What Really Matters

by M. A. Innes

  When we’d gotten engaged, his dad had made it clear to both of us that yeah, they’d changed over the years, but the core of who a person was is what counted and not the little things like jobs and hobbies.

  I just wasn’t sure if this was the same thing.

  Climbing into the shower, I pushed the worries out of my head and held on to the good parts. Hunter knew and he hadn’t lost his marbles—or told me I was nuts. He’d helped me frost the cake and then cleaned me up. It wasn’t technically some kind of huge scene, but for us, it was a big step.

  It wasn’t just him acknowledging that theoretically, he was okay with it all...it was him showing me he was trying to understand.

  Big difference.

  I heard a noise from the bedroom so I grabbed the soap and started to wash faster. When I was clean and feeling more awake, I turned off the water and started drying. Hunter wasn’t in the bedroom as I found some sweats and a T-shirt, so after I dressed, I headed downstairs.

  I found him in the kitchen surrounded by too much Chinese food and wearing an I-have-a-secret grin that he didn’t seem to be trying to hide. “How’d you sleep?”

  “Good. I’m starving, though. How long was I out?” All I needed was to be up all night because I’d been asleep for hours.

  “About an hour.” He walked over and gave me a kiss. “You crashed hard.”

  “You wore me out.” I thought he’d leave it at that, but evidently not.

  “You had a lot on your mind. I’m not surprised you needed more sleep.” He reached up and cupped my cheek. “Are you ready to talk about it more?”

  Um, maybe.

  “Do you want to?” Okay, so worst ever answer to a question.

  Hunter laughed. “Yes. But food first.”

  “Sounds good.” Well, eating first sounded better, but I was trying to at least pretend to be confident about discussing it.

  He shook his head and smiled, clearly not believing me, but didn’t press the issue, so I was fine with that. Pointing over to the table, he shrugged. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I grabbed a few things.”

  We were going to have leftovers for days.

  “That’s okay, having stuff to take for lunch this week will be nice.” I didn’t always have time to run out and grab something.

  “That’s what I figured.” Hunter went over to the cabinet and started getting the dishes down. “Do you want to get a plate or did you want me to do it for you?”

  I wasn’t sure exactly what he meant. Forcing myself to ask, the words came out haltingly. “Um, like...just helping me out or...taking care of me?”

  I felt stupid for asking until he started to nod like it was a reasonable question. “Yes, taking care of you. I read online that some littles like having their...” He stumbled over the words for the first time, and I fought not to smile. It was nice seeing that he wasn’t magically confident about the whole thing. “...their daddy or Dom do things to take care of them even outside a scene or play time, but it varied by couple. So what would you like?”

  It was like we’d entered the Twilight Zone.

  “Um...honestly I don’t know.” I wasn’t even sure what to say. And it was starting to get frustrating. I was in PR, for crying out loud. I always knew what to say.

  He nodded like that was reasonable, which just made me more confused. Finally, I asked the question that had been rolling around in my head. “Why aren’t you more freaked out about this?”

  So maybe not the right way to phrase it, but Hunter didn’t seem offended. Smiling, he leaned back against the counter and looked at me with the steady confidence that always made it easier to talk to him.

  “Why aren’t I screaming because you hid things from me, or why aren’t I losing it because you’re curious about something different, or why aren’t I ignoring it, because that would be easier?” He paused, so I nodded.

  “Um, yes to all of that.”

  He set the plates down and walked over to wrap his arms around me. “First of all, none of that would help, and second, it’s not how I feel. Yes, I would have liked you to have been the one to bring it up to me, but I can see why you didn’t. I’m not going to pretend otherwise. As for the other stuff, I don’t know how I’ll feel about all of it, but I’m willing to try. From what I’ve seen online—and that’s not very much—it’s about letting all the adult stuff in your life go for a while and being able to relax completely. Right?”

  I nodded again and pressed closer. “Yes.”

