Along Waters of Sunshine and Shadow

by Ava Miles

  Anna was mostly proud of her Irish heritage, but that kind of talk made her want to tear her hair out and change her name. She couldn’t imagine Noah would take it seriously.

  But he’d left, and she couldn’t blame him. Her mother had gone too far, and every hope she’d had that her mother would come around had been crushed.

  She was poised to lose the last link to her family, and perhaps the neighborhood she loved. Could she marry Noah if it came at such a cost?

  Could she forgive her mother if she didn’t marry Noah? If she let her mother take this away from her… She’d always valued forgiveness—taught it to the children in school and lived by it. But right now, she couldn’t imagine putting that into practice with her mother.

  As she plucked out a single red rose and started to cry, all thoughts of the war being over were gone.

  There was a new war raging inside her.

  Chapter 20

  Noah stormed down the street, flicking a hand in greeting when someone called out to him. Everyone else was in high spirits, just like he’d been, but he felt like he’d just suffered the worst defeat of his life.

  He’d known Anna’s mother was against them. Had accepted it. Hoped it would change in time. He’d even decided to be polite to her regardless of what she said or did to him for Anna’s sake.

  But Mrs. Sims still blamed him for Martin’s death. Heck, she’d even tried to call in a debt she thought he owed her, something that pinged the leftover guilt he had inside.

  He could overcome all that in time, especially after his discussion with Niall last night, but he couldn’t forget the other thing. She’d insisted Anna would become unhappy at some point in their marriage because he was alive and Martin wasn’t. Her aim had been as sure as the German sniper that had killed her son.

  How could he enter into marriage with Anna if her mother outright forbade it? And told the neighborhood she was against it? Surely people would take sides, and it would turn ugly. So far they’d all been nice to him, but Mrs. Sims hadn’t thrown the gloves down yet.

  Anna loved these people, and they loved her, but Mrs. Sims was determined and he didn’t underestimate her. Would relations with her neighbors become so fraught and disagreeable that Anna would have to leave her job at the school? Leave this place she loved?

  Any one of those things could make Anna come to regret marrying him. Maybe it was all his talks with Niall, but he didn’t want that on his conscience. He certainly didn’t want to make her unhappy and be the cause of the final fissure with her mother.

  Their marriage seemed doomed before it had even started.

  When he’d gone downtown earlier, he’d dreaded the crowd, especially once he left the car. Sure enough, the streets had been lined with ticker tape and other garbage, and there was still a serious showing of people. Businesses were closed in celebration, and it looked as though some of the revelers hadn’t yet gone home.

  And yet, the crowd hadn’t bothered him the same way. Sure, once he was on foot he was jostled half a dozen times and some blonde dame even grabbed him and tried to kiss him, but he found himself laughing as he pushed through the crowd.

  The war was over, he knew what he wanted to do with his life, and he was going to marry Anna! His new life was beginning.

  Only now, it felt like that new life was over before it could begin.

  His earlier joy, an emotion so new to Noah he’d wanted to bottle it up for rainy days, had drained away.

  The grounds of the church and school were upon him and he stopped, realizing he was breathing hard. His gaze found the schoolyard. Kids were flying high on the swings and flashing down the metal slide, screaming out loud.

  Sadness crept over him. This morning as he’d taken a brief rest, he’d had a flash of Anna and him having kids, and he’d cherished the vision. Anna would be beside them, and their kids would have her eyes and wit. And heart…

  He couldn’t forget about that. She had the biggest heart out there and the best mind.

  He was the luckiest guy on the planet. His nickname might be Lucky Strike, but as far as he was concerned, it was because he was loved by a woman like Anna. Not because he’d merely survived when others had not.

  But lucky streaks always came to an end. His legs felt like they were weighted down with lead, and he didn’t know what he would do now. He could teach, sure. But he doubted he and Anna could have a real future after what her mother had said to him today. Part of him even regretted that he’d made it back, and he’d never regretted living before.

