Phoenix Resurrected

by Oliver T Spedding

  Misses Hawkins had been right when she said that we all make mistakes because we’re human and that we should learn from our mistakes. What she had meant was that it was only by making mistakes that we really gained experience. Obviously she wasn’t talking about silly mistakes that could easily have been avoided by using common sense. But I knew that I didn’t have the courage to test my capabilities. I had to convince myself that failure was part of growing up. But if one didn’t learn from one’s failures there would be no progress. Every failure had its reasons and I had to find those reasons and correct them.

  My immediate problem though, was to help Garth out of his predicament. I had grown to love him dearly and, even though he continued to display indifference towards me, I knew in my heart that he would eventually change. Like me, he had also experienced the horrors of abuse and as a result had built walls around himself for protection. And, I imagined, a large part of that wall was the fear of showing emotion. I also struggled with this fear but I believed that, as a woman, I was more capable of overcoming it. Emotions seemed to play a much bigger part in women’s lives than it did in men’s lives.

  But how could I help Garth now that I was unemployed? I wondered if I could persuade him to go to the Child Welfare Department and tell them of the trouble he was in and ask them for help. Did I have the right to do this though? Wouldn’t he accuse me of interfering in something that didn’t concern me? Would he become angry and draw further away from me as a result? The old familiar feeling of helplessness descended on me. I could feel my anger towards myself growing within me. Coupled with this was my overwhelming frustration at my inability to find a solution. If only there was someone that I could turn to for help and advice. But there was nobody.

  I was greatly relieved when I reached home and Garth assured me that he’d paid the two thousand dollars to Mister Bogdanovic and that he now had a week in which to find one thousand nine hundred dollars to pay the second instalment. I had been frantic with worry that he might use the money to gamble on the horses in the hope of winning enough money to pay back the whole loan.

  “What will you do now?” I asked as we sat at the kitchen table.

  “I don’t know.” Garth replied. “How much will you be able to contribute towards the repayments?”

  “I won’t be able to contribute anything.” I said. “I’ve got bad news. I’ve been fired. My boss found out about the two thousand dollars that I took from the cashiers’ takings. So now I’m unemployed.”

  I had thought that Garth would express some sympathy towards me but once again all he showed was indifference.

  “I thought that might happen.” he said. “But you seemed so sure that they’d never find out; so I let you carry on.”

  “I suppose, now that I can’t contribute towards our living expenses you’ll want me to leave.” I said.

  “No.” Garth said. “Anyway; where would you go? Surely not back to your parents.”

  “No.” I said. “The only thing that I can do is try to find another job.”

  “That would help.” Garth said. “What kind of job will you look for?”

  “At this stage; anything.” I said. “I could start by trying to get a job as a waitress or as a bookkeeper in a small company. There’ll probably be a lot of ads in the smalls section of The Herald newspaper.”

  Even though I had expected it, Garth’s indifference towards what had happened to me jolted and hurt me deeply. But again, I came to his defence. The abuse that he’d suffered as a child had surely caused him to reject any type of emotion except for anger and hatred. Emotions like sympathy and love were a weakness to him. But I strongly believed that, with time, he would overcome this lack of empathy. Until then, I was prepared to live with it.

  Garth stood up from the table and went to the fridge. He took out a beer.

  “Would you like one?” he asked holding out the can.

  “Yes, please.” I said. After what I’d been through I needed a drink.

  Garth opened the can and handed it to me. He took out another beer for himself, opened it, and sat down at the table.

  “The immediate problem is to find the money to pay the next instalment.” he said.

  I took a deep breath.

  “May I make a suggestion?” I asked.

  “Sure.” Garth said.

  “Before I do, Garth, I want you to understand that I’m only trying to help.” I said. “If you think that I’m interfering then please say so. I don’t want to make you angry.”

  “Go ahead.” Garth said.

  “Garth. As I understand it, you’ve still got enough money in your investment account to pay back the money to Mister Bogdanovic, as long as you pay it back now.” I said trying to keep my voice from trembling. “If you did that you would save thousands of dollars in interest and you’d be free of the man.”

  Garth shook his head.

  “I can’t do that.” he said. “It wouldn’t work. Firstly, I would be too embarrassed to tell the Child Welfare people that I’d lost the money through gambling, especially as I’d assured them that I would stop gambling. And secondly, I don’t think that they would help me. If I went to them now they’d laugh at me.”

  “I don’t think that they’ll laugh at you.” I said. “If you go to Misses Phillips and admit that you’ve made a mistake and tell her the truth and show her how much money would be saved if you paid back the loan now, I’ve no doubt that she would understand. After all, she’s a human being and she’s also a trained children’s counsellor. Besides, what have you got to lose? If she doesn’t agree to help you, you won’t be any worse off than you are now. And I believe that she will help you. It’s her duty to help you.”

  “No.” Garth said stubbornly. “I just can’t do it.”

  “So, what are you going to do?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.” Garth said. “But I’ll think of something.”

  There were several job offers in THE HERALD newspaper smalls, but one of them in particular seemed most suitable as far as my qualifications went. It was a small retail dry-cleaning business in the suburb of Windhoek West and only five city blocks from where I was living. The owners of the business were looking for a young enthusiastic person with a basic bookkeeping knowledge. The advertisement gave only a street address.

