To be loved

by Laura Paddick

  Chapter 22

  Well, it didn’t work out as I had hoped. Olivia didn’t show up on Monday morning. I had saved a seat for her in every classroom and every lesson: Mrs Auteberry’s Marketing class at eight, Mr Russell’s Culture, Ideology and Market lecture at ten and Mrs Knights' Advertising lesson at eleven. My friend didn’t turn up for any of them. At lunchtime, I wondered whether I should call her once again, but I didn’t want to seem pushy. Instead, I grabbed a bite with Kelly and we enjoyed the sunshine for a couple of hours.

  On our way to Mr Elliott’s Product mid-afternoon class, we found ourselves walking behind Chris and a few other boys from our year in the corridor. They all dragged their feet and moved slowly towards the classroom. The number one show-off was telling another one of his gripping stories, something about constantly pushing back a deadline for a paper he had to submit to a gullible teacher… He infuriated me more and more as he bragged about manipulating the over-trusting professor. In the end, Chris never had to give the teacher a dissertation after all! He was proud of himself and the boys were captivated by his anecdote. Nolan, who was part of their gang, was particularly amused.

  “Excellent!” he said to Chris. “I’m amazed how you hardly ever get caught!”

  “It’s all about timing,” he notified, “you’ve got to be clever when you break the rules.”

  “Ha! Well said!” Nolan exclaimed. “Not like Amanda! You caught her with her pants down!”

  All the boys roared with laughter. I felt my blood boil.

  “See you in class,” I said to Kelly abruptly, before I grabbed hold of the back of Chris’ t-shirt without warning and pulled him into an empty classroom a few meters away from Mr Elliott’s.

  All the gang turned around and saw me dragging Chris away from them. They laughed even more so when Nolan shouted:

  “You’re in trouble now, Chris!”

  I shut the classroom door behind me whilst he also giggled to Nolan’s crabby joke.

  “Fun’s over! This afternoon, you’re going to tell everyone that you peeked through the bedroom door at Jessica’s party!” I commanded.

  “Why would I do that? It’s much more entertaining to see you try and get through this.”

  “Tell them!” I yelled.

  “You tell them! You could have the other day at the coffeehouse! Why didn’t you?”

  “Because Kelly was terrified and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings! If I had revealed that you were the one spying on them, you most probably would have told everyone about her and Jim, and their attention would no longer be focused on you but on Kelly, am I right?”

  “You know me so well,” he remarked in a saucy tone.

  “I didn’t want you to do that! Unlike you, I care about people other than myself.”

  “Kelly is stupid if she thinks it will remain a secret for much longer.”

  “Don’t say anything about them!” I ordered.

  “Don’t you think Jim will give it away sooner or later?” he asked.

  “Well… he hasn’t yet… He’s obviously not the Kiss and Tell kind of guy you are.”

  “Kelly probably wasn’t any good at it, the sex I mean, otherwise he would want to tell everyone.”

  “You really are sick, Chris!” I shouted.

  I was boiling up inside and my cheeks were red with anger.

  “Don’t you have any compassion for anyone? Kelly is frightened her privacy won’t be respected, because of you! My best friend won’t talk to me, because of you! People think I’m a pervert, BECAUSE OF YOU! You ruin everything! You are so selfish–”

  “Fine, calm down!” Chris squeezed in. “I will tell everyone tomorrow that you had no intention to peek through their bedroom door...”

  I sighed with relief.

  “Thank you,” I said, and began to walk away.

  “...on one condition,” he added.

  Damn it.

  “What’s that?”

  “That you go out with me tonight.”

  Here we go again. Why wouldn’t he leave me alone!

  “So that’s how you get girls to go out with you...” I pestered. “You blackmail them!”

  “Only you,” he replied seriously. “If you want me to clear your name, that’s my condition.”

  “You’re not giving me much of a choice!”

  Chris rolled his eyes. I could tell he was losing patience.

