The Desert Rose

by Larry McMurtry

  “Hi, Ross, I’m sorry I missed you,” she said, trying to sound friendly, after all it might have been a younger sister and even if it wasn’t it wasn’t all that much of her business.

  Since she sounded so friendly Ross instantly poured out his heart, which was quite a surprise. Even when they were living together he had never poured out his heart to such an extent. The woman who answered the phone hadn’t been his sister, of course it was a girl he was living with, her name was Linda, she was only twenty years old and the tricky part was that she was pregnant, she was going to have a baby in about four months.

  “Oh Ross,” Harmony said. “You should have told me about this sooner, I guess I’m going to have to give you a divorce, after all these years.”

  “No, that’s not what I want,” Ross said. The real news he had to pour out of his heart was that he still loved her and wanted her to move to Reno so they could maybe get back together.

  “But what about Linda, she’s pregnant!” Harmony said, she couldn’t believe Ross was the kind of man who wouldn’t care about a helpless baby.

  Ross assured her she didn’t understand. Of course he cared about Linda and the baby, the thing was Linda was a lot younger and had different attitudes, she had friends who had a commune and she was going to take the baby to the commune to raise it. She didn’t want to marry him or anything, she just wanted a baby, she was very motherly. He said she would let him come to the commune anytime and see the child.

  He made it sound like Linda and the child wouldn’t be any problem at all, Linda had different attitudes, if Harmony wanted to move to Reno that would be fine with her.

  Then Ross sprang another surprise, he thought he might even be able to get her a job.

  “In a show?” Harmony said. It was a wonderful thought, it meant the show she was about to do wouldn’t be her last show after all. She got all her hopes back in about a tenth of a second, so fast it made Ross a little nervous. He wasn’t sure about a show, the producers were hard to pin down, but if it didn’t happen to work out with a show she could definitely get a job at the casino where he worked.

  “Doing what?” Harmony asked, thinking Ross might have forgotten she couldn’t count.

  “You could be a hospitality hostess,” Ross said. Then he explained that a lot of junkets came to Reno and the casino needed someone with poise who could greet the junketeers when they arrived and give them a little tour of the casino, just sort of be their hostess while they were there.

  “As beautiful as you are, you’d be the best hospitality hostess in Reno,” Ross said, he was very excited about the idea.

  Harmony wasn’t totally negative, it was just that she would much rather get in a show, which Ross said was quite likely. As soon as the producers saw her they would probably want her on stage.

  Then Bonventre came back in and began to look annoyed, he hadn’t meant she could keep his office for the whole break. About all Harmony could do was tell Ross it was definitely a possibility that she’d come. She was touched that he wanted her, although she couldn’t say so with Bonventre standing there frowning.

  “Hey, did you get my card?” Ross asked. “Happy birthday.”

  He had been saving that for last and it gave her an even bigger boost, although she had forgotten to look in the mailbox when she left, no doubt the card was there, Ross was very loyal when it came to birthdays.

  “Jackie, don’t you know a show I could get in, I don’t wanta quit,” she said, when she hung up. She realized how true it was, too—she loved it out there with the feathers and the music. It had been her life since she was seventeen.

  Bonventre looked annoyed, he acted like he had important business to do in the office, he knew how to make you feel you were taking up his time.

  “Harmony, quit!” he said. “My god, you’ve stood out there with feathers on for thousands of nights. Find something else to do with your evenings.”

  “Well, I don’t want to!” Harmony said, but she was wasting her time, even if he knew of fifty shows that needed showgirls he probably wouldn’t tell her.

  She still had an hour to kill. Ross had been at a pay phone, as usual, and hadn’t had to put in too much change, despite all the explanations. It was a little bit funny that he stuck to the pay phones even though he had a phone at home, maybe Linda didn’t have such different attitudes after all.

  4.

  IN THE keno bar she was just having a vodka tonic and wishing she could work up to a flirt with Leon, a flirt with practically anybody would have been a welcome change, after all it was her birthday. But Leon was in a depression and was trying to work out of it by polishing glasses, seeing the glasses all perfectly polished was the one thing that cheered him up.

