Beautifully Torn

by Charity Parkerson

  A shot of pain tried taking out his knees. “I can’t talk about that yet.”

  Jinx nodded and rubbed Hudson’s chest, as if trying to calm him. “Okay. Tell me how I can make your first night back home perfect.”

  Hudson didn’t have to think about it. “Go to bed with me. Let me make love to my fiancé.”

  Jinx’s expression turned wicked. “There’s nothing I want more. Let me talk to Tito really quick. I need to ask him to grab something for me I forgot, but then I’ll be ready for bed. Is that okay?”

  Hudson let go of Jinx’s waist. “Of course. Just hurry. I’ve spent the last six months miserable.”

  Jinx pressed a quick kiss to Hudson’s lips and pulled away. “I’ll be back before you can miss me.”

  He really was. Jinx jogged from the kitchen, was gone half a minute, and was back. Hunger hit Hudson like a ton of bricks at the sight of Jinx walking toward him. “I love you.” Even to his ears, the claim sounded harsh.

  A sweet smile touched Jinx’s lips. “I love you too.”

  “Please tell me you forgive me for ruining everything.” Tears pressed at the backs of Hudson’s eyes. The crash was coming faster than expected.

  Jinx’s body collided with his. “Stop thinking.”

  Hudson didn’t have much choice. His tongue was in Jinx’s mouth and Jinx’s hand was inside Hudson’s pants before he knew it would happen. Heat exploded through him. Hudson tore at Jinx’s clothes. His madness changed directions. He needed to please Jinx. Hudson wanted to hear Jinx cry his name. If he could blow Jinx’s mind, maybe Jinx could forgive him for destroying everything. Jinx didn’t protest when his bare ass hit the cold marble island. Hudson didn’t give him time to think about it. He leaned over and swallowed Jinx’s cock. Jinx held his hair while Hudson licked and sucked. He was consumed with a need to make Jinx scream. Saliva ran down his hands while Hudson went wild on Jinx’s cock. He used the mess to finger and stretch Jinx’s asshole. Moans caressed his ear. They fed his madness. He needed things to move faster. His brain sped at a thousand miles an hour. Hudson wanted everything else to keep up.

  In a flash, he shot upward and towed Jinx from the island. Jinx scrambled to hang on to the edge so he wouldn’t fall on the floor as Hudson impaled him. The instant Jinx’s hot hole engulfed his dick, Hudson froze. His heart raced. His anxiety hit a wall. He started hyperventilating.

  “I forgot the condom.”

  His chest caved. Each breath came harder than the last. Jinx would never forgive him now. Everything he did was wrong. He was worthless. Hudson didn’t know why Jinx bothered with him. Everyone would be better off if he died. Then they would be free of his abject stupidity.

  Jinx stroked his face. “Shhh. It’s okay. Breathe. We’re getting married. It’s okay.”

  Air filled his lungs. His mind cleared. His heart slowed. Hudson took another breath. It sounded strained—like a drowning man—but his mind got even clearer. They were getting married. This was a commitment. Hudson hadn’t slept with anyone other than Jinx and Rocky since they started dating. That meant he hadn’t slept with anyone else since the last time he got tested. He also never had unprotected sex with anyone. Hudson took another breath. He wasn’t endangering Jinx. They were making love. This was a benefit of knowing there would be no one else. It was just them now.

  Hudson rocked forward. A gasp escaped Jinx. He did it again. Jinx felt amazing on Hudson’s cock.

  “I love you.” That was all the warning Hudson gave before he took what he wanted. Hudson pumped and rolled his hips, finding the angle that made Jinx moan. Once he was there, he didn’t stop. Hudson pounded, riding the high of Jinx’s open pleasure. He stared at Jinx, refusing to blink against the sight of Jinx moving closer to release. When hot cum hit Hudson’s chest, he lost it. He took Jinx to the floor. It was hard on his knees, but Hudson didn’t care. All his focus was on filling Jinx’s ass with cum. He needed to own him. Hudson pounded while focused on one goal: orgasm. His muscles clenched as his balls drew up tight. Everything finally slowed inside his mind. When the first spasm hit, the air left his lungs. Hudson cried Jinx’s name as he rode out the waves. As he collapsed, Jinx was there to catch him. When he fell apart, Jinx stayed to put him back together.

