The Secret Pleasures of an Earl: (The Valiant Love Regency Romance) (A Historical Romance Book)

by Deborah Wilson

  Pia looked at him then. “She died of a bee sting?”

  He nodded. “I don’t wish the same fate to befall my daughters.”

  “You love them.” She was watching him closely now. Her words had been a question, but he could tell she found the fact hard to believe.

  It seemed he and Pia thought the same of his brother. Sirius had been a cad. No wonder she hadn’t wanted to ride in the carriage with him.

  “I do love them,” Sirius said. Since the day his brother had tried to sell them to Gregory, the old Duke of Van Dero, everything about Sirius’ life had changed. Adam had officially been put to rest the day he took those girls as his own. “And they love me, if you can imagine it.”

  He’d been going for humor.

  And it seemed to work. A soft smile touched Pia’s lips. She was twenty-nine now, yet she didn’t look a day over twenty.

  “How old are they?” she asked. It seemed she’d forgotten her headache.

  “Ten and eight.”

  Her mouth softened more as did her eyes. “You sound very proud.”

  “You will meet them. My mother enjoys watching them. She—”

  “Your mother?” Pia frowned. “I thought Lady Gordie had died.”

  Sirius paused. Lady Gordie had died a few years ago. He’d nearly forgotten that he was not Adam but Sirius. “Georgiana Jones lives with me. I don’t know if you’re familiar with her—”

  Pia shot up. The blanket was forgotten. “Georgiana lives with you?” Her eyes widened. “You’re allowing Adam’s mother to live in your home?”

  He was momentarily surprised by her outburst.

  Pia seemed to recover and shook her head. “Forgive me, it’s just… I thought you didn’t like her. She was the woman who… well… You always gave me the impression…”

  “I know,” Sirius said. “I was… terrible to the woman, but upon her son’s death, I sought her out to pay my respects to my departed brother.”

  Pia frowned as though she didn’t believe him. It was a hard story to believe considering how foul the true Sirius had been to Georgiana, but the current Sirius had had no choice. Adam may have been put aside, but he would not put his mother aside.

  “When I visited Georgiana, it struck me how terrible I’d been to her and Adam all those years ago. Honestly, I was a dreadful man. I’d wronged so many. I’m still surprised by the man I used to be.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I was so ashamed of what I’d done to my brother, I began a friendship with the woman and now she lives with me and I call her Mother.”

  Pia’s eyes grew impossibly wide. Then she began to blink rapidly as though fighting back tears. “That’s… How very kind of you, my lord. I… don’t know what to say. When I heard…” She pressed her lips together.

  He had to stop himself from leaning forward. “When you heard what?”

  She blushed. “When I heard that you’d changed, I wasn’t ready to believe it, but now... I’m starting to.”

  Sirius took a long moment to analyze her words. It was clear now that when they’d met at the coach, she’d believed him to be the old Sirius, but now, only a few hours later, she was smiling at the new one.

  He didn’t know how he felt about her sudden change of heart. A part of him, the Adam part, didn’t want Pia to like Sirius, which was silly since he was Sirius now. Yet it was also Adam who cautioned the new Sirius against falling prey to those violet eyes again.

  But she would be a guest in his home. There was no reason they couldn’t be cordial.

  It was dark when they arrived at the estate.

  “Thank you for hosting me for the next few weeks,” Pia said. “I will try my best not to get in your way.”

  “Like I said, I’ll hardly see you. Only at meals.” The housekeeper and steward were standing at the door. “See that Lady Pia is prepared a room. She shall be our guest for some time.” They immediately got the staff to work, and Sirius turned to Pia. “I will bid you good evening.”

  “Good evening.” She smiled again and then turned when a maid got her attention.

  Sirius purposefully slowed his steps as he left the room, even as his mind urged him to run.

  ∫ ∫ ∫

  0 7

  * * *

  “I do not want her in this house,” Georgiana hissed.

