Forever

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  The other thing that worried me this night was that several of the men in the community had stood beside Elijah in the bidding, including Mervin Weaver. The men hadn’t thrown their own bids against me, but just the fact that they were beside the man showed their support of his actions.

  I’d noticed Abram shake his head before I’d left the sale. There was nothing he could do to curb the bad will that was growing within the community. A line was being drawn, and men were taking sides. Father believed it would blow over in time, but I wasn’t so sure. Some men held the fire of a grudge that never was extinguished.

  The difficulty of it all was wearing on me. The gatherings weren’t so nice anymore, and I began to wonder what good the Amish way of life was if there wasn’t peace within the community. The community was our entire way of life.

  Rose was the only thing in my life that gave me any joy these days. Just the thought of seeing her this night had kept the ill feelings at bay. In my excitement to see her, I’d arrived a half an hour early, but to my surprise, Rose was already sitting on the hay bales in the corner of the loft. She must have been as anxious to see me as I was her.

  Taking long strides I covered the distance and had her in my arms a second later. She clung to me even more tightly than usual, and I bent down and placed my face beside hers.

  For a minute we stayed like that, hugging in silence. Her warm floral scent triggered my memories, and I thought about the many times I’d held her this way. When Rose was pressed against my chest, nothing else in the world mattered. She was my girl and I loved her.

  She pulled back a little and looked up at me. The shards of moonlight piercing the gaps in the barn’s wall shone on her face, and I saw moisture there. Using my thumb to wipe away her tears, I said, “Rose, sweetheart, are you all right? Why are you crying?”

  She sniffed and drew me down to the hay. When we were seated, she rested her head on my shoulder and replied, “I hardly get to see you…and I miss you.”

  Her hesitation brought me to attention, and I became nervous.

  “We saw each other just a few days ago. You know I want to be with you. I’m always thinking about you—don’t ever question that. In the course of our lifetime, waiting a few more months is nothing to us.”

  “It’s not even like we’re a couple now. Here we are, sneaking around again. I’m tired of it,” Rose said, her voice rising.

  I took her hands in mine and tilted her chin to me. “We’re together now. Can’t we just enjoy it?”

  Leaning down, I pressed my lips to hers, and after a few seconds of not responding, her mouth opened. Tasting her mouth’s salty wetness made me forget everything else. Kissing Rose was the only thing I wanted to do.

  Her mouth began moving on mine more aggressively, and her enthusiasm heightened my desire. Before long, she was lying on the hay with me on top of her. I was careful to keep all my weight from pushing down on her, but she had her arms around my neck and was guiding me closer.

  Images of the times I’d made love to her in her bedroom came alive in my mind, the touch of her soft skin against mine, her long hair brushing my face. The feelings were about to consume me when I rose back into a sitting position, pulling her with me.

  Tucking her under my arm, I said, “Rose, my precious Rose, I want to make love to you again, more than anything, but we can’t risk you getting pregnant.” After a pause, I added, “That would be the worst thing in the world to happen to us right now.”

  I felt her body tense against me.

  Her voice carried a sharp edge when she said, “Sometimes it feels like we’re going to wait forever to begin our lives together.”

  “No, not at all— When you turn eighteen, I promise. But right now the community is divided, and it’s causing more trouble than you can imagine.”

  “Does the black horse you were bidding on have something to do with all this?”

  I nodded, grateful that she was beside me and I could tell her my problems and fears. Somehow, having her near made me stronger.

  “Her name is Fancy. I’ve had my eye on her for weeks, ever since I learned that the Yoders were donating her for the auction. Christian Yoder figured that it was a done deal that I’d end up with her, but…”

  Rose interrupted me. “But Constance’s dad outbid you.”

  “How did you know that…? Did Suzanna or Sarah point them out to you?” I said, not trying to hide the surprise in my voice.

  “No, I figured it out on my own. They were the only people I didn’t recognize, and there was something about the way Constance reacted to seeing me that made me certain.”

  Slowly I asked, “She recognized you?”

  “I think so, unless nearly fainting when she looks at a person is normal for her.”

  “That’s not good. Elijah doesn’t need any more fuel for his anger. He’ll take you being at the auction as another slight against his daughter.” Seeing Rose’s wide-eyed and worried look, I sighed and said carefully, “Is that why you were crying? I’ve told you already that I never loved her. You’re the only girl for me.”

  “That’s not why I was crying at all. Actually, I kind of forgot all about her.” She paused and glanced at me before looking ahead again. “It’s interesting, though, how quickly you started up with another girl…and got engaged and all.”

  “You did the same thing with Hunter.” I tried to keep the contempt out of my voice when I said his name, but probably failed.

  “I wasn’t engaged to him! That’s a big deal.”

  “I know, I know, and I’m truly sorry. I was trying to heal my broken heart over you. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

  I had to smile in the semidarkness when she snorted and bobbed her head. Her tears were definitely dry now. It still fascinated me how she could jump from emotion to emotion so quickly. The way she kept me on my toes was one of the things I loved about her.

