Kiss the Stars

by Jackson, A. L.

  “I know, sweet boy, I know,” I whispered at his forehead, his fever running high. I sent up a silent prayer that the dose of medicine would quickly kick in.

  I paced with him back and forth across the main room, mumbling words of comfort, shushing him and bouncing him and continually kissing his temple and his cheeks and his head.

  “Is he going to be okay?” Penny’s worried voice struck me from the side. My sweet girl always worried. On edge. I just hoped that as time stretched between us and the ordeal, she would gain confidence again. That the latent fears that seemed to constantly be at the ready to rise up would soon be snuffed.

  “He’s going to be just fine. I think it’s just a fever.”

  He lifted his miserable little head to talk to his sister. “I gots fever, Pen-Pie.”

  “I’m sorry, baby brother.”

  “Is okay.” He slumped back against my chest with a little whine, and I continued pacing, my arms aching like mad. Rocking this child at his age didn’t come close to rocking an infant.

  The door edged open, and my heart did that stupid, beautiful thing, racing out to meet him when he warily walked inside. “Hey . . . how’s he doing?”

  “I gots sick, Weif.” He waved a pitiful hand.

  I almost smiled with the love that overflowed.

  My sweet, sweet boy.

  I ran my hand through his hair, trying to give him comfort while I glanced at Leif, offering him a soft smile to let him know that Greyson would be just fine.

  He didn’t need to worry.

  That I was sorry our dinner date got cancelled but this was my life.

  And my kids . . . my kids would always come first.

  Would always be the most important.

  The problem was, we hadn’t even scratched the surface of how that might make him feel.

  How the reality of it might bite and sting.

  I kissed Greyson’s head when he whimpered, trying to shift around his weight.

  Leif moved forward and ran his hand down Greyson’s back. “Here, let me.”

  I wavered. It wasn’t like he hadn’t picked him up before. Usually when they were wrestling or Greyson was taunting him in some fashion. But this? This felt . . . different.

  Bigger.

  Scarier.

  Profound in some important way.

  But it was Greyson who reached for him, climbing into his arms. “I gots you,” he mumbled, like he was the one holding Leif and not the other way around.

  I stood there, fidgeting, not quite sure what to do.

  But Leif did.

  He curled his arms around my son and hiked him higher on his chest. And he began to roam. Pacing and rocking. Cooing and singing.

  Words I couldn’t make out but sounded of the saddest melody.

  It didn’t take long before Greyson settled.

  Before he found comfort in those strong arms.

  Leif pressed kisses to the top of his head and rubbed his back and whispered magical things.

  My chest squeezed.

  Heart in a fist.

  Hope in its clutch.

  I tucked Penny into bed while Leif continued to soothe Greyson into slumber in the main room.

  I kissed my daughter’s forehead, touched her chin. “Goodnight, my sweet Penny Pie.”

  I could feel her hesitating, wanting to say something but not sure how to speak.

  I sank down onto my knees next to her. Giving her the time she was asking for.

  She gazed up at me. “Are you happy, Mom?”

  My mind flashed.

  Every blessing.

  Every joy.

  I glanced out the door to where Leif was cradling Greyson.

  My spirit sang.

  Turning back to her, I tenderly brushed my fingers through her hair. “I am. Are you?”

  She nodded fast. “I think . . . I think we should stay here forever.”

  Joy collided with the questions.

  A whole new brand of what-ifs.

  Ones that were racing out ahead of me. Waiting on us to catch up. Mixed with that was the worry that Leif’s grief might cut too deep and be far too vast. Scariest was the way he talked about seeking vengeance as if it were a real plan.

  I spread my hand out on her chest, over the quick beat of her innocent, knowing heart. My voice dipped in quiet significance, “I’m not sure where we’ll end up at, Penny. Where our home is going to be. But just know wherever that is? We’re going to find happiness there. We’re going to live the life I always dreamed of giving you.”

  Belief tipped her mouth into a soft, half-smile. “You’re already giving us that, Mom. I hope you know that.”

  Joy and pride flooded my eyes, and I leaned in, hugged her tight. “I love you so much, my miracle girl.”

  She nodded into my hair. “I love you to the moon and back.”

  Little did she know my love was way out, soaring with the stars.

  Endless.

  Boundless.

  Eternal.

  Footsteps creaked from the doorway, and I pushed myself to standing and swiped the tears under my eyes.

  I did my best to put myself back together.

  But my emotions were all over the place.

  This feeling coming on stronger every day.

  Brown-sugar eyes met mine.

  Carefully.

  Purposefully.

  I’d once thought they were the only thing about him that hinted at softness. I should have known immediately they were a dark sea of compassion. An ocean of humanity. A bridge to his dark, brilliant soul.

  “He’s out,” he grumbled so tenderly, so softly I nearly dropped to my knees right there. “Think his fever broke.”

  I could only nod, watch as he lay my son into his crib, as he ran his hand over his head, made sure he was safe and warm and comfortable.

  It just got worse when he moved over to Penny, bent down, kissed her temple, and whispered a low, “Goodnight,” even though she had already drifted to sleep.

  Then he straightened.

