Roots of Indifferences

by Terri Ragsdale

  The air had become crisp, and the night wind blew sharply around the rocks surrounding the cave. From the empty, infinitely lonely distance came the howling of wolves.

  Victoria sat down in silence close to the fire to keep herself warm, and Juan joined her. She was trying to keep to herself, her thoughts becoming distant. She was weary to the point of exhaustion. She was cold and shivering. She needed a warm bath. She was afraid of the dangerous country they were confronting. What lay ahead? Felicia was sick. Her memory wandered. It had been almost two years ago that the two had visited Doña Adela. It became vivid in her mind what the old bruja had told them: You will have a wonderful trip while you are away and will enjoy dining and dancing, seeing your family, but on the return trip I see many deaths, many, many deaths! It had already begun: the killing of nuns; the brutal killing of Mother Superior; her grandfather now dead. What else would she encounter when they reached the Hinojosa's hacienda?

  Juan put his arm around her. He could tell that she was worried and concerned about Felicia's illness. He brought several blankets that had been stolen from the convent and gently put them over Victoria's shoulders, kissing her on the cheek. "We've got a rough day coming, and don't worry too much about Felicia. It looks like Dan has taken a liking to her and is taking care of her. Unfortunately, without the proper medicine, there is nothing I can do to help. We are headed up the mountain where there's a village, near the gold mine your family owns, where some friends of mine will take care of you and your cousin. I don't know how long I can stay, but I'll see if I can help Felicia get over her fever. I fear she has some kind of infection. Normally that's what brings fevers."

  Victoria noticed how to tender his voice was, so kind and full of compassion—so different from the night before. She never spoke a word. She was hungry, cold, and exhausted. As she curved her neck on the saddle and cuddled cozily in a fetal position, she pulled the blanket up and over her. Juan crawled next to her and rolled into his blanket and went to sleep. One of the Americanos had volunteered to stay up all night and count the brilliant, endless stars.

  CHAPTER 22

  By the time the first rays of the morning sun shone over the mountain peaks, the group was already traveling through the high, mountainous and hostile country. It had been a short, restless night for all of them.

  Felicia's condition had worsened; she was weak and limp and unable to hold her head up. Dan carried her in his arms while riding. Everyone had become concerned, even Juan, who was so anxious to get to Monterrey.

  Juan yelled to the other riders, "The village is several miles down this path and will probably take us most of the day to get there. They will assist us and help Felicia. Most of the peasants work in the gold and silver mines up in the high Sierras." Juan pressed his arms against Victoria's legs as she rode in front of him, and whispered. "See! I'm not such a bad hombre, after all."

  Victoria kept her silence. They were traveling in the direction of the gold mines. Those were my father's and grandfather's mines, where he almost got killed, she thought.

  Ignoring Juan's remark, all she could think of at the moment was visions of the wonderful desayunos, breakfasts; she used to have at Spanish Acres. The delicious beefsteaks, fried eggs, warm tortillas with melted butter, and hot chocolate moved deliriously through her mind. Her body ached from the stony, solid ground on which she had laid, a poor excuse for a bed. She was not used to this kind of existence and probably could never get accustomed to these conditions. She felt dirty, and her peasant shirt and trousers carried the smell of ashes; her face and arms were covered with a white, chalky powder from the dried mud; her hair was like straw. Occasionally, her stomach would growl.

  "Querida," remarked Juan. "I'll have to get some food for you. Don't want you to get too skinny. I prefer my muchachas on the plump side."

  Horse feathers! Men are as fickle as weather vanes, she thought. Even so, it was amazing how Juan took care of her and protected all of them from danger. Two nights ago he could have killed her. He seemed to have inner strength, courage, and fortitude and had forgotten the time he spent in prison by the way he treated and teased her. Juan was like an Indian and knew where every waterhole and shelter was located. He had lived in the mountains too long. He was more like a renegade than a revolutionist.

