It begins with goodbye

by R. S James

  Before I can speak up, Claire starts in, “I cannot believe you would say something like that. Your sister is intelligent, and I’m sure she knows what kind of man he is. You know I’m afraid I have made a mistake. Please listen to me. I’m not angry that I lost so much time with your dad, and I need you to remember this now and always. If you don’t try, you’re not living. If you don’t love and lose, you’re not trying. I need you to try and to live. If you never have a heart break, you have never really loved, and I want more than anything for you to love. I know it hurts, but I’d rather love and hurt, than to not love at all. Your sister is going to be okay. Maybe it will work out and be forever, but then again, maybe not. At least, she is trying, and that’s all anyone can ask.”

  I couldn’t have said it better myself.

  Claire

  After a while, the doctor steps in. “Hey Dr. Frazier. Long time no see.”

  “Hello Claire. I see you brought a lot of friends with you this evening.”

  “No, I didn’t. I brought my kids, and my friends Morgan and Molly. However, that asshole and whore over there seem to think that they deserve to know my business, even though I’ve asked them to leave multiple times.” I can feel the pain meds kicking in because I have no filter.

  “Okay, well I kindly need you two to please leave, so we can get this bay opened back up.”

  Colton finally speaks for the first time, since Carly and Xavier left. “Fine, but Carson please call or text me, and let me know what’s wrong with your mom. I guess I’m going to stop and see Carly and that boy on my way out of here.”

  Carson looks furious. “Fuck no you’re not, and neither am I. Mom’s hand is probably broken because of your bitch there, and you need to leave Carly alone.”

  Colton looks almost heart broken. “I will need to know for insurance reasons, son.”

  “Colton quit grasping at straws. I have my own insurance and haven’t been on your policy, since I started working,” I state.

  “Well, Carly is my daughter, and I have every right to see her.” Just then, her and Xavier walk in still holding hands, and she looks happy and at peace.

  “I don’t want to see you, Dad. You have hurt me so bad, and I’m sorry if this hurts you, but right now, I need some time for me. I can’t worry about you. I would feel differently, if you ever thought of Carson, Mom, or me, instead of yourself. But you didn’t, and you don’t. Actually, you’ve only ever thought of yourself, so that’s what we are going to do.”

  I want to jump up and wrap Carly up in my arms. I’m so proud of her for standing up to her dad like that. Shaking his head, Colton walks out with Clarissa running behind him to catch up.

  Dr. Frazier waits a minute, before speaking, “Well Claire, you have broken your hand, and I’m also taking you off work for at least two weeks. Any special color you want the cast?”

  “Nope, let’s just do this.” Finally leaving the hospital with an orange cast and a new blue sharpie, we are head to the pharmacy to get my meds. Hopefully, my hand heals quickly.

  ******

  Two days later, I’m sitting here just hanging out with the kids. It’s been nice just spending some quality time with them. I’ve been thinking seriously about getting them a dog. They have both been begging for one for a while, so why not, yeah?

  “Okay, guys. I’ve been thinking about something. As long as both of you help me out, I’m thinking of getting a dog. So, what do you guys think? You want a dog?” Both scream yes loudly at the same time, making me giggle.

  We all get dressed, and then head to the local animal shelter. Carson sees a German Shepard, and it's love at first sight for both of them. Meanwhile, Carly finds a black cat with a couple of white patches on its belly, and again, it’s love at first sight. I guess we are getting a dog and a cat today.

  We are all Detroit Tiger fans, so when we leave, we have Verlander the German Shepherd and Miggy the cat. Both of my children are happy, so I’m happy. I will do anything for them.

  Claire

  A year and a half later.

  Today is the day my kids graduate from high school, and I’m so proud of both of them. They both decided to go to Colorado to school, and Xavier is also going to be with Carly. I haven’t spoken to Colton or Clarissa, since we signed the divorce papers. I texted Colton to let him know about the graduation time and the party afterwards, but he didn’t respond, so I have no idea if they are coming. I planned a party for the kids right after, and I didn’t even ask if he was doing something. I just invited him and his family to ours.

