Forever

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  “What will Father do?”

  “He’ll do what he always does, the right thing. God will sort this mess out in time for us, but until then, the less you have to do with the Schwartz young’uns the better.”

  Mother saw it in my face, I know it. Her eyes were kind, but her mouth was tight, when she went on to say, “Do you understand what I mean, Sarah?”

  “Yes, Mother, I do.”

  As we finished our walk to the hay field, I hardly noticed the bright sunshine or the warmth on my skin from it. The horse nickering in the nearby pasture seemed a million miles away. My life had gone from joy to misery in a matter of minutes.

  If Mother was warning me away from Micah, then I had no choice but to obey. She would never lead me wrong, and I trusted her wisdom in all things…. Still it broke my heart just the same.

  19

  Rose

  “Rosie, is there something wrong?”

  I glanced at Dad for a second and looked away. I wanted to tell him, really I did, but the fear that gripped my insides wouldn’t let me do it. I wouldn’t be his precious little girl anymore— He’d hate me.

  Spreading the butter lightly on the toast, I wondered how long it would be before I could keep something other than bread and butter in my stomach. Luckily for me, Dad was too busy with his hectic schedule at the hospital to notice my eating habits lately. He was a doctor, after all; if he spent a lot of time around me, he’d figure it out.

  “No, why do you ask?”

  “You seem a little off lately. I thought we’d agreed that in the future you’d be open and honest with me—no more sneaking around.”

  “I’m not sneaking,” I said.

  “You’re becoming distant again, Rosie, and I’m just trying to nip it in the bud before it becomes serious. You’ve put your old dad through a lot this past year. I’m worried about you.”

  Still avoiding his gaze, I replied, “I know, and I’m sorry. Really, there’s nothing wrong. It’s hard to get settled into living in the middle of nowhere again, that’s all.”

  “Do you want to go back to Aunt Debbie’s?”

  “No!” I said it too fast and with an amount of emotion that raised Dad’s eyebrow high.

  Looking at him had been a mistake. He was more suspicious than ever.

  I wracked my brain for a diversion and grabbed on to the first thought that came to mind. “Hunter…I don’t want to move away from him.”

  The lie flowed out of my mouth too easily, and I felt a stab of guilt. As much as I liked Hunter as a friend, any romantic feelings I’d developed for him had been erased when Noah and I got back together. Unfortunately, he was the only option I had to get Dad off my back for a while longer.

  Dad smiled and said with a lighter voice, “So, you’ve been spending some time with him, have you?”

  “Uh, yeah, he came over the other night. We talked for a while. It wasn’t a big deal or anything.”

  “Hunter is a nice boy. You should give him a chance.”

  “I’ll take that under advisement, Dad.”

  Hope’s barking alerted us both to a visitor, but Dad was the first to the window to look out.

  “Well, speak of the devil,” he said.

  “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  Dad was quick to pick up his briefcase and head to the door.

  “Justin’s still sleeping, and Sam will be home from work this afternoon. It’s a beautiful morning. Have a good time.”

  Dad winked, and before I could respond, he had the door closed behind him.

  I folded my arms on the counter and dropped my head on them.

  This can’t be happening….

  20

  Noah

  “Why don’t you head over to the Camerons’ home and ask David if he has any odd jobs he’d like done this week,” Father said as he paused from his work on the disk. Barney, the larger of the two Belgian horses hitched to the plow, tossed his head in irritation at having to stand still while Father freed the large tree root that had gotten stuck in the blade.

  His words shocked me for a few seconds, but I finally answered, speaking slowly to make sure there wouldn’t be any misunderstanding.

  “It would be all right with you if I went there?”

  “I know where your heart is, son, and I appreciate that you’ve been patient with me and the situation with Elijah. I’ve asked quite a lot of you to put off having Rose by your side, but I don’t want you to feel punished. It would be a good thing for you two to see each other for a short time, given that you restrain yourself and keep in mind our goals. Besides, now that I’ve lost the Tarry building contract, work will be slim pickings for a few weeks.”

  Anger flared inside of me. “Does the man have no shame? How can he so blatantly go against us?”

  Father wiped the sweat from his forehead and sighed. He said, “I’m trying hard to not let his actions blacken my heart toward him. Elijah feels that he’s been wronged by us. But I believe in time, he’ll move on and let go of his grudge.”

  “But what about Matthew? Even if you get another job lined up, we’ll be short one man.”

  Father reached out and touched my shoulder. It pained him as much as me to lose Matthew from the crew. Not only was Matthew one of my closest friends, he also had a jolly spirit that helped the work days go by more quickly. I still couldn’t believe that after five years, he wasn’t with us any longer.

  “It will be difficult without Matthew, but one day he might be back, and there are other young men in the community who’d be happy for the opportunity. God has a plan in everything, and this is no different.”

  The smell of the plowed ground was strong in my nostrils, and I gazed out at the land that Father had already loosened. The dark brown dirt stretched down to the roadway, and I felt a deep sense of satisfaction that the work had been done by horse and man, instead of tractor. He still had several acres to go, but within a couple of days the field would be ready for corn seed.

