Onyx: Forever

by J. S. Lee

  “What is it?” Sungmin asked.

  “What did I do to my baby?” I thought my heart was going to stop.

  The doctor shook his head. “You did everything you were supposed to. Meconium is the first passing of the baby’s waste. Occasionally, this happens while the baby is still in the amniotic fluid and she inhaled it. We’ve cleared it from her nose and mouth, but she was having a little trouble breathing, so we’ve taken her up to the Neonatal Care Unit to keep an eye on her.” He nodded his head. “She will be fine. Now you need to rest because she’s going to need her mother when she comes down.”

  I closed my eyes, trying to convince myself that my baby was going to be fine, like the doctor told me, but I couldn’t. Worse still, I wanted all of the others in the room with me and until the doctor disappeared, that couldn’t happen either.

  I had to wait for an excruciating twenty minutes for the nurse to clean me up and help me get comfortable as the drugs started to wear off. Finally, we were alone and without any prompt, Sungmin left me.

  One by one, Jiwon, JongB, MinMin and CX entered the room. MinMin was climbing onto the bed beside me to hold me in his arms in an instant. “How are you?” he asked.

  “Have you seen her?” I asked.

  “Seen… her?” CX repeated, his eyes going wide. “It’s a girl.”

  I nodded.

  “Holy shit, I’m a father of a girl,” JongB muttered. He looked over at me. “She’s not dating until-”

  “Have you seen her?” I snapped, repeating my question.

  Jiwon slowly shook his head. “We saw the incubator come out from the other end of the corridor.”

  “I tried to follow, but it’s immediate family only,” JongB added. He hung his head. “I’m sorry, I tried, but they wouldn’t let me near her. I just assumed that was normal though.”

  “How are you?” MinMin repeated, moving in front of me.

  “Scared.”

  “We’re not going anywhere, don’t worry,” CX promised me.

  If I was in a state to be walking, I would, pacing back and forth. “Distract me,” I muttered.

  “Xiao broke four bones in his foot,” Jiwon said, rolling his eyes. “They’re waiting for the swelling to go down and then he gets a cast on it. Which is one way to get out of changing dirty nappies.”

  “At least he wasn’t planning on having a solo single,” CX shrugged. For the next few months, while we settled into whatever routine we were going to have, Onyx’s schedule was limited to a few sponsorship photoshoots, and JongB was continuing with his weekly MC duties. The general consensus was that afterwards, Onyx would have a couple of comebacks a year at most, while they did unit or solo projects.

  “We still need to name her,” MinMin said, helpfully.

  Over the months, we’d discussed names, but we had never been able to settle on any. I wanted to meet Baby Gem before we gave her a name for life, but the inevitable bickering and silly name suggestions might be enough to distract me.

  The door opened and Sungmin walked in. “First of all, I went and spoke to the doctors. Meconium asphyxiation really is a common thing and the doctors do see it frequently. They said it could be serious, but they were confident our baby was going to be fine. She just needs some oxygen.”

  “Really?” I asked, feeling like I was going to cry.

  Sungmin nodded, moving over to hover by the end of the bed. “They said you should get some rest and then they will take you up to see her. Or, she might even be able to come into your room in the incubator. The sooner you rest up, the sooner we can all go home.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “I’ve spoken to Xiao, he’s about to have his cast put on and then he can be discharged. He’s eager to see you and said to tell you to make sure you look after yourself,” Sungmin continued. “And I’ve also filled Youngbin in on the news.”

  “Why are you frowning like that?” I asked. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  Sungmin held his hands up. “Youngbin was worried, that was all. I told him about the baby being born and going into the Neonatal Care Unit before I spoke to the doctors. I’m going to call him back and tell him not to panic. That’s all.”

  I finally relaxed back into my bed. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to sleep, but the late hour and my sheer exhaustion won out.

  When I awoke, there was light trying to poke through the blinds. MinMin was still curled up next to me, fast asleep. JongB had fallen asleep in the armchair, his mouth open and drool on his shoulder.

