Forever

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  Summer’s body was pressed against me in the doorway, and I glanced at her again to admire how pretty she looked in the dark green dress. The color complemented her eyes, and with her strawberry-blond curls framing her face, she looked like a model in a teen magazine. Sure, she’d complained about the dress and all the hair spray, but I’d caught her twirling in front of the mirror in the bathroom afterward.

  Gazing back into the chapel, I searched the faces again, hoping to see white caps and long beards. I’d made sure that the entire Miller family and all our other friends from the community had received the golden embossed invitations, but sighing, I realized that there wasn’t much hope that any of the Amish would show for the big day.

  Noah had warned me not to bother, but I’d gone ahead and sent them out, anyway. Even though I knew about shunning, I still had a difficult time believing that Noah’s beloved family would turn their backs on one of the most important days of his life—and all because he had chosen to live his life different than them.

  It definitely put a dark cloud over the otherwise beautiful June afternoon, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for Noah and greatly perturbed with the community at the same time. Trying to push the negative thoughts aside, I raised my hand when Justin caught sight of me. He was sitting beside Tina and Uncle Jason, and I smiled at them both for a second before I continued searching the crowd.

  There were many faces I didn’t recognize, and I assumed they were Dad’s friends, but I also spotted Mr. Denton near the back and a couple of men and their wives who I guessed were the English people that Noah had trained horses for in the past. He’d asked me to send them invitations, and I was glad that they’d actually shown up on such short notice.

  There was a light beam shining through the stained-glass window to the exact spot where Noah and I would say our vows, and I swallowed down the tight knot in my throat at the sight. The awful morning sickness had left me a couple of weeks ago, and this was the first time I’d had a queasy feeling in a while.

  Softly, I pressed my hand to my belly, which had begun to poke out in just the past week. A flash of worry shot through me when I heard Dad’s words from a few days earlier replay in my mind. Don’t take this pregnancy for granted, Rosie— You’re very young to be having a child, and sometimes teenagers have complications. I’d figured that because Dad was a doctor and a dad at the same time, he was just being paranoid, but I’d searched the subject myself and was surprised to see that it was true. Women in their teens were more likely to have complications and premature birth than those over twenty. Since doing the research, whenever I felt an odd twinge in my belly, I found myself holding my breath and saying a silent prayer.

  I would just die if I lost Noah’s baby.

  Trying to chase the ill thoughts away, I stroked the bump as I gazed at the painting on the wall across the way.

  For some reason, seeing Mary cradling the baby Jesus in her arms made me think of Mom, and I had to take a deep breath to keep the emotions from spilling out. Even though she wasn’t here in physical form, I still felt her presence, almost as if she stood beside me with her hand on my shoulder. She wouldn’t have been happy about my teenage pregnancy, but in the end, she would have accepted it and my marriage to Noah.

  When I closed my eyes, I could see her…and she was smiling.

  Summer nudged me with her elbow and whispered, “Yep, looks like we’re about ready.”

  “I’m so nervous,” I said.

  “Course you are—isn’t every day you throw away all your freedom for a guy.”

  My eyes and mouth must have widened if Summer’s amused chuckle was any indication.

  “Just kidding—I’m really happy for you. It all worked out the way you wanted it to.”

  “I hope so,” I said quietly and then met Summer’s confused stare.

  “It’s a little late in the game to be saying such a thing, don’t you think?”

  “I’m just sad that none of Noah’s family came—or any of our Amish friends. That’s why we had the wedding here in Meadowview, just in case someone changed their mind about it. It feels like a bad omen or something.”

  “Don’t go getting all gloomy on me now, girl. You’re about to get married, and you’re supposed to have a big fat smile on your face.” She raised her chin and motioned toward the back of the chapel where the double doors were open. “Besides, maybe you jumped the gun a bit.”

  My eyes followed her gaze, and I caught my breath.

  Coming through the doorway was Suzanna and Miranda, along with their boyfriends, Timothy and Matthew. I knew what trouble they’d be in if they were caught at our wedding, and my heart burst in happiness that they’d risked so much to be here with us on this special day.

  I sniffed, and just as a tear began to fall, Summer pulled me away from the doorway and began dabbing the corner of my eye with the tissue.

  “Good grief, you even cry when something good happens. Now, dry it up. That’s an order,” Summer demanded in a firm voice.

  I laughed at her uptight face and hugged her.

  “I’m so lucky to have a friend like you.”

  “Yes, you are, and don’t forget it.” She said the words in a joking way, but I could tell she was touched.

  “Who knows, maybe it won’t be so long that you’ll be more than just a best friend,” I said, grinning.

  “Whoa, don’t even go there. I’m not in a hurry to rush into anything with your hardheaded brother. He drives me crazy most of the time— We’d probably kill each other.”

  “Some things are just inevitable,” I said.

  Before Summer could argue, Aunt Debbie walked in. She looked very different than she had earlier when she’d entered the church in jogging pants and a sweatshirt. Her dark blond hair down on her shoulders and the sky-blue dress she wore hugged her figure attractively. She smiled deeply when she saw me and crossed the room.