  It had been years since Sirius had seen his mother this upset. He’d come to her private drawing room the next morning to tell her of Pia’s arrival. He’d expected she’d be upset, but Georgiana was pacing with a rage unlike he’d ever seen.

  “Get her out,” Georgiana said. “I won’t have her near you. Not again.”

  “Mama, I am not Adam,” he whispered. “I am Sirius.”

  She walked up to him and grabbed his face in her hands. Tears built in her eyes. “I won’t let her try to kill you again.”

  Sirius frowned and grabbed her hands before placing them on his heart. “She won’t. She was fourteen. That was fifteen years ago. It was likely an accident.”

  “An accident? Then why didn’t she tell anyone? Why didn’t she come get me?” Georgianna ripped her hands back from her son. “I loved her. With all my heart, you know I did, but I am your mother! Do you know what it felt like to find you that night?” She shook her head. “I swear to you, Adam—”

  “Sirius,” he warned. His mother had kept his secret for years, but she was now falling apart at the name of a single little woman.

  “Sirius,” she said. “If you had died underneath that tree… I would have died as well.”

  The words hit his chest violently. He grabbed her shoulders. “Don’t say that.”

  “It’s true.” Tears spilled from her eyes. “You were everything to me. You still are. If you had died, Sirius, I would have laid down beside you and—”

  He grabbed his mother and buried her against his aching heart. He loved her more than breath. She was the strongest woman he knew. Against those who’d never believed in her, who had said she’d never be anything more than a fallen woman, Georgiana had left one of the wealthiest men in their region to start life anew.

  From what Sirius knew, his mother had never taken another lover, not for business nor pleasure. She’d become religious and had asked God to forgive her many numerous sins. Sirius loved her.

  So, to hear her say that she’d have given up if he’d died…

  Her arms went around him. “I’ll not lose you again.”

  “You won’t. Not because of her.” She’d almost lost him a few times in the past. Between fighting and working for the Duke of Van Dero, Sirius led a very dangerous life.

  There was a knock on the door and a maid came in. She was followed by Pia.

  Georgiana pulled away from him and looked at the girl. Her face began to shift, and Sirius feared she’d reveal his secret.

  Yet before either of them could anything, Pia broke. Her face crumbled and then she was rushing across the room and throwing herself into Georgiana’s arms. Her sobs vibrated through the air.

  Sirius felt the surface hairs on his body rise at the onslaught of emotions that filled the room, all of them coming from the small woman who clung to his mother like a life raft.

  Pia lifted her gaze to Georgiana and her words broke him. “I never got to say goodbye. I never got to tell him goodbye.”

  Georgiana looked shocked and then she, too, was weeping and holding onto Pia with all her strength. If one looked at her, they would think Adam was actually dead and not standing just a foot away. But the pain and the tears were real.

  As Sirius’ skin continued to prickle, he felt his own eyes burn. Why? He wasn’t dead. There was no reason either of them should be crying.

  Yet, he couldn’t tell Pia that. She would likely die with that pain.

  He hadn’t even known she’d felt pain, yet evidently…

  Sirius turned away as his heart raced.

  He didn’t understand. She’d left him for dead. Why did she now weep at the thought of him being gone? Was it an act?

&nb
sp; He told himself he should leave. The women deserved time alone, but Adam made him stay. Adam deserved answers, didn’t he?

  Georgiana eventually recovered and took Pia to the couch, facing away from him. There Pia curled close to the woman, wrapping her arms around her middle and leaning onto her shoulder. Again Georgiana was startled, but with gentle confusion, she wrapped Pia into a hug.

  Pia closed her eyes and sighed with contentment.

  He’d forgotten how close Pia had been to his mother. Pia’s own parents had been distant, leaving very few people to care for the girl.

  “I miss him,” Pia whispered.

  Sirius reached out and grabbed the back of a chair to keep himself upright. Then slowly, he dropped into it. He was on the other side of the room. He wondered if the women were even still aware of his presence.

  She missed him. She missed Adam.

  “I miss him, too,” Georgiana whispered.

