Miss Prision of Treason," said I, "and chance it. Andwhat may I say you were doing in yonder Fool's Paradise?"

  "You're very bitter and terribly inquisitive," said my companion."Still, if you must know, I came down to be taken to hear a case. I'vegot a brother at the Bar, and the little wretch told me to meet himthere, and he'd get me in to hear a motor-car case." I started. "Ofcourse he never appeared, and I--my father was a K.C., so I'm notfrightened--I just walked in and sat down in the first court I came to.It wasn't very interesting, but there were three judges. All in red,too. By the way, what's arson?"

  "Setting fire to a house. All on purpose like. But tell me. D'you knowanything about the case you were to have heard?"

  "Only that the head of Paul's chambers is in it. That's how he knew itwould be interesting."

  "Is he in Tristram's chambers?"

  "How on earth did you know?"

  As she spoke the taxi drew up at the entrance to the _Savoy_.

  "Oh, it's our precious case. That's all." I handed her out twittering."Didn't you know we'd had a smash on the day of the wedding?"

  "I did hear something. You don't mean to say...."

  I paid the driver and hurried her into the hall.

  "If you want to be there," I said, "to see us go down, you'll have tohave a pretty quick lunch."

  We joined the others to find them in a state of profound despondency. Mycompanion was immediately recognized by my sister and Jill, but, to myrelief, Berry and Jonah were not quite so quick in the uptake.

  "Came to hear our case," I explained, "and got swep' into the Court ofCriminal Appeal."

  "Talk as you eat," said Berry. "Converse and masticate simultaneously.You know. Like you used to do before you knew me. What's Tristram got tosay?"

  I swallowed a piece of salmon before replying.

  "Frankly pessimistic," I said.

  Berry raised his eyes to heaven and ground his teeth. A hard look cameupon Jonah's face.

  "And we've got to sit there and watch that liar laugh in his sleeve," hesaid bitterly.

  "And pay his costs as well as our own," said I. "Jolly, isn't it?"

  Daphne touched me upon the arm, and I looked up She was very pale.

  "D'you think it's hopeless?"

  "I think, darling, we're up against it. And--and I'm terribly afraid."

  "I see," she whispered. "Need Jill and I go back?"

  "Jill needn't, but you must, dear. You're a witness."

  As I spoke, I shot a glance at my cousin. The latter was unburdening hersoul to Madge Lacey, the quondam bridesmaid, and, to judge from suchfragments of the load as reached my ears, uttering sufficient slanderregarding Mr. Douglas Bladder to maintain another dozen actions at law.

  As some cold tongue was set before me--

  "Every thing was going so well," said Daphne miserably. "I thought Berrywas splendid."

  "He was," said I, sousing my brandy with soda. "So were you, sweetheart.Nobody could have done more. And they don't disbelieve you and Jonah.They just think you've made a mistake."

  She nodded dully.

  "I don't blame them," she said slowly. "That man is so terribly clever.His whole attitude----"

  A cry from Jill interrupted her.

  "Daphne! Boy! She saw the car! On the way to the wedding. It nearly raninto her too. And Nobby running after it."

  "_What?_"

  Four mouths--three empty and one full of tongue--framed theinterrogative simultaneously.

  "Mother and Dad and I," announced Miss Lacey, bubbling, "were driving tothe wedding. As we turned out of Long Lane into the Buckler Road, agreat green car went by like a flash of lightning. Fortunately we wereon the other side, or we'd have been smashed up. And, miles behind,there was a little white dog running the same way. I saw him, because Iwas back to the engine. Of course we were going much faster than him,and I soon lost sight of him."

  Nobby!

  Berry was the first to recover.

  "Thank Heaven I dragged him in." He glanced at his watch. "Counsel mustknow this at once. Come on. Never mind the bill: we can settle later."

  No one who was that afternoon lunching at the _Savoy_ will ever forgetour eruption from the restaurant. The girls actually ran. Berry, Jonah,and I, pursued by frantic waiters, thrust in their wake, taking thecarpeted steps three at a time, and generally evincing such symptoms ofnervous excitement as are seldom seen save upon the screen of acinematograph. Indeed, our departure would have done credit to any stagemanager, and I firmly believe that the majority of the guests attributedour behaviour to the ingenious brain of a manufacturer of films.

  Five minutes later we panted up the steep steps into the corridor whichled to our Court. As luck would have it, our solicitor was in the act ofpushing open the swing-doors.

  I caught him by the arm and breathed into his ear.

  "Important new evidence. Vital. We've got the witness here."

  He was a man of few words.

  "In there," he said shortly, pointing to a consulting room. "I'll getcounsel."

  We trooped into the apartment and shut the door.

  In silence we waited for what seemed a century. Then there were hastysteps, the door opened, and the K.C., followed by his junior and theattorney, entered the room.

  Briefly Berry related the story which Miss Lacey could tell.

  "This is the lady," he concluded. "I know our case is closed, but surelyshe can be called?"

  We hung upon the reply.

  "Can she speak to the number?"

