Whatever Love Means

by Leigh Fleming

“No, damn it. Get out Travis.” Maggie rushed from the room, her feet beating a tattoo toward her bedroom. She slammed the door, and the house went silent.

  “Dad.” Carly curled into his side and wrapped her arms around him, releasing another barrage of tears.

  “It’s okay, baby. I’ll go to my place.”

  “But you can’t get up the stairs.”

  “I’ll make it. Don’t worry. Let’s give your mom some space.”

  “You can’t leave her like this.”

  “I’ll call Penny on my way home. Now, let me borrow your car. I’ll get it back to you tomorrow.”

  Carly lifted the tail of her T-shirt to her eyes as she pulled the keys from her pocket. Travis was sick inside. He hadn’t heard Maggie come in. He would give anything to turn back the clock and forget everything he’d learned about Buddy. He should have minded his own business and been there once Maggie figured things out for herself. Instead, he had let her down again.

  Chapter 19

  This couldn’t be happening. Carly went behind Maggie’s back by snooping through the bar’s bookkeeping, and questioned a server. How could her daughter betray her like that? If she hadn’t come in the house when she did, slipping in quietly when she heard them talking in the kitchen, she might never have known what Carly had been up to.

  And Travis . . .

  Maggie dropped her face in her hands as she fell to the bed. How could he do this to her? Not after last night. They had reconnected and talked intimately. It felt as if time had rewound. She thought Travis had been asking for a second chance, but he had fooled her once again. He’d never kept his feelings a secret about her past relationships and had always been quick to point out the mistakes she’d made. If he had some misgivings about Buddy, he should’ve come to her—not given her a foot rub. She thought he’d changed. He hadn’t. He was the same old hateful Travis.

  She wanted to scream but pulled her hair at the roots instead. Unshed tears burned her eyes, but they wouldn’t help right now. She wanted to throw something. Or hurt someone, like they’d hurt her.

  A fierce pounding on the front door brought her out of her room, and she rushed to answer, finding Penny on the other side. Her sister hurried into the house, dropping her heavy leather purse on a chair.

  “Travis called me,” she said, raking her fingers through her hair. “Are you okay?”

  “He shouldn’t have done that.”

  “He was worried about you.”

  “Pff. Right. Real worried.”

  “He said you were upset and threw him out. Where’s Carly?”

  “In her room. God, what a night.”

  All the energy drained from Maggie’s body. She flopped onto the sofa, feeling a hundred years old. Penny rooted through her purse and emerged with a bottle of red wine which she held high in the air.

  “I brought reinforcements. Figured it might be a long night.”

  “I shouldn’t drink.”

  “No, that’s exactly what you should do while you tell me what the hell is going on. What did he do to piss you off enough to throw him out?”

  Penny didn’t wait for the story but rushed into the kitchen instead and returned with two wine glasses. She filled each to the top and handed one to Maggie as she sat beside her.

  “Go.” Penny tipped her glass toward Maggie and took a sip.

  “So I came home from the bar. Obviously they weren’t expecting me so early.” She took a sip and winced. The wine tasted like vinegar. She set the glass on the coffee table and curled her legs behind her. She continued her story, hating to relive it, but hoping it would douse the fire still simmering in her veins.

  “They were sitting in the kitchen talking. I didn’t mean to listen in, but as soon as I heard Carly say she’d gone through the books while she was at the bar this morning, I stood just outside the room and listened. It’s a good thing I did.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Apparently she had double-checked my bookkeeping for the past few years, but only found the two mistakes. Then she said she talked to Melissa, who told her she suspected Buddy had something to do with the night deposits for those days.”

  “Uh-huh, go on.” Penny held her wine glass to her lips, her eyes as big as dinner plates.

  “Melissa said she saw Buddy looking through the desk and remembered that he had taken the night deposits to the bank for me.”

  “And?”

  “And nothing. Why are you looking at me like that? You talked to Melissa about this.”

  “She told me.”

  “Then why didn’t you tell me?”

