Bait & Switch

by Kendall Ryan

  My gaze snapped over to his. Okay, that was unexpected.

  “Why?”

  “Good fucking question.”

  “What I saw was pretty damn sexual if you ask me,” I spat back.

  The woman had been completely nude, with an instrument of some type in her anus. I was assuming Nolan had been the one to put it there.

  “Fair enough.” He swallowed. “But seriously, I need you to know that I’d never ask you to do what you saw tonight.”

  Quiet and contemplative for a moment, I dared a glance up into his eyes. “I never said I wasn’t willing. Maybe if I understood it, and I . . . had the right partner . . .” I swallowed, unsure what I was even asking for.

  Based on his expression, I’d just shocked the shit out of him.

  He took a moment to compose himself, seemingly unsure of how to proceed. Then he took my hand, stroking his thumb along the back of my knuckles.

  “Still, I don’t need kinky sex. I wouldn’t want you to feel like you had to do something that made you uncomfortable or confused. I liked the tender moments we’ve shared. I’ve liked going slow with you, which, trust me, is totally out of character for me.”

  Still confused, my heart still aching, I watched him with guarded eyes, waiting for him to continue, waiting for any of this to make sense.

  “What you saw tonight was what Daniella needs, so I provide it. When she came to me, broken and alone, I just . . .”

  “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.”

  I knew Nolan’s protective side was fiercely loyal. He’d been filling a role Daniella needed. Nothing more. But he’d also completely closed himself off to love, and that was my real issue with Daniella’s presence in his life.

  “I’ll explain anything you want me to. I’ve tried to be up front about all this from the beginning.”

  “Do you love her?” The words startled me, leaping from my mouth without permission. I held my breath, waiting for him to answer.

  With a deep line etched between his brows, he met my worried stare. “I don’t know. She’s my friend and I care for her. We’ve been there for each other for a long time.”

  I nodded. Two years was a long time. Attachments had been made.

  “You’re my light, my warmth, and my sunshine,” he continued, stroking my hand. “You chase away the shadows in me. And she’s my dark, submitting to every wicked desire I have inside me. My yin and my yang.”

  I didn’t want to be someone’s yin or yang. I wanted to be his everything. And suddenly I felt angry. I wanted to snatch my hand away and make him leave . . .

  Until the guilt of my own secret weighed down on me, reminding me that I had no right to judge him and his lifestyle when my being here had all been based on a lie.

  But even though it had started that way, real feelings had developed. My heart was on the line now.

  “Are you asking me to choose?” he asked.

  Blood pumped faster in my veins. What if he chooses her?

  “I just . . . just need time to think,” I stammered. I would rather take my chances with the bad guys than give an ultimatum to a man who didn’t want me.

  “I know this situation is a little fucked. Trust me, I get that. If there’s anything I can do, anything else you need, please tell me.”

  I nodded. Despite Nolan’s flaws—like having one too many women in his life—I respected him. He was protective, dependable, and trustworthy. And a whole slew of other qualities I really needed in my life right now. My stupid heart told me to just hang on. That maybe, just maybe, he would be mine when he got over his fear of commitment and losing someone he cared for.

  “There’s something else you need to know,” he said, his tone soft and low.

  Oh Christ. What now?

  “What’s that?”

  Stroking my cheek with his calloused thumb, he leaned closer. “I’ve never kissed Daniella.”

  My breathing stopped for a moment. “Ever?”

  “Never,” he confirmed.

  Knowing that intimacy was something he’d shared only with me caused a little spark of hope to flare in my chest.

  Then Nolan pulled me close, bringing my mouth to his. He kissed me slowly, softly, without any rush. It was tender, and sweet, and loving. And it made my head spin with confusion.

  This entire situation was the definition of a clusterfuck.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Nolan

  Early the next morning, I was cooking breakfast when Daniella wandered out in her pajamas, rubbing her eyes. Usually she came out of her room fully dressed, if she had to be somewhere soon, or wearing her lounging-around sweatpants. She must be feeling crappy today.