  Gathering up my hand, she led me to the mirror.

  “Look at what a beautiful young woman you’ve become,” she said.

  I gazed at my reflection and was startled for an instant.

  A mature face stared back at me that I hardly recognized. Yeah, Rose was still there, but I’d lost the childlike quality that I’d had when I’d first met Noah the year before.

  The dress I’d chosen was satin, with a cluster of little white pearls on the bodice and continuing up the straps that went over my shoulders. The train wasn’t long, but still flared out behind me for a couple of feet. It had been one of the more expensive dresses I’d looked at, but I was lucky that both Tina and Aunt Debbie had gone to bat for me with Dad. When he’d relented about paying the outrageous price, I was thrilled, and seeing how pretty it looked on me now, I knew I’d made the right choice.

  Not everyone was aware of the pregnancy, and it was still early enough that no one would guess, thank God. I didn’t want to be an obviously pregnant woman walking down the aisle.

  That wouldn’t be cool at all.

  Aunt Debbie took my hand, and I turned to hug her. She even smelled like Mom, and having her close made the pain of Mom’s absence more bearable. She’d also been very supportive of the pregnancy and even pulled some favors to get Noah a job at the market she worked at. Sure, he’d be stocking shelves on second shift, but the benefits were good, and we’d have health insurance. The only part that worried me was moving to the suburbs of Cincinnati. Would Noah be able to survive such a change?

  When Aunt Debbie pulled back, she frowned and said, “What’s wrong, Rose— Are you feeling okay?”

  Aunt Debbie could read me like an open book, so it wasn’t surprising that she picked up on my anxiety.

  “I was just thinking about the move.” I paused and searched her eyes for understanding. “I don’t think Noah will be happy in the English world.”

  Aunt Deb
bie’s face softened, and she nodded. I didn’t turn to look Summer’s way, already knowing full well what she thought about the plan.

  “Sometimes we have to take a more difficult path for a while until we can finally reach the easier one. We’ve already gone over this, Rose. This move doesn’t have to be permanent, just until you guys get some money saved up. Noah can’t start his own contracting business until he buys the tools, equipment and a vehicle. He’s going to be out of his element, for sure, but there aren’t many options at this point. At least in the city, I’ll be there to help you with the baby, and your father and Tina will be moving back as soon as they get the house in Meadowview sold to be closer to you and the baby. Trust me, it will all work out.” She forced a smile and made her voice cheery when she said, “Now, come on, you have a wedding to attend.”

  I finally looked Summer’s way, and she grinned back at me, making me feel instantly better.

  Pushing all worried thoughts aside, I picked up the skirt and said, “I’m ready,” letting Aunt Debbie and Summer guide me through the door to where Dad and Sam were waiting.

  When I saw their eyes light up at seeing me in the wedding gown, I relaxed even more.

  The most important people in my life were here supporting me, and that’s all that mattered.

  Noah and I’d survive. As long as we had each other, we’d be all right.

  44

  Noah

  I felt better seeing Timothy and Matthew sitting in the pews with their girlfriends. I hadn’t expected them to come, but secretly, I’d prayed that they would. Out of the entire community, including my family, they were the only people I imagined would take the risk for me and Rose.

  As I stood calmly at the front of the church, I watched my friends fidget in their seats, casting glances this way and that to take everything in about the ceremony. Of course, this was their first time at an English wedding, the same as me, and it was very different from what we were used to.

  The flowers decorating the church and the brightness of everyone’s clothes made the entire chapel light and happy-feeling. I had to admit that I agreed with Rose that a wedding ceremony should be a merry event and not as somber and quiet as an Amish one.

  I was more relaxed and confident than I imagined I would be. The jitters that I’d felt earlier had all but left me, and now, knowing that within the hour I’d be officially married to my beloved Rose, I felt more sure of myself than I ever had. Sure, the fact that I’d left the Amish to be with her still weighed on my mind, but with the pregnancy, I knew I was doing the right thing.

  Besides, after losing Sarah, I understood how short life could be and the importance of being with the person I loved. When my sister had died, all worries about leaving my world had disappeared. As long as I had Rose, I could survive anything.

  When the organ’s music suddenly sounded, I came to attention and searched down the aisle to the open doorway. Sam and Summer walked between the pews, side by side. His back was straight and his mouth was turned up in an amused smirk. The look was expected from him and didn’t bother me much. I’d grown accustomed to his obnoxious ways and had come to terms with the fact that as his brother-in-law, I’d have to work hard to get along with him.

  Summer looked pretty in the hunter-green dress she wore, and I had to admit that the two of them made an attractive couple. I guessed that they’d be exchanging their own vows in the not-too-distant future.

  After Sam and Summer separated, each taking a place to the sides of where I stood, my heart stopped when Rose stepped over the threshold on her father’s arm.

  She was beautiful.

