Because of Lila

by Abbi Glines

  only child but she was his favorite. Because she had been the child Emily gave him. My birth could have killed my mother. That had terrified him. But my mom often said he’d spent my lifetime making that up to me. I knew he loved me more than his other grandchildren. He was very blunt about it. But I also knew it was only because I was a part of Emily.

  He held open his arms still holding the alcohol and cigar. I bent down and hugged him tightly. “I love you,” I whispered.

  “Not as much as I love you, pretty girl,” which had always been his response. “Heard you took off on a bike with a Kerrington. Guess you got a little of your Granddaddy’s wild oats in you after all.”

  I tensed hoping my dad hadn’t heard him. “Um, I guess,” I said as quietly as I could.

  That made him laugh. I was glad he could laugh but this wasn’t something to laugh about. “Gonna give that daddy of yours a little hard time. He needs it.”

  Of all the things for him to want to talk about this wasn’t one of them.

  “Daddy be nice. She’s already nervous about talking to Grant about all this,” Mom interjected.

  I closed my eyes and winced. When I stood up Kiro winked at me. “You’re grown girl. It’s okay.”

  I turned my head slowly to look at my dad who was standing at the bar with his arms crossed over his chest and a frown on his face. “She’s better than Cruz Kerrington,” my dad said.

  “And my Harlow was better than Grant Carter. My sweet baby girl was swept off her feet by someone who had a reputation as a player. Seems it turned out all right,” Kiro said before taking a pull off his cigar.

  Dad only grunted.

  I tried thinking of something to change the subject when footsteps sounded down the hall. Then I heard the voices. Kiro’s other two kids were here with their spouses. I knew my Uncle Mase’s voice anywhere. And when he is arguing with my Aunt Nan it feels like a family gathering.

  “I’m not taking the blue room, Mase. Shove it up your ass. I want the gold one near the back elevator. I always prefer that one. Don’t argue with me,” Aunt Nan said in her high-pitched annoyed tone.

  “Give me another fucking bottle. I’m gonna need it,” Kiro grumbled.

  He and my Aunt Nan didn’t have the best relationship, but Mom said it was good compared to the way it had once been.

  When the four entered the room. Kiro held up his bottle. “I’m fucking mourning. Don’t start this shit in here.”

  Nan looked ashamed, and Mase nodded. “Sorry. I was just getting her riled up out of boredom.”

  Kiro lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Understood.”

  “I’m so sorry, Kiro,” Reese, my Uncle Mase’s wife said as she walked away from the others toward Kiro. “You go ahead and mourn, and I’ll keep these two in check.”

  “Still ain’t figured out how the fuck you scored that one,” Kiro said pointing with his bottle toward Reese while looking at Mase.

  “Me neither,” Mase replied then sank down on the sofa across from Kiro. “Pass the whiskey.”

  Cruz Kerrington

  THE SMELL OF flowers. I hated the overpowering smell as much as I hated funerals. They depressed me. I shouldn’t have to be here. I didn’t know Emily Manning. Sure, I knew Lila Kate but I wouldn’t expect her to come to my grandmother’s funeral. Hell, I wouldn’t go if I could get away with it. Once someone was dead it as done. Why have a big ass depressing funeral?

  I wanted my ashes taken out a few miles into the Gulf and scattered. No songs, no flowers, and no fucking tears. I loosened the collar on my shirt some and sighed. My dad had been adamant that I was going. We all were. The whole damn family was here. As was every other family in Rosemary Beach that we were close to.

  “We are going for Grant, Harlow and Lila Kate!” my dad had roared when I bitched about not seeing a reason to attend this funeral.

  The truth was, I had tried to get Lila out of my head for the past three days and it wasn’t working. All I could see was Lila. When I’d had another girl pressed up against the wall of my condo last night, I’d had Lila Kate’s face in my head. I didn’t want to see her this soon. I was still working her out of my system. I even pointed out to my father that they may be having a funeral for me once Grant Carter got his hands on me. Dad had told me I’d asked for it.