  Damn it, that was almost certainly my fault. But what else could I have done? Last night would have been a disaster no matter what.

  “You get my note?” I asked.

  Sutton snuffled the floor around me, smearing his cold, wet nose on my bare feet. I accidentally-on-purpose dropped a chunk of hash browns for him. He gulped it down in a blink.

  Daniella sat down at the dining table, eyeing the full pan in my hand. “Yep.”

  Damn, this was awkward. Knowing I needed to forge ahead, I served up two heaping plates and two mugs of coffee, then sat across from her. Sutton lay down on my foot¸ poised to snatch up any more scraps.

  “Listen,” I began, not really knowing how to end. “Last night was . . .”

  Daniella stared down into her mug, stirring cream into her coffee. “You weren’t into it.”

  Automatically, I shook my head, but my denial caught in my throat. I’d never once lied to her, and I wasn’t about to start now.

  “It wasn’t just that. Things have been . . . weird lately. And then last night, finding you in your room like that . . .” I had to drag every word out of my throat.

  Fuck.

  Her hazel eyes met mine as she waited for me to continue, waited to understand what could possibly be going on with me that I didn’t want to fuck a primed, ready, and willing woman.

  I cleared my throat. “Lacey ended up stopping by, and she saw us from the doorway.”

  “Oh. I didn’t know that.”

  I nodded. “I’m sorry.”

  The apology felt insincere, but then again, I hadn’t planned on last night’s scene with Daniella. The door being unlocked wasn’t really anyone’s fault. Or maybe I wasn’t ready to face the fact that the two women in my life were colliding in a way I’d never planned on.

  So I left it at that. I couldn’t understand my own feelings, let alone explain this crisis to anyone else. I just stuffed a forkful of scrambled eggs into my mouth. I could hear Sutton wheezing slightly in the silence.

  Daniella poured a ribbon of ketchup over her hash browns, watching the red dribble with exaggerated care, keeping her gaze downcast. “Yeah, last night I could tell . . . you weren’t just not into the scene. You weren’t into me.”

  Ouch. I almost winced. Not “you weren’t into the scene,” but “you weren’t into me.” And no soothing noises like “but it’s okay, I understand” to soften the blow.

  We’d always been pretty blunt with each other, so I knew she wasn’t trying to guilt-trip me, just stating the facts. I usually found her straightforwardness refreshing. And it would be shitty to expect Daniella to reassure me about hurting her feelings, anyway.

  But her words couldn’t help but sting. It was hard not to notice the chill in the air, the too-long pauses, the stiff, rehearsed way she sipped her coffee. As if our whole conversation was a bad movie.

  “Yeah,” I finally admitted. “I wasn’t. Things have been kind of fucked lately.” Understatement. Things were totally FUBAR.

  She nodded. “I noticed.”

  Did I hear a note of sadness in her voice? Or was it anger?

  Desperate to get the hell away from this topic, I added, “Anyway, I went and talked to Lacey after she left. She’s not upset anymore.” Fuck, that sounded bad. I wet my lips. “I mean, I don’t think she was ever real
ly upset. Just . . . startled.”

  Daniella smiled with obvious relief. It was small and a little wan, but it was the most genuine expression I’d seen on her face in a while. “Good to know we didn’t traumatize her.”

  Reaching down to rub Sutton’s back, I considered going into more detail about last night. But the thought of sharing such an intimate conversation . . . I really didn’t want to. It felt wrong, damaging, like the things I’d revealed to Lacey would wither in the light of day. But my private talk with her still felt like another secret I was keeping from Daniella. Yet another brick in the growing wall between us.

  In uncomfortable silence, we finished the last of our breakfast, facing each other across an invisible divide.

  After breakfast, Daniella cleaned the dishes while I grabbed my laptop and headed into the office, needing to escape the weird vibe in our house.

  • • •

  Later that afternoon, Lacey invited me over for a drink. I want to talk to you, her short text had said.

