Onyx: Forever

by J. S. Lee

  Youngbin: I doubt my girlfriend would have missed me as much as I missed her.

  Xiao: Sex

  Jiwon: 1 - Wear the dress and underwear I bought her. 2 – suck my cock. 3 -

  JongB: First of all, I want to watch what everyone else does. Then I want some alone time with my girl with me inside of her for as much of it as possible. And then, scribbled hastily at the end, And I want her to marry me.

  MinMin: Whatever she wants, wherever she wants it, with whoever she wants it with.

  CX: I want my girlfriend to be happy and healthy. I don’t want her thinking she has to be making things special for me when it’s been me who has been away from her. I want to hold her in my arms and tell her how special she is, and then let her tell me what she needs from me.

  My emotions went from aroused, to moved, to frustrated because I really wanted to know what Jiwon’s number three was.

  I could feel myself getting emotional as I closed the album and hugged it tightly to my chest. I could see a couple of girls watching me from the other side of the room, looking at me like I had a few screws loose. I didn’t care. I didn’t care if they thought I was a crazy fan girl.

  I was in love.

  My phone beeped at me and I pulled it out of my pocket. It wasn’t any of the guys, like I expected, but Sungmin: Where are you?

  I had no doubt that he was ready to chew me a new one. I responded, letting him know that I had a doctor’s appointment and as I was already out of the house had gone for a Starbucks and would be back later. Don’t be mad at the boys, I added, They didn’t know anything about it.

  I turned the phone onto silent. It was almost time for the appointment anyway, and I didn’t want to go in having read a rant from Sungmin. That could wait until afterwards. If the guys weren’t messaging me, that meant Sungmin still had their phones and they were onto their last show of the day.

  After making sure my album was safely tucked into my bag, I cleared my glass away and walked the short distance to my appointment.

  Once more, the doctor asked the same questions as he had previously, to which I had the same answers. He reassured me that it was normal not to have felt any kicking – but the baby was in the correct position, looked to be a good size (an avocado), and that he or she had a strong heartbeat. He was a little surprised at the size of the bump. At which point I panicked, thinking I was suddenly having twins and he had to reassure me that was not the case, and the size of my belly wasn’t a bad thing.

  After giving me a new prescription of prenatal vitamins and supplements, he waved me on my way, handing me the latest printouts of Baby Gem, and let me go book my twenty-week appointment with the receptionist.

  I walked out of the hospital, turning towards the subway so that I could go home, when I spotted Sungmin. He was standing a little way down the street with a pained expression on his face. I moved closer, trying not to startle him, when I realized that Moonhee was beside him. “… It’s just the facts,” she was saying. “She’s also very young. She must be what? Ten years younger than you? She’s going to resent it when you’re never around and she’s left bringing up that baby by herself, away from home, with no other friends. Plus, foreigners are so uncouth. They’re loud, rude, and aggressive.”

  I had several questions, ranging from ‘why was Sungmin here?’ and ‘why was Moonhee here?’ to, ‘how likely would the Korean police be to believe me when I said my pregnancy hormones made me punch a popular K-drama actress in the face, so that I didn’t end up delivering my baby in prison?’.

  I ignored them all and defaulted to my act now, deal with the consequences approach. Sungmin was already ignoring me; what was the worst that could happen?

  I hurried over to him. “Sungmin!” I cried, giving him a bright smile. He turned just in time for me to throw my arms around him and kiss him. Not an awkward half-kiss, half-miss that the last one had been, but a real, arms around his neck, hands in hair, lips against lips, kiss.

  I could feel him tense up beneath me, and I poked an eye open to find him staring at me in bewilderment.

  I probably should have thought this one through…

  His arms wrapped around me, holding me tight, and then he closed his eyes and kissed me back.

  Then, before I forgot that I wasn’t actually dating Sungmin, I was in the middle of a busy Gangnam street and I really needed to tone it down. I pulled away. “I didn’t think you’d be able to make it,” I told him. “But I got pictures.” I pulled the scans out of my bag, holding them up.