  From the information in the advertisement I deduced that the business probably didn’t have a computer system and that everything was done manually. I also guessed that the business dealt mainly in cash and that the work would involve keeping records of the cash inflow, banking the money and paying accounts as they fell due. I would also probably have to keep a ledger.

  Fearing that the job would be taken before I got there, I walked to the address given in the advertisement early the next morning. The shop was already open when I got there because, I assumed, many of their customers probably dropped off their clothing on the way to work. I stepped into the shop and approached the elderly woman standing behind the counter.

  “I’m here to apply for the job advertised in THE HERALD newspaper.” I said. “Has it been filled yet?”

  “No, it hasn’t.” the woman replied. “You’re nice and early and, to me, that’s a good sign. I just need to call my husband to take over from me here.”

  The woman disappeared through a door behind her and returned a short while later accompanied by an elderly man wearing a brown suit.

  “My husband will attend to the customers while you and I talk.” the woman said. “Please come into the back office.”

  I walked round the counter and followed the woman into the office. It was surprisingly large with three wooden desks arranged along one wall, a row of four steel filing cabinets along another wall and a small wooden table with a kettle and a coffee percolator against the third wall. A small white enamel washbasin with a towel hanging from a rack above it was fasted to the wall in one corner and several large colourful calendars hung behind the desks. Two long fluorescent lights hummed quietly on the ceili
ng above the desks. The room had a pleasant homely atmosphere.

  The woman walked to the centre desk and sat down, pointing to the visitor’s chair in front of it.

  “Please sit down.” she said and while I made myself comfortable she arranged some papers on the desk top. She looked at me and smiled.

  “I’m Misses Whiteside.” she said. “The man that took my place at the counter is my husband. We’ve been running this business for just over twenty five years but, because my eyesight is troubling me, we decided that we needed someone who can look after the accounts and do the books for us. As you can see, we don’t use computers but I guess that sometime we’ll have to start using them. Do you have any experience with computers? Oh, I am sorry! I haven’t even asked your name.”

  Misses Whiteside was probably in her early sixties with shortish white hair and very thick black-rimmed spectacles. She was thin and her face was deeply wrinkled. Her pale blue eyes were lively and friendly.

  “My name’s Cindy Bedford.” I said. “I have a Grade ten basic bookkeeping diploma and I’ve got a year’s experience dealing with cash, mainly using computers.”

  “That sounds like just what we’re looking for.” Misses Whiteside said. “Are you married?”

  “No.” I replied.

  “That’s good.” Misses Whiteside said. “As you can see, we’re a small business so you’ll be required to help with a few other chores such as typing a few letters and running errands such as collecting the post each morning. As you can see this is only our collection and dispensing depot. The factory where the cleaning and pressing of the clothes is done is in the industrial area of Steeledale. There, we have a staff of six workers plus a supervisor. We also have an industrial laundry there where we wash and iron pillowslips, sheets and curtains for some of the hotels in Johannesburg.

  "So, one of your main tasks will be to keep a daily record of the cash that we take in, place it in the safe each evening and on Friday mornings total it all, pack it in the correct denominations, make out a bank deposit slip and give it all to my husband to take to the bank. You will also have to make a breakdown of the weekly wages for our staff and give it to my husband on Friday mornings so that he can deposit the takings and draw the money for the wages at the same time. He normally takes the money to the bank in an ordinary plastic shopping bag. Criminals don't expect people to carry money in plastic shopping bags. They expect them to use briefcases. But we won’t ask you to take the cash to the bank. It’s too dangerous for a woman. My husband will do that. Would you be prepared to do all that?”

  “Yes.” I said. “What hours would I have to work?”

  “Weekdays from eight in the morning until five in the afternoon with an hour’s lunch break from twelve to one and fifteen-minute tea breaks at ten in the morning and at three in the afternoon.” Misses Whiteside said. “And, as we deal with the public and Saturdays are our busiest days, we would want you to work from eight to twelve on the last Saturday of each month to get the books up to date for the end of the month. We don’t have a company pension fund but you can arrange your own through an insurance company.”

  I nodded.

  “As far as a salary is concerned, I’m afraid we can only offer you three thousand five hundred dollars a month. As I said, we’re a small company but you’ll find the working conditions here very pleasant.” Misses Whiteside said.

  The salary was only two thirds of what I had been earning at Checkers and they had also contributed to my pension fund but I liked Misses Whiteside and I felt sure that I would be happy working with her and her husband. Afraid that I might not find a better job, I decided to accept. If, later, I was unhappy here, I could always resign. Right now though, the job seemed a blessing.

  “I’m happy with what you’ve offered me, Misses Whiteside.” I said. “If you’re satisfied with what I can do, when would you want me to start?”

  “I’m very satisfied with what you’ve told me and I think you and I will get on very well.” Misses Whiteside said with a smile. “We’d like you to start as soon as possible. Could you start this coming Monday?”

  “Yes.” I said.

  “Great! Then you’re hired.” my new boss said.