  “With your job and how much you stress and worry, I think it kind of makes sense. You already like to relax and just goof off on the weekends.” His smile turned teasing. “Even getting you to go grocery shopping is hard. So I can kind of see why this appeals to you. It’s like taking the concept of not wanting to adult to the next level.”

  Chuckling, I gave him a kiss. “Basically. I just don’t know what parts of it I’ll end up really liking and what’ll feel right.”

  Just because it was sexy or sweet in a book didn’t mean it’d work out in real life—but I’d liked just the little bit that we’d played with earlier.

  Even though it’d been confusing, it’d felt right.

  “That makes sense.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “We’re going to figure it out together. You don’t have to know right now.”

  “So we’ll...just play with it and see how it feels? For both of us?” That seemed entirely too easy.

  “Yes. We’ll start with the things you know you’re curious about and work from there. If it’s something you like, then we figure out how to work it into our life.” Hunter pointed to the sink. “Like when I washed your hands. That felt good, right?”

  That was easy to answer. “Yes.”

  Hunter grinned, and it was clear to see he was pleased with himself. “So we take that piece and expand on it. Say...a bath, like in your book.”

  I laughed. “You gave me a heart attack when I realized you’d read it.”

  His brows pulled together as he cocked his head. “How did you know?”

  “When you pull the book up on one device, it sees that you read the book on another and then asks you if you want to start the book from there.”

  Hunter chuckled. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just curious. You were hard and hiding the book, so...” He shrugged.

  “So you got nosy?”

  “Yep, and no complaining. You said I could use it whenever I wanted to read.” He’d evidently decided that he was the master of fine print. “So I decided I wanted to take you up on the offer.”

  Couldn’t be pissed when I’d set myself up for it. “Well, what did you think of it?”

  His eyebrows waggled up and down. “I liked the bathtub scene. But starting in the middle was confusing, so I went back to the beginning.”

  The bathtub scene had been hot. “So what part of it did you like?”

  The bubbles?

  The toys?

  The hand job?

  Hunter tightened his grip and grinned. “All of it. How about I run you a bath tonight? I stopped by the store before I got dinner and grabbed some bubble bath and a few things for you to play with.”

  He’d bought me bath toys?

  It was probably ridiculous, but it was the sweetest thing he’d ever done. I blinked back tears and cleared my throat. “Thank you. That sounds like fun.”

  Kissing me tenderly, he nodded. “So we’ll have dinner and relax. Then I’ll give you a bath.”

  I had the perfect husband, and I had a feeling he would be just as perfect as my daddy. “Can I call you Daddy when I’m in the tub?”

  I wasn’t sure if I was teasing or not, but I was mostly curious about what he’d think. Hunter took a second, then gave me a quick peck on the lips. “Only if I get to spank you when you’ve been bad. Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to do that when you cheated at a game?”

  Laughter burst out of me. “Deal.”

  Then his look turned more stern and less teasing. “We’
re going to work on rules for this and a plan, though. If we’re going to have times where I’m not just your husband, but your daddy as well, then I want to do it right. Otherwise, you’ll never be able to let go and see how it really feels.”

  “No half-assing daddying...got it.”

  He laughed. “Good.”

  His hands started absently caressing my waist. “How about we eat in the living room and you can pick something out on TV? It can be something we’d normally watch if you want to, or you can put on a cartoon.”

  “A cartoon?”

  I knew it was a stupid question as soon as it popped out of my mouth, but I couldn't help it. Hunter smiled and nodded. “Yes.”

  “Because we’re going to see how it feels.” I parroted back his words, reminding myself more than him what we were going to do.

  It’d stayed just in my head for so long, talking about it—and even taking little steps—felt strange.

  “That’s what we discussed.” Hunter’s words came out almost like a question, so I nodded, not wanting him to think I was backing out. I was a bit of a chicken, but not that bad.

  It was just weird.