  A message like that was never good news. With every step from my truck to her apartment, my foreboding deepened. But when Lacey opened her door, still dressed in workout clothes from her run, I started to relax. She was so down to earth and easy to be around, it calmed me.

  After a brief hello, she gestured to the couch. I sat down and she went to the kitchen to pour our drinks. She came back with a glass of lemon iced tea for herself and a tumbler of whiskey for me.

  I took a sip; it was perfect, with just enough water to bring out the whiskey’s full flavor. She hadn’t struck me as a hard-liquor fan, so she must have bought a bottle just for me. And she remembered exactly how I liked it.

  “How are you?” Lacey asked, her blue eyes bright and fixed on me.

  Trying to keep my balance in an earthquake. “I’m fine. Are you still okay?”

  She nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry I got so mad last night. I guess I just . . . I felt too much, and it surprised me. Everything all came out in the worst way.”

  I reached out, wanting to take her hand and soothe her guilt. But she wasn’t finished.

  Looking down at her cup, she bit her lip. “Seeing you like that made me realize something.”

  Shit. I knew what she was about to say. The heavy atmosphere felt dark and inescapable.

  “At first, I thought I could do this . . .” Lacey waved her hand, distressed, searching for the right words. “Sharing you with someone else. But it turns out I can’t.”

  I exhaled slowly, trying to keep control. Fear and anger whirled through me all at once, squeezing my heart and roiling my stomach.

  “Nolan?” She rested her hand on my arm. Her gentle touch, meant to reassure, burned my skin and clouded my thoughts. “I’m sorry to put you in this position. I didn’t want to force you to choose, like some kind of ultimatum.”

  I forced myself to say something more coherent than swearing. “No, it’s okay. I know you’re not doing this to manipulate me. If you want monogamy, then that’s what you want.”

  I wasn’t lying—I didn’t blame Lacey at all. Coming clean was much better than hiding her needs behind a plastic smile, getting more and more resentful, until our whole relationship blew up in my face. But knowing that didn’t help my feelings right now. Mainly because I had no fucking idea what I was going to do.

  She nodded and a tentative smile appeared. “I’m glad you understand. I feel bad, but it’s just, realistically, I know I can’t go on like this.”

  I knew what she was talking about. My bond and obligations to Daniella pulled me away. To give Lacey my full attention—which was what she needed from a lover—I would have to cut those ties and make Lacey a higher priority.

  On some level, way in the back of my mind, I’d known this moment was coming. But feeling the gathering tension in the air hadn’t prepared me for the storm. I was caught between a rock and a hard place—a submissive who trusted and relied on me, and a new lover who I wanted more with.

  And while I definitely felt something for Lacey, something real and good and pure, I’d have to sell my soul to hold on to it. And there was no fucking way I was ready to do that. Not now, possibly not ever.

  Choosing Lacey meant uprooting my whole carefully constructed life. My independence, my simple pleasures, my freedom from pain. But not choosing her . . . the thought felt like a knife between the ribs.

  Uncomfortable, I shifted, searching for a way to make her understand. “I told you in the beginning how I operated, what I was looking for.”

  “You have feeling in that closed-off heart of yours,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion. “I’ve seen it. When you talk about those kids at the camp . . .”

  “No. That’s just my way of ensuring one less kid falls down the rocky path I did. It’s nothing; trust me.”

  Her eyes said something different.

  Trapped, confused, I told her I needed to think and got the hell out of there.

  As I drove toward town, I texted Greyson. Meet me at West’s? Even if he didn’t offer any useful advice, I could still get black-out drunk.

  • • •

  As soon as I sat down next to him at the bar, Greyson said, “Let me guess. This is about Lacey again.”

  “Hello to you too, asshole.”

  The bartender came over, and I ordered a whiskey.

  Greyson took a slug of his beer. “What’s the situation?”

  I gave him a quick recap of everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, including Lacey’s final decision about monogamy.

  “So, congratulations, you were right,” I finished sourly.

