Along Waters of Sunshine and Shadow

by Ava Miles

  She’d appreciated Noah’s protectiveness. Being groped or kissed by strangers wasn’t exactly welcome, but she would have allowed them some leeway given the circumstances. Besides, it hadn’t only been protectiveness on Noah’s part. There had been something else in his eyes, something hard and predatory, something she hadn’t liked. The Noah she’d seen yesterday wasn’t the man she knew. He was the soldier she suspected she would never know. The one he didn’t want her to know. The one she suspected she didn’t want to know. She’d seen a glimpse of him with Billie and hadn’t liked it.

  Perhaps Noah was right about compartmentalizing their lives, keeping everything from the war firmly tucked in the past.

  When he hadn’t appeared by noon for lunch, she told herself she’d give him another thirty minutes. The grandfather clock ticked the minutes away, and after the allotted time, she grabbed her purse and decided to walk to the rectory. The street was lined with streamers from the celebration the night before. Nothing like it had been downtown, mind you. She wouldn’t want to be on the cleanup crew.

  At the rectory, she knocked, her purse clutched to her stomach. Father Shaughnessy opened the door.

  “Anna! What a wonderful surprise. I was just about to see to our church bees. Come in.”

  Usually the thought of him in a beekeeper’s hat made her smile, but not today. She hesitated on the threshold. “I don’t want to be a bother, but Noah didn’t come by, and I got worried.”

  Father took her hand. “He was out early after eating a good Irish breakfast with me. I wouldn’t worry. He had something to look into.”

  Somehow that didn’t appease her. “It’s not like him to be late. He’s usually so punctual.”

  “The celebrations are still going on around the city,” Father said. “He probably got caught up. Of course I told him how things were on V-E day.”

  “A zoo in the best way,” she said, letting him bring her inside.

  “How’s your mother?” He led her into the library, a room she’d previously only seen in passing on her way to the parlor.

  What could she say? “I keep praying for her.”

  “That bad, huh? Noah doesn’t say much. Soda?”

  She sat down. “Yes. Thank you. Am I keeping you from Mass?”

  He handed her a glass and poured himself some water from the pitcher before sitting down in an arm chair close to hers. “No, Father Wilson has the twelve-thirty. We’re going to have a celebration Mass tonight at seven. I hope you can make it. I might have to allow those streamers everyone had yesterday in church. I suspect God might smile at that.”

  The very thought brought a smile to her face. “I like that idea. I’ll be sure to come.” She wished Noah would join her, but she respected his beliefs. Still, there was no denying she’d always hoped to share her faith with her husband. Hold his hand on the way to Mass like her parents had as she and Martin ran ahead.

  We’ll just have to find a different way to share our beliefs.

  “Of course, the bishop might not like it, but I have a feeling I can get around it. I mean, we did finally win the war. How are you, Anna? There have been a lot of changes in your life recently.”

  That seemed like an understatement. “I’m pretty good. I mean, Noah isn’t going off to war again. I found myself thanking God for that repeatedly last night when I couldn’t sleep.”

  Father drank his water. “Sleeplessness seems to be an epidemic in this country. The war is hard on the body’s need for rest. Of course, it’s hard on the soul too, isn’t it? But we’re all coming along. I know I feel better this morning than I have in years, and I can tell Noah does as well.”

  He did? Her heart lifted given how she’d left him last night. Father wouldn’t kid about that.

  He gave her a wink. “You’ll see. I want to thank you for bringing him into my life. Part of me knows God has the ultimate hand, but you played your part by inviting him into your life. In my humble opinion, you could not have found a better man.”

  Those words helped her uncurl the death grip she had on her purse. “Your praise means the world, Father. You know how highly I regard your opinion.”

  He waved a hand dismissively. “Being a priest doesn’t make me any better at judging a man. I could do that before I put this collar on.”

  “You must have been an incredible young man,” she said. “I wish I could have had you for a student. I bet you would have given me a run for my money.”

  He laughed. “I might have had to write a lot of sentences after school. One of the most common complaints I had from teachers was that I asked too many questions. My first confessor even told me he worried for my soul. Said he couldn’t imagine someone with that many questions keeping his faith.”

  “Apparently you defy the odds,” Anna said, realizing how much she’d missed chatting with him. During the school year he was always around, quick to stop and chat in the classroom or hallway. “I always feel better in your presence.”

  “Bah,” he said. “That makes me sound pompous. You’re simply happy to talk with a friend.”

  “A friend?” she asked, her mouth parting slightly.

  He gave a hearty chuckle, his bushy white eyebrows dancing. “Oh, your face. Did you never think of me as a friend? Goodness, sometimes I want to tug this collar off and stuff it in my pocket so people can treat me like they would another human being. Your Noah understands that.”

  “He calls you Niall,” she said slowly. “It jars me every time.”

  Father gave an exaggerated eye roll. “Maybe you should start calling me Niall too, so it becomes more normal to you. I hope to be a guest in your home for many years to come, assuming I don’t get into so much trouble with the bishop he transfers me to the boonies.”

