Succubus Rescue (The Accidental Necromancer Book 3)

by JG Jerome

  Warren mutters back. “There was never any doubt, was there?”

  I throw a frown over at the two of them, and Warren gives me a shit eating grin.

  I walk around with a bowl and sit talking to the elves after I’m done serving. I rotate through the tables. All of my core family do the same. There is fortunately usually at least one elf at every table that speaks enough English to assist in translation. Leonore assigns one to each table after she sees what we are doing. I tell them to ensure they eat their fill. They liked the lentils, rice, and roasted veggies well enough, but the fresh vegetables are the biggest hit. I also ask them what they would like to do. I focus on what they say, and try desperately to put a name to a face with their desires. If I can get 50%, I’ll consider it a win. The elves all seem to be more comfortable with my ladies than me, but that’s okay.

  I see a few scandalized looks whenever one of my wives kisses another, but no one says anything. It kind of looks like they might think it’s a cultural taboo. We’ll have to include that in our orientation.

  When everyone is done eating, we put the bowls, plates, and utensils into the trash. Leonore organizes a clean-up detail to remove table cloths, break down tables and chairs, and put them all in the barn. A handful of young ladies go to the kitchen to help with cleaning up there. Jack, Darcie, Warren, April, Dan & Maria, Lara, Leonore, Mica, T’os, Chiara, and my ladies all convene with me in the living room.

  I sit on the floor in front of Marissa, and Susan sits on my lap. Audrey and Rebecca curl up next to me on the floor. Clarice is cuddled up to Audrey. Lara is nestled under Rebecca’s arm.

  I squeeze Susan tightly. “Well folks, we have a lot to discuss. Shall we get started.”

  I get a variety of nods from the crowd.

  19

  News from the front

  I look at Jack. “Marissa’s parents are read into this world, but I’ve intentionally tried to keep them seperate from it. How much does April know?”

  Jack runs his hand through his hair in frustration. “More than I want her to, and still not much. We had arranged for her to join us for the weekend, and in all the adventure I forgot to call her to cancel. We waited to come through the passage long enough to give her heads-up that there were going to be real elves here.”

  “Okay, Jack. Do you want her here for this or not?” I ask.

  April says, “Master, I’m here already. The cat is out of the bag - elves and succubuses exist. I can’t unknow that.” I’m assuming she’s addressing Jack.

  Jack frowns before responding, “Pet, that’s not actually true. I can arrange a mind wipe, but I’m not willing to do that to you. Will and I were talking about this earlier today regarding Dan and Maria. He thinks we need to get the word out as widely as possible.”

  I add, “I remember seeing a poster in a German Gasthaus that said, ‘Wissen ist Macht.’ ‘Knowledge is power.’ That rings true in this case.”

  Jack chuckles. “Let me guess a little boy lifting the hem of a short red dress. I remember that poster.”

  I nod, and we all get a good laugh at the mental picture.

  Darcie wraps her arms around April. “Vampires are also real, Pet.” She points at Warren, who raises his hand and waves his fingers. “Vampires are just a race of psychic people, like elves are short people with pointy ears and magic. Forget just about everything you’ve read or seen in movies.”

  April looks at Darcie with big eyes. “Yes, Mistress.”

  Warren says, “I feed off strong emotions - what I frequently refer to as ‘emotional slop.’ I’m only harmful when I haven’t fed, and that’s only because I’ll try to make you afraid, angry, frustrated, or horny, so I can feed off the remnants.” Then he goes full Bela Lugosi complete with a ‘Transylvanian’ accent. “I don’t want to drink your blood, even though I am the vam-pyre.”

  More laughs ensue from the group.

  When the laughter slows down. “I’m glad we can all find some cause for laughter today. There hasn’t been much in the last forty-eight hours. Yesterday, our beloved Bernadette was abducted. Those of you that don’t know her, she is a lawyer as well as the owner of a very exclusive private club in Phoenix. She is also Clarice’s stepmother and a succubus that was hosted in a one hundred fifty year old zombie until last night. Carla, Marissa, and Susan joined Jack, Darcie, Lara, Viktorija, Clarice, Luis and me last night to find her. We were successful. She was abducted by Valya Valeran, duchess of the elven House Valeran. Lara, Leonore, Mica, T’os, and Chiara were her subjects. Lara joined us a couple of weeks ago as a result of another incident with Valya. There were over 2,300 elves and twelve humans in the building where they were holding Bernadette. Lara, Leonore, Mica, T’os, Chiara, and the elves outside are all that remain. Valya killed Bernadette’s zombie host and sent her succubus soul back to her home planet - the same one Shryl is from, the planet Ravissement.”