  He caught sight of the cemetery to the far side of the church and felt drawn to it. His feet seemed to have a mind of their own, and he found himself walking over to it, then searching for Martin’s grave.

  He’d never wanted to visit it before. Hadn’t thought he could bear to see the gray marker punctuating a life taken too young. He knew why he sought it out today.

  He had to explain to his friend why he was leaving Chicago and would never return.

  It would be better to tell Anna in person, but if they talked face to face, he’d never be able to say the words. Writing her a letter would bring them full circle somehow. They’d met through a letter, and everything would end in one. Oh, there must be a famous quote about that somewhere, but he didn’t want to search the annals of his mind for it.

  He caught sight of Robert Sims’ grave first, and sure enough, Martin’s was located to the right. Plastic flowers decorated the grave and a small American flag was stuck in the ground, one that looked to be from a bond drive or something. The engraved date of his friend’s death punched into him just as he’d expected, almost as though the Grim Reaper had cut those numbers into the hard stone with his fingernail.

  Noah had always been interested in cemeteries as a kid. Sometimes there were short phrases on the marker that suggested a story, and his eager mind had latched on to them and spun a tale. A man whose grave stated “good husband and father” was something of a hero to Noah. His father surely would never have those words etched into the stone marking his passing. Somehow that had seemed just to the angry orphan he’d been.

  He felt tears leak into the corners of his eyes and rubbed them. Only a short while before, Martin had helped him figure out what he wanted to do in a dream. And mentioned his sister in the process. Grief and regret bore down on him.

  “Oh, Martin. I can’t keep my promise to look after your sister and mother. The price is too great to both of them.”

  A breeze swirled around him before ebbing, and he sank to a knee in front of the grave before he realized he’d done the same thing only a short while ago with Anna. Then, he’d done it out of pure joy. Now…

  “Please forgive me,” he whispered. “You asked me to take care of them, and I wanted to. I would have loved your sister to my last breath, but I can’t be the reason your mother treats her so. Despite how she’s acting now, she’s still Anna’s mother, and I…”

  He knew what it felt like to be alone in the world without a family, and he didn’t want that for Anna.

  “Martin, I can’t be the sole reminder of all she’s lost. You. Her mother. Even this neighborhood. Anna has a mighty heart, but no one can stand that much loss. I hope you can understand that.”

  The wind shifted again and he felt a sorrow in his chest as great as the day his friend had been killed. He pushed up and stood, locking his bones in place much like he had when he’d been called to go another day without sleep or food, pressing on against the enemy.

  “I’ll never forget you,” he said. “Be at peace, my friend.”

  Then he turned around and walked back to the rectory.

  Niall stepped out of the library as Noah started to climb the wide staircase. “Well, boyo, how did it go?”

  He didn’t have the energy to share the details. “Her mother is against it, and I can’t come between them. Martin…wouldn’t want that, I don’t think. How could he? They’re his family, and family was everything to him. Plus it wouldn’t be fair to Anna t
o ask her to choose.”

  Before he said anything, Niall jogged up until he was on the same step. Then he caught Noah’s arm and looked him straight in the eye. “I’ll talk to Mary. Don’t you dare give up! You and Anna are meant for each other. I know it.”

  He’d believed that too. Once. He shook his head. “Her mother won’t budge.”

  “Have some faith,” Niall said, patting his arm. “But if she won’t budge, that doesn’t mean you walk away from the woman you love.”

  He wanted to throw Niall’s arm aside and storm up the rest of the stairs. “Could you marry a woman, knowing you were destroying her last link to her family? I thought you Irish put family above all else. At least that’s what Mrs. Sims implied.”

  “I am Irish and proud of it, but I also know pure nonsense when I hear it.”