  She was still reeling from the thought of sharing a home with Noah. The image of Father sitting at the table was easy to conjure up. He’d been a fixture in her life since she was a child. But it made her heart swell to imagine Noah sitting next to him.

  Tears filled her eyes, and she ducked her head away. “I’m sorry,” she said, standing up. “I need to excuse myself.”

  She only made it a couple steps before Father put his arm around her shoulders. “Sit down now. You’re just a bit emotional. It’s going around, let me tell you. I might have had a couple moments myself at morning Mass. There’s no shame in it.”

  She drew a handkerchief from her purse and realized it was Noah’s. That made more tears fall. “Oh, Father, I love him so much.”

  “I know you do, lass,” he said. “I know it doesn’t help telling you not to worry about him, but trust me when I say that he might have a better head on his shoulders than all of us put together. Last night he helped me find my way through something I’d been struggling with for over twenty-five years. In some ways, he saved my life, if not my soul. Of course, he’d never call it that. He was only being a friend. I’ll tell him that he can share the story with you because I know he’s a man who keeps a confidence.”

  She could only stare at him. Noah had helped Father?

  “Don’t look so surprised, my dear. Do you think we priests know everything? Now you go on home. He’ll be there sometime soon, I should think, and you’ll want to be there when he arrives.”

  He helped her to her feet and ushered her to the front door. “Now, this isn’t something you’ll hear from me often, but I’ll be happy if I don’t see you at Mass tonight. Celebrate with your man. God will understand.”

  With that, he closed the door on her. She turned around in a daze and walked home. Kids called out to her, but she barely heard them. She struggled to raise her hand to wave.

  Inside her house finally, she sat down at the kitchen table, too frazzled to make another pot of coffee. What could Noah have helped Father with? And where the heck was he?

  When she heard a knock on the door, she ran toward it. She opened it, relieved to see Noah. He had a smile on his face and a summer bouquet of roses and daisies in his hands.

  The
n he sank to one knee. “Anna Sims, will you marry me?”

  Chapter 19

  Anna pressed her hands to her face.

  Emotion shot through her like a geyser, and she felt the urge to cry. “Oh, Noah! I was so worried.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, extending the flowers. “If you’d take these…”

  She was shaking all over, but she managed to grab ahold of them. Staying where he was on his knees, he pulled a velvet box from his uniform pocket and opened it. There was a thin gold band inside with what looked like gold filigree circling it.

  “I went downtown to find you a ring even though I know not all women want one,” he said. “I wanted something tangible to cement our bond. I hope you like it. That is, if you’ll agree to marry me. Ah…will you, Anna?”

  She launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around him. He wobbled for a moment but didn’t fall backward. “Yes, Noah. I’ll marry you.”

  He held her face and looked deep into her eyes. She’d never seen that light in his eyes before. It was as though he’d finally broken free of the shadows surrounding him.

  “I’ll love you until the day I die,” he said in a serious tone, “and I swear to you on everything I fought for over there that I’ll never let you down.”

  She remembered him writing her that he feared letting her down if he died in the war, and those words had broken her heart. “I’ve told you before. You could never let me down. It’s not who you are. And I’ll love you until I take my last breath and never let you down either.”

  He shifted her so she was sitting on his bent knee. “I know you won’t. Anna…last night after I talked with Niall, I felt like the whole world opened up for me, and you were at the center of it. I can’t wait to marry you and be your husband.”

  She twined her arms around his neck. “I can’t wait either. When do you want to do it?”

  His brow rose. “Well, I… That would be up to you. Women set great stock on weddings. I’m sorry I… I know we talked about this before, but I still can’t convert to being Catholic.”

  “I know that,” she said. “Let’s talk with Father and see…what that means. I know he can still marry us.”

  It wouldn’t be in the church, she remembered, and that made her sad. But she and Noah were getting married, and her happiness was a formidable thing. Much stronger than any regrets she felt.

  “But I will agree to raising our children Catholic,” he said gravely. “With one stipulation.”

  She held her breath, knowing how big this was for him.

  “Niall said his dad always encouraged them to think for themselves, and I’d like to do the same for our kids. You call it a well-informed conscience, I believe. I call it having good sense.”

  “Oh, Noah, our kids are going to have the best sense in the world,” she said, bouncing on his knee.

  “Don’t be too sure after you hear what I went through to buy your ring,” Noah said, putting a hand to his forehead. “Once I realized I didn’t want to wait another day to ask you, what with the Japs surrendering, I moved high heaven to get downtown to the jeweler Father recommended. He opened the shop up special for me, but suddenly there were all these guys in uniform standing in the window, knocking on the glass to see if the owner would open up. Turned out they wanted to get hitched too since the war’s over. You should have seen it,” he continued, his green eyes alight. “Downtown was packed. It took me forty minutes to walk to the jeweler, and I won’t tell you how long it took me to park.”

  “You drove?” she asked. “But how?” This wasn’t just good sense. This was romantic. She was going to love telling their children this story.

  His grin made him seem so much younger. “Niall lent me his car. Of course, I had to walk by the beehives to get to the garage. My goodness, they’re loud.”

  “Father had to put them back there since some parishioners were worried about them being so close to the church and school.”