  Jiwon, CX, and Sungmin were nowhere in sight.

  Taking care not to disturb MinMin, I eased myself out of bed. I was sore as hell, but considering the pain of childbirth, I could cope with that. I shuffled to the bathroom and did my best to clean up. I was not one of these women who had miraculously kept their makeup in place.

  When my heart started fluttering again, I made a hasty exit from the bathroom, just as someone knocked at the door. Sungmin entered, quickly closing the door behind him. “They are happy to bring our baby down now,” he told me, beaming.

  I gave him a happy squeal, launching myself at him.

  “Whut?” JongB asked, sleepily, as he sat upright.

  “What happened?” MinMin asked.

  “Baby Gem is coming to momma,” I informed them.

  “Which means you guys need to not be all over the bed anymore,” Sungmin said, giving MinMin a pointed look. MinMin leaped off the bed and went to stand beside JongB, before leaning over to open the blinds.

  “Where is Jiwon?” JongB asked, frowning. “And CX?”

  “They went to get Xiao,” Sungmin said, quickly. “Why don’t you get back into bed?” he said to me.

  I shook my head. “Not happening until they bring Baby Gem in.”

  Sungmin rolled his eyes and then stepped out of the room.

  “How are you feeling?” MinMin asked me, moving over to help me get back on the bed.

  The truth was that I was still tired, and some painkillers were needed as just walking to the bathroom had been way more painful than I expected. If I could have any, of course. Otherwise, I was just anxious. “I want my baby.”

  I didn’t have to wait long before she was pushed in. It was a different incubator than the one she had been wheeled out in. It was also a different doctor to the one who had delivered her.

  “Baby is doing very well,” she told me. “We’ve taken her off the oxygen and she’s perked up by herself, but we want to keep you in until the afternoon, just to keep an eye on her.”

  “Can I hold her?”

  She nodded, scooping her up and handing her over to me. She was so small and wrinkly, with a few dark hairs on top of her head.

  I’d read somewhere that evolution had dictated that babies looked like their father. Apparently, it was to make them more protective of them and to help them bond. I couldn’t tell who the father was by looking at her.

  Almost instantly, I felt the calm settle over me. Baby Gem was going to be fine.

  The door opened and CX stepped through, holding it open for Xiao who was being wheeled in on a wheelchair by Jiwon. They didn’t get far before CX’s mouth dropped open. “Is that…?”

  “Oh, this is a lot of visitors,” the doctor said, suddenly alarmed at the number of people in the room. “We don’t normally allow this many people in the room, especially not out of visiting hours.”

  “They’re family,” I said, firmly.

  “I’m their manager,” Sungmin added.

  The doctor looked at me. “If it gets too much, ask them to leave.” She left, leaving us alone with the baby.

  “Can I hold her?” MinMin asked, tentatively. I moved over, passing her to him. “Hi, baby girl,” he greeted her. “I’m one of your daddies.”

  “Did we pick a name?” Jiwon asked.

  JongB peered down at her. “Well, she’s not a ‘Ronaldo’,” he muttered.

  “Ronaldo was never an option!” Jiwon scoffed.

&n
bsp; “That’s what you think,” JongB muttered under his breath. “Hi, pretty lady,” he cooed at the newborn. “I’m your daddy, too."

  “Jemma,” I said, suddenly. I’d been toying with dozens of names, but the moment she had laid in my arms, I’d discarded all of them. “She’s Jemma.”

  “Baby Jemma?” CX repeated. “I like that.”

  Xiao wheeled himself forward, his foot appearing beside me before he did. “Hand Jemma to me,” he told MinMin. MinMin handed her over like she was as delicate as a bubble.

  “What about me?” JongB objected.

  “You can be trusted not to drop her?” Jiwon suggested.

  JongB’s mouth fell open. “You do realize you’ve just given the baby to the person who dropped a weight on his foot and broke his foot, right?”

  Xiao was staring at her like he’d never seen anything as precious as her. He was correct, and it was also adorable. “You can have her when I’ve finished showering her in love,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her head. “She’s perfect.”