  Juan's hands would now and then rub against her thighs and would travel slowly under her long peasant pants. Her legs spread apart on the saddle made it easy for him to reach her with his incessant movements. Victoria shuddered, bringing on the desire and passion. With a half-mocking laugh, he would whisper to her from behind. "Try to contain yourself, Querida." His strong arms would tighten around her waist, drawing her closer.

  "Juan! Please stop it," she pleaded, blushing. "The others will turn around and see us!"

  "Let them see us! What do I care?" he answered sharply. "Love is a natural thing. They all know that we are not just friends. If God hadn't made love, just think how dull life would be for all of us, and the world would die. All the time that I was in prison, if it hadn't been for dreaming of making passionate love with you, I would have died a thousand deaths." He kissed her on the back of her neck, his whiskers rubbing sharply on her skin. He bit her ears playfully. He let his tongue roll on the back of her neck, mocking her and teasing her until she squirmed.

  "The Mexican man has an enormous sexual appetite that has to be satisfied. It's part of our macho image and heritage, and I wouldn't be considered a man if I didn't have those desires, Querida."

  "Let's not display it out here in this desolate wilderness in front of everyone," she said irritably.

  They had traveled for hours, following one another like a small caravan, when one of the Americanos in the front of the pack yelled out. "I see an old church and some huts down below," he said. "It looks like a village!"

  Juan rode his horse faster and moved in front of the other riders, leading them down the ravine. They followed in a slow trot through huge boulders on both sides of the mountainous trail and into green vegetation. They had traveled all day, and the sun was going down between the high ranges. Small huts made of mud and straw were whitewashed and built together in single file on both sides of the dirt road; an old whitewashed church stood in the town square, empty, faded, and desolate. Several small boys playing downstream eyed them and ran to meet them but acted apprehensive and leery, not knowing what to expect.

  "Is Señor Martinez here at the village?" Juan questioned the boys, who stood by the dirt trail, hiding behind some of the trees, immobile, and acting frightened and nervous.

  "Sí, Señor," timidly answered one of the boys. "I'll go and find him!"

  Within minutes, several women in dark, drab clothes, with rebozos around their heads came out of their huts with their children and stood with anticipation, watching the group come closer. Señor Martinez showed up from behind one of the buildings wearing faded muslin clothes. He humbly removed his worn-out straw hat, exposing his white head of hair.

  "Juan!" said Señor Martinez. "You are not safe here. The Federalists are looking for you. They were here several days ago and took everything we had. They searched the huts to see if you were hiding here. They caught us off guard. Los desgraciados even raped some of our young girls. We did not have time to hide them. It will be very dangerous for all of us. If they find you, we will all be shot!"

  "I've had that suspicion," said Juan, "but, Señor Martinez, we need your help and that of the rest of your people. Not for me, but for this young Señorita who is really sick. I'm on my way to Monterrey to gather more forces for the Revolution and help free the people from the Federalists."

  "Headed for Monterrey? Surely not! It's crawling with Federalists—it's their main headquarters. It will not be safe there."

  "I'll take my chances," replied Juan, getting off his horse. "The moment is urgent, and we need your help. I will repay you some day, but for now please help us with the Tejana girl who is very ill." Juan motioned to Dan to bring Felicia down from the hors
e.

  Señor Martinez took one look at Felicia and said, "Dios mío! The girl is burning with fever." Being humble and not forgetting his Mexican manners and hospitality, he requested Felicia be brought into one of the huts. For the moment, he forgot how dangerous it was to shelter any revolutionists.

  Felicia was placed inside on a blanket covering the dirt floor. Victoria followed. Several women knowledgeable about herbs and medicine entered the hut and studied Felicia. "She's got the Evil Eye," commented one, "better get a fresh egg."

  "Bah!" rebutted Juan. Squatting down, he felt Felicia's pulse. "What I think she has is pneumonia. We have to break the fever first." He took off his jacket and ammunition and rolled up his sleeves. Addressing the older woman, he asked if they had any alcohol in the village. She shook her head and said no. "Dan!" he ordered, "Have the others unload their horses behind the huts so it won't seem so obvious that we are here, and bring the tequila bottle from my saddle. He turned to Victoria. "Help me undress Felicia!"