  Straightened to his full, imposing height.

  His gaze captured me.

  Froze me to the spot.

  Bound me in his intensity.

  I wanted to speak, but my tongue was stuck, and even if I could find my voice, I knew the words would never come out quite right.

  So instead, I backed out of the room, still facing him. The man met me step for step. As if I had become the lure. The bait. What he couldn’t resist.

  He pulled the kids’ door shut behind him, leaving it open and inch, and then he stalked toward me in a slow, purposed stride.

  Jaw hard.

  Eyes severe.

  Heart beating so hard I could hear it going pound, pound, pound.

  The drumbeat of us.

  I eased deeper into my bedroom, and the man edged forward, the shape of him becoming an inky silhouette. My eyes barely adjusted, focused on him.

  Face carved of that hardened stone. Brittle yet strong.

  His head canted to the side, and something close to despair came from his mouth. “You got me, Mia. You fucking got me.”

  Confusion spun, but I was trapped in the web of his complicated mind. My head shook to let him know I didn’t understand what he was saying.

  He released a soft, seductive laugh. The man stepped forward, burning up my body when he placed his hand on my cheek and brushed the pad of his thumb over it.

  Fire flashed.

  His voice softened to a plea. “You got me.”

  His tongue darted out to sweep across his plush, full lips, his hand twitching on my face.

  A slow intensity built in the air.

  But this?

  It was different than ever before.

  Bigger and bolder and stronger.

  Reaching out, I caressed my fingertips over the thrumming of his broken, beautiful heart. “You already had me.”

  His throat bobbed, and he moved down to grab the hem of my tank.

  Slowly, he peeled t
he fabric over my head, those eyes never releasing me from their grip the whole time.

  Goosebumps raced.

  A flashfire across my flesh.

  Leif edged in, that gaze on me, before he dipped down and kissed across my shoulder.

  A moan rippled free, and my hands curled into his hair. “You have me.”

  Then he was kissing me everywhere.

  Every exposed inch.

  But where he normally consumed, he savored.

  Featherlight brushes of his lips and tiny peeks of his tongue.

  Relishing.

  Adoring.

  Different.

  This perfection that wound me up so tight I could no longer see.

  Desire crashed and pulsed and engulfed.

  My love for him inundated the space.

  Maybe he felt it, couldn’t resist it, because he was mumbling these words that sounded liked confessions.

  “Need you.”

  “Want you.”

  “You are everything.”

  “Perfect.”

  “What have you done?”

  He flicked the button of my shorts, pushed them to the ground, and lay me out across my bed.

  He stood at the end of the mattress.

  Gazing down.

  I arched and shivered.

  Whimpered his name.

  He shucked out of his clothes.

  Bare.

  Magnificent.

  All I could see.

  All I could imagine.

  A future spread out in front of us.

  My spirit flooded with him.

  Overflowing when he crawled over me and wedged himself between my thighs.

  When he took me.

  When he filled me.

  And I completely drowned when he pressed his mouth softly to mine and murmured his oath, “I love you, Mia West, and I’m never going to let you go.”

  We stared at each other where we lie in my bed. Fingers twined. Hearts meshed.

  My mind still dizzy with his confessions, and my body still swimming in his love.

  Brown-sugar eyes deepened, a frown denting his brow.

  “What is it?” I asked, voice quieted to a whisper.

  He swept his fingertips along my hairline. “Not sure how to navigate this.”

  “Us?”

  His nod was uncertain. “Yeah, us. This. Everything we’ve got goin’ against us.”

  A smile fluttered across my lips. “I’m thinking we have more going for us than against us. We just have to stop fighting the current.”

  His mouth tipped up at the side, and he ran his knuckles down my cheek. “No use fighting it when I’m in too deep and there’s no way for me to stand.”

  I skimmed my fingers down his jaw. “We just have to promise to hold each other up.”

  He cast me a soft, heartbreaking grin. “Hope floats?”

  “It does.” I chewed at my bottom lip, cautious but knowing we couldn’t continue to live behind the walls. “Is that what you’re feeling? Hope?”

  He smoothed his palm down my bare shoulder and arm, chasing the shivers he elicited, gliding all the way down until he threaded our fingers together. He brought our hands up between us, fiddling with them like he needed a distraction while he searched for the truth inside.

  “Scared to.”

  His expression moved through so many things.

  His grief.

  His regret.

  The possibility.

  His lips pursed for a beat. “It’s hard for me to accept this isn’t wrong. To believe I’m not stealing what should never be mine.”

  A swell of sadness coiled in my stomach.

  “I know it’s scary. I’m scared, too. And I know it’s not the same. Not at all. But I think somehow . . . somehow, we were purposed for this. For this second chance.”

  Crushing sorrow held him. A physical, living entity. He pulled our twined hands to my face, caressing my jaw over and over again. As if he were looking for comfort for himself and the only thing he knew how to do was give it to me.

  Keeping his own joy under lock and key.

  His jaw clenched. “Don’t deserve your kids. Don’t deserve you. And I just keep thinking I’m setting myself up to lose you. To lose them. But that doesn’t change a thing because I still know I’ll be fighting to keep you until the bitter end.”

