Phoenix Resurrected

by Oliver T Spedding

Pocket Power’s odds of one to three on made it impossible for me make enough from my ten thousand dollars and I resolved that if my final choice was Pocket Power I would repay the loan to Rocky together with the interest that had accrued during the three days that I had the loan and wait for another opportunity. But I became more and more convinced that Big City Life was going to win. His form, jockey and trainer all indicated that he was the horse to back. I decided to back the horse with the ten thousand dollars and, worried that his odds would shorten, I went to the betting hall and placed my bet, spreading it amongst the five book makers so as not to attract attention.

  By the time Saturday the twenty sixth arrived I was a nervous wreck but I kept assuring myself that I’d done all my homework on the race and Big City Life would win. In the morning I went with Cindy to buy groceries.

  “What’s wrong with you, Garth?” she asked as we walked home. “You’re as taut as a banjo string!”

  “Nothing.” I replied. “I’m just a little worried that I still haven’t been able to find a job. I can’t live off a hundred and fifty dollars a day.”

  “Well, something will come along.” Cindy said. “The country’s doing well. You’re bound to find something soon.”

  No sooner had we got home than Cindy’s cell phone rang. I went into the kitchen to get a beer. I stood staring out of the kitchen window trying to relax. Cindy came into the room.

  “That was my mom.” she said. “Earlier this morning my father began complaining of pains in his chest so he went to the hospital for a check-up. The doctor’s decided that he needed to stay there overnight so that they could keep him under observation. So I’m going to visit my mom this afternoon while my father’s not there.”

  “Okay.” I said. “I’m going to stay here and watch sport on television.”

  An hour later Cindy left to visit he mother. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was becoming more and more difficult for me to stay calm and relaxed. I took some beers and a packet of peanuts into the lounge and settled down on the couch in front of the television. The time dragged by. I found it impossible to concentrate. My mind raced from one thing to another as I tried to stop myself from thinking about the big race to come and by the time it started I had drunk eight beers. My mind was a little fuzzy but as the horses broke from the starting gates it became clear and alert.

  By the halfway mark it was still anyone’s race and Pocket Power looked sluggish. Big City Life was in the pack but looking good. Gradually the horses settled into a more spread-out pattern and with two hundred metres to go the leading horse, Alvaro, led Pocket Power by about a length. Suddenly Big City Life started to move up and with less than a hundred metres to the finish line my horse had narrowed the gap between it and Alvaro to half a length. Then, just as Big City Life got ahead of Alvaro, Pocket Power surged forward and together the two horses passed the leader.

  I jumped up from the couch, spilling my beer onto the carpet. Pocket Power and Big City Life were neck-and neck and then, to my horror, Pocket Power surged ahead to beat Big City Life by half a head. I blinked my eyes in disbelief as I realised what had happened. My horse had lost. The money I’d borrowed from Rocky Bogdanovic was gone. Ten thousand dollars down the drain. And I had three days in which to find the first instalment of one thousand dollars and the interest for the first week, also one thousand dollars. I stared blankly at the television screen as Pocket Power was led into the winner’s circle, trying desperately to convince myself that this was all a dream and that I would wake up from the nightmare at any moment. But it wasn’t a dream. I had lost.

  ***

  “Your Honour.” my attorney, Paul Greave, said addressing Judge Warren Bester. “Once more I would like Garth Gilmore to step down from the witness stand and bring back Cindy Bedford.”

  “You may.” the judge said, nodding his head.

  CHAPTER 9

  I sat down on the witness stand. James Foster smiled at me.

  "Cindy." he said. "Please tell the court what happened when you got home on the day that you discovered that Garth Gilmore had borrowed ten thousand dollars from a money lender and then lost it all betting on the horses."

  ***

  I closed the front door and glanced into the lounge. Garth sat slumped on the couch staring vacantly at the television screen in front of him. Empty beer cans were scattered across the carpet and lying on the couch next to him. The smell of spilt beer filled the air. I put my handbag down on the small table near the front door and walked into the lounge. Garth continued to stare at the television set.