  “I’m an orphan, Niall. I’m used to living without a family. Anna isn’t. Mrs. Sims is right. Anna might not regret marrying me now, but in a few years when she’s had no contact with her mother…her family…”

  “Then you and Anna make your own family,” Niall said, his voice cresting. “The Weatherby family! Do you think that God brought you through this war to give up now? That it was mere chance you and Martin became friends and you fell in love with his sister through letters after he died? Come on, Noah. You might not be a religious man, but even you must recognize the hand of something greater at work here.”

  Looking off, he felt exhaustion fill his bones. Not a spark of hope was left from the morning. “Niall, I can’t see any other way right now. I’m sorry.”

  “That’s your sadness talking,” he said.

  He shook off his friend’s hold and started to walk up the remaining stairs to his room. “I don’t think so.”

  “I won’t give up, Noah,” Niall said in a booming voice, one that carried. “You might have lost Martin, but you have a new brother by your side to help you fight your battles. That’s me, boyo, in case you’re being too stubborn to see it—even if I am technically old enough to be your father.”

  Noah shut the door on Niall’s words and sank onto the bed.

  He’d dreaded defeat ever since he’d enlisted. He hadn’t expected to experience it on the home front with no tanks or soldiers in sight. And he sure as hell hadn’t expected his enemy to be one he didn’t want to fight and could never hope to win against: Anna’s mother.

  Chapter 21

  When Anna heard the knock on the door, she rushed to it, hoping Noah had returned. It didn’t surprise her to find Father Shaughnessy on her doorstep instead.

  “Father!” she cried. “You must have seen Noah.”

  “I talked to him briefly about what happened,” he said, stepping inside when she moved back. “Although he didn’t do much talking back. Anna, I’m sorry your mother found a way to rain on what should have been a sunny day for you two. I can see from your face that you feel as defeated as Noah, but let me see what I can do with Mary.”

  He gave her a hug, and she felt like she was fifteen again, outside the hospital room where her father had died. Father Shaughnessy had drawn her into his arms and hugged her then, just like this.

  “Oh, Father, I’m so upset,” she whispered. “She said she’d never speak to me again if I married Noah and that she’d tell the neighborhood she was against us.”

  He made a tsking sound. “Seems like I’ll have to reach deep for some compassion today. I have to confess that her actions have gotten my fire up pretty good. But don’t worry. I can rein it in. Go fetch her for me if you please.”

  She trudged over to the stairs and used the railing to pull herself forward until she reached her mother’s bedroom door.

  “Mom, Father Shaughnessy is here to see you.”

  “I don’t want to see him,” she heard her mother say through the closed door.

  Anger spurted inside up like hot lava. “I’m not telling Father that!”

  “I don’t appreciate you and your little solider boy running to him for help,” she said harshly.

  Anna stared at the door, tempted to pound on it until her mother opened it. “Mother, come out!”

  “I will not!”

  She heard someone tromping up the stairs and looked over her shoulder to see Father surging up behind her, his ears a fiery red. He waved her aside.

  “Mary Sims, are you really going to give me the disrespect of not speaking to me when I come into your home?”

  “Since you’re meddling again, yes,” her mother said. “I didn’t ask for your counsel.”

  Father drew in a harsh breath with a growl, his whole chest expanding. “Mary Sims, you’re a member of my parish who’s wreaking havoc on the lives of two amazing young people. You’d better believe I’m going to give you my counsel. When you aren’t in my church anymore, I’ll leave you be to make all the mistakes you’d like.”

  “Maybe I shouldn’t be,” her mother shouted. “God doesn’t listen to me anyway.”

  “Heresy,” Father said, his mouth twisting. “You know better than that. This is grief talking. Mary Sims, you listen to me. I knew Robert and Martin well. They wouldn’t even have imagined you capable of this, not speaking to your only living child and trying to turn the neighborhood against their union. And for what? Because she fell in love with a war hero and a man your own son thought of as a brother. You’ve lost your senses, woman, and you’re close to losing your very core as a good Catholic woman.”

  Anna had to clench her mouth shut so it wouldn’t fall open in shock. She’d heard Father give someone a good dressing down before, but somehow it was different hearing it directed at her mother.