  Sungmin stared at me in a stunned silence.

  I turned to Moonhee and gave her a cold smile. “I know you don’t get it, and I’m not sure you ever will, which is, frankly, sad. But you had your chance to have an amazing husband and you missed out. Sungmin isn’t my consolation prize. Now, back the fuck away from him, or you find out just how aggressive this foreigner is.”

  At her startled look, I grabbed Sungmin’s hand and started dragging him away. He resisted and I turned back to him. “The car is that way,” he said pointing in the opposite direction.

  제21 장

  Brotherhood

  I mentally kicked myself and then turned around, walking past Moonhee again. By the time we had made the short walk to the car, I was starting to feel bad. I had overreacted, big time.

  We weren’t far from Moonhee, so before Sungmin could get the door to the backseat, I dove into the front passenger seat.

  I knew I’d made a mistake when Sungmin started the car and pulled out into the traffic without even looking at me. But I was still so angry. I didn’t care what she said about me, and I’d pretty much just proved her point anyway, but I hated the way she spoke to Sungmin. He looked upset, and worse, he was believing her words.

  “Why were you parked on the street?” I asked. “We’ve used the hospital parking every other time.”

  “You came by subway or taxi. I wasn’t sure if I’d get there before you finished, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss you by parking in the hospital,” Sungmin responded, curtly.

  I needed a drink. Seeing as though I was limited in my choices, I pulled a bottle of water from my bag. I unscrewed it, took a sip, and cursed as I managed to spill it over me.

  “Why are you shaking?” Sungmin asked me.

  “I’m not,” I snapped, even though it was quite obvious my hands couldn’t hold the bottle still.

  Sungmin pulled over, put the car in park, and angled his body towards me. “You shouldn’t have done that.” He reached over, taking the bottle off me and screwing the lid back on for me.

  “No, I probably shouldn’t have done,” I agreed with him. “But I am so sick of seeing that woman speak to you like that. And I can’t get my head around how someone like you ended up with a woman like her, or maybe I need to watch a few dramas she’s been in because she must be a great actress.” I folded my arms and glowered at the dashboard. “It’s not just her I’m pissed off at. You’d better hope I never meet any of your friends, because if I do, they’re going to get an earful off me on how friends don’t let friends date people who treat them like garbage. And for the record, I’m annoyed with you too.”

  “Me?”

  I whipped my head around and glared at him. “Yes, you. Why can’t you just tell her to shut up and leave you alone? You shouldn’t allow yourself to be spoken to like that. You should stand up for yourself and yell at her like you yell at JongB – because they both deserve it. Or is this some bullshit chivalry-type thing where you can’t tell a woman off.” I shook my head. “Or a woman other than me?”

  “Kate, you have no idea what you’re talking about,” he sighed. “And I don’t think getting worked up is good for the baby.”

  “Baby Gem is just as pissed off at you as I am,” I snapped. “We both think you should go take a look in a mirror at yourself and recognize that the person staring back is a decent person who deserves to be loved and should damn well go and get it. I am sorry I kissed you, and I’m sorry if I embarr
assed you in front of a dozen strangers on the street, but I am not sorry for anything I said to Ko Moonhee.”

  I had said my piece. I stared out of the window, refusing to look at Sungmin again. With a sigh, he pulled back into the flow of traffic. The journey home was spent in awkward silence, and I don’t think I had ever felt so grateful to arrive at the house as I did then.

  I got out and stormed into my room, stripping off so that I could cool down under a shower. It took a long shower before I felt normal again. I also recognized that I needed to apologize to Sungmin again; without getting angry at him.

  I pulled on a pair of pajamas and slunk into the living room, feeling pretty sheepish. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t in the kitchen, and when I went to his bedroom, I discovered he wasn’t there either.

  Which meant he was going getting my guys and they would be back soon.

  Soon was optimistic. It was more like six hours later and I was curled up on the sofa eating ice cream while watching a film. I hit pause the moment MinMin ran into the room, just in time for him to leap over the back of the sofa and wrap his arms around me. “I missed you, Kateniss,” he declared.