  ***

  Garth hardly reacted to the news that I’d found a job. I found him sitting at the kitchen table drinking a mug of coffee. I poured a mug for myself and sat down at the table opposite him.

  “I got the job with Ace Dry Cleaners.” I said. “The pay’s quite a lot less than what I was getting at Checkers but the atmosphere is pleasant and I think I’ll be happy working with Misses Whiteside, the wife of the owner. They don’t use computers so I’ll be doing all the work manually. I’m really quite excited.”

  “That’s nice.” Garth said, taking a sip of his coffee.

  “What about you?” I asked. “Have you found anything worth going to an interview for?”

  “Nothing yet.” Garth said.

  “What are you going to do about the next instalment that’s due next week?” I asked. “Have you thought about going to see Misses Phillips? I’m sure that she’ll be understanding.”

  “I can’t do it.” Garth said. “I know that she’ll be angry and possibly cut my allowance even further.”

  “Would you like me to speak to her?” I asked. “I think that I can explain what happened in a way that will get her understanding. And if I can, you’ll save a lot of money by paying back the loan quickly.”

  “Not yet.” Garth said. “I want to see if I can get out of this difficulty on my own. I got a few ideas that I’m working on but they may take a little time to implement. Will you be able to contribute to paying the next instalment if I don’t find a solution in time?”

  “Yes.” I said. “My cheque from Checkers was just over three thousand dollars after they’d taken off the two thousand that I’d taken from them. So, after I’ve paid you my monthly contribution to the household expenses of eight hundred dollars, I’ll still have enough left to cover the next instalment.”

  “Okay.” Garth said. “But we may not need it if I can come up with my own solution.”

  A short while later Garth left the house, not telling me where he was going or when he would be back. I poured myself another mug of coffee and went into the lounge and sat down on the couch. The room was cool and quiet. I felt pleased and excited that I’d found a job so quickly but Garth’s apathy continued to worry me. The way he treated me scared me. Obviously I didn’t mean as much to him as he meant to me. Every day my love for him grew stronger and I desperately wanted to help him get out of the trouble that he was in. But I knew that I could help him if only he would allow me to.

  My biggest fear though, was that I would anger him if I tried too hard to help him and he might tell me to leave. However, I was determined not to be subservient. I was indebted to Garth for allowing me to stay with him but it worked both ways. Not only was I contributing to the household expenses and preparing and cooking our meals, we were we having enjoyable sex together and a comfortable relationship.

  To justify his attitude towards me I used the excuse that Garth was under a great deal of stress. His inability to find a decent job obviously worried him and the financial difficulty that he'd got himself into was also taking its toll. But these things were very possibly the result of him not receiving adequate parental guidance during his formative years. If only he could find work that he would enjoy. He had the same educational qualifications as I had so I believed that, as long as he persevered, he would find something suitable. In the mean time we could live off my salary and the income that Garth got from the Child Welfare Department.

  My thoughts turned to my new job and I felt quite excited. I had always enjoyed working with figures and the fact that I wouldn't have a computer to help me but would have to do all the work manually would test my arithmetic and my bookkeeping knowledge. I also looked forward to working with Misses Whiteside and her husband although I had had little time to assess him. Mister White
side appeared to be a quiet man, slow and meticulous in his movements and his speech but also friendly and understanding. He was shorter than his wife, quite plump and also wore thick glasses. He was bald with a roundish face and a small, neat grey moustache.

  I glanced at my watch. It was time to begin preparing our lunch.

  I stood up and was about to leave the lounge when I noticed a small dark blue mark on the white wall just above the back of the couch. It looked like some kind of smudge. I knelt on the couch and leant over to see if I could rub the mark off the wall with my finger. I rubbed the mark gently but it remained there. I looked at the tip of my finger and saw that some of the blue had come off onto it. I took out my handkerchief and wiped off the mark. I frowned and looked down at the floor behind the couch. I noticed a small book lying there with a piece of dark blue carbon copy paper lying near it. That explained the blue mark on the wall. Obviously the book had been thrown against the wall, fallen behind the couch and been left there. I leant over the back of the couch and reached down for the book. From the layer of dust on the floor it was obvious that the domestic worker never cleaned behind the couch and the book had been lying here for some time.

  I picked up the little book, sat down on the couch, and studied the cover. It was a bank deposit book. I frowned. It wasn't the same bank as the one that Garth and I used. I opened the book. Only the first page had been filled in with a carbon copy to match. I stared at the name that had been hand written in the space where the depositor's name was required; Edward Eksteen - Bookmaker. There was also a series of eight numbers that I assumed was a bank account number. I frowned. Who was Edward Eksteen and what was the book doing lying behind the couch? And why had the page been filled in but the amount of eight hundred and fifteen dollars not deposited? Where was the money? And then my whole body went cold. I dropped the book onto my lap as if it had burnt my hand. Edward Eksteen was the name of the bookmaker who had been killed when he was robbed a few months ago. I picked up the book and looked at the date on the deposit slip; the fifth of November the previous year. I cast my mind back to when we'd heard the news of the robbery and killing. As far as I could remember it had been early in November last year.