  “There’s Nate,” my mother whispered. “Go apologize.”

  “For what?” I asked confused. I hadn’t done shit to Nate.

  She grabbed my arm like I was still eight years old. “For taking Lila Kate without a word. That’s what for.”

  I wasn’t apologizing to him for that. “No.”

  Her nails bit into my skin. “Now.”

  I wasn’t apologizing, but I’d walk over there and say something to him to let her think I did before she grabbed me by my ear and hauled me to him.

  “Fine,” I muttered and her hand released me as soon as I headed in his direction.

  Apologize to Nate. Seriously? Did they even know Nate Finlay? As if this wasn’t something he would have done. Jesus. They were all being dramatic as hell. I didn’t kidnap her. She went willingly.

  Nate was also dressed in a suit, and Bliss stood beside him looking stunning in a black dress with her hair pulled up off her shoulders. “Hey,” I said as they turned to see me approaching.

  Nate did a lift of his chin.

  “You seen Lila Kate?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Why? You got your bike with you?” Nate smirked as he said it.

  “No, smartass. I just don’t see her.”

  “She’s gone to get a drink. Been talking to everyone and her mouth got dry.”

  I nodded. Good. I’d have time to get back out of sight before she returned. “Y’all here long?”

  “We came in last night. Stayed at Dean’s. Heading out in the morning,” Nate replied. Dean was his grandfather. Kiro Manning’s best friend.

  “I’m headed out soon as this is over,” I said. “Good to see you again, Bliss. I think I’ve been over here long enough for my mother to think I’ve apologized sufficiently. I’ll leave you to it.”

  Nate grinned. “Apologized, huh? I think I’d like that apology.”

  Bliss giggled. “Nate leave him alone. It’s good to see you again, Cruz.” She started to say more, then paused and smiled at something over my shoulder. “There they are,” she added.

  I glanced back without thinking and my eyes locked on Lila Kate. She was stunning. Her dark hair was curled loosely and brushed her shoulders. The midnight blue dress she was wearing hugged her curves so damn sweetly I had a hard time looking away.

  “Should I get him? Or do you think she wants him to stay with her?” Bliss asked.

  Get who?

  “Leave it. She seems to want him with her,” Nate replied.

  I tore my gaze off Lila Kate to see a tall blond guy with his hand possessively on her back. His expression was serious as he listened to something she was saying. Who the fuck was that?

  “Who is with her?” I asked since they obviously knew.

  “That’s Eli, my best friend,” Bliss said with a pleased smile.

  “How does she know him?” Lila Kate wasn’t one to bond with someone fast.

  “They had been spending some time together before you rode in on your bike and took off with her,” Nate replied. He was amused. He knew why I was asking and he was fucking amused.

  “She wanted to go with me,” I told him turning to glare at his smug expression.

  He nodded. “Yeah, she did. But now,” he tilted his chin up toward Lila Kate. “She wants Eli. Lesson learned fast I’d say.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?” I snarled taking a step toward him.

  Nate didn’t back away. But then I didn’t expect him to. He took a step in my direction. His expression went cold. Hard. “It means Eli is a good guy. The staying kind. That’s what it fucking means,” Nate’s voice was low as he said the words.

  “She barely knows him,” I argued.

  “But she
knows you enough, now doesn’t she,” he shot back.

  We were at a funeral. That should be why I stopped and walked away. But it wasn’t. It was because Nate was right. She did know me. I could have parked my bike and gone with her. That’s what a good guy would have done. But I’d fucked her, dropped her off and driven away. As I let myself think about it I had to admit that might have been the coldest thing I’d ever done. And I’d done some pretty cruel shit. I turned my gaze back to Lila Kate and Eli. He was whispering something to her and she smiled. The smile wasn’t the radiant one I knew.