  Eight

  The shock ebbed a hair as Rocky stared at the wall. It had taken a few hours of sitting alone in his private living room, but reality slowly returned. He didn’t like it. The truth was ugly. Rocky had fucked up everything. That was no easy feat, but Rocky had figured out how to do it. Oddly, he wasn’t surprised about losing Hudson. Hudson had always been a dream. Jinx, though, Rocky hadn’t thought he could lose him. It wasn’t that Jinx was more in his league than Hudson. He wasn’t. But Jinx was more loyal than most people and usually saw beyond Rocky’s bullshit. Not tonight. Tonight, Rocky had gone too far. Rocky had searched every place he could think to look without luck. Jinx was nowhere to be found. Finally, he had come home, praying Jinx would be here. He wasn’t. He was gone.

  Jinx’s expression wouldn’t leave Rocky’s mind. Rocky had leveled him. He had known Jinx wanted to get married someday. Jinx had stayed with Rocky, even though he knew Rocky didn’t want to be anyone’s husband. Rocky had spit in the face of that sacrifice. The betrayal had been too much. Rocky felt sick. He had hurt someone he was supposed to protect. Rocky didn’t know if he could live with that. Then there was Hudson.

  Rocky had known there was something wrong with Hudson. Something Rocky’s love couldn’t fix. But Rocky was an emotional repairman, and he had to try to make everyone happy. He had destroyed Jinx to pull Hudson away from the edge and lost them both in his effort. Rocky didn’t know where to go with the pain. Hudson needed him, and Rocky couldn’t be there. The helplessness choked him. Jinx was out there somewhere, thinking the worst of Rocky. Hudson believed Rocky would fuck over Jinx to be with him. Rocky wanted to smash everything he owned in a fit of rage. His skin crawled with the need to do something. To fix everything. Rocky didn’t know where to start.

  “This dude is here to see you.”

  Rocky startled as Cooper’s voice cut through his inner panic. Since Cooper was still jumpy and unsure of his place, Rocky tried tempering his reaction as he looked the kid’s way. A gigantic Tito stood at Cooper’s back, looking like a finely dressed thug dwarfing the tiny blond.

  “Thanks, Cooper.”

  Cooper smiled like he had been given the highest of praises. “No problem.” He cast a quick glance Tito’s way before scurrying away. Tito didn’t wait for an invitation. He chose a chair and sat.

  “Jinx sent me.”

  Rocky’s spine gave out at just the sound of Jinx’s name, leaving him no choice but to lean back in his chair. “Is he okay?”

  Tito nodded. “Hudson went after him. He convinced Jinx to come home. Jinx made Hudson take his meds.” Tito paused, as if torn over whether he should speak. His loyalty to Hudson couldn’t be clearer. Finally, he met Rocky’s stare as if determined to power through. “He’s bipolar 1, so he might crash after this manic episode or he might not. Nine times out of ten, he’s fine after the episodes pass, but this was a big one.”

  “Thanks to me for stressing him out,” Rocky guessed.

  Tito flashed him a humorless smile, proving Rocky’s thoughts were right. “It’s not all you. He stopped taking his meds about three months ago. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but I’m just an employee.”

  Rocky wanted to argue that wasn’t true, but he was in the same boat with Zayn. If he worried about anything Zayn did, he could argue and fuss, but in the end, he was just an employee. “I’m glad Jinx got him to take his meds.”

  Tito nodded. “Me too.” He cleared his throat and glanced around the room, as if uncomfortable with having this conversation, but Tito pressed on. “Like I said, Jinx asked me to come by and update you. Hudson is refusing to talk about what happened, so Jinx was afraid to call until after this episode passes. He needs to get Hudson calm, but he understands you didn’t kno
w and probably freaked when you saw Hudson in a full-blown attack.”

  Rocky’s throat tried swelling closed. They were still over, nonetheless. “I understand.”

