Forsaken (Vampire Awakenings, Book 10)

by Brenda K. Davies

  She felt like slapping herself upside the head, but she couldn’t undo the past, and on the list of things she would change, this one ranked near the bottom.

  “I’d like to take a nap. I have to return to the gallery at four,” she said.

  Julian glanced at her bed, and for a second, she didn’t think he was going to move, but then he nodded and rose. She was acutely aware of how big he’d gotten as he prowled toward her. Every bit of him was a predator, but she’d never felt like the prey around him, until now.

  Aida shuddered, but she didn’t know if it was with fear or desire as his eyes slid leisurely over her. She almost jerked away when he rested his hand on her cheek, but like a plant seeking the sun, she craved his touch.

  “I’m going to prove you can trust me again, Aida,” he vowed.

  “We’ll see,” she said.

  Stepping away from him, she wrapped her arms around her waist. Julian hesitated before lowering his hand and leaving the room. Aida closed the door behind him and trudged over to her bed. She plopped onto it before falling back onto her pillows.

  Julian’s scent of allspice lingered on her sheets, and she cursed before grabbing one of the pillows and throwing it off her bed. When she lay back down, she realized she missed his scent and swore again.

  She sat up, retrieved the pillow, and clutched it against her chest as she lay back down. Call her a glutton for punishment, but she nestled deeper into the scent while trying not to think about the way he made her feel so alive.

  However, it was all her mind could focus on, and with the kiss came the reminder of his fangs, and with his fangs came the bleak memories.

  CHAPTER 14

  “Aida! Aida!”

  Screams tore her from sleep, and when someone grasped her shoulders, she instinctively lashed out. Her fists flew as the screams continued from somewhere.

  “Shit!” someone hissed when her hand thwacked against something.

  Pain shot up her arm, and her eyes flew open. She searched for the source of the screams and realized they were coming from her. Clamping her lips together, she silenced the screams as tears burned her eyes. She blinked against the dim light filtering past her curtains as Julian leaned over her.

  “Are you okay?” he demanded.

  Shame swamped her, and she pulled away from his hands as she rolled over on the bed. She stared at her wall and shoved her fist in her mouth. Her body trembled like she’d grabbed an electric wire while she tried not to sob. She worked to get control of her shaking as Julian rested a hand on her shoulder.

  “It’s okay,” he said. “Breathe in. Out. In.”

  Years ago, when she woke screaming from her nightmares, she woke Mollie the first few times. Her sister would come rushing into her room, panicked someone was trying to kill Aida. When she realized it was only another nightmare, she would sit on the edge of the bed and restrain Aida from racing outside and plunging into the night.

  On those nights, she hated the walls around her, and she resented her sister for not giving her the freedom she sought. After the third time, Aida accepted that the nightmares weren’t going away anytime soon.

  She devised a gag that muffled her screams and kept Mollie from coming into her room. On those nights, she fled the house and raced into the woods where Julian would find her. He didn’t try to talk her back into the house; he’d simply kneel beside her and tell her to breathe. And just like then, her breathing slowed to match the soothing tone of his voice.

  Getting her arms beneath her, she pushed herself into a seated position. She held her breath as she glanced at the door, but Kyle and Cassidy didn’t appear. She’d had a couple of nightmares since moving in with the twins, and they’d woken her from them, but she didn’t want them to see her like this again.

  “They went out for a walk,” Julian said. “It’s just me here.”

  “Our neighbors,” she muttered.

  “It’s the middle of the afternoon, most of them are probably out enjoying the day, and if they’re not and they decide to investigate, I’ll handle it. Are you okay?”

  “Fine,” she muttered.

  She rarely had the nightmares where she woke screaming anymore. It wasn’t like when she was in college and she scared away her first roommate within two weeks, and her second on the first night. Even with her gag, she’d woken them with her thrashing and moans.

  After that, they gave her a single room, but people still gave her strange looks, and she felt like a freak. She’d hoped being back in the human world and away from vampires would make her nightmares stop, but it hadn’t worked. Being away from home only meant she woke to find strangers staring at and whispering about her.

  It wasn’t until she moved off campus and into a small house Mollie and Mike rented for her that she finally made a couple of friends at school. She’d dreamed about having the full college experience of living in a dorm, but she preferred living alone to being the freaky girl who woke screaming every night.

  However, by then, the damage was done, and she’d never felt like she fit in. She’d planned to stay away from the East Coast for a while; it felt like more of a fresh start when she was far from home. But when Cassidy told her they were moving to Boston and invited her to join them after she graduated, Aida decided to transfer the following year.

  She arrived in the city at the same time as the twins, and the three of them scoured Boston for a three bedroom they could afford, which turned out to be a two bedroom. When, after three weeks, they still had no place to stay, Kyle agreed to sleep on the couch and store his stuff in Cassidy’s room. Because of that, Cassidy had the largest bedroom, but that wasn’t saying much.

  In those early months, Aida waited tables at night while going to college during the day. She interned at the gallery whenever she had spare time. Trying to survive back then was grueling, but with each passing month, her nightmares lessened until she stopped sleeping with the gag.