  Then, like Christmas had come early, I was surrounded by men, all piling over each other to get on the sofa with me, while take the utmost care not to roughhouse and accost me. “I’ve missed all of you,” I told them as JongB started nibbling at my neck. “Is this it? Are you back for a while now?”

  “Sungmin said we had about two days before we had to alternate between here and the dorms,” Youngbin explained.

  “I’ll be gone a lot,” JongB pouted. “I’m still presenting the music show.”

  “I’ve got a part in a drama, but filming doesn’t start until next week,” MinMin told me, excitedly.

  “What is that?” CX said, suddenly serious.

  I followed his outstretched hand and shrugged. “Ice cream.”

  “Yes,” he agreed. “But why is there a salt shaker with it?”

  “Because I’ve been craving salty things,” I said, without thinking about the words leaving my mouth.

  “I bet you have,” Jiwon growled, his stare predatory.

  “I can think of something salty you can have,” JongB smirked.

  “Too much salt is bad for you anyway, but you really need to watch how much you have when you’re pregnant,” CX told me, frowning. “It’s not good for the baby.”

  “Guys, phones,” Sungmin announced. I twisted my head to look at Sungmin, who was doing everything in his power to not look at me as he handed their phones out. “You might want to check the headlines out,” he added, looking thoroughly dejected.

  There was a mad scramble of everyone pulling up a news site to investigate Sungmin’s cryptic statement. I leaned over Jiwon’s arm, peering at the screen, headlines something of a blur; my speaking was great. My reading was much slower.

  And Jiwon clicked on something. ‘KO MOONHEE’S LOVE TRIANGLE WITH EX AND MYSTERY PREGNANT WOMAN’.

  “What the actual fuck?” Jiwon muttered, taking the words out of my mouth.

  He was scrolling down the page too fast for me to read it properly, but the pictures of me kissing Sungmin spoke volumes. I closed my eyes, dropping my forehead against Jiwon’s shoulder. “Fuck.”

  “Who would have thought I would turn out to be the problem,” Sungmin muttered.

  I looked up in time to see him walking down the corridor to his bedroom. I stared after him, chewing at my lip.

  “You don’t have to look so worried,” Youngbin told me, reaching over to hold my hand. “We’re happy if you’re happy.”

  “What happened with Moonhee?” the ever preceptive Xiao asked.

  I shook my head. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, but this is about Sungmin and I don’t think it’s my place to share that.” I lowered my head against Jiwon’s shoulder again. “Fuck.”

  “Kate, the last time I saw that expression on Sungmin’s face, it was his wedding day,” MinMin said, gently. “I know it doesn’t feel right to say anything, but he’s not going to, and all of us have seen him struggling with this before. In fact, we thought the more time he was spending with you, the better he was getting.”

  Jiwon’s fingers settled on my chin, lifting my face out of his arm. “Spill.”

  “When I went to the hospital for my scan, we ran into Sungmin’s ex. She made some shitty comments about his scar and how she was surprised he was with me, and I may have implied that he was the reason for this,” I pointed at my bump. “But because I was really pissed with her, I kissed him. The kiss was only supposed to be a peck on his cheek, and he turned his head.”

  “So, it was another not-kiss?” JongB asked, rolling his eyes.

  “It was more of a kiss than the straw thing,” I shrugged. “And I would have said something to you sooner, but I haven’t seen you, plus, for the record, you’re completely wrong because he has been avoiding me for weeks. I went to the fan meet today because I missed you and I was lonely.” I frowned, and then shook my head. “No, he’s been avoiding me for longer – since he proposed.”

  “What happened earlier?” Xiao asked, crossing his arms.

  “I ran into them as I was leaving and she was saying more shit about him, and me. I mean, I don’t care what she says about me, but I got so angry about the way she talks to him, so instead of punching her, I kissed Sungmin, as you can see,” I gestured to a phone. “And then I yelled at him in the car for not saying something to her and putting up with her shit.”