  “Try not to worry. Hudson has fired me countless times over the years. I just stopped paying attention and refuse to leave. He’s usually over it by the time hallucinations end.”

  Rocky swiped his hand over his eyes. Everything was so much worse than he had known. Hudson hallucinated. That sounded terrible. His babies were suffering, and Rocky couldn’t be there to help. “I don’t know what to do.” The confession slipped out before Rocky could think better of speaking.

  Tito nodded. “I know. It’s hard being the strong one. I’ve been dealing with this for years, but there’s a reason I brought Hudson to Jinx the night he tried swan diving from the balcony. Jinx wears his every emotion on his sleeve. That’s what drew Hudson to him. Hudson knows Jinx won’t judge him for being human.”

  “And he thinks I will,” Rocky supplied, feeling defeated.

  Tito shook his head. “It’s not that. You’re the strong one. He can’t talk about what happened today for the same reason he fires me once a month. It makes him feel weak and broken to be seen like this by someone like us. He needs you because you’re the strong one, but Jinx needs Hudson even when Hudson can’t be strong. Jinx never sees him as weak.”

  “I don’t see him as weak.” The words sounded angry even to Rocky’s ears. He couldn’t help it. The helplessness crippled him and pissed him off. He hated Hudson thought badly of him.

  “I know you don’t. This will pass. He’ll need you when it’s over.”

  Rocky wasn’t as sure. It sounded to him like Hudson needed Jinx and Rocky was in the way. Jinx had obviously known Hudson was bipolar. Rocky hadn’t. Jinx could keep Hudson doing what he needed to do to stay healthy. Rocky was just some guy who had gotten really, really lucky to hold the sun and stars for a while. Now he needed to move aside so they could flourish without him holding them back.

  Rocky took a steadying breath. “Thanks for keeping me posted. I would have paced the floor all night.”

  A humorless chuckle rumbled from Tito. “Don’t lie. You’ll still walk the floor all night.”

  A smile Rocky didn’t feel stretched his lips. “Yeah. I suppose I will.” But he would have to get over it, eventually. Hudson and Jinx weren’t his anymore. He had to let them go so they could thrive.

  Tito stood and patted Rocky’s shoulder before leaving him alone. He heard voices rumble in the hall but couldn’t make out the words. Rocky wasn’t surprised when Cooper slipped silently into the chair Tito had abandoned. Cooper spent most of his nights quietly sitting with Rocky and Jinx—like he was scared they would disappear if he let them out of his sight.

  Tonight, Cooper found his voice. “Is Jinx cheating on you?”

  A smile Rocky didn’t feel snapped to his lips. It was obvious Cooper had been eavesdropping. “No. It’s complicated.”

  “Oh.” Cooper stared at him in silence for a few seconds before digging for more. “Was he cheating on this Hudson guy with you?”

  “No. The three of us were together.”

  Cooper’s mouth fell open. “Like together, together, and you knew about it?”

  A laugh burst from Rocky. “To be honest, I don’t know how to explain it to anyone else. The three of us spent time together and fell in love with one another. We decided we didn’t care what people thought, and yeah. We were a throuple.”

  Cooper nodded. He looked engrossed. “Where has this Hudson been?”

  “On tour.”

  “You mean he’s famous.” Cooper nearly screeched the words.

  Rocky smiled at Cooper’s shock. “Yeah. He’s pretty famous.”

  “Would I know him?”

  Rocky shrugged. “I guess that depends on what kind of music you like. It’s Hudson Vincent.”

  Cooper shot forward in his seat. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re dating Hudson fucking Vincent?”

  Rocky’s smile fell. “Not anymore.”

  “Oh.” Cooper’s excitement visibly drained away. He sat back. “They kicked you out of the band.”

  A lump formed in Rocky’s throat. “I think I kicked myself out of the band by being stupid.”

  Cooper toyed with the hem of his shirt, twisting it and stretching the material. “What did you do?”

  Rocky swallowed down the pain. “I asked Hudson to marry me.”

  Cooper visibly swallowed. When he spoke, his voice sounded small and hurt. “You wanted to shut out Jinx. Why? He’s so nice, and he talks about you like you’re the love of his life. I don’t understand.”

