It begins with goodbye

by R. S James

  “Just breath, Molly. What’s going on in your head? Let’s talk this out.”

  “No, I’m sorry, Claire. Today is about girls’ day and getting pampered. It’s not about my problems.”

  “It doesn’t matter where we are or what we are doing, you are important. I’ll let you have today, but we will be discussing this. I don’t like to see you this way.”

  “I promise, we will. Okay, enough with the sad shit. Let’s go eat, so we can go shopping,” Molly has her fake face on. She knows I can see through it, and I wish she would just tell me know what’s going on. Ugh, I hate when I can’t help someone, but I know she will tell me, when she is ready and not a second before. Knowing I’m not going to get anything else out of her, I let it go for now.

  We get to Olive Garden and eat, and like always, I box up my leftovers for Carson. Once we are done, we go to the mall. Carly goes to the shoes, Molly goes to Victoria’s Secret, and I go to the scrub store, getting fifteen new outfits. I mean, who doesn’t love cute scrubs? I head to find Carly, and she has twelve pairs of shoes picked out. This girl loves her shoes. I decide to grab a pair of Adidas, while I’m here. I need good support for my feet.

  Finally, we make our way to Victoria’s Secret. Molly already has a changing room for me and Carly set up. I reject all of the things, before I even go in. “You get me boy shorts, or I’ll get my own. I will not be working with anything up my ass! Carly, stop laughing. I’m serious.”

  “They match the bras, so I got you all matching sets.” Molly informs me with a serious look on her face.

  “I don’t match my stuff. I just grab whatever I can reach and put it on. Jeez, you know this.” I look up to the ceiling, muttering, “Why do I let her talk me into this shit?” This is not going to end well for one of us. “Molly, you know that I love you, so please, go get me the matching boy shorts, or I’ll walk out with nothing!”

  “Fine,” She screams, letting out a frustrated sigh. I almost feel sorry for her, but she knows me better than anyone. “You know, someday you’re going to find a man to wear matching undergarments for, and you’re going to thank me for showing you this store.”

  “I’m not looking for a man. I have Miggy and Verlander, and they are enough.” I hold my hand up, expressing that I’m done. “We are done having this conversation, right now.” I turn, heading into the dressing room, and a few minutes later, a pile of boy shorts slide under the door. A few seconds later, Molly comes out under the door. I should be shocked, but this is Molly we are talking about.

  “Claire, I love you, and I only want you as happy as you want me. I know Colton and Clarissa really fucked with your head, but please promise you will at least try to be open to the possibility of a relationship in the future?”

  “I don’t know if I can live with that pain again, and I will not live a lie. I can’t be with someone who I feel absolutely nothing for. If someone catches my eye, then I’ll try, I promise. Will you promise me the same?”

  “Yes, I promise.”

  “I promise, too.” Carly says through the wall, making us all giggle.

  “Oh good, because we were worried Xavier isn’t the one.”

  “Oh, shut it. I just wanted to add my two cents in. I love you old ladies.”

  “Okay, now get out whore, so I can try these on, and then, we can get on with our day.” I only try on three sets, and then I’ve had enough. They are all the same size, so I know they will fit. I go out and find Molly and Carly, grabbing their stuff, as I head to the checkout. I pay for everything, as they both bitch, but I just give them a look.

  I head to Bath and Body Works, so I can get my stock of a thousand wishes body wash, lotion, body spray, and hand sanitizer. Carly and Molly both get what they need, and we finally leave the store. Now, we are going to get ice cream, and then go to the movies for the rest of our girls’ night.

  “You ladies will be on your own, as I have a hot date with a very hot guy, who is right there waiting for me.” With a wink, Carly is gone.

  “Man, I remember those days.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I see Morgan standing there too. Well, there goes girls’ night. Looks like it’s just me, myself, and I. “Molly looks like you have a hot date also, chick. Have fun, and please, do something I wouldn’t do!” Carrying everyone’s bags, I make my way to the car, get everything in, and head home.

