HARBOR: Beards & Bondage

by Rebekah Weatherspoon

  “I met one guy, but it’s messy and he can be a jerk. I still really want to let him hit it.”

  “Listen. You’ve had a really shitty year and half. If you wanna let a meh dude hit, let him hit. But not Deek. And be sure you hit then quit. Sound legit?”

  “Ahh, you really are a mom. All unfunny and shit.”

  “You know what I mean. You just know not to catch feelings for lousy dick.”

  I almost tell her that my confidence in that department is still a little shaken considering I almost married a pretty lousy guy.

  Yeah, but at the time you didn’t know, a little voice in my head reminds me. Don’t beat yourself up. Little voice is right.

  “In the meantime, I’m glad I have you and Silas and the girls.”

  “And we love having you, my Brookie Babe.” I look over at her and she looks just like our mom. The thought reminds me that I’m not alone with these kinda crappy feelings. My sister has my back. It’s not necessary, but I know she’d fist fight Shaw for me too.

  Fourteen

  Brooklyn

  Okay fine. So, Shaw was right. Ten days is a long time, made even longer by the fact that I was basically sexting Vaughn the whole time and playing this other sick mind game with Shaw. He knew Vaughn and I were talking and made an effort to also connect with me. My initial rejection of that idea turned into a perverse back and forth where he’d try to ask me intimate questions and I’d respond with short, clipped remarks. It quickly became clear that Shaw was getting off on my sly responses and my dumb ass really leaned into it. By the time I left the office that Friday, I was practically crawling out of my skin.

  I shower and spend way too much time thinking about what I want to wear to have a civil conversation with Shaw. I have my AC unit on, but it’s been eighty degrees all week. My favorite yellow sundress that shows off my ass and barely contains my tits is good enough. I put my fresh set of box braids up in a ponytail and check my barely there makeup no less than seven times in my bathroom mirror. At 8:15, he calls to let me know he’s downstairs. I buzz him in and then wait the few minutes it takes for him to come up to my floor. I check the peephole right after he knocks and try not to faint at the distorted image of Christopher Shaw standing in my hallway.

  I open the door and the real thing is much more devastating. He’s wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a light green t-shirt that’s tight on his biceps and shows off the perfect round slopes of his pecs. His hair is freshly lined up and his beard is nicely trimmed. His brand new white sneakers shouldn’t be a turn on, but I do love a man who knows how to dress fresh for the summer.

  “Hey.”

  I glare up at him. “Hello, Shaw. Did you find some place to park?”

  “Yeah, down the block.”

  “Good. Come on in.”

  I move so he can walk past me and then watch as he drops his keys next to mine in the little bowl I have on the edge of the counter. It’s strange having him in my apartment. Mostly since I haven’t had a whole bunch of men, or any single man really, hang out in my place in such a long time. Deek doesn’t count. I don’t want to acknowledge the other part. The time we spent together at Shaw’s house still feels like a fantasy. Having him drive down here and step into my place makes things feel more real.

  “Just you here?” he asks.

  “Yep. Just me.”

  “It’s nice. You grew up here?”

  “Yeah. Well, no. Not in this building. We were a few blocks over. My sister and I sublet the place. Figured we’d hold onto it after I moved out just in case.”

  “Smart. Real estate is no joke.”

  “So.”

  He turns and looks at me. “So.”

  I motion for him to proceed. “Do you have anything you want to say?”

  “I am still sorry for the way I acted, but I think there’s something more pressing we need to discuss.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Why I’m here in the first place. You said you wanted to see me alone.”

  “I don’t know. I just did. I know where I stand with Vaughn.”

  “And where’s that?”

  “At the moment, it’s none of your business.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Yep.”

  “So, you wanna keep sending my man saucy texts—”

  “Saucy?”

  “You heard what I said. You want to keep hitting my man up but you want me to stay out of it?”

  I bite the inside of my lip and try to decide how long I want to let his foolishness go on. Of course, I’m not trying to carry on with Vaughn without Shaw. I know they are a package deal. Still, that notion goes both ways. Just because Vaughn and I get along doesn’t mean Shaw gets to just skate on bad behavior. I walk by him and take a seat on my couch. He follows, but stands in the doorway, watching me.