  “The French for rapture,” April says. “Specifically, sexual rapture.” She cuddles into Darcie.

  Warren says, “You don’t have to get wound up on my account ladies. All the pain and uncertainty outside has me well-fed.”

  Aprils looks in Darcie’s eyes with a sultry expression. “I’m not doing it on your account, Warren.”

  Darcie kisses her wetly, and we’re all stunned as we watch the two beauties kiss. Darcie tells her, “Now behave, Pet. This is important, and I need to ensure I understand it. Sit upright.”

  April sits up and crosses her legs primly. She looks at me and says, “I apologize, Will. I haven’t seen these two in weeks, and I’m finding self-control difficult. Please continue.”

  “No problem, April. I have my own bevy of distractions around me,” I tell her. “So. Planet Ravissement. Back to the elves - we have one hundred twenty-two elves here, and we killed the rest. Eleven of the twelve humans are zombies under my control. The remaining one was so damaged in the fight I couldn’t raise him. There were also a bunch of weapons of mass destruction - close enough to neutron bombs to use that term. We sent them back through the elven portal, effectively killing 1.2 billion elves immediately with a final fatality count expected to be nearer 2 billion. I decided to do that because the elves of House Valeran are planning to colonize earth, kill most of humanity, and enslave the rest.”

  I kiss Susan’s hair as I gather my thoughts. I continue after a deep sigh. “Most of the elves here with us are former sex slaves for the soldiers. The rest are healers and magicians. Bernadette’s zombie host was dead and damaged to the point I could only resurrect her into a ghoul. She left Clarice in my care, which is why she calls me ‘Daddy’ now.”

  Lara calls toward the kitchen in Elvish. I’m about to resume my narrative when Zenia walks in with a glass of water for me. She hands it to me and leaves.

  I gratefully take a sip and murmur, “Thanks, Zenia. You too, Lara.” Then I continue, “After we got them all settled early this morning, I went back to Chicago through a passage, so I could try to get some rest and then fly back here. I wanted to ensure the records showed that Josie and I checked out of that hotel half-way across the country this morning and flew back.”

  “Why?” Maria asks.

  I explain, “Josie and I flew out there for work earlier in the week. Susan came here via passage last night to dine with the family, then the abduction happened. In order to ensure that the records all showed normal and explainable transportation, Susan had to go back by passage. Josie and I had to ‘fly home,’ especially since I probably missed some fingerprints somewhere in that building. Having an alibi that I was in Chicago all week is a good thing.”

  Carla says, “Josie slept here and Susan went home, so I followed him to Chicago, became a wife, and took him for a run along the lake shore this morning. We’re both on cameras somewhere along that route.”

  Everyone congratulates Carla and I. April looks questioningly at Darcie, who shakes her head in response.

  Carla says, “Hopefully my face in Chicago doesn’t create more questions.”<
br />
  Josie picks up the narrative. “When we arrived in Phoenix, Rosalie and Manuel from Bernadette’s staff met us at the airport. Manuel stayed with the car, and Rosa met us at security. As we walked out into the garage, three men verbally accosted us. They were a hunter team from the Church. I took the sorcerer out and stuffed his soul in a container. Will did the same with the hunter while he fought the necromancer. Rosa and I ran off to find Manuel, who was bleeding from an abdominal knife wound. Will disposed of the bodies, and I healed Manuel. We took a round-about trail back to the salon, only to find a priest interrogating Viktorija. Manuel and Rosa snuck us in the back way, and we came home via passage.”

  Carla says, “Then Audrey and I summoned Shryl. The poor girl was starving, so we fed her. Then we got her some food and clothes before we arrived here.”