  Her long brown hair was pulled up, but stray curls framed her face. The dress she wore was unlike anything I’d seen before. It sparkled of its own light with each step she took. It dawned on me what she would have given up if we’d stayed in the Amish world. She would have been wearing a plain smock and apron on her wedding day, instead of the glorious dress she had on now. And a girl like Rose was made to wear such a dress.

  I felt a twinge of pain that I’d expected her to give up everything she’d ever known to be with me. How foolish I’d been. Rose would have tried, I know, but she’d never have survived the Plain ways. Over time, she’d have been drained of all her vibrancy.

  As her father guided her to me, her eyes were wide and staring, and I smiled at her, taking her hands between my own.

  When David stepped back, I caught the look on his face that stated clearly that he expected me to take good care of his daughter. I wasn’t offended and nodded my head softly in reassurance. The look that passed between us was meaningful—feeling like a new beginning after so much strife.

  Rose lifted her chin and smiled mischievously. I began to breathe normally again. Very soon we’d be officially joined before God, and all our troubles would be gone. The thought of moving forward with our lives made my heart light.

  As the English pastor began to speak, I hardly heard him, being more focused on Rose’s blue eyes and the trust and happiness I saw there. More than anything, I wanted to be a good husband to her and father to our baby.

  When the man began speaking the Amish vows, I perked up, very grateful that they were included in the ceremony. Saying the words that I’d grown accustomed to made the joining firmer in my mind and put me at ease that the vows we were saying truly meant something.

  “Do you acknowledge and confess it is as Christian order, that there should be one husband and one wife, and are you able to have the confidence that you have begun this undertaking according to the biblical doctrine you have been taught?”

  “Yes,” we both answered together.

  “Do you also have the confidence that the Lord has ordained this, Rose and Noah?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you solemnly promise your wife that if she should be afflicted with bodily weakness, sickness or some such similar circumstances that you will care for her as is fitting for a Christian husband?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you solemnly promise the same to your husband that, if he should be afflicted with bodily weakness, sickness or some other similar circumstances, you will care for him as is fitting for a Christian wife?”

  “Yes.”

  “And do you both also solemnly promise each other that you will love and be patient with one another and not separate from each other until God shall separate you through death?”

  Together we said, “Yes.”

  Sam stepped forward and held out the rings to us. I took the smaller one and placed it on Rose’s slim finger and then waited while she did the same to me with the larger gold band. The feel of the cold metal on my finger was completely foreign, and I glanced down at the ring in awe. My people didn’t adorn themselves with jewelry of any kind, even wedding rings, and a part of me that had lain dormant since my announcement that I was going English suddenly flared to life in protest. Such a statement wasn’t needed in the Amish world. Husbands and wives didn’t have to make a show of their joining for it to be real, but this was a part of an Englisher’s ceremony that I must accept and get used to, even though it made no sense to me in the least.

  “The God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob be with you and bless this union abundantly, through Jesus Christ our Lord, and what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Go forth as husband and wife, live in peace, fear God and keep his commandments. Amen.”

  The chill of nervousness rushed through me, and I glanced out at the faces of so many staring people. Apprehension swelled in my gut as I bent down to kiss my bride in front of an audience. Such a display of affection in the open was completely forbidden in my upbringing—I’d never even seen my parents kiss. And even though I’d walked away from that way of life, it still felt wrong for me to do such a thing.

  Rose understood, and as she tilted her head upwa
rd, I saw the sparkle of amusement in her eyes. The look made me bold, and when my mouth closed on hers, I suddenly forgot that we were being spied on by a hundred people.

  The kiss was brief and not nearly as satisfying as our usual kisses, but it sealed the deal in the English world.

  The pastor smiled at us and then lifted his hands to the congregation, saying, “I’m pleased to present Mr. and Mrs. Noah Miller.”

  Everyone stood and clapped.

  We walked down the aisle between smiling faces and shouts of congratulations. The only thing that felt solid at that moment was Rose’s arm hooked through mine, the warmth of her body pressed against me telling me that I wasn’t dreaming—she really was finally my wife.

  I was in a hurry to leave the building and reach sunshine and fresh air beyond the doorway when Suzanna suddenly appeared and placed a hand on Rose’s arm, stopping us.

  Her eyes were moist when she said, “I wish you both the very best. It was a beautiful joining.”

  As Rose hugged Suzanna and then Miranda in turn, I shook hands with Timothy and Matthew.

  My friends didn’t have to say a word—I saw it in their eyes.

  This was goodbye. They’d shown me the respect of attending the ceremony, but our friendships would never be the same again.

  We left them behind, and I knew that Rose didn’t realize that her relationship with the girls was over—our English wedding had sealed the coffin, so to say.

  I wasn’t going to mention it to her, though. I wanted this to be a perfect day— She deserved it.

  In time she’d discover the harsh reality.

  The Amish world was just a memory now.

  45

  Rose

  I looked down shyly at the light blue nightgown I wore. There wasn’t a lot to it, only some flimsy material and a small bow in between my breasts. Suddenly, a million butterflies exploded in me at the thought of walking out in front of Noah wearing such a thing.