  Once I get there, I draw a hot bubble bath, put my Spotify on, and then grab my Nook. An hour later, I’m a bit pissed off, because I’m in the middle of Chasing You by Kelly Elliott, and my battery is getting low, and my water is getting cold, so I guess it’s time to get out. First things first, I go into my room and plug in my nook, head back to the bathroom to get dried off, and then put lotion on. Heading back to my room, I climb into bed and start reading. The main guy, Greyson, is so hot, and I feel so bad for what the girl, Megan, went through. If Claire, from the book, were my daughter, I’d beat her ass. I can’t wait for the next book, Loving You.

  I yawn, looking over to the clock. Holy crap. It’s 3:37 a.m. I guess I better get some sleep. I need to get to packing later today.

  Claire

  Two weeks later

  Finally, the day is here, and I get to start my new beginning. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me. I’m leaving a couple days, before the kids. It’s kind of like a vacation. Twenty-one long hours later, I finally pull into my new driveway, and I feel a sense of peace and calm settle over me, as I make my way inside. I notice all the furniture has been delivered and set up, so I go through the place, falling in love all over again. My favorite part is the patio outback with a built-in bookcase. It’s so beautiful here, and I have a great feeling about this place.

  A week later the kids get here, and we have a month, before I start work, and they go back to school. This is amazing, and I’m so glad we decided to move. However, I miss Molly, Frank, Morgan, and Ben. It hasn't been too awkward with Ben, after our night together. He has asked several times for a repeat, but I have denied every time, saying I’d rather just be friends. I haven’t told him he called me Janelle, and I know she holds his heart.

  I look down, seeing that he is calling me again, and I guess I need to face the music. I think I’m just going to be honest with him.

  “Hey Ben. How are you?” We chat back and forth for a bit, before I say, “Listen, I think we need to talk about what happened that night.”

  “Yeah, I know I called you Janelle, and I’m so sorry for that.”

  “I’m sorry, too. It’s also partly my fault, if I would’ve just talked to you. I’m not angry. I just know I can’t be more than friends with you. I’m hoping, when everyone else comes down here, you will as well, and maybe even Janelle can come also.”

  “Sounds good, and I will have to see about Janelle. Shit, I’ve got to run. We just a gotta call. I’ll talk to you soon. Later, love.” Well, that went better than I thought.

  ******

  The next two weeks go by fast, as we all settle in. We absolutely love it here. I also love the hospital I work at. I got called in to come back early, and I couldn’t turn it down. Some days, I go into Springtown, which is the next town over, and work in their ER. A couple of the local doctors have asked me to join in their practices, but I like the fast pace of the ER and helping people, before anyone else gets to, and it’s never the same.

  Carly is also working here part time in the laundry, and she loves it. The hours are flexible, and they work around her track and schooling. Carson and Xavier are working construction, which they love. Their company also works around school schedules. Everyone from back home is coming for a visit in two weeks. I’m so excited, but I’m also nervous, because my mom is coming. I haven’t talked to her, since the kid's graduation party, when I beat the hell out of Clarissa.

  I’ve met a few nice people, since I’ve been here, but none of them are like Molly. However, there is a doctor, over at Springtown, that’s hot. He has
shown interest several times now by asking me out. I want to say yes, but I’m afraid. He makes it a point to talk to me constantly, but with my history, I’m scared. Even though, he is tall and delicious, and I swear he is straight out of one of my books.

  The next week flies by, and then my mom calls, “Hey honey. Is it okay, if I bring Caitlynn with me, when I come down?”

  “Of course, you can. It’s just Clarissa isn’t invited. I moved away for a reason, and she isn’t going to fuck with my life. Actually, you don’t have to leave at all. You can just live here with the kids and me forever.”

  “Please don’t start with that today. I said I’d think about it, and I will, I promise. Now, I gotta go, and I’ll see you guys in a couple weeks. Tell my grandbabies that I love them and you.”