  With a groan, Father had the root free. Barney snorted, letting Father know that he was ready to continue, but before Father climbed back on to the seat, I stopped him with my hand.

  “What will we do if Elijah doesn’t quiet down? We can’t continue living on in a community where some of the people are working against us. Already it’s cost us a paycheck, a horse…and my ability to marry Rose in a timely fashion.”

  “Son, I pray each night that God will lighten Elijah’s heart. We must have faith that it will happen sooner than later. There are other horses for sale and houses to build.” He paused and looked at me intensely with his blue eyes, making sure I was listening before he went on to say, “As far as Rose is concerned, you’d have to wait until she turns eighteen, anyway. Her father has made it clear that he will not tolerate you being with her while she’s underage. We must respect his wishes. You must be patient.”

  Feeling as if Father were treating me as a grown man, I became brave and told him my fears.

  “I worry that the community won’t accept a union between me and Rose now.”

  Father brought his foot down from the plow, and he asked with hesitation in his voice, “What are you saying?”

  “Rose and I might have to find another place to live.” Seeing his mouth begin to open in protest, I surged ahead, wanting to get my troubles off my chest. “It’s difficult enough to live our ways, without dealing with members of our own church causing us grief.”

  Father nodded slightly and said in a firm voice, “Yes, we have chosen a difficult path, but the troubles we work through make us stronger men and Christians. God will not put more on our shoulders than he knows we can bear.”

  “It isn’t a sin to join another church. You and Mother left your community in Pennsylvania and came here when Jacob was a baby.”<
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  “True, but not because of issues with members of our church—we chose to begin our life as a family in a less crowded place. A place where we had more opportunities and land was cheap. But know that we were torn on the decision. We left behind friends and family, and that wasn’t easy to do.”

  “But you did it and have fared well here in Meadowview.”

  “We felt guided here by our Lord— We weren’t running away from any discord.”

  I walked over to Barney and patted his tan neck. He turned his head to me, blowing warm air on my arm.

  I took a deep breath and asked, “Has there ever been a moment in your life when you considered leaving the Amish altogether?”

  Surprising me, Father smiled slightly. “Of course, haven’t we all at some point?”

  Never had I heard Father speak so candidly on the subject, and I was relieved for his willingness to talk about it without anger.

  “What stopped you, then?”

  Father breathed and gazed out at the untilled earth ahead of the horses. Stretching out his arm, he pointed and said, “Right there is one of the reasons—the simplicity of working the land with a team of horses. I love this way of life and wouldn’t trade it for all the modern conveniences that the outside world offers. I have also prayed on the matter and feel deep within myself that we are doing what God has instructed us— He smiles down on us.”

  “Do you think as Abram and the others do, that the outsiders are living in sin and being disobedient to God’s wishes?”

  Father didn’t answer straightaway. I watched as his face became conflicted before he turned back to me with a frown. “You aren’t considering leaving our ways, are you, son?”

  I could hear the worry in his voice and didn’t want to give him more grief than he was already dealing with. But recently the thought had plagued me. In the past, there were times when I’d longed to watch an old Western movie on Mr. Denton’s TV, or drive his old pickup truck myself, breezing along the highway on my own. But those desires were of the flesh, and I felt the press of sin against me when my thoughts strayed in those directions.

  Lately, though, the idea of being forced to see the likes of Elijah Schwartz and Mervin Weaver, and being under their control and authority, had me undone. Living within an Amish community meant surrendering self-will to the group, and I wasn’t about to put my life and livelihood in the hands of those who were hoping to see me fail.

  For the first time ever, I wondered if a life in the Meadowview Amish community would be best for me and Rose and our children.

  “I don’t know, Father. Some of the members of this community aren’t following the way of grace and forgiveness. I’m not sure if I can forge a life for my family in such a place.”

  Father nodded solemnly. “I understand, but I hope that the ill will we’re experiencing does not push you away from our beliefs and customs. The dangers to the spirit in the outside world are greater than anything we face being Amish.”

  “But isn’t it a stronger character who is tempted, but rises above it?”

  “Right and wrong become muddled out there, and all actions become justifiable.” As if Father was suddenly uncomfortable with the conversation, he climbed onto the seat and gathered the reins in his hand. He said, “Let go of these thoughts for now. Go next door and see if you can drum up some business. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to see Rose.”

  “I never dreamed of a day that you’d be encouraging my relationship with an English girl.”

  Father smiled sadly, and his expression stung my heart. “Hopefully, one day she’ll be Amish alongside of you. That’s what I pray for each night. It feels like providence that the two of you should be together, and who am I to argue with the will of God?”

  21

  Rose

  Standing like a statue, I listened to the knocks. Could I get away with pretending that I wasn’t home? Not likely. I was pretty certain Dad would have gone out of his way to say something friendly to Hunter before he drove away. And then there was my little red pickup truck sitting in the driveway. Nope, escape wasn’t feasible, either.

  My irritation grew with each rap on the wood. Gathering courage and swallowing down the tightness in my throat, I opened the door.