  Josie says, “Chiara, T’os, Mica, and myself worked with Will to create a plan to rescue Bernadette. We’re going to do that tonight - probably in Phoenix?”

  I shake my head. “Let’s do it at our house.” I look at Jack. “I don’t know what kind of magical surveillance the Church has. I would rather not risk doing banishments and summonings there unless we absolutely must.”

  T’os says, “Do it here, Lord. We can set up the portal here without creating a big fuss.”

  Jack asks, “Is there anywhere else we could do it? I’m concerned the Church has surveillance here, too.” He looks around the room. “I got a call from my old control from the Church a few hours ago. That’s why Darcie and I left so quickly. He wanted me to meet him at the Prescott airport. The first thing he asked was, ‘What took you so long? Were you out on the farm?’ Darcie’s quick thinking threw a smokescreen, but I don’t know if he took it or not.”

  Warren asks, “What did you say?”

  Darcie purses her lips before answering. “I blurted out that we had been to Fifer’s Farm Market for lunch but didn’t find everything at the quality of produce we wanted, so we stopped at Mortimer Farm’s to pick up some produce.”

  Warren ponders that as I ask Jack, “What else did he say?”

  Jack’s frown sours, “He said that my succubus friend was dead and asked what I knew about the elf massacre in Phoenix. I told him not much. He asked what I was doing last night, and I told him that Darcie and I snuck into a dickhead lawyer’s office to leave a wet mess on his desk, went home to an orgy with the neighbors, and then came back to Prescott this morning and stopped for produce.”

  “Will that hold up?” I ask.

  He sighs heavily. “Yeah. The order is off, but it will hold. I told Maddy and Felicia to deny having sex with Darcie and me no matter who asks. They said they would, but their tells should indicate they are lying to a seasoned investigator. That will provide confirmation.”

  April gasps, “Damn! I knew I should have come home a day earlier.”

  Jack genuinely smiles for the first time since we got the elves here. He continues his narrative, “He told me he wants me to work on convincing Viktorija and her staff to go into the local diocese office. I foresee failing at that task, but I’ll need to drive down there over the next couple of days or he’ll start harassing me. He’s stationing another hunter team in Phoenix to continue investigating the elves and the disappearance of Krill’s hunter team - that was the team leader’s name, Mason Krill. I suspect they’ll be watching Bernadette’s, so I need to make appearances there.”

  I tell him, “None of them will agree to going to the diocese, and I have no more problem killing a bunch of humans that hurt my people than I do elves.”

  Jack’s frown reappears. “Yeah, I know that, but I thought it best not to tell David that he’s on your shit list already for harassing Viktorija and crew.” He sighs and continues. “He also said that the Church has had many sightings reported through local priests of small persons with pointy ears coming in world wide. Hunter teams are running themselves ragged. He threatened reactivating me again, but I reminded him the Bishop said ‘never again.’ The dickhead just smirked and said, ‘The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.’ He also said they are having a hard time keeping elves under wraps.”

  “Why bother?” Dan asks. “Shouldn’t we know we’re being invaded and colonized by a hostile race?”

  Jack growls, “That’s what I told him when I first reported the elves, Dan!” April and Darcie get up and crawl into his lap.

  Jack takes a moment to squeeze them both to himself and recenter. Finally he opens his eyes. He says in a calmer voice, “I’m sorry, Dan. None of this is working out how I think it should. After Valya sent soldiers to Bernadette’s, I had to figure out how to get word to the Church without compromising any of our friends. I pulled surveillance on the Esplanade until I caught one of the little fuckers running around on his own.”

  I make calming motions to my elven associates. Jack raises his hand in apology to them as he continues. “I put three rounds in his head and cut it off. I sent that and a collar to the Bishop with a report saying I heard from them at the salon that they were on Camelback, so I pulled surveillance, caught one running around, and tortured him for info, and then packaged him for my report. I told him there were over two thousand in there, and told him we needed to alert the authorities to get some serious firepower involved. David said ‘they’d take it under advisement.’ He also said they were developing a virus to attack the elves.”

  “Biological warfare?” I gasp in horror. “That never goes well!”