  “Right.” I tried to look more confident. “I’ll find something to watch and you make up the plates.”

  Daddy.

  Daddy was going to make up the plates. I turned the words over in my head and tried to nail down how they felt.

  Not as frightening as I once thought they’d be—but still just as hot.

  “Good. I’ll be right there.” He kissed my forehead again and let his hands drop away.

  Stepping back, I tried not to look nervous and smiled as I headed into the living room. Cartoon or movie? Cartoon or TV show?

  Did I want to watch a cartoon?

  I wasn’t sure.

  Picking up the remote off the side table, I threw myself down on the couch. “It’s a cartoon, not deciding on the fate of the world.”

  As I started flicking through the channels, I was glad we’d gotten talked into the bigger package. We had almost a dozen kids’ channels that I’d never thought about watching. The first couple had cartoons that weren’t interesting, and the next had teen dramas that I wouldn’t torture either of us with. I was beginning to get frustrated when I found one playing Tom and Jerry.

  Smiling, I set the remote down again and cuddled into the couch. I’d loved these shows as a kid. They’d probably been reruns when I’d first seen them, but that hadn’t mattered. When Hunter finally came in, I pointed to the TV excitedly. “Look what I found.”

  He laughed and walked over, setting the plates down on the coffee table. It wasn’t until he moved to sit down on the floor that I noticed what he’d done...what he’d bought.

  “Come eat.” His words startled me, and I turned to look at him. Hunter was just sitting with his plate, pointing at mine like nothing was...different.

  I wasn’t sure what to say.

  “It looks good.” I wasn’t sure if I was talking about the food or the plate, but it might have been both.

  Hunter had said he’d gotten a few things when he’d gone out, and he hadn’t been kidding. He was using one of the same square red plates we’d owned for years, but mine was a kid’s tray with the divided slots and the food separated out. He’d even put my sweet and sour chicken in one part and the sauce in the other so they didn’t touch.

  He’d thought of everything.

  “Thank you.” Sitting up, I moved down to the floor and picked up the spoon that was balanced on the tray.

  He’d picked out all my favorites, but the way they were arranged made me stop and realize how much thought he’d put into it. He’d made sure that everything was either finger food or could be scooped up with a spoon, giving dinner a whole new feeling.

  There was just something about eating it differently than he was that had butterflies going off in my stomach. He really got it.

  I tried some of the rice and then set my spoon down to pick up a piece of the breaded chicken. Dunking it into the sauce, I popped it in my mouth while I watched Jerry turn the tables on Tom and start chasing him around the yard.

  Maybe it should have been awkward or felt wrong, but after a few minutes, I didn’t even think about it. It wasn’t a typical dinner for us, but all the familiar pieces were there...just put together in a new way. Daddy had made me dinner and let me watch cartoons. There was nothing else to worry about and nothing I needed to do. He was going to handle it all and seemed to enjoy doing it.

  When we were finished, he kissed the top of my head and then took our plates to the kitchen. As I watched the last few minutes of the show, he came back out. “Hands, baby.”

  “Huh?” Glancing away from the TV, I wasn’t sure what he meant.

  Reaching for my hands, he started wiping them down with a damp paper towel. “Do you want a piece of your cake now?”

  “Yes, please.” I just watched as he methodically, like there was nothing to it at all, cleaned the remains of the sweet and sour sauce off my fingers. Giving my face a quick once-over, he nodded and went back into the kitchen.

  Just like it was nothing.

  Nothing shocking.

  Nothing weird.

  He’d cleaned me up like it was what he was supposed to do to take care of me. There was still a confused little voice in the back of my head that kept trying to ask if it was weird, but a bigger part didn’t care.

  When he came back out with the cake, the plates were balanced in his hands, but there was also a sippy cup tucked to his chest and braced by one arm.

  A bleeping sippy cup.

  No cursing if I was little. Right?