  And now, she’d had her first nightmare in over two months, but at least she didn’t flee outside every time she woke from one anymore. Running a hand through her hair, she pulled at the ends as she rose from the bed. She knew what had set this nightmare off; he was sitting on the edge of her bed looking like a temptation best ignored, but she didn’t think she could.

  For the first time, she understood Sleeping Beauty and that spindle. She’d never understood why the idiot woman had touched the thing, but she did now. Some things were too tantalizing to ignore, no matter how badly they might burn you.

  Julian rose as Aida slid open the louvered doors on her closet at the end of her bed. She had to climb onto the bed to get the doors all the way open, and they wedged themselves against the end of the bed. She stepped off the mattress to study the clothes hanging neatly within. He hated the weary slope of her shoulders and the defeated air surrounding her.

  “You’re still having nightmares,” he said.

  “Nope, screaming myself awake is my new alarm clock,” she replied without missing a beat.

  He gave a small snort of laughter; he’d stepped right into that one. “Do you still have them every night?”

  “No. That’s the first one I’ve had in months.”

  Julian would never forget the nightmares that drove her to flee her home in the middle of the night. Usually, she ran into the woods, but sometimes, he’d find her standing by the ocean, staring at the sea like she was contemplating walking into it. He hated all the nights she ran, but he’d despised those nights the most.

  Most of the time, she wouldn’t speak about what propelled her outside, but sometimes she would talk about her nightmares. He didn’t know how he always sensed when she fled her house, but he did. Sometimes, he’d wake from a sound sleep and go to his window to find her slipping out the front door.

  Then, he brought her comfort, but he seemed to have the opposite effect on her now. “Am I making it worse by being here?”

  Aida stared into her closet as she contemplated how to answer him. His fangs had
reawakened some of her worst memories, but his presence somehow made it easier for her to handle them.

  “No,” she said.

  He loathed the idea of leaving her again, but he would if he was only bringing her misery. “If you tell me to leave, Aida, I will. If you think you’re better off without me in your life, I’ll go and never bother you again.”

  She buried the spike of terror his words caused as unexpected tears burned her eyes. She couldn’t rely on him again, and if he stayed, she was scared he would work his way back into her heart. But she couldn’t tell him to go either. She felt like a wishbone being pulled in two as her brain warred with her heart. In the end, her heart won.

  “The memories are always there, Julian,” she said. “It’s not because of you.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. Kyle and Cassidy enjoy having you here; you should stay.”

  She wouldn’t admit she also enjoyed having him here. She’d burn in hell before that happened.

  “If you think it’s better if I leave, tell me, and you’ll never have to see me again,” he said.

  “You are good at leaving.” She hated the bitterness in her tone, but the words were out of her mouth before she realized she was thinking them.

  Julian gripped his jeans and pushed down on his thighs to keep from rising and going to her. “Not anymore.”

  Still feeling raw from her nightmare, Aida didn’t know which she wanted more, to cry or crawl into his arms. She bit her lip and finally chanced a glance at him to find those gorgeous blue eyes on her. The raw need in his gaze caused her breath to catch, and she focused on her clothes once more.

  “I’m sorry I hit you again,” she muttered,

  “My jaw feels good already,” he assured her.

  “That’s good.” She removed a black dress from her closet before setting it on the bed and bending to retrieve her shoes. She straightened her shoulders as she placed her heels on the other side of her bed. Inside, she was a mass of raw nerves, but outside she would appear confident and unrattled. “I have to take a shower.”

  She closed one of the doors so she could get out without climbing onto her bed again and left the room without looking back. Shutting the door of the bathroom, she leaned against it as she closed her eyes against the lingering images of her nightmare.

  When she was sure her legs would hold her up, she moved away from the door, stripped out of her clothes, and turned on the shower. It wasn’t until she was under the hot spray that she realized she left her dress behind.

  Julian listened to the shower while he paced the small confines of her room. It was five steps to her door and back to her bed. After a few minutes, the water turned off and the hairdryer turned on. Ten minutes later, she walked back into the room wearing the same clothes she left in.

  “I need to get dressed,” she told him.

  He glanced at the dress on the end of the bed. “I’ll be in the living room.”

  Aida waited until the door clicked shut before she stripped again and tugged the black dress over her head. The soft material hugged her body from her shoulders to just above her knees. She only had three dresses for the nights they had showings, and all of them were black, but this one was her favorite. It made her feel sexy even though the style and material were as simple as it got.

  She walked over to examine herself in the small mirror hanging over her bureau. She shifted through the box on top of her bureau as she searched for her concealer. Finally locating the little tube, she dabbed some concealer on the shadows under her eyes; it didn’t erase them, but at least she no longer resembled a raccoon.

  Satisfied she didn’t look like one of the walking dead anymore, she slipped her feet into her heels and left her room. Her hair swayed against her back as she walked into the living room. Something about the way it swayed against her back made her feel sexy and confident; by the time she entered the living room, she was sure she had control over her life again.

  Julian sat on the couch with his arm draped casually over the back of it. However, there was nothing casual about the tension radiating from him. Something about the way he watched her made her mouth go dry.