  “Do you like me or not?” I say, knowing full well I sound like a teenager.

  “Yes, Brook. I like you.”

  “So then, what the fuck, Shaw? Why are you making this so hard?”

  “Let the record show I was trying to make this less hard on you last week. You were the one dragging this battle of the wills out.”

  “Yeah, sure. Fine. Whatever. Come over here and let me touch you.”

  He laughs quietly, shaking his head, but that doesn’t stop him from crossing the room. He doesn’t join me on the couch, though. He reaches for my hand and pulls me to my feet.

  “Where are we going?”

  “To your bedroom. Unless you want me to fuck you on this couch.”

  “Who said I wanted to have sex with you?”

  He quirks his head back, staring at me, his eyes comically wide. “Maybe I read this wrong. But I thought I was coming down here for a kiss and makeup type situation?”

  “Yeah, okay, fine. Let’s go.”

  I head for the bedroom, but Shaw catches me and pulls me close into his arms. I look up at him, the intense look on his face shocking the breath right out of my chest. “I get it. You’re still mad at me, but stop acting like you don’t want this as badly as I do. I’m sorry, Brook. Do you forgive me?”

  I don’t tell him. I show him, perching up on my tiptoes so I can press my lips to his. He leans down to meet me halfway, gently pushing his tongue into my mouth while both of his hands grip my ass and hold me closer. I feel his erection growing between us and all I want to do is rip his pants off. It’s been a long ten days and all the texts with Vaughn did not help. My pussy is aching and I can’t wait anymore. I find my footing and start nudging him backwards. He takes my hint, breaking the kiss so he can steer me around in front of him, giving me room to lead the way.

  It’s warm in my bedroom, the summer heat from the day still lingering. I do not fucking care. We can get nice and sweaty while we do this. I collapse on the sheets and shimmy up my bed, keeping my eyes on Shaw’s hungry gaze. I reach under my skirt and pull off my underwear.

  “Is Vaughn home? Is he at his place?” I ask him as I toss my draws on the floor.

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “Call him on Facetime.”

  “’Kay. Hold on.” Shaw pulls his phone out of his back pocket. He toes out of his sneakers as the sounds of the Facetime alert echoes through my room. My eyes stay on him as he kneels on the edge of the mattress just as Vaughn answers. At the sound of Vaughn’s voice, my hand slides between my legs. I didn’t realize how much I missed him.

  “Hey. Whoa. Hey. Are you at Brooklyn’s?” he asks, confused.

  “Yeah. I think someone misses you. Say hi, baby.”

  “Hi Vaughny,” I wave to the camera on Shaw’s phone and spread my legs a little wider.

  “Can’t say I hate that view. What are you two doing? Did you kiss and make up? From the look of things, Brooklyn’s forgiven you.”

  “We’re getting there. We’re skipping right to the good part and I think Brook wants you to watch.”

  “I do.” I say.

  “Here.” Shaw hands me his phone. I can’t h
elp but smile the second I see Vaughn’s face.

  “Hey you,” I say.

  “I’m glad you two are working things out,” he chuckles a bit. “What’s Shaw doing?”

  “Just getting naked.” I flip the camera around so he can see his boyfriend stripping down to nothing but his thick erection and look of determination.

  “I don’t hate this view either. Sad I can’t be there, though.”

  “Next time,” Shaw says. He climbs on the bed and wraps his arms around my thighs. I hold my breath as he pulls me close and doesn’t waste any time dragging his tongue over my wet slit. It’s strange, seeing him in the rectangle on the phone screen, seeing his shoulders move just beyond the edges of his phone case, feeling him push his fingers inside me.

  “Can you see this?” I ask Vaughn as I bite back a moan.

  “I can, baby. It looks good as hell.”

  “Will you touch yourself for me?” I ask. Shaw groans in agreement, driving his fingers deeper into my pussy. He turns his head and gives my thigh a gentle scrape with his teeth before he turns his tongue’s attention back to my clit.

