Crazy With You

by E. H. Lyon

  Harper’s folks came in yesterday and we had dinner together. I would say it went as well as it could. I even felt at ease. This morning, I picked Henry up from his hotel, and the whole morning I have been tagging along with Jess to show him properties for his company that he wants to move out here next year.

  “I like it, Jessica. You’ve shown me some good properties. This one is the winner, for sure. How much time do we have to make a decision? I should talk about it with my internal stakeholders,” Henry’s deep voice explains.

  “Of course, that makes perfect sense. We have until Wednesday. The agent will take all offers and present to his client at once.”

  Henry crosses his arms and raises a brow. “I guess this could be a big commission for you.”

  Jess laughs. “Since Max is adamant on not mixing business with personal, then I guess that’s true. But not my priority as Harper is also a friend. So, if getting you a property makes Harper happy then I’m happy.”

  Yeah, that’s right. I decided to return to my not mixing business and personal rule. It was safer for me, especially because I am about to have the conversation with Henry Ives.

  “Jess, can you give us a minute?” I request, and she looks at me, knowing what is about to go down.

  She flashes us a wry smile. “Of course, I’ll be out in the hall.”

  When she’s out of our sight, Henry turns his attention to me.

  “So, my daughter has fallen in love with her real estate agent… if his company gets me this property then I can say she fell in love with a good real estate agent.” His look is direct, and I can’t figure out his mundane tone.

  My tongue runs along my inner cheek, and I scratch my chin wondering where to take this conversation. “The property will be yours. Just give Jess the go-ahead.”

  “I will let her know Monday morning. I’m confident with both your abilities to get me the property, even if you never actually got my daughter a house in the end.”

  I nervously laugh. “Well, she decided not to take the house. We got a little side-tracked, and maybe we should talk about that.”

  Henry gives me a knowing grin. He must have seen this coming as Harper and I have been together for a few months. “Side-tracked is true. But eventually she will need a house. I believe in investing in property, not renting.”

  I begin to pace. “Funny you should mention that. You see, I really need you to know that I never mix business with personal. Harper was the first and only exception.”

  Holy moly, I’m using my mother’s line.

  “And I’m hoping that I don’t need to find Harper a house,” I add. “Not when she can live in mine, if it’s the house she wants to live in… of course.”

  Stopping my pace, I stare at Henry and our eyes meet. He doesn’t blink.

  I continue, “Obviously we will do that once we are married. That brings me to the next topic that we could perhaps discuss.” My voice sounds a little dry.

  “You two haven’t been together very long,” he swipes a hand across his jaw.

  “A few months. But when you know, you know.”

  Henry crosses his arms, and his fingers tap his arms. “Spit it out, Max.”

  I take a breath. “I want to ask Harper to marry me.”

  “Are you stating or are you asking me for my opinion?” He is stern in his voice and look.

  I’m slightly nervous yet remain strong. “I would like your permission to ask Harper to marry me.”

  There is a long pause. A very long pause.

  Henry steps closer to me and places his hands on my shoulders. “Harper was always special, Max. She is special. She is a wild spirit and she sometimes makes decisions in the rush. She sometimes gets blinded by emotions and that makes her move quickly. I’m not sure you two are moving at the right pace, maybe too fast.”

  Is he telling me no? He doesn’t want to give his blessing. This isn’t good.

  He continues to speak. “But seeing you together and after talking with her brother who gives his approval and warned me this may happen, I know the right answer.”

  “And what would that be?” My voice cracks and my head tilts up.

  Henry Ives’s blank stare begins to take shape and he forms a smile. “Make my little girl happy, Max.”

  The man pulls me into a bear hug, and I know that breaking my rule about mixing work and personal has finally paid off.

  “Welcome to the family.” The man actually seems to be beaming.

  “Thanks. But I think she needs to say yes.”

  Harper

  What the hell have I signed up for?

  When a handsome real estate agent gets on one knee and surprises you with a ring when he asked you to look out of his telescope… you should consider how it will play out before agreeing.

  It was a romantic proposal a few weeks ago, and the ring is a rock. But my future mother-in-law? A trip.

  A crazy lady that may drive me insane.

  Beverly is over the moon that Max is getting married, so much so that she wiggled her way into the wedding arrangements. Every day, I receive new appointments for things I need to do for my wedding.

  We had tears when I gently declined to wear her wedding dress from a gazillion years ago but compromised when I said I would use her veil.

  She arranged for an impromptu meeting with the Rabbi to discuss my conversion to their faith without even asking me! Max had to step in on that one.

  We asked Jess to take over wedding arrangement duties to ensure my mother-in-law to-be doesn’t arrange a high tea bridal shower with her book club. Plus, I need an actual bachelorette party complete with strippers and bananas.

  Me? I wouldn’t say I’m Bridezilla… but I have no illusions.

  And now it’s Wednesday night. Wednesday nights are my cooking lessons with Beverly.

  Max looks at us amused as he sits at the kitchen counter in his mother’s house. He doesn’t let his pleasure in this situation show as he is too busy chowing down on a plate of food that his mother prepared, in case he wasn’t eating enough with my cooking. The audacity.