  It was sad. Her eyes didn’t glow and light up the room like I knew they could. She’d lost someone, and Eli was there with her. That’s the kind of guy she needed. I had left her because she needed to move on from me. I just hadn’t fucking expected it to happen so fast.

  “She deserves more. You know it. Let her have it,” Nate’s voice annoyed me simply because he was right. I didn’t say anything to him. I just walked away. Back to my family. I would get through this damn funeral and leave quietly. I’d forget what happened with Lila and me. Eventually.

  As I was walking away I felt her eyes follow me. The best thing to do would be to ignore her but I couldn’t. I met her gaze. She didn’t smile. She just looked at me with eyes so full of disappointment it burned in my gut. She’d ruined me. Just like I was afraid she would.

  Lila Kate

  ELI’S HAND HELD mine as I studied the private mausoleum that was for all Slacker Demon members and their family. My grandmother was the first to be buried in it. Kiro had bought it because he said he didn’t want to be buried in the ground and he didn’t want his Emily in there either. So he’d decided that the best way to rest in eternal peace was a mausoleum with those he loved most.

  “I’ve never seen anyone laid to rest in one of these. Just been to burials,” Eli said softly beside me.

  “Me neither. It seems easier than watching them sink into the ground doesn’t it?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

  I focused on my grandfather as his bloodshot eyes stared straight ahead at the marking where Emily had been slid in. He was drinking from another bottle of whiskey. I was concerned he was going to get alcohol poisoning, but my mom said he’d built years of tolerance to the stuff. He’d be fine. His suit covered his tattoos but he still looked like a rocker. It was in his stance, face, the way his hair was still too long for an older man. He would always be Kiro Manning. Even at seventy years old.

  “Thanks for staying with me today,” I told Eli. I had needed someone. Support. Everyone had been here. They all knew I’d been on Cruz Kerrington’s bike and they all saw him completely ignore me. But my grandfather’s grief had been more important than my obvious snub from Cruz. I’d gotten what I asked for playing with fire.

  “I’m glad I came. Almost didn’t. Nate thought I should. I’ll have to thank him for that.”

  Nate had expected this. He knew Cruz as well as I did. We had been a pack once. I needed to thank Nate for bringing Eli. Not that I was going to use Eli as a rebound. But he’d become a good friend. After today, I hoped we would stay in touch. I enjoyed his company. He was strong. Dependable. Kind. The type of man I knew my parents hoped I would find one day.

  When my heart finally healed and I moved on, I hoped I would find a fairytale with a guy like Eli. I knew it wouldn’t be Eli because his heart was already unavailable. I sympathized with him. Loving someone you will never have is painful.

  At least he hadn’t suffered humiliation because of it. He’d kept his feelings a secret. Never made the mistake of throwing caution to the wind and hoping it worked.

  “Let’s go,” I said as others began to leave. I knew my grandfather would be here for a while and I wanted him to have his alone time with her.

  Eli continued to hold my hand as we walked away. I knew the Kerrington’s were to my left. I could see Woods and Della from the corner of my eye. But I didn’t turn to them. I just couldn’t bring myself to. I walked on with my head down. Eli led me to the limo that was waiting for the family.

  “Where are you going?” I asked him.

  He nodded toward the limo behind this one. “To Dean’s with Nate and Bliss.”

  Being with Nate and Bliss wasn’t easy on him. I knew that without asking. “Come with me,” I said.

  He smiled like he understood why and could read my thoughts. “Thanks.”

  I moved all the way down to the last seat. “You saved me today. I should be thanking you.”

  He moved in behind me and sat with his thigh pressing mine. The warmth from his body, the smell of his cologne all made me feel soothed. Like I wasn’t alone. I remembered this from our one night together. I knew the difference now, between good drunk sex with no strings and sex with a man your heart wants. It’s on two different playing fields.

  “You were beautiful today. He’s an idiot, and from the way he watched your every move he knows it.”

  I jerked my head around and looked up at Eli. “What?”