  “I don’t care what you say,” her mom said. “Like I’ve told you before, you’re a priest with no children of your own. You can’t know how a mother feels.”

  Father put his hand on the door. “You are a mother, Mary. That’s the whole point of this. Anna is all you have left. Don’t turn your back on her.”

  “I’d look to your own soul,” she fired back, “for supporting her marriage to someone outside her faith.”

  His face turned even redder. “My soul is completely at ease, thank you, and as for supporting her marriage to Noah... You’d better believe I support it—and I’ll be telling everyone in this neighborhood so.”

  Pain rose up again, overpowering the anger Anna was feeling, and she felt tears gather in her eyes. How could it have come to this?

  “I’m not talking to you anymore, Niall Shaughnessy,” her mother called back, making her insult clear and direct by using his given name. “You’re an old poop and a meddler, and I can’t abide that. My soul is my own business, and I’ll do what I want with it. Now go away and leave me alone.”

  Father’s bushy eyebrows winged up for a moment. Then his whole face fell. In that moment, Anna felt his utter desolation. He put his hand on her shoulder and led her away from the door. They walked down the stairs together in silence, and she watched as he folded his hands in prayer against his stomach.

  “I’ve seen grief do things to a person, but this…” At the bottom, he turned to her. “Let’s have a cup of coffee.”

  Anna didn’t want to sit and have coffee—all she wanted to do was flee to her room and hide. For days. For weeks. For as long as it would take for her mother to change her mind. But she wasn’t going to change her mind or take back anything she’d said—such horrible things—and that put Anna between a rock and a hard place.

  After warming up the coffee, she set a mug in front of Father, who was lost in thought.

  “Noah told me he wouldn’t come between you and your mother,” Father said, not making a move toward his cup. “What’s going through that mind of yours right now?”

  Anna couldn’t bring herself to drink hers either, not when her mouth already tasted so bitter. “I don’t know. Father, I love Noah. I was so happy he asked me to be his wife. But when my mother said she’d never speak to me again… I’m so mad at her, but how can I do something that sets me on that course? She is my
mother, my family.”

  Father tugged at his white collar, as if it were too tight. “I never would have thought her capable of saying such a thing to you, Anna. Or to Noah, for that matter. As a priest, I see a lot of things in families, but yours has always been…well, a model of a good home. It cuts me to the core to see this kind of a fissure. I’m sorry for you. And for your mother. It’s not an easy thing to forgive. I’m going to have to pray an awful lot to get over the outrage I feel for you both.”

  She appreciated hearing that. “Mom said I wasn’t thinking long term about my life with Noah. That I’d be unhappy at some point because he’s alive and Martin isn’t.”

  “Bull crap, just like I told Noah,” Father said. “I’ve never heard anything… Excuse me, Anna. I should be asking what you think.”

  She took a moment. “I could never feel that way, Father.”

  “I didn’t think so,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee.

  “Of course, she also implied I was acting out of complete infatuation, like some child. That’s not true. This war has done a lot to grow all of us up in certain ways, and I know my own heart.”

  He patted her hand. “Of course you do. If I believed otherwise, I would caution you against a hasty marriage. I’ve done so with other couples who’ve come to me during the course of this war. Despite what your mother said, I’m a good counselor. Damn if this doesn’t chap my hide. But no matter. We’re speaking about you and Noah.”

  She rose to pour herself a glass of water from the tap, hoping to buy herself more time, and looked out the window. “If I marry Noah, I’d have to leave this house, which I could do, but it would likely mean leaving the neighborhood too. You know the trouble Mom’s likely to cause, even with your support. Would I have to give up my job?”

  The thought of it had tears leaking down her face. Oh, her students. She loved them so much, and she’d formed connections with the other teachers and staff.

  Father turned her around. “No, you will not have to leave this neighborhood or your job at the school. We need you, Anna. Everyone loves you. We’ll simply find a place for you and Noah to live that’s close by.”