Forsaken (Vampire Awakenings, Book 10)

by Brenda K. Davies

  She felt as if he’d punched her as the air rushed out of her lungs, and words failed her as she tried to assimilate everything she believed to be true with what he was telling her. He left to make her happy; he hadn’t abandoned her like her father did, or so he said.

  When she first met Julian and when they were spending all their time together, she never would have lumped him into the same category or believed he was anything like her father. Over the years, they’d become almost synonymous in her mind. Except, Julian walking out of her life broke her heart a whole lot more than when her father left.

  Aida shook her head as confusion rolled through her. His sudden return, her awful day with Nicolette, and now this—it was all too much. Her life had been so simple yesterday, and now it was a turbulent mess.

  “I want to be with you,” he said. “I couldn’t tell you that then, but I’m making it clear now. I want you.”

  When exhaustion and her headache caused him to blur before her, she blinked him into focus. “Until you leave again.”

  She tried to close the door; she was too tired to deal with this right now, but he rested his hand against it to keep it open. Aida restrained herself from kicking him in the shin when he bent closer to her.

  “If you decide you’ll have me, I’ll never leave again,” he vowed.

  There he went again, making it impossible for her to think of words. Did he think she was his mate?

  No, that couldn’t be possible. She’d seen the way Mike and all the other vampires were with their mates; none of them would willingly walk away from them. And if she wasn’t his mate, then he would walk away again when he found the one he was meant to be with forever.

  Julian hated the doubt and uncertainty in her eyes. Looking at him, she should see someone she could always trust, but she didn’t. Years ago, she trusted him with her deepest secrets, and now she couldn’t trust him to be here still tomorrow.

  “I was trying to do the right thing,” he said. “But I fucked up.”

  “Julian—”

  Before she could say anything more, he bent and kissed her. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking by doing it, but he had to taste her again. He’d spent years denying himself the company of his mate, and he couldn’t do it anymore.

  Her lips parted on an oh, and he waited for her to shove him away, but she remained unyielding against him as his tongue traced her plump bottom lip. When she still didn’t pull away from him, he lowered his hand from the door to cradle her cheek while he deepened the kiss.

  She gripped his wrist as she leaned into his palm. Her breath warmed his lips, and her fingers dug into his flesh as she cleaved to him. Julian wanted to push her back into the room and onto the bed, but if he moved too fast, he might spook her.

  But he was kissing his mate, something he’d believed would never happen again, and it took everything he had to keep himself under control. However, he’d denied himself for too long. With each beat of her heart, the demon clawed and tore at his insides as it sought to take possession of her.

  Aida couldn’t think as his thumb stroked her cheek and their tongues entwined. Every day for the past four and a half years, she recalled the way his kiss made her feel alive during a time when she felt so broken.

  Even now, her constant fear slid away as a sense of belonging descended over her. All those years ago, she hadn’t realized she was falling in love with him. But every time he came out to walk with her in the woods, listened to her weep, and held her while she sobbed, she grew to care for and trust him more.

  And he’d broken her trust.

  Still, despite her anger at him, she found herself melting into his arms as the kiss deepened. She couldn’t deny herself the pleasure of his arms as his kiss created a firestorm within her. Her legs gave out, and she sagged into the powerful arms enveloping her. His beard tickling her face reminded her this was not the same boy she’d kissed before, but then, she wasn’t the same girl.

  Before she knew what was happening, he was moving her through the door and nudging it shut behind him. She should stop this, but she couldn’t deny herself. He hooked her with his first kiss, and she’d yearned for another every day since. She’d felt depleted somehow without him, and now she was starting to feel whole again.

  Julian’s blood thundered through his veins, and his pulse raced as Aida pressed closer to him. She was a lot shorter than him, but all her lush curves melded perfectly to his body. She was the piece he’d been missing, and now that she was in his arms again, he would do whatever it took to keep her there.

  He navigated her further into the room as his other hand slid around her waist. When her hands settled on his chest, she gave a subtle push. He started to break off the kiss, but then her hands glided up his flesh, and her arms encircled his neck.

  Drawing her bottom lip between his teeth, he nibbled it as he plucked her off the ground. Holding her with only one arm, he slid his other hand up her back and threaded his fingers through her loose bun. He worked the band free and inwardly smiled when her thick, silken hair spilled loose to flow over his arms.

  Aida gave up on trying to think and simply let herself enjoy Julian. She forgot all about her exhaustion as desire burned through her. The ache in her breasts made her bra feel too confining, and she couldn’t wait to take it off.

  When he set her on the bed, trepidation stole through her, but then his hard body was coming down on top of hers, and she could only feel again. His hand sliding up the inside of her shirt made her skin tingle, and when his erection rubbed against her thigh, she wiggled until it settled between her legs.

  Julian’s hand skimmed the bottom of her bra, and she whimpered as she arched into his touch. She inherently smelled of peaches and that delicious aroma intensified with her desire. She was already wet for him; he didn’t doubt it.