  “I’ll never let you leave me again. I promise that. Just be patient on this. Let’s not do anything to upset the Schwartzes any more than they are. We have all the time in the world.”

  The barn loft was silent while I held Rose tightly against me. I could feel the beating of her heart against my side, and for a few minutes I was at peace.

  Out of the darkness, Rose whispered, “Time may not be on our side.”

  Too afraid to ask her what she meant, I kissed the top of her head and said nothing.

  17

  Sam

  “You’re going to what?” I said, grabbing Hunter’s arm as we left the exercise room.

  “Ask Rose to the senior prom,” he answered, daring me with his eyes to argue.

  Of course, I was up to the challenge.

  I waited until the last of the guys walked past us to the shower room, and lowered my voice. “I can’t go into details or anything, but you’ve got to let go of this infatuation you have for my sister. It’s never going to work—especially not now.”

  Hunter met my gaze and said calmly, “I know why you’re saying that, and I think you’re wrong. There’s still a chance for me and her. She doesn’t have to be with the Amish guy just because she’s pregnant.”

  The last part settled on my mind for a few seconds. Trying to figure out how Hunter knew was not important—what he thought he could do about the situation was.

  Not missing a beat, I said, “Really, man, you’re an idiot if you think she wants to put on a gown and go out dancing. She has more important stuff on her mind.”

  Hunter nodded. “Yeah, I hear you. But she’s still a seventeen-year-old girl. Her life doesn’t have to stop. Maybe a diversion like a dance will do her a lot of good.”

  “You really are persistent. Why are you so dedicated to Rose, anyway? You two only dated briefly, and you know she’s in love with another guy and having his baby. I
don’t get it.”

  Hunter sighed loudly and said, “I don’t really know myself, except that from the first time I met her, it felt different than any other girl. It was as if I’d known her all my life. Hanging around her is comfortable and fun. I’ve never met anyone like her before.”

  I had to admit I felt sorry for him. “You need to move on, bro. There are plenty of nice girls around here. Go find one and be happy, ’cause I’m telling you, Rose is a train wreck for you. She’s just going to get married to Noah and probably join the Amish.”

  “I’m already in too deep to give up all hope. A heart can only be broken once, right?”

  He turned and left me standing alone in the hallway.

  I shook my head. No, man, a heart could be shattered until it was completely unrecognizable. Seeing the path that Hunter was determined to take, I was betting his would be powder when Rose was through with him.

  * * *

  I wished that Summer was sitting closer to me, but instead she was all business, looking out the window and rambling on nonstop. Trying to tune her out was useless. Each time I went another place in my mind, she’d swat me with her hand like I was a naughty child.

  Why do I put up with it?

  Glancing over and watching her animated face almost as red with frustration as the hair on her head, I knew the reason. I was falling for her. Of course, I’d never let her know that. I could only imagine the power she’d wield over me if she was aware of how crazy I was about her.

  “Are you ignoring me again?” Summer blasted.

  “How much more is there to say? If Hunter wants to ask her to a dance, who am I to tell him he can’t? You’re the one who keeps telling me that it’s not a big deal and that she can pretend she’s not pregnant until she decides to break the news to the world.”

  “The last thing she needs to deal with is Hunter being all sappy around her. She likes him a lot as a friend, and she’ll feel terrible turning him down.”

  “Maybe she won’t.”

  Summer’s eyes turned a menacing dark shade of green, and I glanced away, focusing on the roadway.

  “Don’t you dare go saying something like that, Sam Cameron! Rose loves Noah, and there’s no way she’s going to agree to go out dancing with Hunter in her condition.”

  “What condition?” I was pushing my girlfriend’s buttons, but I couldn’t help it. Rose was my sister, after all. I had as much of an opinion as she did.

  Summer growled the words out. “I never argued that Rose has an important condition, just that she has a little time to convince Noah to…”

  She suddenly stopped talking, which in the heat of an argument was unlike her.

  Feeling confident that I was about to get an earful, I said, “Convince Noah to what? There’s no doubt that the guy will marry her, so what does she have to convince him?”

  Summer breathed out angrily and said, “Oh, all right. I thought it was pretty obvious, but you guys are so one-track. Rose has to be sure she wants to be Amish again. It’s a huge decision…maybe Noah will change his mind and go English. Rose is taking some time to figure it all out.”

  “Noah isn’t going to become English. He’s already made it clear that he wants Rose to join up with him and live the simple life. Now that she’s knocked up with his kid, I don’t see that she has an alternative.”

  “What are you saying?” Summer shrieked.

  “Rose has to marry the guy and follow his rules. Before she was pregnant, she still had a chance to escape and live a normal life, but not now.”