  Rocky didn’t know what to say. He didn’t understand either. Hudson had been unreachable. Rocky thought he could save him. Instead, he had hurt everyone. Tito was right. Hudson needed Jinx. Rocky had always been alone. He could go back to that. Hudson wouldn’t make it without Jinx. Rocky loved them. That meant getting out of the way. Loving them enough to let them go. Cooper still stared at him, waiting patiently for an answer.

  Rocky said the only truth that mattered now. “Like I said, I’m dumb.” Rocky looked away. The whys didn’t matter now. He had lost everything. There was no going back. Hudson and Jinx were better off without him. That was that.

  Jinx: Hudson is sleeping. You should come back so we can talk.

  Rocky: I’m glad he’s getting some sleep. I don’t think that’s a good idea.

  Jinx: I’m sorry I lost my temper. Please don’t let that be the thing that ruins us.

  Rocky: You didn’t do anything wrong. I did. Please, just be happy. Hudson needs you.

  Jinx: And I need you.

  Rocky: No, you don’t. You should go cuddle with Hudson. He might not be in his right mind when he wakes up. You should be there for him.

  Jinx: Who’ll be there for you?

  Rocky: Don’t worry about me. Just be happy.

  Jinx: Please don’t make me beg.

  Rocky: Don’t. Just get some sleep. Hudson needs you and he won’t let me be there. I need you to love him enough for the both of us. Give him a life I can’t.

  Jinx: Stop talking like we’re over. You’re breaking my heart.

  Rocky: I’m breaking mine too. I love you both. Be happy.

  For longer than he cared to admit, Jinx stared at his phone, silently begging Rocky to text him again. To call. Anything. Mostly, he wanted a sign they weren’t over. Nothing happened.

  “He won’t come back.”

  Hudson’s claim had Jinx scrambling to put his phone away and cuddle with Hudson. “No. He won’t come back.”

  On their sides, they stared into each other’s eyes. Only the light spilling from the bathroom illuminated the room enough for Jinx to see Hudson’s clear gaze. He was doing better, except now there was pain in Hudson’s expression. “It’s my fault.”

  Jinx shook his head. “It’s not. It’s mine. I got my feelings hurt and stormed out. I didn’t know you were having an episode. He probably didn’t know how to react.”

  “I should’ve told him. I just didn’t want to look weak in his eyes.”

  Jinx stroked Hudson’s cheek. “Baby, you’re not weak. This isn’t something you can control. You were born like this and it’s not who you are. This disorder is just part of you, and I love every single thing about you, even that. I wouldn’t change a damn thing about you.”

  “I missed you so much.” Hudson whispered the words as if they tore from his throat. “It was harder this time than it’s ever been. All I wanted was to come home.”

  Jinx’s chest hurt. He hated that Hudson struggled. “You should’ve told me. I would’ve come to you. Spencer has been out of town, so I haven’t had to work. I could’ve toured with you.”

  A sad smile touched Hudson’s lips. He shook his head. “You would’ve been miserable being stuck in hotels alone, and Rocky would’ve been brokenhearted. I can handle a lot, but I can’t handle knowing you two are unhappy.”

  “I love y
ou.”

  Hudson’s gaze moved over Jinx’s face, as if searching to see if Jinx told the truth. “I love you too. Do you really want to marry me, or did you only agree to calm me down?”

  Jinx’s heart ached for too many reasons to count. They had lost Rocky, and it didn’t look like he planned to come back. Rocky was right about one thing, though. Hudson needed him. Rocky obviously didn’t. Jinx had to find a way to live with that. “I want to marry you.”

  Hudson rolled away and climbed from the bed. Jinx watched as Hudson padded across the room in the nude. It was a nice show. Jinx pressed his hand to his stomach. He still felt the same now as he had a couple of years ago when Hudson had kissed him for the first time. Hudson was this extremely famous guy with millions of fans all over the world. He could have anyone. For whatever reason, he wanted Jinx, and it had been humbling. Now Jinx knew the real Hudson, and he couldn’t imagine living without him.