  Carson has been over to see him a couple times, but he always has a time limit, unless Clarissa is there. Carly still refuses to see him. He called and told her to come to the hospital cause her sister was here, but she didn’t go. They also named her Caitlynn after Carly, and it pissed her off even more. That weekend we all went and got matching tattoos of hearts with angel wings on the side. I added the kid’s initials on the top of the wings in mine, Carson got mine and Carly’s initials, and she has mine and Carson’s initials.

  Carly also took the school’s track team to state, and they won. That’s how she received a full scholarship to Colorado State, and the reason why Carson chose to go with her. Xavier is still waiting for his letter, but he’s going, even if he doesn’t get accepted. His family doesn’t really approve, but that isn’t stopping him. Honestly, I’m not sure he even wants to go to college. I think he just wants to be with Carly. Carson has also let up on being so protective of Carly with Xavier. All three of them have a great relationship now.

  “I hope they don’t cause a bunch of trouble today.” Someone says, snapping me back into the present. The ceremony went great, and now, we are all at the party.

  I look over, seeing Colton and Clarissa, walking towards the kids. Morgan and Molly, who have officially become a couple, must have seen them also, because they move quicker, getting to the kids first. I really hope they don’t start a bunch of drama today.

  I put on a smile, and then walk towards the two people that hurt me, but they also helped me in a way I’m very grateful for. “Hey guys. Thanks for coming to support Carson and Carly. There is plenty of food and drinks, so make yourselves at home.”

  “Cut the shit, Claire. You knew we were having our kids party today. Why do you feel like you always have to one up us every time?”

  “I’m sorry, Clarissa. I didn’t realize they were your kids. I sent a message to Colton about the party, but I never got a response, so I figured you guys weren’t doing anything. The kids didn’t even know you were having one for them. I don’t feel like me being a good parent is one-upping anyone. This is me doing my job! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to visit with family that came for my kids. If you cannot act like civilized adults, then you need to leave. Today is about my kids and not about either of you. I mean, neither of you even bothered to show up to watch the actual graduation.”

  I know everyone thinks I let Clarissa get away with her part in everything, but the truth is she was pregnant. Now, if she keeps running her mouth, it’s going to get ugly. I stay away from them for the rest of the party. I hear her several times, trying to tell people lies, but today isn’t about anyone or anything, except Carson and Carly. As hard as it is, I keep my mouth shut. After everyone finally leaves, I start cleaning up. After picking up the kitchen, I head back outside, seeing Colton and Clarissa are still here, and my mom is playing with their offspring.

  I yell inside to the kids, letting them know their dad is still here. They both come out, looking at him like he has four heads. “Why are you here? What I mean is why did you come at all? You didn’t even come and see us graduate.” Carly spits out.

  Clarissa immediately starts running her mouth, “You ungrateful, little brats. He is still your dad, and we will both be treated with respect. He deserves to be here. After all, he paid for all of this.” I’ve had enough. This is my kids party, and this conversation has absolutely nothing to do with h
er.

  “Whoa, hold the fuck up! You don’t get to call my kids ungrateful brats. They both have jobs and graduated with 4.0 GPAs. It’s their party, and if they want you to leave, then you shouldn’t be here. Colton hasn’t given anyone of us a dime, since before I moved out. I don’t know where you got your information, but you better get a better source. Now, I believe my kids asked you to leave.”

  “Listen, I only want to be a part of my kids’ lives,” Colton remarks.

  “I sent you a text, inviting you to come for your children. I didn’t ask you to bring your whore, so she could degrade the kids. Why do you want to be a part of their lives now? You haven’t really even tried. Ya know, it doesn’t matter. This is up to them; I won’t stop it, but I’m not going to push it either.” I turn, leaving them standing there. I know if I hadn’t walked away, then I would’ve said or done something that I might’ve needed my lawyer for.