  I have mixed feelings about this. I mean, Clarissa wanted to be me, so why would she let her kid come here? I would never send my kids on vacation without me. Oh well, to each their own I guess.

  The next day Mom calls me again, telling me to look at my email. She sent me a letter that Clarissa wrote, and I need to read it. As much as I don’t want too, I guess I’m a bit curious to see what it says.

  Dear Mom,

  It’s hard to put into words what I’m about to say, but I’m going to try my best. I gave birth to a beautiful little girl that I don’t want. I feel like I should want to keep her, love her, and protect her, but I don’t feel any of those things. I have tried, and everyone said maybe the feelings would come later, but they haven’t, and I want to live without the burden of a child. I know that this makes me sound like a selfish asshole, and maybe I am, but I’m trying to do the right thing here. I want to be able to buy what I want and not worry, if I have enough money for diapers. I want to be able to go and do as I please. I don’t want to have to think, “Did I find someone to watch Caitlynn?”

  You’re a protector, survivor, and a hero. You would give someone the shirt off your back, if it would make them smile. I’m asking you to raise my daughter, as your own. I have all the paperwork, and I want her to be legally yours. I cannot come back in a few years and take her. Colton agrees with me for different reasons. When we started our affair, we didn’t set out to hurt you or Claire. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant, then no one would have ever found out.

  I can’t say I’m sorry it happened because I’m not. However, I’m sorry it hurt Claire. You know the saying, “Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale?” Well, he is my fairytale, and I hope you and Claire can accept this and our relationship. I know we hurt a lot of people, and our beginning isn’t a very good one, but it’s ours nonetheless. Please take care of her and love her like you have loved Carly and Carson. That is all that Colton and I ask of you. We know we have no right to ask this or anything of you, but we feel that you are the best person and the only one we trust for this.

  Love always,

  Clarissa and Colton

  As I sit here, with tears rolling down my face, my heart breaks, because I should have known what was going on with Clarissa. I can’t believe that I shared a womb with her. We have always been complete opposites. I’m the quiet one, because I like to sit at home and read, but Clarissa? She is immature, selfish, and loud, and she just acts like she doesn’t think first. So, the question I ask myself is what do I do? Do I tell mom to raise Caitlynn, or do I tell her that I’ll do it? Will she do it, or will she just give her to someone else? Would she be doing this, if I was still there?

  This was meant to happen. Yes, it’s heartbreaking, but it’s life, which helps us learn lessons. As I sit here with a thousand different things running through my mind, I decide that I’ll help mom raise Caitlynn, as if she were my own, and the first thing I need to do is call and let her know the change in events, and then, I guess I’m going shopping. Oh, I also need my lawyer to look over the paperwork. I think I’ll call Morgan, after I call Mom. I know I was upset in the beginning about them having a child, and I have distanced myself from her, but the thing is she’s completely innocent. It’s not her fault she was born into this mess, so it isn’t my place to shove her aside.

  When I talk to Mom, she is so happy that Caitlynn will be taken care of. She is also thankful that Caitlynn will still be in the family. She was worried about how I would react, after what they did to me, but she is just a child and deserves the best out of life. Morgan has all the paperwork done, and all mom and I have to do is sign the papers, and we will be good.

  Finally, I call Carson and Carly. They both have rooms here, but Carly mostly lives with Xavier, and Carson is staying in the dorms. I invite them over for dinner, letting them read the letter from Clarissa, and then tell them my decision on helping raise Caitlynn with Mom. Carson thinks it’s a prank and wants to make sure everything is legal. He’s afraid that Colton or Clarissa are going to come back and try to take her. I assured him that Morgan has filed all the paperwork, and they will not be able to take her from us now or ever. Carly is baffled and excited to have Caitlynn here with us. However, she is also hurt that two people she believed in ended up hurting both of us for their own selfish desires. She also understands why we are doing this, and they both support us.

