Not Until Forever (Hope Springs Book 1)

by Valerie M. Bodden

  Spencer stretched his ear toward his shoulder, trying to release the tension that had seized his neck.

  He had to face it. The man Sophie was with now—that was the kind of man she deserved to be with. Someone who could give her the kind of life she’d always had. The kind of life she’d always wanted. The kind of life he could never offer.

  Sure, he’d been good enough for a college boyfriend. Good enough for someone to hang out with. But when she’d had to consider the kind of man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, he hadn’t measured up.

  Spencer shook himself. He’d already gotten over Sophie. There was no reason to get so worked up over the fact that she’d found someone else. It’s not like he hadn’t imagined a thousand times the kind of man she’d end up with. A man just like the one with her right now.

  He pulled into Hidden Blossom’s driveway, slowing to examine the rambling farmhouse he’d grown up in. The paint had been peeling since before he was born. But now it was in desperate need of repainting. Shingles were peeling up in several places as well. But with Dad’s new medical expenses, both things would have to wait.

  Spencer was plenty used to doing without, but it hurt to see his parents still struggling after all these years. It seemed life on the farm never got easier.

  Another reason it was best he stopped dreaming about Sophie. He had to give all his attention to helping his family.

  Speaking of—

  Spencer leaned forward as he approached his house. An unfamiliar car was parked in front of the shed. His eyes traveled past the car to his front lawn.

  The old farm dog Buck must have followed the car to the house and was now trying to sniff two small boys, who kept running away. Their shrieks cut through Spencer’s window, and he grinned as he caught sight of his brother chasing the boys. Every time Tyler caught one of them, the other ran off, screaming even louder. Buck chased along, apparently finding the whole thing one big game.

  Spencer was tempted to stop the truck right here so he could just sit watching his brother and nephews. The weight that had been pressing on him lightened. He hadn’t realized how much he missed his brother until this moment, seeing him again. And the boys reminded him of himself and Tyler when they were younger.

  He pulled into the driveway next to Tyler’s car. The moment his big brother’s eyes fell on him, relief took over his face.

  Spencer shoved his door open and jumped from the truck, calling the dog to him.

  He ordered Buck to heel and led him slowly into the yard. He told the dog to sit. Buck obeyed, his tongue lolling to the side, and gave Spencer a pleading look as if to ask, “Can we play again?”

  “Stay,” Spencer commanded. Then he crouched at Buck’s side. He patted the dog’s head with one hand and held out his other hand to the boy latched to Tyler’s leg. “See, he’s a nice doggy.” As if to prove the point, Buck swiped his tongue down Spencer’s cheek.

  The little boy laughed and took a small step closer.

  “This is Buck. You can pet him,” Spencer said. “Maybe he’ll give you a kiss, too.”

  The boy giggled again and toddled closer. His brother watched from Tyler’s arms, letting out an occasional cry.

  As soon as the closer twin was within reach, Buck stuck his snout forward to sniff. The boy let out another scream and almost toppled over backward, but Spencer grabbed his hand. It was sticky and a little wet but warm, and it made something pull in Spencer’s gut. This was his nephew.

  “It’s okay,” he soothed. “The doggy just wants to sniff you. That’s how doggies say hi.”

  The boy looked from Spencer to the dog, then took a tiny step forward. This time when Buck sniffed him, he giggled. “It tickles.”

  Spencer laughed and the boy stepped right up to Buck, petting the dog’s ear. Buck used the opportunity to lick the boy’s nose. The twin giggled harder, and from behind him, his brother joined in.

  Soon, both boys were petting the dog and taking turns getting dog kisses.

  Spencer pushed to his feet and met his brother’s eyes. Tyler held out a tentative hand, but Spencer pulled him in for a quick hug. “It’s good to see you, man. I’m glad you came.”

  Tyler slapped Spencer’s back. “Thank goodness you showed up when you did. I was about ready to throw the boys back in the car and take off. And I’m not sure I could have handled another ten-hour drive with these two. Julia always—” His voice cracked, and he scanned the farm, face gathered into a frown. “Gotta say, I never thought I’d be back here again.”