  "Undress Felicia?" Victoria questioned, visibly shaken.

  "Sí, mujer, I've seen plenty of naked women and women giving birth, especially studying pre-med in Puebla. We have to break the fever first or—"

  "What will happen?"

  "She'll die. That's what will happen."

  "Oh, no, Felicia, Felicia, Felicia," cried Victoria, as she hunkered down next to her cousin.

  "Don't go to pieces on me now, Victoria!" pleaded Juan. "I need you to help me. Come on!"

  "She can't die! I won't let her! She is my one and only cousin whom I love, and the only one I can trust." Victoria shook while sobbing, yet a powerful courage seemed to overcome her, causing her to forget how tired she really was from their long journey. She began helping Juan remove Felicia's clothes.

  Dan Land entered the room and put one hand over his eyes while holding the bottle. "I didn't see anything. What else can I do for you?" His voice was full of concern.

  "She needs to drink lots of water or tea; as much as she can hold. Have the old women make some manzanilla tea, if they have some. If not, go help them find the bush. We'll have to bring some heat into the hut and steam the area so that her breathing can come easier."

  Big Dan Land took his hat off and rubbed his blond head, then nodded and hurried outside. Within minutes, he returned with a pan full of hot embers and placed them close to where Felicia lay. "One of the old women said that there is no manzanilla available, but she has some medicine, a root used as a medication that is even better. She knows exactly what she needs." After saying that, he squatted down close to Juan and watched him and Victoria furiously rubbing the tequila all over Felicia's body.

  The old woman brought in the tea called Oshá and Sauco, mixed with piloncillo, to reduce the fever.

  "Well have to take turns giving Felicia this tea. She needs to drink as much as possible."

  "I'll stay with her," replied the kindly Dan.

  Hours passed before they got anything to eat, then it was corn tortillas with black beans and black coffee. Victoria preferred the fresh goat milk. They all stood outside the hut waiting for some signs of improvement from Felicia.

  "When will you leave?" inquired Señor Martinez to Juan.

  "As soon as I see some stable vital signs from the Tejana girl," he said. "She may not make it. I don't know how long that's going to take. I will wait until her fever breaks, probably spend the night here, and then leave as soon as it happens."

  "Go and get your rest." Señor Martinez replied. "The older women will look after the young girl tonight." Having noticed Victoria’s disheveled condition, he commented, "If you need a bath, we have natural hot water that comes from the mountains. You can take a bath there and sleep close to the rocks and be safe. Next to it are large caves. Or you can stay at the stall where the donkeys were until the Bandidos stole them. I will put the young boys to watch and see if anyone is coming from the road up ahead. Take your Señora and go and rest. There is a new moon tonight."

  Victoria tried to speak, but Juan wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her toward him and guiding her toward the hot baths.

  "Come, Señora!" he said with a smirk. "We mustn't keep the bath and donkey stall waiting."

  "You're not going to leave me out in this wilderness with Felicia sick," Victoria said, coming to her senses. She realized that Juan would be leaving with the other two Americanos.

  "I didn't plan it this way. If Felicia hadn't gotten sick, we would have already been on the outskirts of Monterrey. The only reason we came to this village was to help your cousin—be grateful for that. I'm already late for my appointment with Luis." Juan removed the blankets from his horse and his saddle and took it with him. "This has always come in handy for a pillow," he said, laughing.

  They climbed a winding ravine among the rocks that was verdant with vegetation. When they reached the top they were amazed to see a small waterfall cascading into a pool of clear water, with warm vapors coming from the rocks. It was a hidden paradise among the mountains, with the light of the new moon reflecting on the steamy surface. There were large rock formations around the water and entrances to caves where people could hide. Juan was surprised. In all of the time he had roamed this area, he had never known about this great secret. The Indian people were superstitious and prone to silence, but they could be trusted if shown justice, kindness, and respect.