  I throw on a smile. “What is on the menu tonight, Beverly?” It comes out enthusiastic… enough.

  She brings her hands together. “I thought a honey chicken.”

  My face must look crooked as my hand finds my hair to fist. She must know I hate to cook meat. But Max eats meat, and I am going to be Max’s wife, so I am going to do this like the kick-ass woman I am.

  I breathe. “Chicken it is,” I smile through tight lips.

  “Great, and then I will teach you a special bread,” she shimmies away to the oven as I finish tying my apron.

  Max looks at me with a grin.

  I point a finger at him. “I do this for you! Tomorrow it’s back to carrot soup and smoothies,” I remind him as we are both trying to eat healthier before the big day.

  He holds his hands up in surrender. “Whatever you say. You are amazing. I’ll show you how much I appreciate it later.”

  “Yeah, you better go down on me,” I whisper loudly.

  “Who has gone down?” his mother asks, totally unaware. “Did Lucas’s parents finally go down to Arizona for the winter?”

  Max licks his lips in delight. “Yeah, exactly that. It’s a lot warmer down there.” Max wiggles his eyebrows at me as he means me, and it makes me smile to myself.

  “You know, Harper, I know you don’t want to convert, but you should consider some other traditions. For example, the ritual bath before the wedding, going off birth control, the fasting,” she casually lists.

  Max spits out his water. “We are not talking about my fiancée’s birth control.”

  My jaw is still hanging open to even answer.

  Finally, I manage to gather my thoughts. “Shall we focus on this dead bird, please?” I request and head to the bowl of meat.

  Thirty minutes later, we have chicken in the oven, and I am busy kneading bread. Future Housewife Skill 101. Max is in the other room watching television.


  My arm muscles are shaping up from kneading these five bags of flour into this bread. This is insane.

  I feel a warm hand on my shoulder.

  “Looks good, Harper. I am so happy you and Max found each other. I can’t wait to have you in the family.” My eyes look up at her and I realize that is the sweetest thing she has said to me lately, and she means it too. Her smile is soft and genuine.

  My lips tug into a smile. “Me too,” I answer.

  An hour later, Max and I are driving home.

  “Maybe I should let her be more involved. Maybe I’m doing this all wrong. She can pick the flowers and the cake, well, if she wants chocolate then that’s fine too. And maybe her high tea isn’t such a bad idea,” I ramble.

  Max immediately makes a sharp turn to the side of the road along the line of pine trees where we abruptly stop. It’s dark and not many cars pass by. He turns to me with the dashboard light bathing our faces with a glow.

  “Okay, I don’t know what’s happening, but you don’t want any of that. Trust me,” he reminds me.

  “But she was so sweet.”

  Max shakes his head. “Okay, I am calling it. You’re turning into one of those lunatic brides.”

  My stomach sinks. I told him he could call me that if the situation of wedding planning ever got dire. “Really?”

  He nods his head yes.

  “Harper, we go with the original plan. I’m happy you and my mother are getting along, but I know it will backfire if you two are planning a reception together.”

  I look at him blankly.

  “I swear you and my mother are more alike than you know,” he mentions.

  I snap.

  My face fumes and that trigger is pulled.

  “I am not like your mother! Take it back, Maxwell.”

  It’s a lie if a woman says she likes to be compared with her mother-in-law, especially when her fiancé is a mama’s boy.

  He laughs a deep laugh, very entertained. “What if I don’t?” He’s taunting me.

  I lean forward and my palms push against his chest.

  That look on his face? Satisfaction. He wanted this.

  Angry sex can be de-stressing. It also helps a lot when planning a big wedding. We may have added it to our portfolio the last few weeks too.

  We attack each other like two wild animals. Our limbs a muddle like spaghetti on a plate. Finally, I find my way on his lap with the horn going off momentarily.

  “Max, I am a teacher. I can’t get caught,” I remind him with pleasure in my voice as he attacks my neck.

  “We’ll be quick. We have a record to beat.”

  It makes me laugh.

  Two minutes and seven seconds later and we beat our record.

  I look at him as I sit in the front seat with my dress buttons still undone.

  “Hmm you know how to calm me.” I let out a breath of gratification.

  “Good, because you were getting a little crazy.”

  I should be annoyed he said that, but he’s right. He keeps me in check.

  “Max, I am so happy you took a chance and broke your rule to date clients with me.”

  He interlinks our fingers and hands then places a butterfly kiss on my skin.

  “Me too, Harper, me too.”

  Epilogue

  Harper: A few months later

  We sway to the music in the filled reception room at the hotel on Fifth. The white fairy lights hanging between the inside room and outside terrace where the summer evening is warm and clear. A thousand stars to look at for a perfect evening.

  Candles are spread out on the elegantly set tables with a full spread of food both carnivores and vegans would love. Friends and family enjoy cocktails with turtle-safe straws. I know as soon as we cut the cake and the DJ plays that things will get a little insane.

  For now, I dance with my brother to Sinatra to appease the old folks in this joint.