  Pia pulled away from her and Georgiana gave her a handkerchief. Pia sniffed and smiled. “Can you tell me about him? About everything that happened after you both left?”

  Finally, Georgiana glanced in Sirius’ direction.

  Sirius gave her look of warning. She could speak of whatever she wished, but no one else was to know he was truly Adam.

  Georgiana looked at Pia and smiled. “What do you want to know?”

  “Everything.” She pressed her hands to her chest and the tears built again. “Was he happy? Did he ever find love?”

  Had he been happy? No, but he’d been glad for the freedom he’d given his mother. As for love…

  Georgiana swallowed. “We were… content, but no, I don’t think my son has loved since you.” She glanced at Sirius again.

  Sirius widened his eyes at his mother, telling her to look away. They’d communicated this way before.

  Pia seemed to have forgotten he was in the room, and he wanted it kept that way.

  Georgiana sighed. “You’re just as pretty as I remember. More so.”

  Pia smiled. “So are you. Adam got his hair from you. I always loved his hair.” Her lips trembled as though she would weep again.

  “What about you? Tell me about your life.”

  Georgiana cut her off and Sirius sighed with relief. There was only so much of Pia’s tears that he could stand. “What about you? Tell me about your life.”

  Pia frowned and shrugged. “I married Lord Ginter at my father’s request. He died a few years ago.”

  “I’m sorry to hear it,” Georgiana said. “Was he kind to you?”

  Pia lowered her gaze and shook her head.

  Sirius’ jaw tightened, and he knew that if Lord Ginter weren’t already gone…

  “But honestly, no one could ever compare to Adam.” Pia lifted her eyes. “I waited for him. Did he tell you?”

  She’d waited? For him?

  Georgiana looked surprised. “Yes, I knew of his plans to see you, but he didn’t tell me everything.”

  Pia shook her head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. It was nothing really…”

  “No.” Georgiana stopped her before Sirius could. He was shaking in his own skin. Every word from Pia’s mouth seemed paramount to his existence.

  Why would she have hurt him and then waited for him?

  “It’s all right,” Georgiana said. “You can tell me. Please.”

  Pia shrugged again. “I just… well… he kissed me the day you left, and I thought… I just waited.”

  “But Pia, according to Adam, you pushed him and left him for dead.”

  “What?” Pia straightened. “I didn’t leave him for dead. I saw him move before I left. He looked as though he were getting up.”

  Had Sirius gotten up before she left? He couldn’t remember. He’d been disoriented the entire night.

  “But why push him at all?” Georgiana asked.

  “My father caught us.”

  Sirius sat up in his chair.

  “He raised his cane to strike him,” Pia said. “I pushed Sirius out of the way. I believe his injury was the only reason my father didn’t beat him.” The tears started again. “I didn’t want to leave him. I begged my father to go get help, but he threatened to get the constable instead. He said he’d have him arrested, so I… said nothing. And when I got home, he locked me away. I’m sorry. Oh, God.” Pia’s hands went to her head. “Did Adam think I…? Did he die believing I...? And you...?”

  Georgiana cringed and looked at Sirius again.

  Pia stood and turned to look at him, too.

  Sirius couldn’t move. His heart pounded in his chest. All of his memories from that night were either false or clouded. He’d never known the truth. He’d never known that Pia cared.

  She’d waited for him?

  She’d waited for him, and he never came.

  He was a cad. He should have returned for her. He should have asked. Ten years of friendship and he’d thought the worst of her based on a hazy memory.

  Pia covered her mouth as though just realizing he was still there. “Oh. I…” She turned to Georgiana. “Forgive me. I must…”

  “Pia,” Georgiana called.

  The girl dashed from the room.

  “Sirius, you have to speak to her,” his mother implored.

  He knew, which was why he was already across the room by the time his mother made the suggestion.

  ∫ ∫ ∫

  0 8

  * * *

  Without the maid to guide her, Pia got lost in the halls of the manor. She was unfamiliar with this wing of the house, which held the private apartments of the family. Blinded by tears and trying to coordinate a body riddled with grief, she turned one way and then another.