  I tried to ignore his wide smile and said in a businesslike way, “Sorry, but Sam’s not here.”

  “I didn’t come to see your brother.” He looked to the side in obvious nervousness and then back again.

  “Hunter, we already went over this. I don’t want to see you anymore. It’s better for both of us.”

  “I don’t agree, but just put that aside for a minute. Can we talk?”

  Nodding my head, I went through the doorway and onto the porch.

  “I have to let Lady out and clean her stall. You can talk while I work.”

  Hunter eagerly followed me down the steps to the walkway. I tried to forget the happy expression he’d worn when I glanced his way as we left the house. He was fooling himself if he believed that he could say anything at all that would change my mind about being with Noah. Hunter was sweet and good-looking, and maybe in another lifetime I’d have fallen head-over-heels for him but not in this one. I loved Noah and was pregnant with his child—there was nothing to talk about.

  Hunter watched silently while I led Lady from her stall to the pasture and turned her loose. He didn’t clear his throat until I had the wheelbarrow in the stall and was scooping up the manure.

  “Ah, why don’t you let me do that for you?”

  “Why? Do you think because I’m pregnant I can’t clean a stall?”

  I stopped to stare at Hunter with narrowed eyes feeling conflicted about his offer to help. The fact that he was being so nice bugged me all the more.

  “Well, kind of, yeah.” He lowered his voice to a whisper and added, “Working with the horse might not be the safest thing for you.”

  “You don’t know anything. Pregnant women do all kinds of work and athletic activities. You should have seen Emilene raking the leaves in her yard last year or feeding the cows. She stayed busy right up to the day she gave birth to her twins.”

  The thought of Emilene erased Hunter’s confused face from my mind for a moment. I remembered her bloated body struggling in pain to give birth to the boys and how I’d had to call Dad at the last minute to help out.

  I winced and looked back at Hunter.

  “That might be true and all, but I feel really uncomfortable watching you work while I’m standing here doing nothing.” He held out his hand and said, “Please, let me do that for you.”

  The pleading sound to his voice and the fact that I was feeling especially tired this morning made me hand the shovel to him.

  He quickly got to work while I leaned against the grain box in moody silence.

  “How’ve you been feeling?”

  “Besides vomiting several times a day, I’m fine.”

  He nodded his head and said quietly, “Have you told your dad…or Noah yet?”

  The question hit a nerve, and I hissed, “It’s none of your business who I tell. And you had better keep your mouth shut about it.”

  “I wouldn’t tell anyone, I promise you that. I can only imagine what you’re going through. It would be bad enough to be pregnant, but keeping it secret would be even worse in my opinion.”

  I gazed out the barn door, my eyes wandering to where Lady was munching on the grass beneath the oak tree. The birds were chirping, and the cool dampness of morning was being dried away by the bright sunshine. It was the perfect day…except for the fact that I was pregnant. If Hunter hadn’t shown up, I could have pushed the knowledge to the back of my mind and pretended I was an ordinary teenage girl enjoying the warm weather.

  But as irritated as I was with Hunter at the moment, I couldn’t deny that having him to t
alk to was probably a good thing.

  “I know you’ll keep the secret. Besides, it’s not like I have a lot of time before everyone knows, anyway.”

  “That’s why I came to talk to you today.”

  I glanced up to see the eagerness on his face and suddenly felt very wary.

  “What do you want from me?”

  “Actually, I want to do something special for you.” Seeing my frown, he quickly went on to say, “Wait, Rose, please hear me out on this. You’re right, in a few months everyone will know that you’re pregnant and then your life will change forever. You’ll probably marry Noah and spend the rest of your life as an Amish wife and mother. There will be so many things that you’re going to miss out on, things you won’t ever be able to do.”

  His words made my heart drop into my stomach. I’d thought a lot about how becoming Amish and having a baby would change my life. What he was saying was like an arrow of truth through my chest.

  Sniffing back the emotions, I said, “Did you come here just to upset me, because that’s what you’re doing.”

  He took a couple of steps closer and looked down on me with wide eyes. “No, I’m not trying to hurt you. I want to give you a memory that you’ll have for the rest of your life. Something that I know you’ll love. Please, say yes.”

  “You haven’t even told me what you’re talking about.”

  “I’d like you to accompany me to my senior prom.”

  A million feelings rushed through me. He wanted me to go to a school dance with him? For a moment, I imagined the fancy sequined dress I’d pick out and the flower corsage he’d put around my wrist. A night of twirling and sliding across a dance floor—it sounded like heaven.

  Before the dream got too out of hand, reality sank in, like a bucket of cold water on my face. With effort I blocked the images out of my mind.

  “Are you crazy? I can’t go with you to a dance. I’m Noah’s girl…and I’m pregnant. Pretending it isn’t so won’t erase the facts.”

  “Now, wait a minute, the ball is next week. You won’t be showing by then, and as far as Noah is concerned, I’m inviting you as a good friend. I don’t have a date, and I thought that the opportunity to do something like that would be fun for you—a special memory that you’ll always have.”