  Hunter set his plate down and then gave me mine along with the cup full of milk. It had baseballs and footballs on the outside, along with mitts and bats and helmets. I reached for it slowly and turned it around in my hand, watching it with entirely too much surprise.

  I knew what it was.

  I knew why he’d gotten it.

  I just hadn’t expected it.

  “Thank you for the cup.” Daddy. I wanted to say it, but the word just wouldn’t come out.

  If I was teasing him or flirting or just being outrageous to get a reaction, I could have done it, but this wasn’t the same. A “Spank me, Daddy; I’ve been bad” wasn’t the same as “Thank you for my cup, Daddy.”

  Hell if I knew why, though.

  Shit. Cursing.

  Shit. I was probably going to end up getting spanked for that.

  That shouldn’t sound so hot.

  Hunter started eating his cake. The way his face lit up, I could tell it was good...and that he seemed proud of me, which had my stomach whirling again. “It’s delicious, baby. You did a good job.”

  “Thank you.” I wasn’t sure why I felt a blush climbing up my face, but I turned to look at the cup again anyway.

  But that really didn’t help much.

  I wouldn’t lie and say I hadn’t been curious about a cup like that. I’d even browsed around sippy cups and bottles online trying to imagine if it would be just like the books, but I’d never bought any. But there it was. I could feel Hunter’s gaze on me, even though he was trying to focus on his cake. I couldn’t blame him; I’d have been curious too.

  For him, I knew it was more about what I liked and responded to rather than just for curiosity’s sake, but it was still awkward. Not sure what to do, I set it down and reached for my spoon. Hunter was right, the cake was delicious. I wasn’t even going to pretend to be modest. It’d turned out perfect. It was tender and moist and the icing was sweet but didn’t overpower the cake.

  Hunter chuckled as I dug into the masterpiece I’d created. But as I kept eating, I started to get thirsty. Quick glances at the cup turned into longer stares as I kept taking bites. Finally, I gave in. Setting my spoon down, I slowly picked up the cup, trying to make it look like it was an everyday occurrence.

  Nothing to look at here. Just a guy picking up his sippy cup.

  It was still cool from the mil
k and I could feel the pictures against my fingers, but what drew my attention was the top. I wanted to pretend everything was fine, and it didn’t matter what Hunter thought, but there was no way to keep up the pretense. As I brought the cup to my mouth, I glanced over at him.

  He was smiling and gave me a nod as I wrapped my lips around it. Tilting my head, I sucked and felt the first trickle of milk. Hunter reached over and started running his hand over my head as I drank, not saying a word.

  I had to focus to get the liquid through the holes, but it was more relaxing than frustrating. The cartoons in the background and the way Hunter was still making the long, soothing strokes over my head probably had something to do with it too. There was so much going on that I wasn’t sure I could pinpoint my reaction to just one thing, but it was probably something I needed to figure out. Just not yet.

  When I’d had enough milk, I set the cup down and went back to finishing my cake. Hunter kept up the occasional caress as we finished, but he seemed more focused on me than the dessert. As I ate the last bite, he stood and bent over to kiss my forehead again.

  “Okay, baby, when your cartoon is done it’ll be bath time.” All I could do was nod as he picked up the plates and my cup and headed back to the kitchen.

  Scooting back from the coffee table, I leaned against the couch and tried to watch the last few minutes of the show, but it was almost impossible. I was going to get a bath. Tom and Jerry couldn't compete with that.

  Chapter 6

  Hunter

  When I’d pictured the moment, I’d thought I would be the nervous one. But as I started stripping Zac’s clothes off of him, I had a feeling he had me beat. It had been almost impossible to picture myself steady and confident as I’d stood in the store in front of the bath toys, but now that it was actually happening it felt...simple.

  I just had to take care of Zac.

  It probably wouldn’t stay that simple, but for now, I wasn’t going to make it more complicated. There would be time for that as I read more and we talked about what he wanted, but as I eased his shirt over his head, it wasn’t hard or weird.