  “I thought you would never ask,” Vaughn says. I hear the rustling of his clothes. I look at the way his glasses slip down his nose as he tries to hold on to his phone and pull out his dick.

  “You have to show me,” I whimper. Shaw does some magic combination of licking and stroking, and a small orgasm rolls through me. I grab his shoulder with my free hand, seeking out the anchor I need to stop myself from scurrying up my bed. When I open my eyes again, I get a screen full of Vaughn’s hand stroking over his cock. The image is a little grainer than I’d like, but’s clear enough for it to completely turn me on.

  “Jesus Christ. Shaw, look at this.” I turn the phone around so he can see. I’d smile at the look on his face, the way his eyebrows shoot up and the slow smirk that follows, but his fingers are still moving inside me and I can’t think about reacting to anything other than how good this feels. I bring the phone back up so I can see what Vaughn’s doing with his long fingers and so he can see what Shaw is going with his thick calloused fingers and his amazing tongue. I regret the fact that I don’t have a phone stand. I also regret the fact that I didn’t tell Vaughn to come down to my apartment too. Shaw and I could have talked alone and then Vaughn would have been here to enjoy the fun. Next time, I tell myself, ’cause there’s definitely going to be a next time.

  “Sorry, babe. I can’t wait,” Shaw says suddenly. He stands off the bed and grabs a condom from his pants pocket. Once he has it in place, he takes the phone from me. “I think Vaughn might like this view a little bit better.” I look down as he pushes my thigh up with his free hand. I reach and help him center the tip of his cock right at my opening. My hips move on their own, pushing down to meet his gentle thrust. Shaw’s dick is huge and I love how much he’s filling me up.

  I don’t realize my eyes are closed again until I hear Vaughn’s groan coming through the speaker.

  “Fuck, man. You didn’t tell me her pussy was this good,” Shaw says.

  Vaughn laughs a little as Shaw lets out a deep breath. “Yes, the hell I did, but you didn’t want to believe me. Fuck.” My pussy clenches hard at the hiss coming from him. God, I wish Vaughn was here.

  “Well, shit. I believe you now. You gotta stop hiding this body from us, baby. This pussy, your ass. It’s too good.”

  “I’ll do my best,” I groan out. I stop talking and focus my every thought to where Shaw and I are connected, the way his erection feels pumping in and out of me. How seriously fucking wet I am. I couldn’t be more turned on by the fact that Vaughn is watching us, that he’s touching himself while he watches us. I can’t see him, but I can hear the way he’s breathing hard near his phone. I can hear the way he says my name, the way he says Shaw’s name. I can just picture the way he looks stroking his dick. If I didn’t have the career I have or a fear of losing it in a foolishly scandalous way, I’d tell Shaw to hit that screen record. I want to relive this moment.

  I feel an orgasm coming for me and I can’t hold back as soon as I feel it. My pussy won’t let me. She’s craving this release. My hips grind down hard on Shaw’s lap and I feel the tremors running through me.

  “Yes, that’s it, baby,” he says quietly. “Vaughn, look at this beautiful girl coming.”

  “You look so pretty, baby,” Vaughn says. “Holy shit.”

  I lean up on my elbow and grab Shaw’s hip. He knows what I want, grinding into me deeper and harder. I come again, practically screaming his name and then again at the sound of his and Vaughn’s grunts and groans. I come again and again until I feel Shaw tense above me. He curses, loud, just before I feel his cock flexing inside me as he fills the condom. I hate the way it feels when he sits back, letting his dick slip out. I feel cold when he steps into the bathroom, but he's back a moment later, climbing on the bed behind me, pulling me close.

  He hands me his phone and buries his lips against my neck. Vaughn’s moved, setting up his phone so we can watch him jerking off in an office chair. “Okay, Vaughn. You can come.”

  “Thank you,” he says. There’s no build up and I don’t blame him. He strokes his dick twice and thick jets of cum shoot up his stomach. It’s sexy as fuck to watch, the way his abs and his thighs tense. He reaches down, squeezing his balls and more cum dribbles from the tip. I push my dress up again and let my hand slip between my thighs, like I didn’t just get dicked to oblivion and back. Shaw’s fingers join mine. He stops me from stroking my clit, but the way our hands cup my pussy together is more than enough to get me fired up again.