  Penny sheepishly set her glass behind her on the end table and turned back to Maggie, folding her hands in her lap. “Look, Melissa, Carly, Travis, they aren’t the only ones who think there is something not quite kosher with Buddy.”

  “You, too?” Maggie jumped from the sofa, glaring down at her sister, the one person on this earth she thought she could completely trust.

  “Think about it. I remember in both cases you told me Buddy had made the night drop for you on his way out to your house. At first, I thought it was impossible for him to get into the deposit bag because it was locked.”

  “Exactly. There was no way for him to take the money.”

  “But when I questioned all the employees and Melissa told me that one night she’d seen him in the desk drawer, a light had clicked on.”

  “How do you know Melissa wasn’t lying? How do you know she wasn’t the one who took the deposit bag key from the desk? Maybe she stole the money out of the bag before Buddy dropped it at the bank.”

  “I checked the schedule. Melissa hadn’t worked either night. There’s only one explanation.”

  “No.”

  “Remember the small bills I couldn’t find the day of your wedding? Buddy had come in right about the time I opened and bought a bottle of champagne.”

  “So?”

  “So, I told him to pull one out of the refrigerator in the back. He had time to grab the money you had stashed away.”

  Maggie couldn’t listen to this. Buddy wouldn’t do this to her. He was a good guy. He loved her. So why had she thought of him the other night when Officer Pete talked about the convenience store robbery? Buddy hadn’t returned from his sales trip and had yet to repay the money she’d deposited in his account.

  “Think about it, Margaret.”

  Her head snapped back as if she’d been slapped. The only time either of them used their formal names was when it was a life or death, serious situation. It was like a code word for truth-time.

  Penny stood up and wrapped her hands around Maggie’s arms, squeezing until it hurt. “Margaret May Timbrook. Hear me.” Even with a strong shake, Maggie refused to look Penny in the eyes. “There are just too many weird things going on. You didn’t make a mistake with the deposit. Buddy stole the money out of the bag after finding the key in the top drawer of the desk.”

  “It can’t be.”

  “Wasn’t it only a couple of days later that he gave you a pair of diamond earrings?”

  “He’d gotten a bonus.”

  “And he gave you those diamond necklaces. Where’d he get the money for them?”

  “He couldn’t—”

  “What about the fact that he always forgets his wallet when you go out? You told me yourself you’ve been paying for everything lately.”

  “He was behind on some bills. He’s trying to sell his . . .” The words fell from her lips, remembering she’d overheard Travis say Buddy had been evicted back Ohio. He’d told her he lived in Indiana before moving to Highland Springs.

  “Okay, fine, let’s say he was strapped for cash, but then got a bonus. Wouldn’t he have paid you back rather than buy you jewelry? Don’t you see? He’s trying to snooker you into thinking he’s a successful salesman. Buying you earrings and necklaces to throw you off the fact that he’s broke and a fraud. Have you ever seen this house of his that he’s supposedly selling?”

  “He showed
me the listing online.”

  “But he’s never taken you there, has he?”

  “No, we were supposed to go last month, but he had to work.”

  “Uh-huh, very convenient. What do you really know about this man? He came into town out of nowhere, and the next thing I know, you’re engaged. I knew there was something fishy about him from the beginning.”

  “I’ve known him most of my life.”

  “Back when you were kids. Where has he been for the past decade or so?”

  Another power surge rushed through Maggie’s body. She ripped her arms out of Penny’s clutches and pointed her finger in her face. “Then why didn’t you tell me? If you had so many concerns about Buddy, why didn’t you speak up?”

  Maggie ran down the hall to her bedroom, closing the door with a bang, and fell on her bed. Hot, furious tears gushed from her eyes. Her sister, her daughter, even her ex-husband, had been withholding their feelings, keeping secrets behind her back. She had trusted them with her life, but what good were they? What about the rest of her friends? Did they distrust Buddy, too? Had they been laughing behind her back? Poor, stupid Maggie, getting married for the fourth time to another loser.