  As I take down tables and fill garbage bags up, I feel Clarissa watching me. It’s kind of creeping me out. I run inside, putting on yoga capris and a t-shirt to finish the clean-up. I grab my earbuds, put them in, and crank up my Spotify, as I finish up.

  As I make my way back outside, I see mom still has the baby, Carly and Xavier are stacking chairs up, and Carson is talking with his dad. I don’t see Clarissa, but I’m not actively looking for her either. I take three bags of garbage to the dumpster, and on my way back, I feel someone grab my hair and yank. Without a doubt, I know it’s Clarissa. Stupid bitch, it’s on. I turn around, punching her square in the face, as blood goes everywhere. I try to stop hitting her, but I just can’t. This has been a long time coming, and it feels good to get it out.

  I feel arms wrap around me, pulling me away from her, as she lays there crying. Carson has me in a tight hold, and I can’t move, so I just start screaming, “What the fuck are you crying for, you stupid whore?”

  Carson pulls my ear buds out, keeping his arms around me, while rocking me, trying to get me to calm down. Once I’m finally calm, he starts telling me that Clarissa and Colton are having problems, and that Colton wants me back.

  I feel like I’m in the twilight zone, right now. This shit doesn’t happen in real life, does it?

  I look around, noticing Carly is now standing with us. So, I turn, facing both of my children, “Is he serious? Does he honestly think I’d take his dumb ass back, after all this?”

  “Mom, I didn’t know about it, until today. That’s what we were talking about, when you came back outside.”

  “I don’t think you should even think about giving him another chance. He will choose her and every other woman over all of us every single time. But Mom, if you want to be with him, I’ll stand behind your decision.”

  “Carly, I’m not taking him back. Not now, or hell not ever. I can’t even be friends with him. Too much has happened but thank you for letting me know you have my back.” What I don’t tell them is that this is Colton, trying to play mind games again. Too bad for him, I’ve grown a lot in the past year, and I don’t believe a damn thing that comes out of his mouth.

  “You know I’ve always got your back. I told him I thought he has lost his damn mind, but he had to let you know how he feels, or he would always regret it. He also said he wants you and him to raise Caitlynn, as your own.”

  “Ugh, no. He should have thought about this, before he cheated. I’m not going back to who I used to be. He doesn’t love me, nor do I love him. He’s just afraid to be alone. Sometimes, you need to be alone to find out how strong you truly are. So, everyone can stop wondering and worrying.” I see mom picking Clarissa up and taking her to her car.

  After a few minutes, Mom comes back over, wrapping her arms around me, as she whispers, “I love you, and I’m so proud of you, but you need to make Colton and the kids understand where you’re coming from, but more importantly, where you’re going.”

  “I love you, too, Mom. Thank you.” Stepping back from her, I turn, addressing everyone at once. “Carson, Carly, and Colton, please go inside and wait for me at the kitchen table. It’s time we get everything out and in the open.” I take a few minutes, getting my thoughts straight and ready to go. I shake off the nervous energy and put my big girl panties on. As I go inside, I hear Carly, yelling at her dad. “Okay, guys. We’re not yelling tonight. We are going to sit down like adults and talk this out.” I let everyone get settled in, before I start.

  “Colton, you need to understand that I will never go back to you. We are done forever. We can’t fix our marriage, because there is no trust here, and I won’t live like that anymore.” He starts to say something, but I hold up my hand. “Please wait until I’m done, and I’ll give you the same courtesy. You have no idea the hurt that you’ve caused me. You should have been honest with me and told me you wanted out, but you didn’t. You chose to cheat not once not twice, but several times that I know of. I need you to know that I don’t hate you. Yes, I’m hurt, disappointed, and disgusted with you, but I’m working on not feeling negatively towards you. Someday, I’ll be there, but that day is not today. The truth is even when I didn’t trust you, I still loved you, but not now. I have my pride and my kids.” I turn to Carson, staring into his eyes, so I know he’s paying attention to me.