  He thrust his hips against her and growled when she opened her legs further before wrapping them around his waist. Unable to keep them suppressed, his fangs extended as his ever-increasing need to claim her pounded through him.

  A bucket of ice water was tossed over Aida’s head when she felt the tip of his fangs against her mouth. Suddenly plunged back into the basement, she couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t as she once again experienced a heavy body against hers while fangs scraped her flesh.

  Explosions of memories went off in her head. She heard the screams and experienced the hopelessness of knowing she was going to die in the dark with the cries of the others filling her ears. They may not have been allowed to rape her, but when those vamps moved against her, she’d felt their erections and inwardly wept at her helplessness.

  And now, instead of the awe Julian awakened in her, all she felt was hopeless again. She was suffocating beneath him, and she couldn’t find her way out of the despair encompassing her. It wasn’t his body pushing her into the mattress anymore, but one of those monsters. The sounds as they slurped her blood and their laughter reverberated in her mind as tears streamed down her face.

  His mouth muffled her scream. The hands she’d been using to pull him closer, turned into fists as she pummeled his shoulders and shoved against his solid chest. She tore her mouth away from his and threw herself to the side.

  Her sudden attack startled him enough that she was able to shove Julian’s weight off her and roll partially out from under him. Her top half would have fallen off the bed if he hadn’t caught her wrist before she plunged off the side.

  She jerked at her wrist as she panted for air. Saliva and the coppery tang preceding vomit filled her mouth. Her shoulders heaved as she tried to get the adrenaline flooding her system under control.

  “Aida,” Julian said.

  Resting his hand on her heaving shoulders, he turned her back toward him. He brushed aside the hair cleaving to her flushed, sweaty cheeks as he clasped her chin and gazed down at her scrunched, beautiful face. He suppressed a snarl at the sight of her anguish. If those bastards on the island weren’t already dead, he’d go there and kill
every one of them.

  “You’re in your apartment, with me,” he assured her. “You’re not a prisoner, and I would never hurt you. You’re safe with me.”

  She hated and loved that he didn’t require an explanation for her bizarre behavior. He knew her well enough to understand her without saying a word. If he’d never left, things would be so different between them. But he had left, and maybe he would never physically hurt her, but he had broken her heart.

  She held back a sob as her sense of betrayal crept back in to replace the terror. If he knew her well enough to understand what just happened, he should have known what leaving her without a word would have done. Not only did he know her history with the vamps on the island, but he also knew about her father.

  She jerked her chin away from him, and when she rolled to the side, he shifted so she could move out from under him. “You did hurt me, and I don’t feel safe with you,” she whispered. “Not anymore.”

  Wiping away the tear rolling down her face, she shoved herself off the bed and stalked out of the room. She tried to get her shaking under control as she entered the bathroom and closed the door.

  CHAPTER 13

  She gripped the pink sink as she leaned closer to the mirror. She felt like Julian had pulled her open and exposed her soul as well as every bit of the suffering she endured throughout her life. She wanted to scream at him to get out and leave her alone, and yet she yearned to feel his arms around her again.

  For a moment, he’d shut out the rest of the world and allowed her to forget her past. If it hadn’t been for his fangs, she wouldn’t have stopped what was happening between them. However, it was their unexpected presence that propelled her into the past more than their existence. She knew not all vampires were evil, and that, if the person was willing, a vampire’s bite wasn’t painful.

  Her hands trembled as she turned the water on and splashed her face. Inhaling deep breaths, she worked to get herself under control as she dried her face and inspected herself in the mirror again. The avocado tiling of the bathroom didn’t help the sallow tone of her skin, but at least she wasn’t trembling anymore.

  Stepping away from the sink, she opened the bathroom door and glanced up and down the hall. She hadn’t heard Julian walk by and suspected he was still in her room. She didn’t know if she could face him again, but she didn’t have a choice.

  She returned to her room to find him sitting on the edge of her bed with his hands clasped together, his elbows on his knees, and his head bent so his black hair fell forward. When he lifted his head to look at her, the torment in his eyes stole her breath.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  Aida wanted to tell him it was okay, but she wasn’t in the mood to forgive him; she was feeling bitchy and tired and sick of it all, but she wanted to hug him. However, she couldn’t do that; she had to protect her heart.

  “I never meant to hurt you,” he said. “And I will prove to you that you can feel safe with me again.”

  Aida gazed at the photo on the wall behind him. It was a picture of Mollie and Mike on the beach. She had her arm looped through his while her head rested against his shoulder. They’d known Aida was there, but they were so caught up in each other, they hadn’t realized she was taking their picture.

  The photo captured their absolute love and trust in each other. It was one of Aida’s favorites and never failed to make her smile, but now it also made her heart ache. She wanted what they had, but her ability to trust had been severely damaged over the years, and she wasn’t sure she could repair it.

  “Don’t worry about it,” she said with a dismissive wave. “I shouldn’t have hit you.”

  Julian rubbed his jaw and smiled at her. “You have a good right hook.”