  “For goodness sake Amanda!” he groaned, a little vexed it seemed. “Aren’t you sick of playing Mrs Grundy all the time? I’m not asking you to sleep with me! I’m just asking you out on a date!” His potent comment made my resistance crumble to pieces. Calling me Mrs Grundy did the trick. I didn’t think I could be so priggish! It made me realise I may have dramatized his request a little bit.

  “Okay then…” I said, giving in, “but not because I want to. Only because I have to.”

  “How romantic,” he said with a flirtatious wink.

  “And tomorrow, first thing, you will tell everyone the truth, right?”

  “You have my word. Meet me tonight at seven o’clock at the corner of Endsleigh and Warrenhouse Road.”

  “So far away? Why can’t we meet up where you took Jessica? That Italian restaurant in town, or something simple like that?”

  “My blackmail, my rules,” said Chris.

  I should have guessed he wouldn’t be up for negotiation.

  “Fine,” I complied, in a bad mood.

  “I’m looking forward to it,” he smirked.

  I responded with a fake smile and walked out of the classroom.

  Chapter 23

  It was seven o’clock and I was waiting at the corner of Endsleigh and Warrenhouse Road. Chris hadn’t turned up yet. I wasn’t even sure that he would. He may have pulled a trick on me to stand me up, or maybe he was spying on me and taking the piss while I was waiting there alone… In five minutes, if he hasn’t arrived, I’m off! I said to myself. I wasn’t enthusiastic about the date, anyway. I hadn’t changed my clothes, put any make-up on, or even brushed my hair since I had got up that morning. He wasn’t worth it. Just get this over and done with, I thought. At least the sun was shining and warming my face while I was lingering.

  Five minutes later, I was ready to leave. That’s when Chris suddenly appeared down Warrenhouse Road. I couldn’t believe it. Not only had he kept his word, he had also made the effort to change into a smart shirt, and his freshly washed blond hair was sexier than ever! He was carrying a little brown paper bag in his right hand and he casually walked towards me. For a brief moment, I passed my fingers through my long hair, just to seem a little more presentable.

  “You’re late!” I said, already trying to wreck the date before it had even begun.

  “Sorry,” he replied, “I was getting our picnic ready.”

  “Picnic?”

  “Yes, I thought it would be nice to eat on the beach as the sun is still out.”

  “Oh…”

  I didn’t quite know what to say to that. I wasn’t expecting a picnic.

  Without saying one more word, we walked to Crosby Beach, which was a few meters away. I followed him like a slave having to obey his master. Anybody looking at us would have seen how little I wanted to be there. I wasn’t smiling, or talking, or close to him. He didn’t speak to me either and continued marching towards the seaside. As the pavement ended, he took off his shoes to feel the sand dunes under his feet. I felt obliged to do the same. After looking at the wonderful view from the top of the little hill, we strolled down to the beach where he found a nice spot close to the sea and in the sunshine. We sat down and Chris opened his paper bag.

  “Pickle and cheese or ham and tomato?” he offered.

  “Ham and tomato… please,” I answered, a little bit wary.

  When he looked the other way as he started to eat, I opened my sandwich with caution to check there was nothing unusual in it. Of course, there was only ham and tomato. I felt stupid. Chill out! I tol
d myself. Chris still hadn’t said a word. It was almost as if he didn’t want or need to start a conversation. He was happy just to eat sandwiches on the beach, with me sitting next to him. We quietly ate our picnic and watched the waves crashing onto the shore.

  There were three iron sculptures of a man’s body nearby, standing up and facing the sea. One of them was only a couple of feet away from us, and the other two were in the sea; we could only see their chests and heads. They were part of a modern artwork by Sir Antony Gormley, called Another Place. Ironically, Chris also looked like he was elsewhere. It was almost frightening to see him so calm and still, just like the sculptures. I had imagined he was going to give me a hard time all evening! I was wrong. He grabbed another sandwich from his paper bag and handed one over to me too.