  I didn’t need to look at Summer to know she was incensed. Her fury was sparking the air around me when she said, “What a pig you are! She certainly has choices. She can raise the baby herself and remain English, she can marry Noah and they can both be English, she can become Amish if she wants…it’s her damn choice, not yours or Noah’s.”

  For the first time I was seriously angry with her. “Of course, Noah has a say—it’s his baby. Just because it’s in Rose’s body doesn’t make her the only interested party.”

  “I can’t believe that you’re taking his side against your own flesh and blood,” she raged.

  “I’m standing up for what’s right. And you know what? If Rose doesn’t get a grip on all this and tell Noah, then I’m going to. He has every right to be involved in deciding what’s best for everybody. Rose already made her own dumb decisions. Now she has to deal with the consequences.”

  Summer slid as far from me as possible and muttered, “You guys always take up for each other.”

  Actually, I was thinking the same about women. The fact that I was going to have a talk with Noah was probably inevitable. He had a right to know, and Rose needed him to help her through the pregnancy—I just hadn’t decided if I should tell Dad first.

  18

  Sarah

  Mixing the lemonade, I paused in front of the window and enjoyed the warm spring breeze on my face. I was especially happy and could barely keep from smiling. But I tried hard to, worried that someone would see right through me and guess that I was sweet on Micah Schwartz.

  Slipping a hand into my pocket, I touched the cool smoothness of the stone that Micah had placed there earlier in the day. I’d been surprised to see him and several members of his family at the Hershbergers’ farm helping to bring in the first cutting of hay. Mr. Hershberger had put his back out a few days earlier, and several families had gathered to help him with the chore.

  Luckily, Micah’s father hadn’t come along, and besides a few tense moments when we’d first arrived, the day had passed in relative peace. When I’d walked by him on the way to the house after I’d brought the first pitcher of lemonade out to the field, he’d lingered longer than the other boys and given me the stone when no one was looking.

  Still touching it, I remembered its beautiful golden-brown color and his words when he’d tucked it into my pocket—It’s the same shade as your eyes.

  Blushing, I looked around at the other girls and women in the kitchen and was relieved that no one was paying me any mind at all. That was until Suzanna’s voice sprang up behind me, saying, “Gracious, Sarah, anyone with a right mind will know you’re lovesick if you don’t wipe that silly look off your face.”

  “Hush now,” I chastised her, feeling too giddy to be irritated in the least.

  As Suzanna leaned against the sink smirking, Constance came over and asked, “Would you like me to make this trip to the field?”

  Her voice was hesitant, and I suddenly felt a strong pang of sympathy for the girl. Noah had done her a nasty turn, and even though I was happy that he’d be with Rose again, like I knew he was supposed to all along, I was still ashamed of his behavior.

  I looked at the girl whom I had wished to call sister one day, and was about to say yes, but before I could, Suzanna blurted out, “Constance, Sarah has it covered. You can help with the sandwiches.”

  I frowned at Suzanna before turning back to Constance and saying, “If you’d like, you can help me. We’ll walk together.”

  “No, that’s all right. I see where my place is. I won’t be bothering either of you again.”

  Suzanna lowered her voice to a harsh whisper and said, “Oh, please. Don’t go acting all sweet and naive. You stood by and let your father raise the bid on that horse to an amount Noah couldn’t dream of paying. His own horse, Rumor, that he’d raised from a foal was the same shiny black color and died in the accident that almost killed him. You all should be ashamed of yourselves.”

  Constance’s eyes had widened during the onslaught, but when she spoke her voice was still the same wispy sweetness it always was.

  “I don’t control what my father does, the same as both of you.” She turned to leave, paused and looked back over her shoulder to add, “I wish we’d never moved here.”

  Ther
e were too many people in the kitchen for me to chase after her and apologize for Suzanna’s behavior, but I almost did just that before Mother appeared and grasped my arm.

  “Leave her be, Sarah,” Mother said softly.

  I looked into her dark eyes and saw the same sadness I felt.

  “How can you say that? Aren’t we all God’s children?”

  Mother pulled me into a hug and murmured, “Yes, of course, dear, and I’m proud of you for holding it to your heart, but the situation with Constance is going to get worse before it gets better.”

  When she pulled back, Mother gave Suzanna a stern look that sent her bustling out of the room. Mother picked up the other pitcher and motioned me to follow her through the door. We walked together through the yard in silence for a minute until we’d passed the children playing and the older women spreading the cloths on the picnic table.

  Once we were completely alone, Mother slowed and said, “Elijah Schwartz outbid your father on a house that he’d already been asked to build. He also offered Matthew an amount of pay that Mervin Weaver wouldn’t refuse, so we’re now short a worker on the crew.”

  I stopped and said, “Matthew’s working with the Schwartzes? How can that be possible?”

  “Mervin has had issue with us since Noah turned down Ella. He only stayed in line because of the union of Katie and Jacob, but now that he has the backing of Elijah, he’s becoming an arrogant man.”

  Hearing Mother speak with anger in her voice was rare, so I took her words to heart.