  “Son, I love you to the depths of my soul, but you need to have a relationship with your dad. I know he hurt you and let you down, but he is still your dad. I wish I could have my dad back. That just isn’t in the cards for me, so please save your relationship, before it’s too late.” I let out a sigh, because I know this is going to be hard. Carly has such a passion in her, and it can be a curse just as much, as it is a blessing.

  “Carly, you have always been a daddy’s girl, and I’m sorry he hurt you. I wish I could take all the pain away from you, but I can’t. I need you to remember that this is only making you stronger. It’s a lesson on how nobody is perfect, and it will also help you understand what not to accept in a relationship. You should never feel second best or inadequate towards anyone. You are so beautiful and deserve everything. I love you, baby girl.” I look towards Colton, to see if he has anything to say, but he only hangs his head. I know this is hard for everyone, but it needed to be said. I tell everyone goodnight, and then head to my room.

  Two hours later, the kids come into my room, and I can tell they both have been crying. I don’t say anything because there is nothing to say. I simply open my arms for them, as they both climb on the bed with me, and we all lay quietly. Finally, Carson softly asks me, “Mom, what are you going to do, when we are gone?”

  “I will be fine. I have work, and that’s all I really need.”

  “That’s not a life.”

  “I actually got a new job, so we can move to our new house. I only have until the end of June here, so that’s plenty of time for us to get settled in. I know you guys will be at college a lot, but there is still plenty of time to make memories at the new house.” I pause for a minute, letting them take it all in.

  “Also, I wanted to keep this house in case we ever wanted to come back, so Morgan and Molly are going to live here. To our new beginning. I love you guys more than you will ever know.”

  I have conflicted feelings. On one hand, I’m so excited to have this new start, but I’m also going to miss everyone, and more importantly, knowing how the hospital works. We all need to unwind, after this long stressful day, so I make an appointment to get my hair done tomorrow. Afterwards, Carly, Molly, and I are going to do a girl’s day and get Mani’s and Pedi’s done.

  ******

  As I walk into the salon the next day, I hear Clarissa’s voice, and it makes me stop and listen. “She has cut us both off completely from the kids, and she doesn’t even see Caitlyn. My heart is broken. I just want my twin back, but she won’t even listen to me, and if I try to call, she denies it. I just don’t know what else to do. I mean, we didn’t mean to fall in love. It was just supposed to be sex.” Is this bitch for real right now?

  S
tepping around the corner, I decide to confront this drama queen. “You should have never had sex with my husband for one. Two, you lost me, when you got pregnant, while we were married. As for my kids, they are welcome to see you or their dad anytime. They are the ones who choose not to, so don’t blame me for that. I would see Caitlyn, but then, I’d have to see you. I have no desire for you in my life, as I have told you several times, you’re dead to me.”

  “Claire, wait I- I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t mean to fall for him. I just wanted to be you.”

  “Well Clarissa, I guess you got your wish, but you lost your twin in the process. I hope it was worth it.” I turn and cancel my appointment. I’m not staying here with her a minute longer.

  “Claire, I just need my sister back. Colton and I are having problems, and I need someone to talk to.” I stop by the door, listening to her spout this nonsense.

  “Listen, I’m not your person anymore. I could care less, if you and Colton, fell off the face of the earth. Let me make this clear for you one last time. I’m done with both of you.”

  I head outside and get in my car, realizing I feel nothing at all. With a smile on my face, I go to meet my daughter to get pampered. Both girls are already there, so I head inside to get started. Carly gets lavender on both her fingers and toes, and I get passionate pink. Molly goes crazy, getting some type of blood red. I try to question her about the relationship with Morgan, but she diverts the situation.

  “When you are ready, I’m here, and I’ll always by on your side.”

  “I know, babe, but I just have to figure this out. It looks so easy from the outside looking in, but it’s super hard. I’m so scared to make the wrong decision. Hell, I’m scared to make the right decision. I mean, what if it’s right for me and wrong for him or vice versa?”