  “Hi.” I said. “You seem to have a good afternoon.”

  I pointed to the empty beer cans.

  Garth stared up at me briefly, frowning slightly as his bleary eyes struggling to focus.

  “I’ve had a terrible afternoon.” he muttered. “But I don’t want to talk about it now. Maybe later this evening.”

  “Okay.” I said. “Can I get you another beer or would you like something to eat?”

  “Neither.” Garth said. “Just leave me alone. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I left the lounge and went to the kitchen and began getting the ingredients for our supper together. What did Garth mean when he’d said that he’d had a terrible afternoon? And he’d looked very drunk, something I’d never seen him do before. There must have been at least twelve empty beer cans lying around him. Had he started gambling again and lost money that wasn’t his? I sighed. I would just have to be patient. If I tried to quiz Garth now I would only succeed in angering him.

  I deliberately delayed the evening meal to give Garth time to sober up. The fact that he’d said that he would talk to me later about what had happened that afternoon worried me. Garth was usually so secretive and getting him to talk about anything was extremely difficult. But now he had offered to talk. I heard him leave the lounge and go into the bathroom. He closed and locked the door. I went to the lounge and quickly gathered up the empty beer cans and the empty peanut packet. I returned to the kitchen and threw them into the rubbish bin. Garth came out of the bathroom and walked into the kitchen.

  “Are you ready to eat?” I asked.

  Garth nodded and sat down at the kitchen table. I served the meal and sat down. Garth picked up his fork and began toying with the food while I ate. I finished my meal and looked up at Garth.

  “Aren’t you hungry?” I asked.

  “No.” Garth replied.

  “What’s troubling you, Garth?” I asked. “You said earlier that you’d had a terrible afternoon. What happened?”

  “Cindy.” Garth said quietly. “I’ve done something that’s got me into big trouble.”

  I stared across the table at Garth.

  “I borrowed some money from a money lender and used it to bet on the horses.” Garth continued, staring down at the plate of cold food in front of him.”

  “You lost the money.” I said.

  Garth nodded, still staring at the food in front of him.

  “Yes.” he said. “I was so sure that the horse that I’d backed would win. I’d analysed the horses, jockeys and trainers very carefully. To me this was a chance to make a lot of money. I was desperate. I know that I’m not going to find a decent job. The horse lost by half a head. Do you know how close that is?”

  I stared at Garth. I could clearly see the frustration and shame that he was experiencing.

  “How much did you borrow?” I asked.

  “Ten thousand dollars.” Garth whispered.

  A feeling of depression fell over me like a suffocating cloak.

  “When do you have to pay it back?” I asked.

  “The first instalment with the interest is due on Wednesday.” Garth said.

  “How much?”

  “Two thousand dollars.” Garth said.

  I looked down at the empty plate in front of me as I tried to put into perspective what Grant had just told me. Two thousand dollars wasn’t as much as I’d expected.

  “Do you have to pay it on Wednes
day?” I asked. “Can’t you pay it on Friday? I’ll be getting my pay of Thursday and we can draw the two thousand dollars in cash on Friday morning.”

  Garth shook his head.

  “You have no idea of what kind of bastard I’m dealing with.” Garth said. “This man is as hard and as cold as ice. He won’t accept a late payment, even if it’s a minute late.”

  “What will he do if you don’t pay on time?” I asked.

  “Firstly, the whole debt plus the interest will become due immediately.” Garth said. “And if I can’t pay that he’ll send his goons around here. They’ll probably beat me up first and then take all the furniture in the house. I had to put it up as surety.”

  The cloak of depression grew heavier.

  “Go and speak to the man, Garth.” I said. “What have you got to lose? Tell him we’ll pay the first instalment and the interest on Friday. Surely two days can’t make that much difference.”

  Garth sighed.

  “Okay.” he said. “I’ll go and speak to him on Monday morning.”