  Spencer clapped his brother’s shoulder. “Ah, it’s not so bad here. You might even find you like it.”

  At his feet, the twins were fighting over who got the next “Bucky kiss.” Spencer bent to scoop one twin up in each of his arms, relishing their heft. “Enough love for the dog. What about your uncle Spencer? He’s way cooler than a dog. And he can give kisses, too.” He flicked his tongue at the twins, who squealed and tried to squirm away.

  But Spencer pulled them closer, and they wrapped their little arms around his neck, letting him carry them inside.

  Sophie massaged her temples, trying to ease the splitting headache that had kicked in right around the time she found Chase outside her parents’ house. Apparently, he’d already arranged everything with her mother and would be spending the night here. The second guest room was being prepared for him.

  “You really didn’t have to come,” she said for at least the eighth time as she sat stiffly on the straight-backed chair in the formal living room.

  “I told you, I missed you.” Chase leaned forward and reached to squeeze her hand. She tried to squeeze back, quashing down the guilt at the fact that she had barely thought of him since she’d left Chicago.

  “So what’s there to do around here?” Chase’s eyes fell on the picture windows overlooking the lake. “You must have a boat, right? Should we take her out for a ride?”

  Sophie frowned at him. It was already way past the time she should be at Nana’s. “I was planning to spend the day at the hospital.” She gestured toward the window. “But you’re welcome to check out the lake. There’s a great public pier next to the marina downtown.”

  Chase sighed, not bothering to hide his pout. “No, that’s okay. I’ll go with you.”

  Don’t do me any favors.

  But Sophie gave him a tight smile. “That sounds nice.”

  She led the way to the front closet and grabbed a light jacket. Chase plucked it from her grip and held it up to help her into it. Sophie gritted her teeth, then forced herself to relax.

  Why was she so annoyed with everything he did right now? He was only trying to be thoughtful. He’d driven all the way from Chicago, after all. He wouldn’t have had to do that.

  She tried to ignore the fact that he hadn’t asked about her grandmother. Hadn’t apologized for dropping in on her unexpectedly. Hadn’t really seemed to think of her at all.

  Still, she resolved to give Chase the benefit of the doubt.

  She opened the front door but stopped short at the sight of Mom standing on the top step, staring out toward the lake. “Mom?”

  Mom jumped and spun toward her. “Oh, Sophie, you startled me.” Her eyes fell on Chase, and her smile warmed. “I hope you have everything you need.”

  Chase gave her the suave smile that had helped him close plenty of deals. “And then some.”

  “Good.” Mom stepped to the door as Sophie and Chase started down the steps. “Where are you kids off to?”

  “To visit Nana.”

  “Sophie.” Her mother’s tone held the familiar reprimand. “You two should go and do something fun. Nana won’t mind.”

  Sophie bit her tongue to keep from asking how Mom would know what Nana would or wouldn’t mind, when she hadn’t been to visit her once since she’d been in the hospital.

  “I promised Nana,” she said simply.

  “Well at least go out to dinner afterward.” Mom stepped into the house. “Take him to Alessandro’s.
” She turned to Chase. “It’s divine.”

  Sophie puffed out an irritated breath as Mom closed the door. “Sorry about her.”

  But Chase had pulled out his phone and was lifting it to his ear.

  “What are you doing?”

  Chase waved a hand to shush her. “Making reservations.” He gave his attention to someone on the other end of the phone.

  Sophie rolled her eyes and led the way to her car. It was going to be a long afternoon.

  Chase got off the phone as Sophie directed the car toward town. For the next ten minutes, he filled her in on the latest details on the Hudson project. She tried to bring her thoughts into focus on what he was saying. It would give her a leg up when she got back to the office.

  But her mind refused to cooperate. It kept rewinding to earlier that afternoon. To the way Spencer had thanked her for visiting his dad. To the way he’d tensed when he saw Chase.