  "No. But in corroboration----"

  "My dear Major Pleydell," said Tristram, "you need no corroboration. Thejury believe you. They believe you were smashed up. They believe it wasdone by a green touring car. The devil of it is, they believe thedefendant too. And so they come to the very natural conclusion that,between the excitement of the moment and the pace at which the car wastravelling, Mrs. Pleydell and Captain Mansel have made a mistake-perhaps only of one figure--in the number they saw. And, unless we candiscredit that fellow's story, call evidence to show he _was_ out onthat day, or something, I'm very much afraid we shall go down. Hiscounsel Is certain to ask for the benefit of the doubt, and they'll giveit him."

  I never remember feeling so disappointed.

  I think we all felt the weight of his words, but our collapse waspitiful. Lured by a treacherous hope into the belief that we were saved,we were fallen into a deeper Slough of Despond than before. Jill washard put to it to restrain her tears....

  Listlessly we followed our advisers into Court, and a moment later theJudge took his seat.

  One or two applications, which did not concern our case, were made. Thenleading counsel for the defence rose to his feet and called his nextwitness--

  "Walter Dale."

  At the sound of the name I started violently. Then, open-mouthed andtrembling with excitement, I twisted myself round to get a glimpse ofthe witness as he approached the box. Could it be possible that Fatewith fiendish irony had selected the ex-trooper whom we had befriendedto administer to our case the _coup de grace_? It must be a man ofanother name. But Dale _was_ a chauffeur....

  There was a stir at the back of the crowded
Court. Somebody was pushinghis way forward. Somebody....

  It _was_ Dale.

  The short, stockily-built figure, that I had not seen for more thanthree years, stepped out of the ruck of onlookers and took its place inthe witness-box.

  "Take the Book in your right hand...."

  It was the Associate's voice. As in a dream I heard the oathadministered.

  "The truth.... The whole truth.... And nothing but the truth."

  Dale's lips moved and he kissed the Testament.

  He was very pale. As he laid the Book down, our eyes met, and he lookedme full in the face. My heart began to thump violently.

  "Your name is Walter Dale?" said counsel.

  "Yes"--in a low voice.

  "Speak up, please, so that his lordship and the Jury may hear. You are achauffeur in the employ of the defendant?"

  "Yes."

  "Do you remember the twenty-second of May?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "Now, I want you to tell the Court in your own words exactly what youdid that day. First of all, on that day did your master's car leave thegarage?"

  "Yes, it did."

  The Court gasped. Jurymen, counsel, officials, reporters--every one satup as if they had been shot. Even the Judge started, and the defendanthalf rose from his seat and, when his solicitor laid a hand on his arm,sank back with bayed ferocity in his eyes and a face the colour ofcigar-ash.

  "I don't think you quite understood my question," purred counsel. "Onthe twenty-second of May, the day of the accident to the plaintiff'scar, did Mr. Bladder's car, of which you were in charge, leave thegarage?"

  "Yes," said Dale sturdily, "it did."

  "You understand what you're saying?" said the Judge.

  "Yes, sir. An' if I was to say anythin' else, I'd not only be tellin' alie, but I'd be doin' in the bes' friend as ever I 'ad." He pointed tome. "The Captain there. Little I knowed, when I took 'ismoney"--scornfully he nodded at the defendant--"'oo it was we run intothat day. Twenty-five pound it was, an' another twenty-five if we wonthe case."

  "My lord," said counsel, protesting, "I----"

  The Judge held up his hand and turned to the witness.

  "Remember you are on your oath."

  "I do that, sir. It's gospel truth what I'm sayin'. The accident'appened exactly as you've 'eard them tell. 'E was drivin', an' me by'is side. Tore by 'em, we did, an' 'it 'em an' left 'em. Sends me up toTown for a new 'ub-cap the nex' day. Lettin' 'er out, 'e was, to see 'owshe'd run after the over'aul. That was the day before."

  He paused for lack of breath, and the Judge turned his head slowly andpeered at counsel over the rim of his glasses.

  I was looking at the defendant.

  If any corroboration of Dale's story were needed, it was written uponhis master's face for all to see. Guilt, fear, and beastly rage werehorribly depicted. The close-set eyes shifted frantically from side toside. The mouth worked uncontrollably....

  As I looked, the fellow rose to his feet, swayed, put a hand to histhroat, and stepped uncertainly towards the doors. The crowd parted, andhe passed through....

  A thick voice shattered the silence.

  "In the circumstances your lordship will appreciate that I can carry mycase no further."

  With a swish of silk, counsel resumed his seat.

  As was to be expected, the jury delivered its verdict without leavingthe box. As the applause subsided--

  "I ask for judgment with costs," said Tristram.

  The Judge nodded.

  "And I direct," he said, "that the documents of the case be impoundedand be sent to the Director of Public Prosecutions."

  Amid the buzz of excitement which succeeded his words, I felt a touch onmy shoulder. Our leader was smiling.

  "Cast your bread upon the waters," he said. "For you shall find it aftermany days."