  There was always the two-dollar craps table. The thought had at least crossed her mind that Dave could probably be broken of the K rations habit, the fact that he was a little out of practice was nothing to hold against him. But she didn’t get up and wheel over to the craps table, it was just a thought that passed through once in a while.

  While she was sitting wondering if Gary was off buying her a cake or what a short man in a cowboy hat walked up to the bar. He had white hair coming out from under the hat, plus a string tie with a turquoise clasp and very elaborate cowboy boots.

  “Pardon me, are you Harmony?” he asked, he sort of had a gruff voice. She decided to be polite—maybe he had just seen the show.

  “Hi,” she said. The man looked like he was probably from Arizona.

  “I’m Dub,” he said. “Dub Dooley. Is it true you got laid off?”

  That was unexpected, but then everyone in the casino knew she was fired, it was no big secret. Still, Dub didn’t look that nice, he wore a big diamond ring and she had never liked diamonds on men. Dub just wasn’t very likable, why would he mention that she was fired when she was just sitting there trying to relax?

  “Hey, didn’t mean to be rude,” he said. “The thing is, I run a show. I just can’t figure why Jackie Bonventre would let a sexy hunk of woman like you go. I thought maybe you might wanta come and be in my show—here’s my card.”

  Dub was wearing a Levi’s suit. He reached in his pocket and took out a little lizardskin case full of credit cards. He seemed to have a few dozen credit cards, but the card he handed her had nothing to do with credit, it read DUB’S TOTAL NUDE, HOUSTON TEXAS.

  “I got postcards too,” he said, handing her one. It showed a big honky-tonk with a giant nude woman painted on the wall. The door that let you in was right between the woman’s legs, and there was a big sign out front saying DUB’S TOTAL NUDE.

  “Oh, are you from Texas?” Harmony said. She didn’t want the card, it was horrible that the door was right between the woman’s legs.

  “Houston,” Dub said. “I can tell you one thing, we don’t put it out to pasture near as quick down in Big H as they do out here in Vegas.”

  Harmony decided he was a scuzzball, he looked like one and his manners weren’t that nice.

  “I seen the show two nights,” he said, “and you’re the best-built woman on the fuckin’ stage. I don’t care what the calendar says, I’m offering you a job right now.”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t do nude,” Harmony said. “It’s nice of you to ask.”

  She was just trying to be decent, she had never been one of those women who could just say things like fuck you, though she had heard a lot of that kind of talk over the years. Denny said it even if she just asked him to wash out the lavatory after he shaved, fuck you was practically his favorite expression. But even if Dub was a total scuzzbag she couldn’t just say stick it up your ass or something, after all he was offering her a job.

  Dub acted as if he hadn’t even heard her say no thanks, he was still holding up the postcard with the giant nude on it. The nipples seemed to be neon but the rest of the nude was just painted on the wall.

  “Well, I know you’re a high-class lady, but we all got to live,” Dub said. She could see he was just a horrible vers
ion of Bonventre, even Bonventre wouldn’t have asked her to do total nude.

  “How does two thousand a week sound?” Dub said, grinning. He had three gold teeth right in front.

  “I don’t do total nude,” Harmony repeated.

  “You drive a hard bargain,” Dub said. “I’ll make it two thousand plus expenses. There’s some real nice apartments across from the club, you could have one of those.”

  “No thank you,” Harmony said. Dub was sitting a little too close. Of course Leon was right there, but he had his back to them, polishing glasses, so depressed he probably wasn’t even eavesdropping.

  “Why not?” Dub asked. He was grinning but it wasn’t a nice grin.

  “Because I don’t do total nude,” Harmony said, wondering why he didn’t listen, she had said it three times in plain English.

  Dub shrugged. “You oughta try it,” he said. “It ain’t much different from these tits-and-feathers shows, it’s just a G-string of difference and total pays a lot more money.”

