Beautifully Torn

by Charity Parkerson

  After a moment of shifting through his still packed bags, Hudson came out with a tattered-looking notebook. He crawled back into bed with Jinx. He kept moving until he straddled Jinx’s body. Jinx’s hands smoothed up Hudson’s thighs—as if they were drawn to Hudson’s skin like a magnet. Everything else fell away. It was only the two of them now.

  With Jinx massaging Hudson’s thighs, Hudson flipped through the thick book. It had loose pages trying to fall out. They were various colors and sizes, proving Hudson had been putting the pages together for a long time. He spoke as he searched through each one. “Earlier, you said I didn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you until after I met Rocky. That’s not true. I used to hire Spencer to DJ my release parties just so I could see you. I was like four parties in and two hundred thousand dollars spent before I worked up the nerve to make a move.”

  Jinx snorted at the confession. “You’re you and I’m me. I doubt you’ve ever had to work up the nerve to hit on anyone, much less someone like me.”

  Hudson stopped his hunt long enough to meet Jinx’s stare with an incredulous look. “I am a complete mess and we both know it. Stop acting like I’m some prize. We both know I’m not.”

  Jinx’s throat swelled. “You are to me.”

  A small smile touched Hudson’s lips. He went back to his search. “Everything in this notebook is dated, because I’m crazy and I figure I’ll die young. Maybe you can make some money off publishing my thoughts when I’m gone.”

  “Don’t.”

  Hudson froze again at Jinx’s harshly spoken whisper. His gaze didn’t waver from the pages this time, as if he couldn’t make himself meet Jinx’s stare. “My head still isn’t right, baby, but I’m trying. I’m sorry you fell in love with me.” He went back to shuffling through the pages. He found what he was looking for before Jinx found the words to make Hudson understand he shouldn’t be sorry. Jinx didn’t regret a thing.

  “Here we go.” He flashed the notebook Jinx’s way so he could see the date. “I wrote this before I met Rocky. Just listen, okay?”

  Jinx nodded. “Okay.”

  Hudson took an audible breath, and read. “Tonight was the third time I saw him. I wanted to ask if Jinx was his real name, and—if so—if he knew the story behind his name. Instead, we talked about ice cream.” Jinx smiled at the memory. They had somehow managed to talk about ice cream for hours. “I don’t know why I haven’t done anything to gauge his interest. Maybe I’m a little scared he likes me too, and I’ll taint someone so beautiful. He already has a sadness in his eyes. I’ll only make it worse. But it’s funny the way I can’t stop thinking about him. He gave me his number so we can try out a new ice cream shop in town when I get back from my next tour. I could tell he doesn’t think I’ll call. He’s right. I won’t, but I still programmed his number in my phone under the contact name Someday. Someday I’ll be better, and someday he’ll be the first person I call. I don’t know why I’m so certain, but I know he’s the one. Someday, he’ll see it too.”

  Tears leaked from the corners of Jinx’s eyes and rolled back into his hair. He didn’t bother wiping them away. Hudson loved him. Jinx wouldn’t let him regret it. “My mom named me Jinx because I was born on a Friday the thirteenth at exactly one o’clock or thirteen hundred hours' military time. I was thirteen days early, and she had unexpectedly gone into labor with me after a black cat crossed her path on the way to her doctor’s appointment. She was very superstitious, and I was born the ultimate jinx. Oddly, my life has been extremely unlucky. That is, until I met you. You’re that one good thing I don’t know what I did to deserve, but I’m not letting go. Maybe I’m your someday, but you’re my forever.”

  Hudson’s lips parted as if Jinx surprised him. He looked almost puzzled. While Jinx looked on, Hudson tossed the notebook aside and grabbed his phone. “After you agreed to marry me before I left for my tour, I changed your contact name.” He unlocked his phone and turned it Jinx’s way so he could see his contact name: My Forever.

