HARBOR: Beards & Bondage
Page 15
I’m about to tell him it’s okay. That I understand. That I won’t push anymore because, while Vaughn and I have tried our best to process our shit, Shaw’s been shoving it all down. He sees me coming and he feels backed into a corner where he’ll have to face those feelings and he’s not there yet. He’s not ready.
My lips part and, just as I draw in the breath I need to state my case, I feel it. A change in the air. The sudden tension Shaw is carrying through his whole body. It happens so quickly, but so clearly, that I feel stupid for not noticing how close he was to the edge before. The way he’s been laying on top of me, the tightness in his body, how he’s trying to pull his whole spirit away, but he’s losing the fight. I look down at him, just as two fat tears slip over the bridge of his nose and land on my chest.
“Shaw,” I say quietly. He moves off me and sits on the edge of the bed, wiping his eyes.
“You happy now, Brook? You broke a man,” he says dramatically. I chuckle and sit up. I draw my fingers over the tattoos covering his arm.
“That’s not what I wanted.”
“I know. You wanted honesty. Well, you got honesty. I’m still trying to figure out how to keep you the fuck away from me and how to keep Vaughn close.”
“Come here,” I say, but it’s me who scoots closer. I lean against his perfectly sculpted back, put my head on his shoulder and let Christopher Shaw cry.
Fifteen
Vaughn
“How did this happen?” Shaw laughs. I look between him, my mother and the kitchen drawer that is now in three different pieces on the counter.
“Boy, I don’t know. I opened the drawer and it fell apart.” Shaw looks around the clean kitchen. The space is warm and inviting, slightly beat down by years of wear and tear.
“Might be time to do some remodeling,” Mom says, following his gaze around the room.
“You want me and Vaughn to buy you a new house?” Shaw says.
“I mean, if you’re offering.”
“Shaw is welcome to buy you a house. In the meantime, I’ll pitch in and get this place fixed up for you,” I reply. My mom has lived in the same three-bedroom house in Dorchester since I was twelve. Parts of the neighborhood have been bought up and flipped, but she has no plan to go anywhere. I support her decision. The least I can do is remodel her kitchen.
“I can fix this for you. You have any wood glue?” Shaw asks.
“I still have the bottle you bought out in the shed.”
“I’ll be right back.”
“Glad he uses his handy work for good,” she teases once he’s out the back door.
“You and me both.”
“How are you doing, baby?”
“Ya know, I’m good. Work is good. Shaw is good.”
“That all sounds very good.”
I smile at her. I know when she’s digging. “I’m good, Mom. We’re both good.”
“You know it’s my job as a mother. I get to ask.”
“I appreciate it.” My phone vibrates in my pocket. I reach for it too quickly, hoping it’s Brook. I catch the way Mom’s eyes spring wide in response to my quick hands.
Hope you guys are enjoying your Saturday. <3
She’s added a picture of herself walking down the street as she blows a kiss to the camera. I think I do a decent job of ignoring the heat that’s blooming in my chest. I quickly send her a response, trying to wipe the smile off my face as I type.
Back at you. We’ll give you a shout later. <3
“Something important?” Mom asks as I slip my phone back in my pocket.
“No, just a friend.”
“You’re not stepping out on Shaw are you?”
“What? No.” I know she’s joking. She knows Shaw and I are open with our wants and needs. She knows neither of us would cheat, especially after what happened.
“You know I’m just giving you a hard time. I haven’t seen a smile like that on your face in a while.”
“I wasn’t smiling. Was I?”
She smirks at me and pats my hand, just as I hear Shaw come back through the side door.
“I need more wood glue. I’m going to run to the store,” he says. “Need anything while I’m out?”
My phone vibrates again and I feel my expression fall as my mom’s eyes drop to my phone.
“You okay?” Shaw asks, glancing between me and Mom. She’s doing a horrible job holding back her laughter.
“I got a text and Mom thinks my behavior’s off.”
“You’re standing like you have a rod up your ass, so maybe she’s on to something.”
“He said he got a text from a friend,” Mom laughs.
“Oh. Ooh!”
I let out a deep breath and Shaw nods. He knows the drill. I can’t keep shit from Lynetta Coleman.
“We did meet someone,” I confess.
“Oh? Who is it? Do I know them?”
“No. We, uh—I. I definitely acted alone here. Last year, I reached out to Brooklyn Lewis. She was engaged to Josh Delinsky. The guy Corrine was with when everything happened. The man who was killed…”
My mom cringes, bracing herself for more. “Okay. So you two are seeing her now?”
“I don’t know actually.” I glance over at Shaw and he doesn’t have any answers either.
“I just wanted to talk to her at first. And we did talk. That was over a year ago. Right after it happened.”
“Okay.”
“I wanted to talk to someone since Mrs. Johnson was freezing us out.”