  “Well, I’ve got a job in Reno, my husband lives there,” she said. She put some money on the bar for Leon and got up to go but Dub said “Wait a minute” and scribbled a phone number on the postcard and insisted that she take it. He said it was his private line, she might change her mind.

  “We got a real friendly club and you wouldn’t have to do very long sets,” he said. “It’s just a matter of showing the customers what they really wanta see.”

  Harmony didn’t say another word. The thought of walking around in front of customers without her G-string was an awful thought. The more she thought about it the more horrible it felt that someone would ask her to do that. Just because she did topless didn’t mean she’d ever do bottomless, after all topless was beautiful, as Gary had pointed out, but bottomless was just bottomless, there was nothing so beautiful about it. The thought of being out on stage that way was very upsetting, it made her want to cry, but it was nearly show time, she had to control it. She just went into the restroom and tore Dub’s postcard into several pieces, that was one phone number she definitely didn’t need.

  5.

  THE BIRTHDAY party was a big success, practically everybody from the show came, all the showgirls and most of the dancers, plus Murdo, who was out on bail finally. There were balloons everywhere, and a cake with thirty-nine candles, she blew them all out but two on the first blow, and when they sang Happy Birthday it nearly raised the roof of Debbie’s and Marty’s. Jessie was there on crutches and Myrtle was all dolled up, even Wendell came over a few minutes on his break, and to her surprise Pepper showed up, she was already friends with several of the dancers. The party was Gary’s triumph. Despite being shaky and in the midst of unrequited love he had done a fabulous job. It was strange though, the only person in the whole place who looked sad was Gary, she kept catching glimpses of him looking at her and he seemed sad, he kept saying, “Darling, are you all right?” He seemed to think she was in danger of going off the deep end from the fact that she was through at the Stardust.

  “I’m fine,” she said, and she danced quite a lot. She would have liked a private moment with Gary to tell him about the horrible man who asked her to do total nude, but there was no way to get a private moment, the place was absolutely packed.

  Inside, she wasn’t quite as fine as she pretended to be for Gary’s sake. It was sort of a complicated birthday, getting off to the bad start and then finding out that Ross was living with Linda, then doing the last two shows, which had gone fine. When she stopped dancing she felt mixed up, from the complications. Any other night she could have had a long talk with Gary and he could have made her feel better, with his understanding, but he couldn’t do it amid hundreds of people.

  She began to drink quite a few vodka tonics, she wanted to feel gay. She had always been a person who had a reputation as the life of the party, but this time the gay feeling wouldn’t quite come. After a few drinks she kept noticing Giorgio still smiling. She decided I’m gonna make him like me, this has gone on long enough, I’ll just make him like me.

  So she proceeded to make Giorgio dance with her, he didn’t dance quite as well as he smiled, didn’t have a whole lot of rhythm but that was a small failing and the fact that she had encouraged him to dance definitely did have the result of making him like her. It looked like all he had been waiting on was a little encouragement. During the last few hours of the party Giorgio practically never got an inch away from her—he even began to act a little jealous when other people asked her to dance.

  Gary looked a little disturbed. Once when Giorgio had to go to the bathroom he looked at her askance.

  “What’d I do now?” she asked.

  “You shouldn’t have switched him on,” Gary said. “I mean he’s a nice guy basically but I don’t think you should have thrown the switch.”

  It was just more pessimism, Harmony decided. At the slightest sign of a boyfriend everybody she knew immediately began to discourage her. It was a little annoying, after all it was her birthday, why couldn’t she be optimistic about Giorgio? At least for an hour or two, it might make the gay feeling come back.

  The party wound down about sunup. By that time Harmony had had quite a few too many vodka tonics and wasn’t too clear about anything except that a lot of people hugged her and quite a few cried, they were all sort of sorry she was fired. Not as sorry as I am, she thought. Giorgio became nervous, Gary was kind of right about a switch, she had definitely hit his jealousy switch. A few dances wouldn’t normally make a man that jealous, but it did Giorgio, he was glad when the party ended and he could take her home.