  She didn’t smile back as her gaze remained locked on something over his shoulder. His smile faded. “I lost control; it won’t happen again,” he promised.

  Aida didn’t know if he meant he would never lose control or would never kiss her again, and she didn’t have the energy to ask him to clarify.

  “I would never do anything you don’t want me to do. I’m not like those vampires on the island,” he said.

  “I know.”

  She really wished he’d stop talking about this, but he seemed determined to continue.

  “I would never allow anything like that to happen to you again,” he vowed.

  Her freshly reawakened memories, exhaustion, and shock at having him back in her life were like lava building inside a volcano before it blew, and those words were her final straw.

  “You haven’t been here. Those vamps kidnapped Mollie and me in less than a minute. Some other asshole vampire could have taken me again, and I would have been dead days before you got the news.”

  Words failed him as guilt tore at his insides. She was right; he’d been convinced he was the one she needed protection from that he hadn’t considered she might run into danger again. He’d known Mollie and Mike would do everything they could to keep her safe, and he’d counted on that, but she’d been in Arizona, and they were in Maine.

  Still, there hadn’t been any other choice.

  “What was I going to do? Become your stalker in Arizona?” he asked. “Was I supposed to live in the shadows and watch over you while you made friends and dated other men?”

  “I never asked you to live in the shadows; I never asked you for anything. You can’t sit here telling me you would never let anything like that happen to me again when you haven’t spoken to me in over four years. You can’t walk in here and tell me you want to be with me when you walked away without so much as a goodbye. You broke…”

  She bit her lip to hold back her last two words—my heart. But he didn’t have to know that. “You broke my trust,” she finished.

  Julian tugged at his hair as he smothered his urge to pummel something. Or better, to tear the throat out of something. Aida could calm the beast within him, but she could also set it off more than anyone else could.

  “It will never happen again,” he told her.

  “I’m sure my father said the same thing more than a time or two before he stopped pretending and left.”

  He winced at the comparison to her father. “Unlike your father, I’m going to prove you can trust me again.”

  Aida crossed her arms over her chest as she tapped her foot. “We’ll see.”

  Unsure of what else to say, Julian glanced around her room. It was the first time he’d really taken notice of the small room with the scarred wooden bureau across the way and the photographs hanging on the pale lavender walls. Almost half the photos were black and white, and he couldn’t decide if they were more eye-catching than the color ones.

  Most of the pictures were of places around the city. He recognized the Common and the Make Way for Ducklings statues. There were park benches, a photo of the Prudential building, and one of the harbor.

  Some of the photos were of strangers sitting on benches and staring off into the distance. One was a woman gazing at her daughter with so much love Julian could feel it. A photo of the moon rising behind a bridge showed it reflecting perfectly off the water beneath it.

  But not all the pictures were of people he didn’t know. A couple were taken at Fenway with Aida, Kyle, and Cassidy holding beers as they all leaned in together. The field and players were behind them. Another was taken at the Garden and had the three of them standing close together against the glass while the Bruins skated behind them.

  “Who took these photos?” he asked as he pointed to one of an old man sitting on a bench and tossing food to some ducks.

  “I did.”

  He lifted an eyebrow as he turned to study her. “I didn’t know you were into photography.”

  “A lot can change in four years.”

  “That it can,” he agreed. “When did you start taking them?”

  Aida stared at the photos on her walls. Like she was at the gallery, she’d given each one a specific place meant to make it stand out while also compl
imenting the pictures closest to it.

  “I had to take an art class in college and decided on photography during my freshman year,” she said. “I figured it would be easier than sculpting or painting as I already knew I had no artistic talent in either of those areas, but it turned out I enjoyed it. Photography was the first thing that ever really clicked for me. When I picked up a camera, that wasn’t my phone, and saw the lives of others through its lens, I finally found something I loved doing.”

  Before then, she had no idea. Her college plan was to take as many classes as she could and hope something stuck. She loved learning, but she also loved everything she learned, which meant she wanted to do everything.

  At various times in her life, she planned to be a veterinarian, sociologist, anthropologist, firefighter, FBI agent, psychologist, chef, writer, journalist, and a dozen other careers that stopped appealing to her months later.

  Photography was different; it gave her an outlet for her creative side but also challenged her way of thinking. A lot of her photos were candid, but there were some where she plotted out the perfect timing of things. In more than a few pictures, she had to learn when the stars and moon would align so she could get it just right.

  If she’d gotten into photography before the island, she suspected her pictures would have mostly consisted of people, but now there were more nature scenes. She still took pictures of people, and they were some of her favorites, but she preferred nature. She’d never be as outgoing or innocent as the day before her kidnapping, but she still found more beauty than ugliness in the world.

  “You’re very talented,” he said.

  “Thank you. I love doing it. Nicolette has let me show a few of them in her gallery. I’ve even sold some.”

  She’d sold more than some, but her art was private, and Julian was no longer someone she opened up to about things. No, you just make out with him like a horny teenager and an idiot.