  She signaled and turned onto Hope Street. Early-season tourists were out in full force today, and Sophie craned her neck to spot Vi’s antique shop.

  There.

  Tucked right next to the fudge shop.

  “Well, this is quaint.” Chase didn’t bother to mask his derision. Clearly, to him quaint meant backward.

  Sophie tightened her hands on the wheel but then forced them to relax. After all, she’d thought of her hometown that way more than once. Since she’d been back, though, quaint had started to seem like a good thing.

  She shook herself. Quaint might be fine for a visit. But her life was in the city.

  With Chase.

  Not here. Not with Spencer, who even now refused to exit her thoughts.

  That had to stop.

  She pulled into the hospital parking lot and turned to Chase. “Thanks for—”

  But his phone rang, and he shifted his attention to the screen.

  “Sorry, I have to take this.” Chase answered the call before she could respond.

  She sighed and stepped out of the car, waiting for Chase to join her. Even though he was on the phone and had no idea where they were going, he took the lead. She sped up to match his long strides, occasionally pointing to keep him going in the right direction.

  By the time they reached Nana’s room, he still wasn’t off the phone. Sophie waited a few minutes, but when he didn’t show any sign of wrapping up the call, she entered the room alone.

  “Hi, Nana.” She’d finally gotten used to talking to her grandmother when she was sleeping. Nana’s form seemed to have shrunk since yesterday so that she looked almost like the toothpick figure Sophie had once constructed for a school project.

  Sophie crossed the room to open the curtains. Streamers of white-gold light speckled the floor. “It’s nice out today. The lake was so glassy this morning. Made me think of that time we went over to Strawberry Island. Remember? The water was so flat you said we should try walking on it.” She paused, gazing out the window. “So I tried. But I couldn’t, obviously. And then you held me up, so I’d feel like I really was walking on the water. And you told me—” Sophie swallowed and crossed the room to Nana’s bedside. She brushed at the wispy strands of hair that poked up from Nana’s head. “You told me that you’d always try to hold me up, but when you couldn’t God would still be there, holding me.” She settled into the chair next to Nana’s bed and blew out a slow breath. A shadow of the truth had been nagging at her for the past couple days, and being in church this morning had only given it substance. “But, Nana.” Her voice came out as little more than a whisper. “I’ve pushed God away. I’m not sure he’s holding me anymore.”

  She tried to shove down the confusion that had overcome her this week. She wasn’t used to being so unsure. She willed Nana to wake up. To tell her how to fix this. But Nana didn’t stir.

  “Glad that’s taken care of.” Chase’s over-loud voice ricocheted around the room. Sophie cringed and held a finger to her lips.

  “Oh, sorry.” Chase lowered his voice. His face had paled, and his eyes darted around the room, as if searching for a safe place to land.

  “Here.” Sophie moved to bring the other chair in the room closer, but Chase shook his head.

  “I’m good.” He anchored himself on the narrow windowsill.

  “Okay then.” Sophie’s eyes flicked from Chase to Nana. “Nana, this is Chase. He’s my—” She fumbled. “We work together. Chase, this is my grandmother.”

  Chase gave a quick nod but didn’t look at Nana.

  “It’s okay.” Sophie hadn’t pegged him for squeamish. “You can talk to her.”

  Chase gave her a blank stare. “She’s out.”

  “I know.” Sophie moved back to her chair. “You get used to it.”

  Chase nodded again but didn’t say anything.

  Sophie chewed her lip. Having him here made her self-conscious about talking to Nana, too.

  So she just sat, holding Nana’s hand.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Chase pull out his phone. After a quick glance, he heaved a noticeable sigh and clicked it off.

  Five minutes later, he did the same thing.

  And five minutes after that.

  Finally, Sophie couldn’t take it anymore. “Why don’t you go check out the pier? It’s a few blocks to the north. I’ll meet you there in a bit.”

  The relief that passed over Chase’s face was almost comical. “You sure?”

  But he was already striding toward the door.