  He stopped and wanted to kiss her in the hall of the apartment building before they even got to his apartment. Riding over Harmony had sort of felt a lift, she was pretty drunk but it was still a lift that she had finally got Giorgio to like her, plus the sun was up and the day looked beautiful.

  I guess I’m starting another year, she thought, riding home with Giorgio seemed a good way to start it. He was wearing a beautiful silk shirt and was actually quite good-looking. But pouncing on her in the hall wasn’t a great success, just as he did it two little girls came out of an apartment all dressed up nicely to go to school and it embarrassed them—as soon as Harmony noticed them it embarrassed her too.

  She made Giorgio quit but still it embarrassed her and broke the mood. He had been trying to unbutton her blouse, she wished he could have waited, she kept remembering how shocked the little girls looked and it affected her mood. Didn’t affect Giorgio, though—he had the blouse unbuttoned the minute they got in the door. Harmony wanted to get things in a slightly slower gear, she was a little woozy and slower would have been better, but Giorgio couldn’t slow down, apparently he had really been wanting her all those years when he stood behind the bar smiling. He had the urge to make up for lost time so they didn’t even make it to the bedroom, they just made it to the couch, though just for starters. By the time they got to the bedroom Giorgio was ready to make up for more lost time. The fact that she was so sleepy she couldn’t keep her eyes open didn’t matter to him.

  Well, I sure made him like me she thought while he was making up for the lost time.

  6.

  HARMONY DECIDED she and Wendell had the most in common, if only because he suffered as much from Myrtle’s jealousy as she did from Giorgio’s. All of her men had been capable of jealousy, even Ross, though Ross wasn’t capable of much, but she had never seen a man as jealous as Giorgio. In no time at all she knew why Gary had been of the opinion that she shouldn’t have thrown the switch. The bad part was that he was even jealous of Gary, though he knew perfectly well Gary was gay. But gayness didn’t matter, Giorgio was even a little jealous of Jessie, didn’t like it that Jessie was living in her house. He had known showgirls who were girlfriends, he said. Harmony couldn’t argue, she just pointed out that Jessie definitely wasn’t her girlfriend, in that sense.

  Basically Giorgio didn’t want her breathing in the vicinity of another human being.
He wanted total possession. When she was younger she might have taken it as a sign of real love and been glad but this time she just took it as a sign of real jealousy and in no time she lost her optimism. The main problem was that for her love hadn’t really hit. The truth of the matter was that it had been her last night at the Stardust and a lot of vodka tonics had hit. After about a week she admitted love wasn’t likely to hit, either, despite the fact that Giorgio was good-looking and a nice dresser, she just didn’t love him.

  That made the jealousy hard to handle, because of course she had had to stop going to work and didn’t have a whole lot to do. Giorgio wanted her to sit around the bar all day so he could be sure she wasn’t breathing in the vicinity of another human being, but a couple of days at the bar were enough. When it became the time of day when she would normally have gone to work she couldn’t of course and got depressed. She was beginning to hit the vodka tonics a little too hard, she would have daydreams of being in the dressing room putting on her makeup, things like that. If she sat around the bar she daydreamed and got drunk, and she had never been big on drinking, but if she tried to go over to Gary’s for a little understanding Giorgio threw a fit. And if she went home to feed the peacocks and see how Jessie and Myrtle were doing he threw another fit. He was even jealous of the peacocks.

  The main thing was that she needed the understanding talk, she needed Myrtle and Jessie and Gary, particularly Gary, she didn’t want to make do with vodka tonics. She just had to face the fact that Giorgio wasn’t going to work out. Since love hadn’t hit and the sex wasn’t exactly the best she’d ever had it wasn’t that terrible a thing to face. Terrible was the fit Giorgio would throw when she told him.

  One morning Giorgio had to leave early to go see his beer distributor and as soon as he left Harmony just packed the few things she had with her and called a cab and went home. It was a little discouraging. Giorgio had only lasted six days and she didn’t have another prospect in sight, except maybe Ross. Besides, there would be the fit to get through when Giorgio found out she was calling it off.