  “I already told you, I’m here. We’re here. You want my honest?” I asked.

  Tearing down the walls.

  Crossing the divide.

  “Of course, Mia.” For a beat, his eyes dropped closed, and then he was looking at me again. Pinning me with the ferocity of his gaze. “You have become the only truth I know.”

  I gulped around the magnitude.

  And I offered him mine.

  “I’m not sure I know how to go on without you, Leif Godwin. This love? It’s one you made me feel for the very first time.”

  Releasing my hand, he reached to brush his fingers through my hair. “You are the light I stopped believing existed.”

  “And you are my completion.”

  We stared.

  Prisoners of the confession.

  Freed by them the same.

  I hesitated, then asked, “How is this going to work? You have your band. Your dreams.”

  God, I’d never even allowed myself to hope to get this far, let alone thought of the logistics of making it work.

  What I would do about California.

  What I would do about Nixon.

  “You wanna be with a mediocre drummer?” He let it come off like a tease.

  I shifted, nudging him to roll him onto his back, and I climbed up to straddle him.

  He grunted approval.

  Those hands on my waist and my heart in his hands. “No, Leif, I want to be with an incredible drummer. A drummer who steals my breath. With a musician whose voice sings to my soul. With a wonderful man who has completely stolen my heart. Kissing you feels like kissing the stars.”

  A tremor rolled through his body. His features darkened in hatred.

  A quick, stark shift to the atmosphere.

  “Have to go back to L.A., Mia. Put an end to some old business.”

  Fear curled and lifted and rose.

  Dread infected my blood.

  “What does that mean?”

  God. What if he was talking about putting himself in danger?

  I wanted to press him.

  For details.

  For his intentions.

  But he was silencing them when he reached up and gripped me by the side of the face. “It means I have to put to rest my past. It’s the only way I can come back and live for you.”

  Disquiet clashed with a surge of love.

  He let his palm glide down my jaw, my throat, until he was splaying his big hand over my chest. A touch that snuffed out the worry.

  “Stay here with me, Mia. In the south. Let’s make this our home. Be with me.”

  I leaned forward, kissed his mouth. “You are the only place I want to be.”

  Thirty-Two

  Leif

  “Dude, you killed it! Knew you were gonna rock this shit out of bounds. We rewrote the rules on this album. Pure perfection.” Ash punched me in the shoulder, all grins.

  Pride pulled tight at my chest.

  Not something I was used to feeling. But it was there.

  “Turned out pretty good,” I told him, barely able to contain my smile.

  “Pretty good? That shit is brilliant. Best album of the year, baby. Bet my house, we’re going to be getting called up to an entirely different kind of stage. Willow and I are about to redecorate—with Grammy’s.”

  Lyrik chuckled from where he leaned against the massive row of sound equipment.

  “For the first time in my life, I think I’m gonna agree with Ash here,” he razzed, smirking at his friend. “Album is beast.”

  Ash’s brows lifted to the sky. “Agreeing for the first time? Now that’s damn ridiculous considering I’ve been telling
you bitches that Sunder is the best band in the land since I was about sixteen. You just gettin’ on the train now?”

  Austin clapped Lyrik on the back, his smile slow. “He finally started believing when he hit the hundred-million mark. Asshole needed more proof.”

  “Chump change, baby. Just wait until Redeemed drops. We aren’t going to be able to leave our houses,” Ash trumpeted.

  Baz rocked back in the office chair, nothing but smug. “You’re making me really regret the fact I jumped.”

  Austin shook his head. “Yeah, my big bro here is reaping the rewards and he doesn’t even have to tour.”

  Baz shrugged. “Older. Smarter. Whatever. Besides, I’d probably break a goddamn hip if I got up on that stage and tried to perform.”

  Ash’s expression morphed into disgusted disbelief. “What nonsense do you speak of?” He held out his arms. “This boy right here is barely hitting his prime.”

  “You just keep telling yourself that.”

  “Oh, I plan to.”

  Was hard to process the lightness in my chest. One I couldn’t remember ever being there before.

  Excitement.

  Proud to have been here but anxious to leave.

  I stuffed my notebook into my backpack, zipped it up. “Think I’m gonna head out. It’s truly been an honor working with you guys.”

  Ash cracked a grin. All teeth. “What, you think you have somewhere more important to be?”

  Tried to keep the smile from breaking out for fear it was gonna be downright giddy. “Might.”

  “Oh, yeah, and just where is that?” There was Ash, pushing all the buttons.

  “All right, all right, let the poor guy be. He had to suffer through working with you the last two months,” Baz said, standing from his chair. “Besides, Shea and I are planning a little celebration at our house tomorrow night to toast another Sunder victory. Hope you all will be there.”

  He looked directly at me.

  On the spot.

  Was going to have to get used to this shit.

  But she was worth it.

  They were worth it.

  I gave a tight nod. “That should work.”

  “Cool. See you then.”

  “Later,” I said, heading out of the studio and toward the stairway that led to the main floor. I climbed to the top, only to stall out when I heard Lyrik calling to me from behind. “Hey, Leif, hold up a minute.”