  Jinx’s gaze shot to Hudson’s. It was like Jinx had been shown a sign. They had been meant to meet and fall in love. Jinx swiped at his eyes as more tears slipped out. He didn’t understand how he could lose so much and gain so much on the same day. Yet here he was. Sad and happy. At the bottom and the top. No one had prepared him for this. At the end of the day, he loved Hudson too much to be anything other than the man Hudson believed him to be.

  “I can’t wait to be your husband.”

  For a moment, Hudson stared down at Jinx with his heart hidden behind a closed expression. When he finally spoke, his voice had a harsh note. “Then you’re a fool, but I’m so goddamn happy for it.”

  If that didn’t sum up their entire relationship, then nothing did. Fool or not, he would love Hudson until his dying breath. Jinx didn’t know any other way to be. He had to focus on them now, because if he knew nothing else, he knew he couldn’t make Rocky come back. Jinx wasn’t strong enough to hold on to two men. He didn’t know why he had let himself believe he could be. Rocky had been the one holding the three of them together. Now Rocky was done. Jinx had to get back to reality. His life was with Hudson. He wouldn’t fail him.

  Nine

  Hudson tried. He really did. All his calls and texts to Rocky went unanswered. One day, he woke up and accepted they were done. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment reality set in. It was more of a slow acknowledgment of the truth. He was too much work for Rocky. His episode had been more than Rocky could handle. Hudson understood. He had driven away many people over the years. This one hurt more than the rest, except maybe his parents. That had been a hard loss. It seemed like everyone he loved the most left the easiest, except Jinx. All Jinx wanted was to be loved in return. That was something Hudson wouldn’t fail at doing.

  Hudson watched Jinx chew on the side of his nail while looking through brochures. Everything about Jinx turned Hudson on, but Jinx made Hudson’s dick a lot harder today with his sexy outfit. His short shorts and ragged tank top might not be anything special. They seemed to fit his body in all the right ways. Hudson couldn’t stop eyeing his sexy legs and ass.

  Jinx looked up and caught Hudson ogling him. He smacked Hudson with the brochure. “This is serious business. You have to help me decide.”

  Hudson shook his head. “I absolutely do not have to do that. This one thing is your decision. I don’t have anyone other than Tito to invite to a wedding. So, like I said, you need to be the one to choose. Big wedding, small wedding, or eloping are all fine with me. As long as we’re married at the end of the ceremony, let’s do what you want.”

  Jinx’s shoulders fell. “I mean, I don’t really have much of anyone to invite either. Spencer and Zayn are the only ones who matter enough to invite them. All this shit looks stressful.” He held up a brochure. “Chapels.” He held up a catalog. “Invitations and tablecloths.” Jinx let the stack of papers fall to the floor. “There’s so much shit to plan.”

  A laugh vibrated in Hudson’s throat. “You called planning a wedding shit twice in one rant. I have a feeling we should elope.”

  “Thank you,” Jinx said, sounding like a weight lifted from his chest. “I didn’t want to be the one to say it, but I agree. Let’s just go to Vegas or Aspen or wherever people go to get married. That way, we don’t have to plan or wait or make nice with people who don’t give a shit about us anyhow.”

  Hudson couldn’t stop smiling. There was nothing he wanted more than to call Jinx his husband. He wanted to be settled into their new life and titles. That way, if he ever lost his battle against his mind, Jinx would get everything Hudson owned. Hudson wanted him to be set.

  “With that settled, where do you want to honeymoon?”

  With a loud groan, Jinx threw himself backwards across the couch in full dramatics. Hudson laughed as he stole his chance to pounce. He swapped between tickling Jinx and kissing him. Laughter filled the room, giving Hudson hope and light where there used to be none.

  “Hey,
Jinx. Cooper is here to see you.”

  Hudson scrambled away and helped Jinx sit up before looking Tito’s way. “I finally get to meet the infamous Cooper.” Jinx had told Hudson all about the teen and his antics.

  A blond head poked around Tito’s body, making Hudson realize the tiny teen was hidden by Tito’s large frame.

  “Hi. Holy shit. It really is Hudson Vincent.”