  “I remember you writing me that,” he said. “When I finally reached it, I had to laugh. He’s no car man, that’s for sure. I felt like I was driving a hearse, it’s so big and ancient, but it got me there. I’ll have to ask him if he does the funerals and drives the coffin out to the cemetery.”

  Anna started laughing, unable to believe his good humor. “He calls it the ‘Old Boat.’ Oh, I think it’s wonderful that he lent it to you. What a sweetheart! I went by the rectory to find you, and he told me you’d gone on an errand, but he didn’t give anything away.”

  “He’s a good friend,” Noah said, and something came and went in his eyes. “Anna…I…let’s stand up, shall we? I could probably kneel here all day, but I’d rather take you in my arms proper-like without all the neighborhood kids watching.”

  Her back was to the street, so she looked over her shoulder. Sure enough, the Dougherty boys and a passel of others were peeking through the gate with grins on their faces.

  She waved at them. “We’re getting married!”

  “Way to go, Miss Sims,” Brendan said while the others cheered.

  Noah rose to his feet after her and waved as well. Then he shut the front door and drew her against his chest. His eyes sought hers, and he held her gaze as he kissed her. Oh, they were getting married! The love she felt for him grew like a golden ball in her chest, so big she thought she would burst in an explosion of light.

  “Oh, Noah, I’m so happy,” she said when they paused.

  He ran his finger along her cheek. “Me too. I have something else to tell you…”

  “Well, I’m not happy,” she heard her mother say.

  She turned. Her mom was standing at the top of the stairs, her mourning dress looking somehow blacker today, if that was possible.

  “Anna, I’ve been biding my time since this man told us that Martin died instead of him. I’ve prayed you would see reason. I even hoped the war would take care of things, what with him having to go fight in the Pacific.”

  The words struck her heart like a sniper’s bullet, and pain radiated throughout her body. How could her mother have wanted that? This was what she’d been thinking about since Noah had told her about Martin?

  “You may be old enough to make your own decisions, but I will not give my consent for this marriage, and I’ll be letting everyone in the neighborhood know that I don’t approve of this marriage. That I forbid it, in fact.”

  “But, Mom—”

  “You’re acting like a foolish young girl, and with a man outside your faith,” she said, her voice like the one Anna had heard when she was a misbehaving child. “You keep thinking you’ll be able to forget that this man survived the war instead of your brother, but you can’t start a life together on something so tainted.”

  “That’s not true,” she said. “We love each other.”

  “Love! What do you know of love? It takes more than love to make a marriage work. Once your schoolgirl infatuation passes, you’ll regret marrying him. It might be a year from now or even more, but there will come a time when you’ll wish God had saved your brother instead of this man. Blood is thicker than water, and it will always be. I would think your Irish heritage would have taught you that. You won’t want to look at Noah, least of all have him touch you. Not when your brother’s blood is on his hands.”

  She heard Noah’s sharp intake in the midst of her own shock and hurt. “You’re wrong, Mom. You couldn’t be more wrong.”

  Her mother raised her hand and pointed at Noah. “Ask him why he didn’t do more to protect Martin. Or do something to…to stop the bleeding. If he was his friend, how could he have let him die?”

  She felt Noah rock back for a moment before standing tall. “Like I told you, Mrs. Sims, I did everything I could. If I could have taken his place, I would have. If I could have saved him, I would have. There was nothing I could do on that damn field. Nothing!”

  “Well, you can do something now,” her mother said. “We Irish believe that when someone saves your life, you owe them a debt. As Martin’s mot
her, I’m claiming that debt. Stay away from my daughter.”

  His whole body seemed to vibrate with emotion, and Anna couldn’t blame him. A debt? She placed a hand on his arm, hoping to comfort him. But she was trembling too.

  “Excuse me,” Noah said, pulling away from her and walking out.

  The front door closed sharply, and she looked at her mother. “I can’t believe you! How could you be so cruel? What’s happened to you?”

  The lines of her mother’s face seemed etched in stone. “My son is dead, and my daughter wants to shack up with the man who should have saved him. And you call me cruel? You’re determined to remind me of Martin’s death every day.”

  “That’s not fair,” she said, her voice rising. “You’re the one who keeps focusing on what happened to Martin. Why won’t you listen? I’m trying to help you.”

  “God’s stopped listening to me,” her mother said, her tone hard. “Why should I listen to you? Especially when you’re exhibiting such childish, selfish behavior. Anna, if you marry this man, I will never speak to you again.”

  “You don’t mean it,” she whispered, the pain so strong she wanted to bend at the waist.

  “Yes, I do,” she said with an emphatic nod.

  “But I’m your daughter,” she said, her tone pleading. “Your only living child.”

  Her mother started to walk away, back to her room. “My child would never hurt me like this.”

  Anna heard the door to her bedroom close and sank to the ground. She would have to leave her home for sure now and perhaps even her neighborhood. This place she loved so much, the one she’d lived in her whole life. What would she do?

  She looked at the flowers resting on the floor, forgotten from her celebration with Noah. This was supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life and her mother had ruined it.

  I’ll never speak to you again.

  And her words to Noah… As Martin’s mother, I’m claiming that debt.