“And she was dead wrong for that. She still is.” My mom is still pissed at Corrine’s mom for thinking the worst of me and Shaw. She figured, like we did, that there was an opportunity for our family community to grow, not to be diminished by the fact that her daughter loved two men instead of one. That’s water under the bridge for me and I need to save my brain cells for things like explaining to my mom how talking to Brooklyn isn’t as bad as it sounds. I don’t need to waste more time thinking about how Mrs. Johnson probably still thinks we’re sexual deviants and users of women.
“Well, we talked and it was good, but she said she was still processing stuff, as were we, so we basically left things at that. She had our numbers and we made it clear that we wouldn’t bother her about Corrine or the case or anything. But then—”
“But then?” Mom says.
“She reached out to Shaw a few weeks ago.”
“And now you’re sleeping with her?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want my opinion? My approval? What needs to happen here?”
“I’d like your opinion,” Shaw says. “I had some complicated feelings about it and didn’t handle the situation well at first. Of course, your son was a perfect gentleman. You raised him right.”
“And what, I somehow failed you all these years?”
“No, ma’am. I have no excuse.”
“What did you do?” she asks.
“I was kind of a dick to her.”
“While you were sleeping with her?”
“Yeah. But I apologized. We made up last night. Everything’s cool.”
She frowns at Shaw and we both know if he wasn’t standing across the kitchen, she’d smack him upside the head.
“I promise. I apologized.”
“Uh huh. So, you’ve spent enough time with her that Shaw had to apologize for something. Any clue where it’s heading?”
“At this moment, no,” I say.
“Nope,” Shaw adds.
“Well, since you two seem to have this all figured out.”
“We don’t at all. I think we just like her,” I confess.
“My opinion is to be careful. I don’t know the girl, so I don’t want to say anything about her, but you better make sure you’re on the same page and that you’re looking at this with clear heads and not your lusty loins.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I’m serious.”
“We know you are and we hear you.”
“Good.”
“You’re not going to do it?”
“I can build you some cabinets, but you know that’s not my specialty. I definitely don’t do floors and, girl, you need new floors. Also, I know jack all about building codes.”
“Plus, he’ll charge you triple and take three times as long,” I add.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t knock my process.”
“Sure, let’s talk,” Mom laughs before she hands him a twenty-dollar bill. “Pick me up some milk and some of those Ferrero Rocher.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll be right back.” Shaw kisses me on the cheek before he heads out the door. I notice that he’s left the twenty on the edge of the counter. I grab it and hand it back to my mom. Her smile quickly fades. Now she’s glaring at me, her eyebrows going up.
“I know, Mom.”
“Look, I know you don’t have to listen to me when it comes to romance. I haven’t set the best example.” My mom doesn’t believe in marriage. She’s had a series of boyfriends over the years, all good men, who all left when they realized she’s serious about not becoming a Mrs. Anybody. My dad has his own family, grown kids with his wife, and he’s still bitter that my mom wasn’t the one. She’s currently dating a high school Vice Principal named Harold. Another good man. We’ll see what happens.
“I would never say that. I don’t even think that. Harold is great.”
“Okay, but I do want you to listen to me. You two need to be careful. Like I said, I obviously don’t know the girl, but this is ten steps further than what you two had with Corrine. Her mother couldn’t comprehend a healthy polyamorous relationship, fine. Whatever. Have you two considered what this means for this young woman’s life?”
“I have.”
“What’s her name? What does she do?”
“Her name is Brooklyn. She’s an A.D.A. from the Bronx.”
“Vaughn.”
“I know.” For the second time in twenty-four hours, I regret not going with Shaw.
“What did Miss Lynetta have to say?” Shaw asks when we’re back in his car. We’d spent the rest of the afternoon helping my mom around the house and now we’re heading to my place for dinner. I thought it was safer to wait to debrief him on the piece of her mind she’d given me about Brooklyn while he was out getting chocolate and wood glue.
“Just what you’d expect. The extended version of ‘don’t fuck around and get Brooklyn fired from her highly political job. Don’t fuck around and end up with the cops wondering if the three of you planned this whole thing.’”
“Ooof,” Shaw groans.
“Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to think that way, ’cause it’s not true and the cops are too lazy to open a closed case just to point the finger in the wrong direction, but…”
“But what?”
“For some reason, I keep thinking about Mrs. Johnson and what she would do if she found out.”
“If she found out about Brook? Or if she found out about us with any woman? ’Cause I don’t think she’d be too jazzed about either of those scenarios.”
“You’re right.”
“And, to be honest, I don’t give a shit what she thinks. We were good to her daughter and her daughter wanted to be with us for a while. Whatever happened, all of it involved her daughter making her own grown-ass decisions. The only person she should be pissed at is the man who took her daughter away.”
“You’re right.”
“What’s really eating you?” Shaw asks.
“Man, I don’t know. That this feels—shit. It feels good to me. I want to get to know Brook better, but you know me.”
“I do. And you’re right. Your intuition is pretty spot on. But your mom is right too. This isn’t just about us and after last night, I want to make sure neither of us forget it.”