  I moved back, about to perch on the bed, when I realized Sungmin was still at the back of the room, head bent over the phone he was frowning at. I walked over to him. “You don’t need to tell everyone at once,” I told him with a smile.

  He looked up at me, not hiding his frown quick enough. “Yeah.”

  “No,” I said, studying him. “You’re hiding something.”

  “I’m just messaging Youngbin,” he told me.

  “I wish he could be here,” I muttered. This was what sucked about the whole situation. He was Jemma’s father, but because of our secret, he couldn’t tell anyone and that meant no leave.

  By late morning, it was just me and Sungmin left in my room. The doctor had come back and insisted that the others leave, and they had. Sungmin was asleep in the chair, and I was staring at Jemma as she slept in the incubator beside me.

  I had been waiting for the doctor to return so that we could go home. Now that Jemma was with me and I could see she was perfect, I wanted to take her so she could be with everyone, in the safety of our home.

  When the door opened, my head whipped around, expecting it to be the doctor with the discharge notice. “Youngbin?” He was dressed in his army fatigues, but he looked like he hadn’t slept all night.

  His attention had fallen on the incubator. “Is that her? Is she… is she OK?”

  I nodded. “We sent messages to let you know she was OK.”

  “I left my phone at the base,” he muttered, walking over. He peered down at her. “She’s beautiful.”

  “Jemma,” I told him.

  He nodded. “Jemma.” He turned and looked at me. “Can I hold her?”

  “Of course.” He picked her up, setting her against his chest, gently stroking her back as his hand seemed to engulf her.

  My hormones were still out of whack, because I was crying before I could stop myself. I reached for my phone, wiping my eyes before Youngbin saw, and quickly snapped some pictures. I had no idea what strings he had pulled to get here, but he’d kept his promise.

  “I was so worried when Sungmin said she had been taken away. I thought I wouldn’t get to see her.” In front of me, Youngbin started to tear up.

  “She’s fine,” I promised him. “I’m waiting for the doctor to discharge us both and we can all go home.”

  Jemma let out a soft cry. It was only brief as Youngbin gently rocked her, but it was enough to wake Sungmin up. “What are you doing here?” he demanded.

  “He came to see Jemma,” I said, as though that was obvious.

  “Is this why you weren’t answering your phone?” Sungmin asked, getting to his feet. “Shit, Youngbin. Are you stupid?”

  “I thought she was going to die, hyung,” he said.

  Sungmin ran a hand through his hair. “You need to get back to your base before anyone notices you’ve gone AWOL.”

  Youngbin shrugged. “I had drills at five this morning. They probably noticed when I didn’t turn up to them.”

  “Are you saying you just… left?” I asked, slowly.

  “Yes,” Youngbin said. “I thought our baby was going to die.”

  Sungmin rubbed a hand over his face. “You know that they can throw you in prison for this?”

  “Are you serious?” My mouth fell open. “Prison?”

  Sungmin started muttering a stream of expletives before pulling his phone out as he walked out of the room.

  “Youngbin, how much trouble are you in?”

  He turned, finally looking at me. “Kate, I don’t care how much trouble I’m in. I’m never going to care. If something has happened to you or Jemma, I was going to be here.”

  “Which is as stupid as it is noble,” I sighed. I got out of bed and walked over to them, leaning my head on his shoulder. “You’re not going to be able to do much from prison.”

  The doctor came in shortly after, and following a final checkup, discharged us both. The others were just as alarmed to see Youngbin as Sungmin had been when he walked in through the door with Jemma in the baby carrier.

  JongB stared at him like he was seeing a ghost. “I think you have far outdone me in any dumb shit I’ve done over the years.”

  That earned him a glower from Jiwon. “He’s still your leader and your hyung, Jongsub.”

  “Can we please not argue in front of Jemma?” MinMin begged, swooping in and taking the carrier off Youngbin. Without any hesitation, he walked off, taking her into her nursery.

  Xiao moved over to me, resting a hand on the small of my back. “Why don’t you go get some rest. You must be ready for some sleep. We’ll make sure Jemma is OK.”