  It didn't take long before the two naked lovers were in the pool splashing and enjoying the delicious, exotic, warm water. As they swam and got closer to the waterfall, the water seemed to get much hotter, so they swam back to a comfortable temperature, closer to the edge by one of the large smooth rocks. There in the enjoyment of the water, Juan grabbed Victoria and turned her toward him, kissed her and pinned her against the rocks. He probed with his tongue deep into her mouth and caressed his hands down her back to her buttocks and pressed them against his body, arousing the longing and passion he had for her. Spreading her legs, he pulled them up around his waist. He stroked her breasts with his mouth as Victoria, limp from the hot water, moaned. Juan's hands moved between her legs, felt and touched, implanting his hard maleness, and then began thrusting with vigorous unbroken movements inside of her. He was now driven by a passion beyond his control, making her groan and pant. He reached the final climax. Their bodies merge into one, forgetting who they were, and for the moment, there were no mañanas. They had desired each other for so long. The earth stood still. They remembered only this priceless moment, as they basked in the joy of their union.

  Victoria felt wrung out from their passionate lovemaking and from the hot water, which had drained her last ounce of strength. Her body steamed as she climbed out into the chilled air and covered herself with a woolen blanket. She lay on the ground of the cave, her hair splayed out and wet. Juan joined her and began drying her with a cloth. The moon reflected on the two naked lovers' silhouettes on the solid rock floor.

  "I'm going to show you how a real man makes love to you, Victoria," Juan whispered in her ear. He kissed her throat gently, his mouth brushing on down to her breasts. Her nipples became erect as he caressed them tenderly with his tongue and hands. He was again driven by a passion beyond his control. She moaned. His kisses lowered down to her waist and navel, and then between her legs, as his tongue went searching, reaching areas in her being she had never imagined before, bringing out intense emotions in her very soul.

  Yards away, a goat herder had watched the two lovers intensely from a hole among the rocks where he made camp and became aroused. From the shadows of the bright moon, he observed their performance again. He began rubbing the front of his pants, to the point of ejaculation.

  The couple lay on the ground with their arms wrapped around each other for several hours. By the time the dawn of day began shining its light through the trees, Juan had made love to her many times, and the two had not slept. It was their honeymoon in paradise. Juan splashed into the warm water pool for the last time and cleaned himself, then began dressing,
knowing that this was perhaps the last time he would ever see Victoria. He was concerned about meeting Luis in Monterrey and afraid of missing him and the rest of the other revolutionists.

  While Juan was putting his last garment on, he heard the rustling of feet through the rocks. "Who goes there," said Juan, as he grabbed for his gun belt.

  "The fever has already broken," answered the voice. "The Tejana woman is going to get better."

  "Very well, I will be right down. Have the boys see that my horse is ready. I’ll bring the saddle and be right down. I must leave as soon as possible."

  Victoria scurried to dress in the borrowed peón clothes. She was overjoyed to hear that Felicia was better and hastened down to see her cousin and Dan Land. The man was a priceless treasure. Wait a minute, she caught herself thinking. Didn't Doña Adela mention something about a tall, blond man, a foreigner in Mexico? "You will meet your husband in Mexico," she had told Felicia.

  In the village, Juan had already strapped the saddle on his horse, after checking on Victoria's cousin and was pleased to see Felicia smiling, but still weak.

  The other two Americanos were waiting on their horses for Juan at the edge of the dirt road.

  Victoria glanced at Dan. "You're not leaving us?" she said to the tall, blond man, since fear had begun to grip her, and reality was starting to stare her in the face.

  "I'm not about to leave you two out here," Dan replied. "I'm in no hurry to go nowhere, Missy. I'll get to the Valley in my own good time. All I want is for Felicia to get well again," he said, pleased that he had played a part in her recovery.

  With tears in her eyes, Victoria ran and hugged Dan, the gentle giant. "You are wonderful!" she said.

  Juan mounted on his horse, approached the two. He bent down and kissed Victoria. "Are you sure you don't want to come with me?"

  "And leave Felicia here?"

  "Felicia will be all right. Dan is going to take her safely back to Texas. If you truly love me, then you'll come with me. Make up your mind now."