  “Pia.”

  She spun around and watched Sirius approach. “I have to go. How do I leave?”

  He stood a foot away from her. “Where are you trying to go?”

  “Home. London. I have to go.” Georgiana was here, and she thought she’d tried to kill her son.

  It took great strength for Pia not to fall where she stood. The woman had been so kind to her. Clearly, Adam’s injury had been worse than she’d assumed.

  “I thought you were here to see Gillian.”

  Gillian. She was here to see her friend. Pia shook her head. “I can’t stay here. I’ll stay at an inn. She can come visit me—”

  “She’s in mourning. She cannot leave.” Sirius stepped closer. “You know society’s rules. She is to remain home.”

  “Then what do I do?” She didn’t truly want Sirius’ help. She was lost and in pain.

  She looked up at Sirius and recalled Georgiana’s expression. “You knew what had happened? You thought I’d tried to kill Adam as well.”

  Sirius looked as if he were in as much pain as she was. “I did but not anymore. I believe you.”

  She shook her head. “Adam is gone. He’ll never know the truth.” She buried her face in her hands as another sob racked her body. “He’ll never know. He died believing I hated him.”

  Pia was engulfed in heat and hardness as Sirius suddenly pulled her close. She wanted to pull away, but… people rarely held her. Men rarely held her. Her husband hadn’t. Neither had her father. And Sirius felt so wonderful.

  Which for some reason only made her tears worse.

  He stroked her arms, her back, her cheek. “Pia,” he pleaded, begging her to stop, but he didn’t understand. He would never understand what she’d felt for Adam, what she would always feel.

  But eventually, his tenderness soothed her until the tears fell silently.

  “Papa,” a girl whispered from behind her. “Who is that?”

  Pia stiffened and sank her fingers into Sirius’ jacket, fearing he would turn her around.

  He chuckled. His mouth was still bent close to her ear. The warmth of his laughter tickled her. “She is a friend.”

  A friend? They’d never been friends. They’d been enemies and then they’d been betrothed and then nothing.

  “Why is she cry
ing? What have you done?” another, older girl asked. From her tone, Pia imagined the girl had her hands on her hips.

  “Now, why must her tears be my fault?” There was still a smile in his tone.

  “Yes, Papa wouldn’t make a woman cry,” the younger one said. “He’d make her feel better like he makes us feel better. Hugs make everything better.”

  Pia smiled into Sirius’ shoulder.

  “You are right,” Sirius said as his arms engulfed Pia and pulled her impossibly close. “Hugs make everything better.” His voice dropped to a low murmur.

  Pia shivered. She could feel every part of his solid strength against her curves. The pleasure of it frightened her. She pushed at his shoulders until he let her go and then averted her eyes as she turned to their company.

  The girls were brunette with dark eyes and sharp-angled features. They looked nothing like Sirius, which Pia assumed meant they’d taken after their mother. They were pretty, and the young girl’s smile was one of the warmest she’d ever received.

  “I’m sorry if my weeping disturbed you,” Pia said.

  The eight-year-old stepped forward. “Are you feeling better? Papa’s hugs always make me feel better.”

  Sinewy arms and a rugged breath at her ear filled her mind. She nodded. “I am feeling much better. Thank you.”

  “Why were you crying?” the eldest girl said.

  “I lost a friend a long time ago,” she explained. “I was just reminded of that loss.”

  The girls nodded as if understanding Pia’s every word. Had they lost someone close to them recently? Had they known their uncle Tobias well?

  Sirius moved closer to the group. He touched the eight-year-old’s head in a loving gesture. “This is Babbette. I would say the inquisitive one is Adalina, but they both enjoy asking a question or two.”

  “You have such pretty eyes. How did you get them?” Babbette asked, as if just to support her father’s claim.

  “Babbette,” he chided.

  The girl didn’t even look at him. Her attention was all for Pia.