  We spend the rest of the evening enjoying dinner and just catching up. Xavier comes over, and when Carly goes to the restroom, he asks for our permission to marry her. Carson and I both agree. He isn’t going to do it tonight, but it will be soon. The ring is beautiful with a diamond oval. It also has a white diamond on each side, and it’s in white gold. The rest of the week is spent getting ready for everyone to visit and working doubles.

  Claire

  It’s been a long two weeks, but today is finally the day I get to see Molly, Frank, Morgan, Ben, and Pete. Mom is coming tomorrow with Caitlynn because she has an ear infection. I have the steaks ready, the potatoes on the grill, and the corn on the cob already started. When everyone gets here, I hug everyone, and we all have tears in our eyes. I’ve missed these people so much.

  We sit around getting caught up on everyone. Pete and Frank have started dating. Of course, Molly and Morgan are still doing whatever they are doing. I don’t think they have put a label on it. Ben brought Janelle, and she seems nice. However, she seems a little pissed at him for whatever reason. I’ll be considering that later tonight. I take everyone to their rooms. Morgan and Molly are rooming, Pete and Frank are rooming, and now, we have Janelle, and she doesn’t like the idea of sharing a room with Ben. I ask if she wants to share with me, and Ben states, “That’s not necessary, unless you have room for me as well.”

  Well, okay then. I guess they will be in the room together. I’ll definitely sleep with earbuds in tonight. I go back downstairs and finish dinner, while everyone unwinds from the long trip. After dinner, we sit around and talk. Carly is falling asleep on Xavier’s lap, so he takes her home. Carson also decides to go home, and everyone else decides to head to bed. That’s good with me because it’s been a very long day.

  I’m sitting in bed reading, when there is a knock on my door. “Come in.”

  Janelle walks in, closing the door behind her. “Is my door in jeopardy of being broken down by Ben?”

  She starts laughing, “No, he was getting in the shower, when I told him I needed to talk to you alone. He asked to come with me, but here I am. So, I’m just going to get this out. I know you and Ben hooked up once, and I’m sorry for how that turned out.” I stop her right there.

  “We’re all adults, and it's not uncommon for the person you are with to have been with other people. It happened, and Ben and I are better suited, as friends than lovers. I hope you and I can become friends as well.”

  “The guy I was seeing hit me across the face, because I wouldn’t have sex with him and his friend in a dance club for everyone to see. When Ben saw what was going on, he took me away, and we haven’t looked back.”

  “Oh, sweetie. Do you want to stay here longer? Is there anything I can do to help you in ano
ther way?”

  “No, thank you. Well, maybe in a different way actually. Ben and I want to get married here, and we are thinking of moving here. I just needed you to know that I don’t want any hard feelings between us.”

  “What happened between Ben and I was never anything serious. I was in a bad place and so was he. We helped each other out, but I knew from the start you held his heart, and it was never going to be mine, nor is mine his. Please, let me know if you need or want help looking for houses or planning the wedding.” We hear footsteps coming down the hall. “Thank you. Maybe tomorrow,” she says, before leaving to go back to her room.

  The next day I get called into work for a regular eight-hour shift. When I get here, I see the hot doctor clocking in. God, it should be illegal to look like that. I swear to all that is holy he has to be at least six feet and five inches of pure muscle. I saw him with a scrub top on one day, and his tattoo goes from his wrist to the underside of his shirt. Oh, what I would give to follow it with my tongue. And his ass, oh yeah, my lady parts are dancing. He has deep green eyes and brown hair that looks like he just rolled out of bed. He also has a beautiful square jaw. Honestly, he is what dreams are made of.

  “Oh, looks like we get to work together again today. Must be my lucky day,” he comments with a smirk.

  “Lucky for you, but me, not so much, because I’m supposed to be on vacation today.” Just then, our pagers go off, and we both run down the hallway to our patient. The day is steady, and we don’t have a lot of downtime. I’ve been here for several hours and haven’t taken a break, and I’m just ready to be home.