  “For dessert, I’ve brought two muffins. Chocolate and blueberry, which one do you prefer?”

  “I don’t mind,” I said, taken aback by his kindness.

  He gave me the blueberry one, and it was delicious. Once I had scoffed it down, I decided to start a gentle conversation.

  “Do you come here a lot?”

  “Yes, every chance I get,” he revealed.

  “I tend to forget there’s the seaside nearby when I’m caught up in busy Liverpool. The tall buildings make me feel closed off from the beach.”

  Chris seemed to be listening to me, but he didn’t say anything more.

  The stillness and silence began again and lasted for about eight whole minutes! Thank goodness a labrador ran over to us. The dog dropped a little stick that he carried in his mouth and sniffed the paper bag.

  “Sorry lad!” Chris said as he stroked the labrador's beautiful yellow coat. “Nothing left!”

  He picked up the piece of wood and waved it about.

  “Want to play?”

  The dog began to wag his tail. Chris stood up and threw the stick as far as he could. The labrador chased after it, his pink tongue sticking out one side of his mouth.

  “Do you like dogs?” he asked me.

  “Yes,” I nodded.

  “I used to have three dogs when I was young. Two English foxhounds and a Beagle.”

  Chris was alive all of a sudden, patting the labrador as he came back with the stick and encouraging him to go after it over and over again. I remained sitting, wondering who the hell Chris was! I had always thought he was an incredible jerk, a cheater and an uncaring prick, but that evening, he was a courteous man who took me out for a picnic by the seaside, who hardly spoke and who gladly entertained a labrador. I watched him attentively as he cheered the dog that had fetched the little stick in the sea and swam back to him. Chris laughed as the labrador twisted his body from side to side to shake off the water, wetting us both in the process!

  “Cassie!” we heard someone shout.

  The dog immediately ran over to an old man, probably the owner, who was waving to Chris as a thank you for playing with his beloved companion.

  “Beautiful dog,” Chris stated as he sat back down next to me.

  “Does your family have any animals now?” I asked him.

  “My family?”

  “Yes, Tommy said you moved here for family.”

  “No. Not family.”

  “What brought you to Merseyside then?”

  “I’m here with some friends,” he answered briefly. “Shall we get going?”

  “Where are we going now?”

  “You’ll see.”

  We put our shoes back on and walked into town. We ended up in a busy street where there were many student bars and parties going on. I had already been there a couple of times with Olivia; it was always a very lively street... We had to be careful where we trod to avoid stepping into someone’s vomit. Charming place. Chris lead me down a hidden alley that I never knew existed. As we strolled along, there were more and more people filling the cobblestone lane, and more and more bars. He finally stopped in front of one called Behind the Curtains. I had never heard of it before. Chris held the door open for me and I stepped inside thinking it was going to be a normal pub. A huge security guard was standing in front of a big black curtain. He was three times my size and had scars along his left cheek.

  “Name?” he asked in a deep voice and with a fearless straight face.

  “Erm…” I mumbled anxiously.

  “She’s with me, Dave,” Chris said while shutting the door behind him.

  “Chris! How great to see you!” responded the guard with a kind smile. “How are you doing, mate?”

  “Not bad, how about you? Are you getting any sleep?”

  “It’s been hard, you know, between work and the little one that wakes me and the wife up every two hours… But we are loving it! I can’t get enough of my daughter!”

  “And everyone’s well?”

  “Yes, thank you. How about you? It’s been a while!” he mentioned.

  “Yes, I’ve been busy! I’m sorry I couldn’t be around for the birth of your baby.”

  “Sophie, her name is. Don’t worry about it, mate.”

  “Do you think there’s a bit of room for me and Amanda tonight?” asked Chris.

  “Of course! Come on in.”

  “I’ll catch up with you later,” said Chris as he shook the guard’s hand.

  Gigantic Dave opened the curtain and we stepped into the bar. I soon felt embarrassed when I saw girls in underwear dancing on the counters and doing acrobatics on vertical poles. In shock, I turned around right away.