  ***

  On the Monday I tried several times during the day to contact Garth on his cell phone but for some or other reason he’d switched it off. I fretted through the day struggling to concentrate on my work. When four thirty finally arrived I hurried home. I found Garth sitting in the lounge. His left eye was badly bruised and so swollen that his eye had been reduced to a slit. The left side of his jaw was also red and badly swollen. I sat down on the couch next to him.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “I went to see Bogdanovic as I said I would.” Garth said. “The moment I asked for an extension of my first instalment he flew into a rage. He swore at me and threatened to have me beaten up. I tried to explain that I would be able to pay the instalment on Friday but he wouldn’t listen. When I got angry he called in two of his thugs. They hauled me out of the chair that I was sitting in and, while the one held me, the other one hit me. They were much too strong. I was helpless. Then Bogdanovic told me that if I didn’t pay the first instalment and the interest on Wednesday, not only would he take all the furniture in the house, he would also have his guys beat me up so badly that I’d be in hospital for six months.”

  “But they can’t do that!” I said.

  “Cindy.” Garth said. “These people are gangsters. They’re not afraid of the law. They’re a law unto themselves. Believe me; they won’t hesitate for a second to hurt me and possibly you as well. They’re vicious bastards!”

  We sat in silence. I car hummed past in the street. A dog began barking a few houses away. Children laughed as they played in the street nearby.

  “I’ll borrow the two thousand dollars from the company.” I said. “They can take it off my salary on Friday.”

  “Will they do that?” Garth asked.

  “I don’t know.” I said. “Otherwise I’ll take the money out of the cash that that I get from the early shift cashiers when they come to cash in their takings for the day. Nobody will notice as I’m the only person who handles the cash. Then I’ll alter the total on the deposit slip and on Friday I’ll add the cash back into that day’s total. The cash total in my books for the week will then balance with the total deposited for the week. . If anyone queries it I’ll say that I added up the money incorrectly on the Tuesday and when I noticed the mistake I rectified it on Friday.”

  “Okay.” Garth said. “But just be careful. Are you sure that nobody will notice the incorrect total?”

  “Yes.” I said. “I’m the only one in the office that works with the cash and nobody ever checks my totals.”

  The following day when all the cashiers on the early shift had brought me their takings, I totalled the amount, put two thousand dollars into my handbag and filled in the reduced total on the deposit slip. On Friday morning I would replace the two thousand dollars and add it to that day’s total. The week’s takings in my book would then balance with the total deposited.

  When I got home I gave the money to Garth.

  “Garth.” I said. “Please promise me that you’ll take the money straight to Mister Bogdanovic first thing tomorrow morning.”

  “I promise.” Garth said.

  I went to work on the Wednesday, sick with worry. What if, instead of taking the two thousand dollars to Mister Bogdanovic, Garth used the money to bet on the horses? Being a Wednesday there would be a race meeting that afternoon. He had promised me that he would go straight to the money lender and pay the instalment, but then, he’d also promised some time ago that he would stop gambling. I tried to call him on his cell phone but, once again, it was switched off. Then, just before my lunch break, Misses Hawkins, my immediate boss, called me into her office.

  “Sit down, Cindy.” she said pointing to one of the visitor’s chairs.

  I sat down trying desperately not to panic.

  “Cindy.” Misses Hawkins said quietly. “You’ve been working here for just over a year now and we’ve been very pleased with your work. However, yesterday the total takings that you entered into the deposit book didn’t tally with the total takings recorded by the teller’s cash registers. It was two thousand dollars short. As I’m sure you know, all the cash registers are linked to the central computer which collects the total takings for the day from each one, deducts their floats, and gives us a total for all their takings.”

  My whole body went cold. It had never occurred to me that the cash registers were all connected to the main computer although it was now obvious to me that they would be. That was why I never saw anyone checking my work. They didn’t have to. The main computer did that for them. As there had never been a discrepancy in the past I had never been aware of the main computer’s function.

  “What happened to the missing two thousand dollars?” Misses Hawkins asked.