  “Have a good night,” she said as she removed her jacket from the coatrack.

  “I’ll see you later,” he murmured.

  The hair on her nape rose, but she gave a brisk nod and left the apartment.

  CHAPTER 15

  Aida kept her smile plastered in place while she mingled with the people examining every inch of Owen’s paintings. She listened to them debate what he must have been thinking or feeling while painting this one and what message he was trying to convey in his art.

  She bit her tongue against telling them he’d probably been lost in the moment and not thinking at all. He’d simply needed to get the images in his head out, and he did it with a brush and canvas. She also knew Owen well enough to know he wasn’t trying to convey any message; he loved to paint.

  Usually, she enjoyed hearing their theories about what the artist was feeling or the statement he was trying to make, but tonight everything rubbed her the wrong way. She was too tired, and her emotions were still too raw. She dreamed of curling up in the corner, drinking a bottle of champagne, and passing out until morning.

  Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option, and neither was avoiding Owen. When he wasn’t busy charming his potential buyers, he was beside her, rambling on about how much they loved his work and the money he expected to earn tonight. He didn’t have to tell her any of that; she had ears too.

  She didn’t say that to him but went into the cavernous storage room stuffed with empty crates, full crates, artwork, a couple of lockers, and a handful of caterers rushing to and from their van. They’d moved the alcohol into the room, but the appetizers they served remained in the refrigerators inside the van parked outside the open back door.

  She retrieved another bottle of champagne from an ice bucket and brought it into the gallery. A woman in a white and black uniform gave her a smile when Aida reluctantly handed it over. Drinking a whole bottle seemed like the best worst idea she ever had. The champagne hangover would be worth it.

  “Aida,” Nicolette said as she glided up to her. “Everything is going wonderfully.”

  In her early fifties, Nicolette’s white hair was pulled into a bun that emphasized the loveliness of her barely lined face. Her steel gray eyes shone from excitement and the vibrant lights of the room. Owen wasn’t the only one who was going to make a fortune tonight, and Aida suspected Nicolette had dollar signs running through her mind right now.

  “It is,” Aida agreed.

  Nicolette’s eyes narrowed as she craned her head to inspect Aida more carefully. She rested her palm against Aida’s cheek and patted it. “Darling, you need to get more rest.”

  Aida made herself smile. “Once the showing is over.”

  Nicolette smiled before lifting her hand to wave at somebody behind Aida. “Make sure the champagne keeps flowing,” she said before she sauntered away.

  “I’m on it,” Aida muttered.

  She’d put so much work into this showing to be relegated to champagne bitch. Yikes, she was cranky and tired, she realized as she rubbed at her temples. Usually, this part only irritated her a little, but she had to look away from the pyramid of champagne glasses before she kicked the table over.

  Aida glanced at the crowd of people and cringed. Most of the time, her favorite thing about showings was meeting new people. She recognized quite a few return buyers in the crowd tonight, but there were also new faces she normally went out of her way to meet. Instead, she returned to the storage room and sat on a crate. She dropped her head into her hands to rub at her temples.

  She allowed herself a couple of minutes to wallow in her melancholy before shoving herself back to her feet and returning to the main room. A woman walked by with a tray of glasses, and Aida lifted a drink from it. She’d never consumed alcohol at a showing before, but she downed its contents in one gulp, coughed,
and set the glass on another passing tray.

  Feeling a little buoyed by the alcohol, she plastered on a smile and made her way through the crowd. She was talking with Alfred, an older gentleman who came to all of Nicolette’s showings, when she felt eyes burning into her.

  The hair on her nape rose, her heart accelerated, and she knew Julian was there before she turned to find him standing across the room. Though he was speaking with a pretty, young blonde, his eyes were focused on her as a small smile curved the edges of his sexy mouth.

  Aida’s teeth ground together, but she didn’t know if she was more annoyed by the fact he’d come to her work or by the woman laughing as she rested her hand on his forearm. Julian still wasn’t looking at the woman, but if he said, “Hey, want to have sex?” she would be out the door with him in a heartbeat.

  She didn’t need this shit right now.

  “He truly is a talented young man,” Alfred said to her. “Don’t you think?”

  Aida tore her attention away from Julian to focus on Alfred again. In his early seventies, he had kind, sparkling blue eyes and a contagious smile. He was bestowing that smile on her now, and for the first time all night, Aida didn’t have to force it as she grinned back at him.

  “Yes, he is,” she agreed. “This painting is my favorite of his.”

  “Mine too.”

  He rubbed his chin as he tilted his head to the side. Aida glanced at the painting of the storm-tossed sea and the threads of color woven into it. She’d realized a while ago she and Alfred often had similar taste in artwork.

  “The thread and the colors make it so lovely,” she said.

  Alfred smiled at her as he patted her hand. “Not as lovely as you, my dear.”

  Aida squeezed his hand. “You’re too kind.”

  He laughed as he released her. “If I were fifty years younger, you wouldn’t think me so kind as I’d be chasing you all over this town. Now, if you’ll excuse me, dear, I’d like to speak to Nicolette about this piece. I have the perfect place for it in my home.”