  They were all wrong. They had to be. She couldn’t have made another mistake.

  Penny’s pleas were muffled through the locked door. “Maggie, let me in. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”

  “Go away. Get out.”

  “That might have worked on Travis, but I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay. That we’re okay.”

  “I mean it.”

  “Is Mom okay?” Carly’s voice carried through the door.

  “Yeah, she will be.”

  A hush fell over the hallway. Maggie couldn’t hear Penny or Carly talking. Had they gone into Carly’s room? Were they talking about how stupid Maggie had been? A strangled sob escaped her throat, and she buried her face in the pillow. She heard murmuring outside the door.

  “You can’t lock us out.” The sound of scraping metal and a soft click brought Penny and Carly into the room. “I know you keep the little key to each bedroom on the doorframe above.”

  “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

  “You’re mad at me because you know I’m right. If you’re honest with yourself . . .” The mattress sagged as Penny crawled on the bed and lay down beside her. “. . . you had some suspicions, too.”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Okay, maybe not suspicions, but hesitation.” Penny brushed the hair from Maggie’s eyes. They laid side by side on their bellies like they’d done a thousand times as younger girls, consoling each other through sadness, disappointment, and break-ups. “You weren’t yourself the day of your wedding. You weren’t excited. You actually seemed happy when Officer Pete came to tell you Travis was hit.”

  “That’s a terrible thing to say. I wasn’t glad Travis had an accident.”

  “No, I mean, you were happy for an excuse to get out of the wedding. Admit it. For once, be honest with yourself. Why are you marrying this man who you know so little about?”

  Maggie smashed her face into the comforter and swallowed hard. It was time she faced the truth. “I’m not getting any younger.”

  “You’re thirty-four. That’s not ancient.”

  “And Carly is going away to college.” She turned her head, finding Carly leaning against the dresser, quiet tears rolling down her face. Maggie hiccupped another sob.

  “You’ll have plenty to keep you busy once she’s gone,” Penny said.

  “Buddy was nice. He treated me well.”

  “So would a dog.”

  Maggie burst out laughing, turning on her back, as her sobs turned to an hysterical fit. She curled her knees to her chest and held her stomach. Carly rushed to the side of the bed, and Maggie reached out her arms to her. She fell on top of her, and the three of them giggled wildly, wiping their eyes as they laughed. There was nothing funny about her situation, but the laughter was cathartic. Like a dam, all the tension and stress she’d been holding in burst, the laughter gushing over its flood gates.

  After a few minutes, Carly shuffled to the bathroom and returned with a box of tissues. Maggie and Penny sat up and blew like steam whistles until they were back under control.

  “I’m sorry, Mom.” Carly sat on the edge of the bed, and Maggie pulled her into her arms.

  “It’s okay, baby. I’m sorry, too.” Maggie tossed her soaked, wadded tissues to the floor. “I’m the biggest idiot on this planet. Who agrees to marry a complete stranger after only three months?”

  “You do,” Carly and Penny answered at the same time.

  They chuckled at the reality, but this time the laughter didn’t feel so good to Maggie. “I really know how to pick them, don’t I?”

  “I won’t lie. You’ve had three doosies,” Penny said.

  “Three?”

  “I don’t include Travis in that bunch of rejects. He’s a keeper.”

  “I agree,” Carly said.

  “Even though I kicked him to the curb.”

  They sat in silence, Maggie simmering in regret, until Penny said, “You’re right. You are the biggest idiot on the planet. You let him get away.”

  That didn’t make her feel any better.

  “So, what do I do now?” Maggie scooted off the bed and leaned against her dresser, glancing down at Penny and Carly sitting on the edge of the bed. “I can’t marry Buddy until I know for sure he didn’t take the money. I guess I should talk to Chief Kirk about what he told Travis.”

  “That’s a good start,” Penny said.

  “But I feel like I need to talk to Buddy about my concerns. That’s only fair.”