  Jack nods, “This one is nasty. It’s a rare variant of the SARS virus they found in bats and something called a pangolin. Apparently those are the source of the original SARS virus, too.”

  Mica raises his hand and asks, “What is SARS?”

  Marissa explains, “It’s a viral disease. SARS stands for Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome. I was still in school when the first SARS epidemic appeared in China.”

  Jack grimaces, “Yeah. Well the good Monsignor was chortling about how they found this new variant, and they are playing with it in a lab in Wuhan, China. They released it Monday into the general populations. Humans are expected to get mildly ill, and elves are expected to die of it within forty-eight hours of contracting it. Unfortunately, the humans are showing up more ill than expected. He didn’t have any data on elves, yet. They are trying to capture some more to conduct tests. The subjects they had all died from respiratory failure. I don’t suppose we could get any volunteers from our group.”

  “No!” I bark. “Not fucking funny, Jack.” He has the grace to look ashamed. I reach for Lara’s hand as Leonore, Chiara, Mica, and T’os sit there gobsmacked with horror.

  Jack says, “Sorry. Bad soldier’s humor.”

  “We need to get protective equipment for our people,” I say as I look at Marissa. She nods immediately, and Susan makes a note. “Rebecca, please work with Leonore for a tonic that will strengthen both our humans and our elves.” Susan makes another note.

  “It may require two different tonics, William. Maybe different ones for Warren and our succubaen ladies, too. We also need to get some to Chrysilla. Regardless, it will be done,” she says firmly. She asks Jack, “Who do I need to kill to stop this?” Mama bear’s claws are out.

  Jack shrugs, “The head of the Church’s Department of Spiritual Security, Archbishop MacDougall. Maybe the pope. Definitely Monsignor David Lewis. He has dual doctorates in biochemistry and virology. I wouldn’t be surprised if this viral attack is his brainchild. He gets off on killing demons and hunter teams. The fucker is just evil.”

  I look at T’os, “Chrysilla said that Mal’szak, the new Duke Valeran, is spending most of his time in east Asia. Was Wuhan one of those cities?”

  T’os reminds me, “She said the ten most populated cities in China with some others around Asia. I don’t know what those are.”

  Carla pulls her phone out of her pocket and says, “T’os, my friend, let me introduce you to the joys of Google.” She types in her phone and looks up at me. “Wuhan is number ten.” />
  I shake my head, “I suppose it’s too much to hope that the virus gets him.”

  Leonore says, “It wouldn’t be fair for those ladies to be killed after the life they’ve had, especially now that they are starting to have some hope.”

  “I agree.” I nod to reinforce the statement. “However, we need to tell them. Hiding the danger doesn’t allow them to defend themselves against it. We need to tell the folks at the salon, too. Who else?”

  Rebecca taps her lips for a moment. The movement catches my attention, and I turn my head to see what she’s about to say. Finally, she says, “I’ll open a ‘natural remedies’ business. I’ll sell the human tonic locally, and maybe eventually mail-order. Generating enough energy to power huge doses will be a challenge, but I’ll have to see what I come up with first. I may need to recruit more witches.” She looks at me, “We need to get some to Roger and Allie, too.”

  “Shit,” I respond. “Yeah, we need to tell them about this, too.”

  Jack says, “I need to get some of those passages you guys are using.” He looks at Josie. “I’ll pay you fifty thousand each for two sets.”

  Carla interrupts before Josie even opens her mouth. “Jack, these are one-of-a-kind magical constructs that you can’t get anywhere else. The next best thing would be to recruit an elven magician to make you one of theirs, but I suspect the price will be exponentially higher.”

  Josie says, “But they don’t cost that much to make.”

  I intercede, “That’s not the point, Josie. There are potential dangers, and you are the only person on this planet that can make them. They need to be expensive enough to dissuade people from being frivolous about them. Also, we need to lay out the security considerations.”

  Jack says flatly, “Two hundred fifty thousand a set.”

  Josie about passes out at the amount. I smile as she gets up and worms between Rebecca and me to cuddle. I look at her and make a proposal. “What do you think about ten thousand for the eight-by-ten frames of any material, one hundred for the canvas crawl-through or walk-through ones, and two hundred fifty for the ones like you built for the salon.”