  Hudson tried not to laugh. Cooper’s reaction was a familiar one, but Hudson wasn’t used to hearing it inside his home.

  “Yay. It’s Cooper,” Jinx said, bounding to his feet. He crossed the room and pulled Cooper from his hiding spot. They were close to the same size, except Cooper looked malnourished. Jinx hugged him before dragging him across the room to sit with them. Hudson noticed Tito didn’t leave them alone. He found it odd that Tito felt he needed to stay to protect Hudson from Jinx’s friend.

  “You left me,” Cooper said the moment he was settled.

  Jinx’s shoulders fell. “I’m so sorry. Things got kind of complicated, and you got lost in the shuffle, but I’m still around. I promise. How are you settling in at Zayn’s?”

  “It’s okay.” Cooper twisted the hem of his shirt, stretching out an already loose-fitting article of clothing. “I think I’m pretty useless as far as security goes. It’s a job and a place to live. I can’t complain, but I’m super aware it’s a pity position. There’s no way I’m scaring away anyone sneaking onto the property.”

  Hudson couldn’t take it. He knew what it was like to feel inadequate. “You could always come live here instead. Obviously, I don’t have Zayn’s money, but we would take care of you.”

  Cooper flashed Hudson a shy smile. “Thanks for the offer, but I couldn’t leave Rocky behind. He took me in and he’s already all alone. I can’t abandon him.”

  Hudson fought hard to keep breathing. “I understand.” He was glad Rocky wasn’t alone. “We wouldn’t want Rocky abandoned either.”

  Jinx nodded. A pained expression crossed his features. “How is Rocky?”

  “Sad,” Cooper said, stabbing Hudson in the heart. “He tries to act like nothing is wrong, but he snaps at everyone all day. Then he sits in the silence when he isn’t working. I usually sit with him so he isn’t alone, but he doesn’t really talk to me. He doesn’t really talk to anyone.” Cooper’s gaze moved to the mess of catalogs and brochures on the floor. “I saw a few headlines saying you two are getting married. Nobody has said when, though.”

  “I’ll let you two catch up,” Hudson said, pushing to his feet. He needed a moment alone.

  Jinx glanced his way, looking worried. “Are you okay?”

  Hudson winked. “Of course. Just yell through the intercom if you need me. I’ll be around.”

  For a moment, Jinx eyed him as if he saw through Hudson’s smile. He was never any good at hiding his mood swings from Jinx. Still, Jinx nodded and let him have his moment of peace. After giving Jinx a quick kiss, Hudson wandered aimlessly down the hall. He couldn’t listen to any more talk of Rocky. Hudson had tried explaining and apologizing. He had offered so many peace offerings, Hudson didn’t know where to start. No matter what he did or said, Rocky wouldn’t talk to him. There was no going back, and Hudson would never forgive himself for it. All he could do now was focus on Jinx.

  “I saw Jinx and Hudson today.”

  At the sound of words Rocky wasn’t ready to face, his entire body tensed. He didn’t respond. Cooper didn’t seem to need Rocky to have a conversation.

  “Hudson wasn’t anything like I expected. He’s so famous. I never expected him to be so nice. He offered to let me come live with them, since I’m no good at pretending to be a security guard.”

  “You’re a perfectly fine security guard, but yeah. Hudson is amazingly human for a superstar.”

  Cooper nodded as he moved a chess piece. “I was a little disappointed he didn’t have the green Mohawk. I always thought that was badass.”

  “Is he back to pink?” Rocky hated himself for asking.

  “Nah. He’s shaved his head completely. His hair is growing in brown. I wasn’t expecting a normal guy.”

  A sad smile touched Rocky’s lips. He fought the urge to rub his chest. Hudson and Jinx felt so far away. It sounded like Hudson was doing well. That was all Rocky could hope for.

  “I’m surprised you haven’t asked about Jinx, or if I accepted the offer to live with them.”

  Rocky blew out a breath and tore his gaze away from the chessboard. “Okay. I’ll bite. Did you accept their offer?”