  “I wish you had punched her,” Jiwon growled, cracking his knuckles. “What did she say about you?”

  “That’s not important,” I said, brushing the question off. “I completely overreacted on both occasions, and I really shouldn’t have yelled at Sungmin. No wonder he’s ignoring me.”

  “No, I don’t think that’s the case,” CX said, thoughtfully.

  “I’ve probably had more conversations with you guys than with him over the last few weeks,” I pointed out.

  CX shifted his weight to lean forward and look at me properly. “I mean I don’t think that’s why he’s ignoring you. I think he does like you, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it because of us.”

  “But we’re cool with it,” JongB scoffed.

  “Have any of us actually told him that?” CX asked.

  The room fell silent.

  “Are you serious?” I blurted out.

  “He’s our manager,” JongB pointed out, although it sounded more like a whine.

  Youngbin ran a hand over his face. “Fuck, Yongsik is right.”

  “How could you possibly decide that you are OK with him and me, and not tell him?” I asked in disbelief.

  “How come you didn’t?” Jiwon retorted.

  “I thought you guys had told him and he was ignoring me anyway because he didn’t like me.” I sat up, looking at them all. “Do you really see him as your manager?” I asked, unsure if I wanted to hear the answer. “Because if so, then CX is right and he is being weird because of you guys, and I don’t blame him.”

  “I do when he’s yelling at me,” JongB admitted.

  “You deserve it,” Youngbin pointed out.

  MinMin considered the question. “Yes and no. I see him like I see Youngbin-hyung. He’s my friend and my brother, but I have a lot of respect for him.”

  CX nodded. “He’s a lot older than me, and that was intimidating at first, but he is easy to talk to, and I consider him a friend.”

  I sighed. “Guys, you need to tell him this.”

  “What about you?” Xiao asked, his eyes never leaving my face.

  That was a good question, and I wasn’t sure I had an answer. I certainly had grown closer to him on tour, and I’d felt comfortable with him. If I was honest, I’d even felt some sparks of attraction that I’d pushed away because of the others. But after more than a month of him avoiding me, all I had to go on was a kiss. The kiss had felt right, but that didn’t mean it was. “I don’t know,” I fina
lly admitted.

  MinMin extracted his limbs from mine and stood. “I’m going to get Sungmin.”

  Nobody stopped him as he walked away. He reappeared a short time later, frowning. “He won’t leave his room.”

  JongB stood up. “If you can’t lead a horse to water…”

  CX arched an eyebrow. “I don’t think that’s how that phrase works.”

  “Of course it is,” JongB shrugged. “And the point is, we should all go in and talk to him. He’s not going to come out, and he’s not going to listen. So... we make him.”

  Youngbin shrugged. “He might be on to something.”

  I moved over to the side of the couch. I had no intention of going with them, but Xiao wrapped his hand around mine. “All of us.”

  I walked with him to Sungmin’s bedroom, but I stayed in the doorway rather than enter the room, at the back of the big crowd surrounding Sungmin’s bed.

  Sungmin was lying on top of his bed, wearing only pajama bottoms, while staring intently at something on his tablet. Despite the fact he was ready for bed, he still hadn’t removed his makeup. He looked up, a scowl on his face as we all walked in. “What?”

  “Hyung, you’ve been with us from the beginning,” Youngbin told him.

  “And?”

  “We realized that we’ve never told you what you mean to us.”

  Sungmin shrugged. “It’s my job.”

  MinMin shook his head. “But this isn’t,” he said. I could see his arms move, but I couldn’t tell if he was gesturing to us or the room – or both.

  “This is only temporary,” Sungmin responded. “I’ve been looking for a place, don’t worry.” He held up his tablet and I got a glimpse of an ad for a room.

  “Don’t,” Xiao told him, before I could.

  Sungmin set the tablet down and let out a weary sigh. “You guys are having a baby. You need the room for a nursery.”

  “Have you seen the size of this house?” Youngbin asked him. “It wasn’t that long ago that we had to share rooms in a dorm. This place is a palace.”