  She tensed as he detoured to drop a kiss onto her cheek.

  The door clicked, and an overwhelming peace settled over the room.

  Sophie squeezed Nana’s hand. “Now, where were we?”

  Chapter 11

  Spencer wanted to yank the hair out of his head.

  He had been listening to two screaming boys for an hour and a half, and he was pretty sure he was going to lose his mind if it didn’t stop soon.

  “Let’s try the bears again,” he yelled to his brother over the screams.

  Tyler nodded, his jaw tense, as he pulled Lucas to him.

  Spencer grabbed William and tried to give him the stuffed bear he’d dug out of an old box in his parents’ attic. But the toddler chucked it into the wall on the other side of the room. Kid had a surprisingly good arm. Maybe he’d play football someday.

  If they all survived this night.

  On the other side of the room, Tyler was having no better luck. Little Lucas was stomping on his bear’s head.

  “I give up.” Tyler set Lucas down and dropped into the unpainted rocking chair Spencer had brought in from the shed.

  He buried his face in his hands. “They want their mommy.” His voice was muffled through his fingers, but Spencer heard the pain in it. “I want her, too.”

  Spencer retrieved the two bears and set them on the dresser.

  He glanced at the window. It was so dark outside. Maybe the boys needed a night-light.

  Not that he had any of those lying around. But maybe—

  “Hold on.” He jogged out of the room as the twins resumed their screaming behind him.

  He pushed out the front door and jogged down the porch steps and across the yard to the workshop.

  He’d brought a small reading lamp out here a few weeks ago to help him see the fine details better in the dark space.

  As he crossed the workshop, his eyes fell on the bench he’d made for Sophie months before proposing to her. It was supposed to be a wedding present.

  How had he been so sure she’d say yes? How had he been so wrong about their relationship?

  And now, all these years later, he still couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it. Maybe he should sell it. Make a few bucks off it, at least.

  But getting rid of it felt too permanent. Like he was giving up all hope of ever being with Sophie.

  Not that there’s anything to hope for anyway. You saw her kissing another man. What more proof that she’s over you do you need? An invitation to their wedding?

  Spencer yanked the lamp off hi
s workbench with a snarl at himself. He was being stupid, thinking about Sophie, when he had two screaming nephews and a heartbroken brother to take care of.

  He grabbed the lamp and sprinted to the house without another glance at the bench.

  If possible, the volume of the wailing had increased. Both boys were in the portable cribs Tyler had brought along, standing with their hands gripping the sides. Streaks of tears and dirt clung to their splotchy cheeks, and snot dripped toward their mouths. If he hadn’t seen much worse helping Emma deliver horses, Spencer would be disgusted.

  Tyler stood between the two cribs, shoulders hunched, arms hanging limply at his sides.

  “Here we go.” Spencer tried the soothing voice he used with Emma’s horses whenever they were spooked. He clicked on the reading lamp, then turned off the overhead light.

  The boys went silent for a moment, and Spencer held his breath. Had he really solved the problem?

  He was a hero.

  Super Uncle.

  Spencer the Great.

  He was—

  The wailing started again.

  Spencer groaned.

  Tyler spun his back to them, fists on his forehead. “How am I ever going to do this?”

  Spencer crossed to his brother and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, leading him toward the door. “Go. Take a walk or something. I’ll handle this.”

  Tyler shook his head. “You’ll handle it?”

  I always do. But Spencer bit back the words. Now was not the time.

  Tyler opened his mouth again, then nodded once and left the room.

  A second later, the front door banged shut.

  “There, now it’s just you and me, boys.” Spencer moved into the rocking chair. “Tell you what. I’m going to sit here and listen to you two scream. And when you tire yourselves out with that, you can lay down and go to sleep, okay?”

  But the twins had more willpower than Spencer had given them credit for. After twenty minutes, he considered joining in the screaming. Anything would be better than listening to it.

  He needed backup.

  But his mom had been staying at the hospital with his dad, and he didn’t want to wake her in case she was actually managing to get some sleep.