  Cooper didn’t answer right away. His light green eyes seemed to see right through Rocky’s bullshit. He had an amazingly old soul beneath his hard veneer. “No. I told them I couldn’t leave you alone.”

  Rocky went back to staring at the board. He wasn’t very good at the game, but Cooper was trying to teach him. It took a lot of concentration. Some nights, the distraction was all that saved him. “I’m used to being alone.”

  Rocky moved a piece.

  Cooper immediately captured it. “That’s exactly why I can’t leave you. If someone doesn’t teach you to tolerate the company of others, you’ll never go back to where you belong. Jinx looked amazing, by the way. Damn sexy, actually. He had on these short shorts and a sexy tank top.”

  “Don’t be disrespectful.”

  Cooper laughed. “So you can get jealous.”

  Rocky snorted. Cooper was such a little shit. “That wasn’t jealousy. It was a warning. Hudson might have you killed.”

  “Nah. Jinx sees me as a little brother. Hudson is pretty larger than life. I doubt Jinx sees anyone in a sexual light beyond him, except for you, of course. I bet you three made a lot of people fantasize.”

  “I’m uncomfortable.”

  Cooper’s laughter doubled. He swiped at his eyes. “I’m not a kid.”

  “Yes. You are.” Rocky couldn’t emphasize that enough. He was thirty-six. Cooper was young enough to be his son. They weren’t about to talk about Rocky’s sex life.

  “It’s not like I’m hitting on you. I was just pointing out the obvious. The three of you together probably turned a lot of heads and sparked a lot of... you know.”

  Rocky covered his eyes. He couldn’t believe this was happening.

  “They’re getting married.”

  Pain sliced through Rocky’s chest at Cooper’s words. He looked down, expecting to see a knife sticking from his chest. Rocky had to take a breath. He dropped his hand, doing his best to look unaffected. “I know.”

  Cooper held his stare. “I meant they’re getting married really soon. They decided not to have a wedding. So they’re eloping—like maybe tomorrow.”

  It took everything Rocky had to keep breathing. “That’s all I ever wanted for them.” It was true. He wanted them married and happy, but he had expected to be some part of that. They were moving on without him. It was to be expected, since he wasn’t answering their texts. Still, it hurt more than he liked.

  “I like you.”

  Rocky blinked at Cooper’s sudden confession. He didn’t know how to take it. “Okay.”

  “As a friend,” Cooper said, expounding on his claim. “You’re nice and you took me in, but you’re also kind of dumb. Jinx and Hudson obviously still love you. They asked about you and looked wrecked when I told them you’re sad.”

  “You told them I’m sad.” Cooper really was an asshole.

  “Yes. I told them you’re sad because you are, and you’re also stupid as fuck. You have two men who want you and you’re sitting here with me.”

  Rocky kind of wanted to punch the kid, but he didn’t. “Yeah, well, I like you too as a friend. You shouldn’t be alone.”

  Cooper moved a piece, checking Rocky’s king. “Checkmate. Maybe I should move in with Jinx after all. Then you’ll have to come too to keep me from being alone.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  Cooper stood. “Actually, I think it’s not that hard.” Cooper walked away, leaving Rocky alone with his
thoughts. Rocky didn’t like it. In fact, he hated the silence he used to love. He wondered what Hudson and Jinx were doing tonight. Never in his life had he hurt this badly. He hadn’t thought he could lose Jinx and Hudson. Obviously, he had been wrong. Rocky shoved the board from the table, sending chess pieces flying. Cooper was right. Rocky was dumb as hell, but it was too late to change his mind. Hudson and Jinx were moving on without him. They would be married soon. There was no going back. He had lost everything.

  Ten

  With his heart in his throat, Jinx held Hudson’s stare while Hudson repeated his vows. On a private beach in Hawaii, in the most beautiful spot Jinx had ever stood, Jinx listened to every word, spoke when prompted to speak, and kissed when told to do so. When their lips met, air finally filled Jinx’s lungs. Happy tears fought to escape. It was done. They had done it. He was Jinx Vincent. It was the most wonderful moment of his life.