  “Damn.” Greyson sighed. “That’s some heavy shit.”

  I glared at him in exasperation. “I’m so glad for your infinite wisdom.”

  Greyson shrugged, turning his palms up. “What do you want me to say? You’re in a tough place, and I can see why you’re stressing out, but the solution is kind of obvious. Right?”

  Obvious? The hell is he talking about?

  When I didn’t respond for a minute, his eyes widened into an incredulous stare. “Dude. Are you serious? You have this incredible connection with Lacey, and you’re still going to keep fucking around?”

  “I didn’t say that,” I snapped. “I came to talk to you because I don’t know what I’m going to do. This isn’t as simple as you seem to think.”

  “I think you could love Lacey. I know you don’t love Daniella.” Greyson shrugged again and almost spilled a little of his beer. “Sounds pretty damn simple to me.”

  I didn’t even want to address his use of the L-word. The motherfucker.

  “Just because we’re not romantic doesn’t mean Daniella isn’t important to me. We’ve been friends for years. I can’t just ditch her.”

  My whiskey chose that moment to arrive. I threw a ten at the bartender and said, “Keep the change,” impatient to finish before Grey could interrupt. “If you got a girlfriend and suddenly stopped hanging out with me, that would make you a tool.”

  “But I’m not fucking you, am I?” Greyson laughed at his own joke. “And you’re not just ‘hanging out’ with Daniella. Sex kinda changes the equation.” He pinched his thumb and finger together. “Just a little.”

  Why did Greyson have to be so goddamn annoying when he was right? “Yeah, but Daniella needs me. I give her a place to live. I’d be throwing her out on the street.”

  “Oh, please. She’s only living with you for free because you insisted. She’ll be fine on her own. Nurses make pretty decent money, and she’s had two years to squirrel away almost all her paychecks. And it’s not like Lacey would insist that you evict her without warning.”

  I bit my tongue. Greyson had no idea what he was talking about. My arrangement with Daniella wasn’t just about money. She needed security and stability and emotional support. She also needed kink, and because of her asshole ex-Dom, I was the only person she trusted enough to submit to. The ugly aftermath of her breakup two years ago was still in play now
.

  But none of that was any of Greyson’s business. I couldn’t blab Daniella’s whole private, painful history just to make a point. And deserting her in a time of need would make me an ass.

  Greyson interrupted my stony silence. “Actually, screw this. Daniella’s a big girl. Why not talk to her directly, instead of just talking about her?”

  Because that would make this mess feel way too real. Because it meant my whole life was poised on the edge of a cliff. I struggled to come up with an explanation that wouldn’t make Grey laugh in my face.

  Eyes narrowed, I folded my arms over my chest. “I’m not doing that.” Bringing this up now would only make her worry. I would tell her when I had a final decision.

  “Damn it, Nolan,” Grey muttered. For a long moment, he just stared at me, a somber expression on his face and his beer paused halfway to his mouth. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “Holding a friend as he died in your arms would fuck anyone up.”

  Oh, hell no. He of all people did not get to throw that in my face.

  “This has nothing to do with Marcus,” I growled.

  “The fuck it doesn’t.” Finally, Grey set down his glass and spun on the bar stool to face me fully. “You want my honest opinion or not?”

  I shrugged. Sure, why the hell not?

  “I think you’re an idiot. You’ve got a woman who loves you, and you’re sitting here wringing your hands about it to me. If you end things with Daniella, you can still hang out with her. She’ll still be your friend with her clothes on. But if you end things with Lacey, you lose all of her. Everything your relationship could have been. A whole future full of possibilities. And you’ll regret blowing that chance for the rest of your life.”

  “You don’t know that,” I muttered.

  “Tell me one thing you like about Lacey, and would genuinely miss if she wasn’t in your life.”

  I thought it over for a good long while. There was more than one thing . . . a lot more. Which might have been his entire point in asking me.

  “She likes kissing me. A lot,” I finally answered, feeling like a sentimental prick as a smug grin tugged up my lips.