  “You nailed the cool-and-collected bride thing. Thought for sure you would contemplate doing a runner with your future mother-in-law acting as Momzilla. Don’t envy you there,” my brother teases me as he guides our dance in the middle of the dance floor.

  I laugh. “Nah, she’s okay. She just wants what is best for Max, and to be honest, I need her on my side to feed him. I can’t even compete with her Friday-night dinners. Her cooking is insane. Plus, we just told her I am converting to Judaism, so that should keep her at bay for a while.”

  Josh laughs at me. “Can’t wait to see that play out.”

  I jab a finger into his chest. “No, what I want to see play out is what happens to you and the employee you knocked up.” I indicate my head to a pregnant Layla sitting at a table watching us with my parents next to her.

  He scoffs with a grin. “She isn’t technically my employee, and yeah, I think there’s something there.” He beams and he couldn’t even hide it if he tried.

  “Well, at least your pregnant baby mama has kept Mom and Dad at a suitable distance during my wedding preparation. Seriously, the excitement for babies trumps weddings by far.”

  Josh looks at me, puzzled. “I guess I’ll become an uncle soon?”

  I laugh. “Absolutely not. We want to wait. Like really wait.”

  My brother just nods at me.

  There is a moment as we listen to the music and my brother just looks at me. “You are beautiful bride, little sister.”

  “I should hope so. I ate green smoothies for the past three months and this dress is, well, perfection,” I shrug a shoulder at my accomplishment. The smooth-lined V-neck mermaid dress fits me perfectly. Hugging my curves in all the places that I know Max loves. Red nails and red lipstick complete my classic look. I may be pushing the boundaries for traditional wedding, with the plunging neckline and no sleeves, but I did cover up when we got married, including the full veil.

  “Can I dance with my wife?” my husband requests from behind me, and I’m already smiling.

  “Absolutely,” my brother answers and steps back. As Max replaces my brother’s place, Josh pats Max’s shoulder. “Take care of her, she’s the right kind of crazy, I promise.”

  Max tilts his head up before focusing his attention on me. Pulling our bodies flush together as my heart thumps at record speed for the millionth time today.

  “Hey, husband.”

  “Hey, wife.”

  We look at each other with googly eyes before kissing a respectable dance-floor kiss.

  “Is it the wedding of your dreams?” Max asks me as he stares intently at me.

  “It wouldn’t matter, it’s about who I married… but yes, it is my dream wedding,” I beam before nuzzling into his neck as he pulls us closer. I breathe in his scent and it’s the only scent that I will ever smell on my pillow when I wake up. Just the right amount of too much.

  “The paper chains from your class were a nice addition. I’m a bit scared for the upcoming speeches, especially from Jess and Leo. Thank fuck I broke the glass in one go during the ceremony, I knew I could deliver but still.” He’s cocky when he says that which makes me grin again. “But everyone is having a good time. We can relax later, you and me.” He gives me his warning eyes and grin.

  “You mean on the honeymoon in the Caribbean?” I pretend.

  “Then, but also tonight when we get to consummate this marriage.” He kisses my neck and adds a little teeth that capture my skin which makes me squeal in delight and already sends pulses to between my legs.

  “Oh yeah, we have to follow the traditional protocol for this wedding. Well, if we must,” I pretend to pout.

  Max tips me back in our dance. “Harper, don’t tease me.”

  When he brings me back to him, my fingers find the collar of his tux. “Trust me. The rest of your life I will be teasing you, and you will love every second.” I press my body tightly against his, and his breath catches before he bites his tongue. His hard bulge, I can feel even through the thick fabric of my dress. It makes me gasp, which he loves.

  “I love
you, Harper.”

  “I love you, Max.”

  Max

  Who the hell created wedding dresses? On your wedding night, you should be able to rip off your new wife’s dress in less than 20 seconds flat to consummate the marriage. But no, I’m waiting a solid seven minutes in which I most definitely was not in seven minutes of heaven. Ripping the dress off wasn’t an option as Harper made it clear she needed time to get out of it then hang it the right way and all these other details that a guy doesn’t care about.

  I wait on the bed in our hotel room in my briefs with my engine revved. There may be a buzz still from the Max’s Manifestos that we served at the reception, but not enough to make me give a poor performance on my wedding night. I’m at my wits’ end, about to yell for Harper to hurry up, but something tells me, going into minute eight of waiting, that my patience may pay off.

  I hear the click of the bathroom door of our honeymoon suite opening, and my head peers up to look at my wife standing in the doorway in some sexy-as-fuck white silk lingerie that is all parts see-through yet elegant. The little G-string number will be ripped within seconds, that I am sure of. The babydoll top with thin little straps may stay on for a minute if we’re lucky. But it’s all worth it for the image in front of me. The garter belt on her thigh will be staying on, I mean, it is a wedding night, after all.

  “Harper, my dear wife, please come here now,” I request through grinding teeth as I slide my hand along the bed.

  She gives me her seductive look, and I know her sultry voice will be coming on as she slowly strides my way. “My dear husband, you may need to be patient as I have a gift for you.” Her brows wiggle at me as she brings her hands out from behind her back and there is a white box in her palm tied with blue ribbon.