  “I’m out of here!” I told Chris.

  “What, what’s wrong?” he asked, surprised.

  “Pole dancers! Naked girls! Creepy men! Did you think I would enjoy this? Nice work Chris, you really got me for a moment there with your picnic by the seaside… I almost thought you could be a gentleman!”

  He grabbed my arm.

  “Hey!” he shouted. “My friends work here! Dave, and also Christina, Nat’, Fay and Ela,” he said as he pointed to the dancers, “and Josh and Val behind the bar, they are all my friends! So leave if you want, but don’t insult them or their workplace!”

  I froze in the doorway, startled by Chris’ reaction. He let go of my arm and stared at me, waiting for my decision to stay or to leave. I looked around and the whole place gave me the creeps. Men were sitting around little stages and watching girls get half-naked and dance around thin poles. When the girls approached the front of the stage, the men put money in their underwear. I had never been to a place like this before.

  “What is this, a strip club?” I asked Chris.

  “No. It’s more like a nightclub, but it allows the dancers to get a lot of tips. The girls don’t take their underwear off but men can pay them to dance a bit more. The dancers have intensive training to be able to do what they do.”

  At that instant, I saw a woman climb to the top of a pole and spin right down to the bottom with only her legs wrapped around it. She had incredible muscles on her legs, arms and abdomen.

  “Stay for a while,” Chris insisted. “Josh makes the best cocktails in the world!”

  Josh was a specialist in flair bartending. He was throwing and joggling cocktail shakers all over the bar!

  “Besides,” added Chris, “as you said, you don’t really have a choice if you want me to clear your name at Uni!”

  He smiled maliciously and winked at me.

  “Very funny…” I commented, and followed him to the bar.

  “Chris!” shouted an old lady in a high trembling voice, standing next to Josh behind the counter.

  She was so small that I could only see the top of her head. She must have been at least ninety years old! She took little steps towards Chris and gave him a big hug. She had curly white hair and wrinkles all over her face. She still looked on top form at her age. Chris introduced me and I shook her fragile little hand.

  “Welcome!” said Val.

  Josh also came over to shake hands with Chris and have a quick chat about how their day was going. Everyo
ne seemed to know him. I couldn’t get my head round everything that was happening. I never would have guessed our date would have turned out like this. It was mind-blowing.

  “Can we get two margaritas please?” Chris asked Josh.

  “Straight away!” he assured. “Make yourselves comfortable!”

  We sat down opposite each other in a little corner, right next to a stage where a tall dazzling red-haired woman was dancing. She also recognised Chris and said hello.

  “Buy me a drink after my shift?” she asked him.

  “Not tonight Nat’, sorry, I have company. Rain check?”

  “Very well. Have a nice night!” she replied before impressing the whole room with an amazing dangerous athletic move.

  “I… I won’t stay long,” I told Chris, “you will still have time to buy her a drink.”

  “She doesn’t drink,” he answered, “it’s just her way of saying she wants to hang out after work. I usually get a beer and Val prepares a cup of hot milk for her.”

  “Hot milk?”

  “Yes, Nat’ doesn’t drink any alcohol, and hot milk helps her calm down after her busy night.”

  The date was certainly teaching me not to judge people based on their appearances. I watched the red-haired dancer slide effortlessly down the pole.

  “Wishing you could do that too?” presumed Chris.

  “No… No, I just… I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  We looked at each other for a brief moment.

  “Have you brought Jessica here too?” I asked him.

  He laughed as if my question was hilarious.

  “No,” he replied.

  “Why bring me here?”

  “I thought it would be good for you.”

  “Why?”

  “For one thing, it’ll get you out of your shell…”

  “I don’t need–”

  He didn’t let me finish.

  “...For another,” he continued, “I get to say hi to my friends.”

  “I don’t need to get out of any shell!” I told him, irritated.