  “When do you expect him back?” Carly asked.

  Maggie glanced at her watch, a habit she couldn’t break, forgetting her arm was empty. “He was supposed to be home by now, but he called this morning and said he had a sales appointment in Youngstown and would be back by midnight.”

  She rubbed her bare wrist as a niggling suspicion came over her. Buddy had given her the lovely diamond necklace not long after she had lost her watch. Had anything else disappeared?

  Flipping open the lid of the large wooden jewelry box she kept on her dresser, she fingered through her earrings, mentally taking inventory. Most of it was costume, but there were a few valuable pieces she’d been given or purchased over the years.

  “What are you thinking?” Penny joined her in looking through the box. “Anything missing?”

  “Grammy’s ruby ring. It’s gone.”

  “That rat. What else?”

  “I don’t see the diamond earrings he gave me.”

  “He giveth and taketh away. The shit.”

  “Oh, no, please, no . . .” Maggie lifted the false bottom at the base of the jewelry box that held a secret compartment where she’d stored Carly’s first locks of hair, her passport and Social Security card, her wedding band from Travis, and the sapphire necklace he’d given her in high school.

  “Thank you, God.” She sagged with relief as she lifted the blue stone and gold chain, pressing it to her heart.

  “What’s that, Mom?” Carly slipped beside her, reaching for the pendant.

  “It’s a necklace your dad gave me in high school.”

  “And you still have it?”

  “Yes.” She held it out to Carly for a closer look.

  “It means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”

  She nodded her head, closing her eyes to fight back another barrage of tears.

  “Ever ask yourself why you hang on to it?” Penny lifted the gold band from the box. “And this?”

  Maggie took the wedding ring from her hand. “Sentimental, I guess. Carly might want them someday.”

  “Is that the only reason?”

  She couldn’t do this now. Couldn’t argue with her sister or explain to her daughter the reasons she had kept the mementos of Travis. Exhaustion consumed her body, and all she wanted to do was crawl into bed. She didn’t want
to think about anything, didn’t want to relive this horrible night or analyze her feelings. She just wanted to fall into a dreamless sleep and deal with everything after the sun came up.

  * * *

  Twenty minutes later, after a lot of coaxing and reassurance, Penny went home and Carly had gone to bed. Maggie padded into the kitchen for a glass of milk before retiring for the night—or in this case, the morning. It was after two o’clock and she was wiped out.

  She poured a glass of milk, leaning against the counter as she took slow sips, coming to a sudden stop. A white envelope lay on the table with her name written in Travis’s chicken scratch. What could he have possibly put in a letter that would make a difference? He’d asked the chief of police for a background check on Buddy rather than coming to her first. She wasn’t sure she could forgive him this time.

  Setting down her unfinished milk, she lifted the envelope and ran it through her fingers. She didn’t want to read it, wasn’t interested in what Travis had to say, but if she didn’t read it now, she’d never get to sleep.

  Carrying her milk into the living room, she curled into the corner of the sofa, tucking her feet behind her, and ran her thumb beneath the envelope’s flap. The paper crackled as she unfolded it.

  Maggie,

  I’m sorry.

  I could give you a million excuses and try to explain my reasons, but none of it would matter. I was wrong in going to the chief to check up on Buddy. I should’ve come to you first.

  I’m sorry about Carly, too. I feel responsible. She was wrong to have looked through the books at the bar, but she didn’t intend to talk to Melissa about him. That was a fluke. She would have told you if you hadn’t come in when you did. It looked bad, I know, and I’m sorry.

  You’ve got to make this right with Carly. She’s heartbroken. She loves you so much—you’re her whole world. She’s graduating this Saturday and soon going off to college. You can’t leave it hanging between you. She feels terrible, so please talk to her.

  I’m going back to my place. I guess I should’ve moved out as soon as I got my crutches. But to be honest, I’ve enjoyed my time with you and Carly. I wanted it to last a little longer. Thanks for watching the movie with me. It was great, and I’ll never forget our talk.