  He gave me a half smile. “Cruz Kerrington. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you. I never met him nor was I introduced, but I know guys like him. I can spot them. He was also completely obvious. No one else there glared at me like they’d enjoy ripping my limbs off my body.”

  That didn’t make sense. I shook my head. “You misunderstood. He was forced to come here. I know his parents. He was glaring because he was angry this took away from his play time.” The disgust was obvious in my voice. So was the hurt.

  “I may not be an asshole. But I am a man. I know what they’re thinking. I can read one. And that guy was not happy about you being with me. He also wanted to get you alone and get his hands on you. Honestly, Lila, you are beautiful. Today you were stunning. I had a hard time keeping my eyes off you.”

  It felt nice. No, it felt more than nice to hear a good-looking man say that to me. I didn’t feel beautiful or stunning. “Thank you,” I said unsure of how else to respond. Then I said what I was thinking. “I wish . . . I wish I’d met you at another time. A time when our hearts weren’t so confused. Maybe we would have had a chance.”

  His hand slipped over mine, and he kept it there. “When you left I realized something. My heart isn’t where I thought it was. Bliss had become a habit. All I knew. No one had made enough of an impact on me to move her from my heart. But you . . . you made me forget. Showed me that there was more. That I could feel something for someone else,” he paused then his fingers slid around mine. “My heart’s ready, Lila. I’ll just be patient until yours is.”

  Wow . . . that was not something I’d expected to hear. “Our last night together you were upset over being the best man,” I reminded him.

  He shrugged. “A habit. A habit that shook me up and showed me how my heart had changed. I realized I’d moved on when I found out you were gone. That . . . that shook me more than the damn wedding shit. I was over it and completely focused on you. I don’t even get a twinge when I see them kiss now. You got me over it. I wish I could do the same for you.”

  Here was this wonderful man telling me he wanted more. He was ready to move on with me. He wanted to be with me. He made himself available. And as beautiful as it all sounded, my heart was still aching over Cruz. I was either the stupidest female on planet Earth or the unluckiest. Possibly both.

  “I need time,” I said to him because I wanted a fairy tale. I believed that Eli was that kind of guy. He was secure, solid, beautiful. All the things my father was, Rush Finlay was, my Uncle Mase and Uncle Cope were. I wanted a man like them.

  “I’m really patient,” he replied.

  Even the tone of his voice was soothing. It didn’t make my heart flip or butterflies take flight in my stomach, but it made me feel safe. I rested my head on his shoulder. His arm went around me and we sat there like that in silence while we waited on the rest of the family.

  Cruz Kerrington

  “DID YOU FUCK her?” Blaze, my nineteen-year-old brother asked dropping
down onto the other end of the sectional sofa in the den that my mom referred to as “the boys’ den.” It was on the bottom floor of our three-story home and had everything teenage boys could possibly need. Even a mini gym with weights. I had come down here as soon as we got home to avoid the rest of the family.

  “I’m ignoring that,” I replied not taking my attention from the baseball game I was watching.

  Blaze chuckled. “That means yes. Goddamn! She’s so fucking hot.”

  Fury crawled all over me. “If you want to live you’ll shut the hell up,” I warned him. I didn’t want anyone knowing about what we had done, but I also didn’t want my brother thinking about Lila Kate and sex in the same damn thought.

  “What’s your deal? Jesus, relax. Lila Kate is smoking hot. I’d give my left nut to fuck her.”

  I moved then. Fast. Without thought. I pinned Blaze to the sofa with my hand around his throat. He was an inch, maybe two taller than me but he was lankier. His muscles were slenderer. I outweighed him. I was also two years older. “Shut your motherfucking mouth. Do you understand me you stupid little dipshit?”

  He nodded unable to breathe so I eased my hold on his neck. Then glared at him one last time before moving off him and taking my spot back. “Go away,” I told him as I settled back again.

  I could see him rubbing his neck. Damn dramatic. He finally stood up, and I was so relieved I almost sighed. I just wanted to be alone.