  “Ms. Lewis and I have more talking and fucking to do, but I’ll be at your place in the morning. You should get some sleep.”

  “Sounds good.” Vaughn reaches for his phone, bringing it closer to his face and I let a quiet giggle slip as he pushes his glasses back up his nose.

  “Goodnight, Vaughny,” I say.

  “Goodnight.”

  “Love you,” Shaw says and Vaughn replies in kind before we end the call. For some reason their comfortable exchange sends an icy feeling through my chest. I think about every time I told Josh I loved him and how he was lying every time he said it back. I have no idea what it’ll be like to be able to say those words again. To mean them, to trust them.

  “You want more?” Shaw whispers in my ear. His fingers flex around mine, squeezing my clit against my labia. That’s enough to warm me all over.

  “Yes,” I say, before I roll onto my back and let my legs fall open. I watch Shaw as his gaze roams over my face for a few long moments and then he’s kissing me again. He guides my hand over my still soaking pussy and we make me come again, together.

  It’s close to midnight and the AC has finally brought the temperature in my apartment down, but I’m still covered in a nice sheen of sweat. I might be more comfortable if Shaw wasn’t laying on top of me, his cheek resting on my breast. I don’t want him to move though. This is something I’ve missed more than I’m willing to admit to anyone, the heavy weight of a man on top of me. I know he can’t, but I want him to stay longer.

  He’s spent the whole night worshipping my cunt. I could handle more, but this quiet moment where I see if we can just exist together in the same space, this is why I wanted him to come see me alone. This is what I needed. I trail my fingers over his bare back, along the soft skin over his spine. I didn’t think I’d touch a man like this again.

  “Do you, by any chance, think this is a bad idea? You know, in the real world sense,” I ask him. He glances up at me before he closes his eyes again.

  “It’s a terrible idea. Three of us clinging to each other, trying to fuck our way through the lingering remains of our trauma.”

  “He’s a poet too, folks.”

  “It’s a really bad idea. But that doesn’t change how much I want you,” he says.

  “Me neither. I—I feel foolish with you two. Like, really reckless.”

  “Welcome to the club.”

&nbs
p; “No, I don’t think you get it,” I say. “I almost told Vaughn that I wanted you both to nut inside me. Like, that first day at your place. So clearly you two aren’t the only ones in danger here. Not to be corny as hell, but I feel alive with you two. After feeling so numb for so long, I felt something, but I don’t want to lose control.”

  “I think we all have things we’re afraid of here.”

  “What are you afraid of?” I ask.

  “That Vaughn will fall in love with you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I can’t say no to him.”

  I feel myself scowling at his response. Something about it feels off. “I don’t get it. Can you clarify or—?”

  “It’s how we work. Vaughn shows all the emotions for both of us. I get to be blunt and rude and closed off. It’s our system. Well, my system.”

  “So what does that mean for me and you?” I ask, ignoring the flashing red sign that has just flipped on in a corner of my mind. I thought we’d made some progress, but maybe that was just so he could get me in bed.

  “It means that it’s Vaughn’s job to tell you how smart you are. How fine you are. How much he likes kicking it with you. How the sound of your laugh makes him smile in a way he thought he would never smile again. To tell you he could easily see himself being with you ’cause it’s true and it’s what you deserve.”

  “And it’s your job to remind me not to fuck it up?”

  “Yup. Otherwise how do I keep you a comfortable ten feet away?”

  I swallow the anxious feeling in my throat, then take a chance, asking, “Is that how you stop me from breaking your heart?”

  I know then what’s really going on between me and Shaw. Or what’s not. This has nothing to do with me. I could be any woman Vaughn brought back to Shaw with that sweet smile and those damn glasses that won’t stay on his face. This isn’t about me. Shaw’s mourning Corrine. He’s had time to be angry on Vaughn’s behalf, but he hasn’t grieved for himself. Not enough. Shaw is truly afraid he’ll get hurt again.