  Tempting as that was, I shook my head. “She’s going to need feeding soon, and besides, how can anyone sleep when they’re waiting for the military police to show up at your door.”

  “Can’t Youngbin just head back to base?” CX offered.

  Sungmin shook his head before shooting a dark look at the back of Youngbin’s head. “So far, no one from the military police has been in touch with Atlantis. I spoke to the legal team and they’re prepared to speak to them when they do. They’re also looking for a lawyer who specializes in military law.”

  My stomach churned.

  Youngbin walked over to me with his long strides covering the distance quickly. “Stop worrying. Everything is going to be OK.” He looked so calm and strong that I almost believed him. “We’ve been in worse situations than this before.”

  “Name one which could have resulted in one of us in prison?” I asked him as the door chimed.

  We all automatically turned to Sungmin. “That will be Park Yongdae. He said he was going to come by.” Park Yongdae was one of the lawyers at Atlantis Entertainment. Knowing a lawyer was coming by made me feel a little better, but not much.

  While Sungmin went to let him in, Youngbin pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me. I missed the familiarity and security I felt in his arms. “For now, let’s just forget about everything else and focus on the fact you gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl.”

  He leaned down and kissed me. It was hard to forget about the impending doom of the military police turning up to haul Youngbin away and sling him in a military prison, but the kiss helped. Until it turned into something like a goodbye kiss from a lover before they disappeared into battle knowing that they’d never see each other again.

  Suddenly, Youngbin pulled away, taking a few steps back from me. I was still trying to gather my senses when I saw him saluting. I whirled around, finding a man in uniform beside Sungmin.

  He was tall, buff, and maybe around the same age as Sungmin. He also looked like he was ready to haul Youngbin out of there by the scruff of his neck. “Who are you?” I asked.

  “This is Youngbin’s captain,” Sungmin told me. “Shin Hongdo.”

  “You’re not the military police?”

  Captain Shin shook his head but focused his attention on Youngbin. “Come on. Let’s go.”

  “What’s
going to happen to him?” JongB blurted out as Youngbin took a step towards his captain.

  Captain Shin paused, giving JongB a stern look. “Desertion is a serious offence. Six months confinement and a deduction of his pay. He’ll be lucky if he doesn’t get a dishonorable discharge.”

  A dishonorable discharge was never good, but I had a nagging feeling that in this country, he might as well have rained shame down on himself and his family, which, by default, was Onyx.

  “Unless there’s something you want to tell me?” Captain Shin asked, giving Youngbin a pointed look.

  “No, Captain.”

  As the disappointment washed over Captain Shin, I caught Youngbin’s eye. “Tell him,” I mouthed. Youngbin shook his head. “Tell. Him.”

  “Youngbin is protecting us,” MinMin said, appearing behind us. He had Jemma strapped to his chest in a swaddling of yellow cloth. “He’s protecting his daughter.”

  The room fell deathly silent, each one of us staring at Captain Shin with wide eyes. I expected the captain to react, but he didn’t.

  “You know who Youngbin is?” I asked him, eventually. “And Onyx.”

  “I do,” the captain nodded.

  “I’ve been dating Youngbin,” I explained, choosing my words carefully. “It would have been bad if fans found that out, but a baby?”

  “Jemma was born this morning. She was rushed straight into intensive care,” Youngbin continued. “I thought she was going to die.”

  Captain Shin’s mouth settled into a thin line. “I gathered that when I confiscated your phone from your unit after they spent twenty minutes failing at coming up with a convincing lie.” He pulled Youngbin’s phone out of his pocket and tossed it at him.

  “I thought you turned all notifications off?” Jiwon asked, looking at him like he was a bigger idiot than JongB.

  “My girlfriend was pregnant and late. Are you telling me you wouldn’t have done the same?”

  “I would have,” Captain Shin agreed before Jiwon could. “But I also would have spoken to my captain to see if there was anything that can be done. I understand your need for privacy, and I would have done something. Now I have to haul your ass back to base and punish you.”