I reach over and squeeze his thigh. “I’m glad you two had that time together. Jealous as hell I couldn’t be there for the fun parts, though.”
“You missed the extremely rare sight of me shedding tears too.”
“Babe.” Shaw told me they talked and gave me a good summary of their conversation, but he hadn’t said anything about breaking down, in front of Brooklyn, no less.
“It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s not a big deal that you cried, but it’s a good thing that you let it out. How did Brooklyn react?”
“She handled it well. Offered support. Let me get it out. Like I said, we had a good talk.”
“That’s good.” I try not to make a big deal about it, but I know how rare it is for Shaw to open up like that and I know how much he’d been struggling with his feelings for Brooklyn. If he can be that raw with her, we might be onto something. It’s not a bad thing for us to have Brooklyn in our lives.
Shaw pulls into the parking structure under my building and pulls into the extra space he pays for every month. He cuts off the engine, but doesn’t make a move to get out of the car.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
“I don’t know. What the fuck should we do?”
“Do you want to keep seeing her?” he asks.
“Of course I do, but I know part of that is coming from a selfish place. I like talking to her. I like hanging out with her. I definitely like having sex with her.”
“Yeah, I don’t hate that part.”
“What about you?”
“I cried in front of her.”
“Okay, yeah. Well, I guess all we can do is ask her how she’s feeling and play it by ear. I think she viewed the time we spent at your house as a one-time thing, but after last night...”
“Yeah, it didn’t feel finished when I left her place this morning. She wanted me to stay and I didn’t exactly want to leave.”
“I’ll text her and see when she’s free.”
“Sounds good. Let’s order something and then I’m gonna swallow your dick.”
“Sounds romantic.” I step out of his SUV, chuckling to myself as he comes around the car and takes my hand.
Brooklyn
“Does this fit?” Rayna steps out of the dressing room and twirls. I tilt my head to the side and take in the wonky-ass sack dress she’s wearing. It has these weird sleeves and shoulder cut outs. Her boobs seem to be fighting against the whole thing.
“Ehhhh…” Is my gut response.
“How does it feel in the shoulders?” Noa asks.
“Terrible. I actually want to go to this wedding. Why doesn’t the universe want to give me the nice dress I deserve to wear to this wedding?”
“Because the universe doesn’t want you to steal the bride’s thunder,” I say, winking at her.
She turns and checks herself in the mirror against the wall. I’m about to give her my full assessment when my phone vibrates in my bag. I pull it out and manage not to smile at the text notification from Vaughn.
Hey beautiful.
Let us know when you’re free.
Shaw and I wanted to talk to you about something
“It does make my butt look good, though,” Rayna says.
“I’m sure we can find another dress that makes your butt look outstanding,” Noa replies. “Where’s this wedding again?”
“Baltimore. I’m leaving Friday morning as soon as my uncle picks up my nana.”
“It’ll be nice to get a little break,” I add. I’m paying attention to my friends, I swear. My mind is definitely not thinking about Shaw and Vaughn, ass naked and making a Brook sandwich.
“I need to put in more time-off requests with my cousins. I need a real break. Not just a few hours here and there to see you guys and then one weekend a year to go to a wedding. I have rights!”
“You do. You should definitely ask them. She’s their grandma too. They can help out more,” I say, reading the text from Vaughn again.
“When�
�s Claudia coming to visit?” Rayna asks.”
“Not for a while,” Noa replies. “She and Shep are looking at houses, not on the mountain. She wants to get that squared away before she starts flying back and forth again.”
“Good. Maybe we can actually visit them. I swear if any more of you bitches move...”
“Not going anywhere. I promise,” I say, smiling at her before I look back down at my phone. I quickly respond to Vaughn’s text.
I hope it’s a good something.
We hope so too.
Shaw will be at my place through
tomorrow afternoon.
Let us know when you’re free.
Out with my girls.
I’ll give you a call later tonight.
Looking forward to it
<3
“Are you texting with your friiiiiend?” Rayna teases. I look up and she’s still standing there in that dress, which is getting uglier by the second. I chew on my lip and look at my phone. Rayna and Noa are two of the best friends a girl could ask for.
It’s taken a herculean effort to not breathe a word about how well Shaw fucked me the night before. It’s even harder not to mention that he comes in the world’s sexiest package deal. Just the thought of Vaughn adjusting his glasses gets me hot. I’m not ready to tell them what’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to keep it all this close to my chest. Especially when I haven’t felt this good in almost two years.
“Hypothetically, how would you feel if I started dating again?”
“I would feel great about it,” Rayna says.
“Yeah, you mentioned it before. I am team ‘Brook starts dating again,’” Noa adds.
“Same. Ugh, let me take this off. I’m not buying it. Just come inside.” The three of us crowd into the tight space as Rayna starts to change. “So, you were saying? Did you meet someone? Is this someone whoever you were just texting with that dopey smile on your face?”