  I stared down at the carpet at my feet, sickened by the realisation that I had just ruined my whole future. Hesitantly I told Misses Hawkins the whole story.

  “Oh, Cindy.” Misses Hawkins said quietly. “Why didn’t you come and speak to me first? I could easily have arranged for the company to lend you the money.”

  “I didn’t think that the company would lend me money to pay off my boy friend’s gambling debts.” I whispered.

  “Cindy. You’re a valued employee of the company with an impeccable record.” Misses Hawkins said. “It’s none of our business what our employees do with any money that we lend them.”

  As I sat staring at the carpet, I felt tears well up in my eyes and begin the trickle down my cheeks. I wiped them away angrily with my forearm.

  “I really wish that I could help you, Cindy.” Misses Hawkins said. “But Checkers is a huge public company and it has very strict rules about theft by its employees. And what you’ve done amounts to theft, regardless of the fact that you intended to pay the money back. The company cannot change its policies or make exceptions. All I can do is try to persuade Mister Botha not to lay a charge of theft with the police. If he agrees, he will have no alternative but to dismiss you with immediate effect, deduct the two thousand dollars from your salary for this month and pay back the contributions that you’ve made into our pension fund. But you will leave here without any reference and you’ll be black-listed in the retail industry.”

  I nodded and stood up. Misses Hawkins came around her desk and put her arm around my shoulders.

  “I’m going to miss you, Cindy.” she said quietly. “You’ve been a pleasure to work with. Please learn from what has just happened. We all make mistakes, especially when we’re young, but the important thing is to learn from our mistakes.”

  I returned to my little office and began to pack my few belongings into a small cardboard box. Then I sat down at my desk and waited, not knowing what to do. About an hour later Misses Hawkins came into the cubicle.

  “As I thought, Mister Botha was very sympathetic but he can’t change company policy.” she said. “He won’t be laying a charge of theft against you so here’s your dismissal notice and your
cheque for this month’s salary plus your pension fund contributions less the two thousand dollars. I’m really sorry that it had to end this way. Take care and good luck.”

  Misses Hawkins touched me gently on the shoulder and walked away.

  I had experienced depression many times in my life; after each assault on me by my father, after each sexual abuse and after the manager of the department store had forced me to perform oral sex on him. But I had never felt such deep depression as I felt that Wednesday afternoon as I walked back to Garth’s house after having been fired from Checkers. I found it difficult to believe that I had been so stupid as not to realise that all the teller’s cash registers would be linked to the main computer.

  I also berated myself for not having had the courage to approach Misses Hawkins with my problem. But I just hadn’t had the confidence to believe that my problems could mean anything to others. I had simply assumed that any request for a loan from the company would be rejected. But Misses Hawkins had said that I was “a valued employee of the company”. Could I really have been seen as someone of value? I had always seen myself as someone that other people used to serve their own purposes and that they regarded me with disdain. And I had always assumed that I was helpless to change this.

  My depression was deepened still further by my feelings of helplessness. Throughout my life I had constantly felt that I was incapable of changing the course of my life; that I was destined to be manipulated and used by people more knowledgeable than I was. Even though I realised that my helplessness was the result of my innocence and lack of experience and knowledge I knew of no way to change this. My lack of self-confidence prevented this. And even though I knew that I needed to change my self-image I had no idea about how to do this. If only I could convince myself that I was a capable person; a person with value who could achieve by not fearing failure.

  Perhaps my father had been right all along when he said that I was useless and incapable of looking after myself. What had just happened to me seemed to indicate this. I cursed myself for being so stupid and so helpless. And if I was so helpless why hadn't I asked Misses Hawkins to help me? Because I believed that I was too insignificant. Misses Hawkins was a busy person with lots of responsibilities. Why would she spend some of her precious time helping me with my silly problems? But then her words "you're a valued employee of the company" came back to me again. Was she simply being kind when she said that so as to ease my pain? Probably. And would anyone at Checkers even notice that I was no longer there? I doubted it.