Forever

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  She was now staring into her cup, and I wondered what she was thinking when Rebecca asked, “Do you have any names picked out?”

  “We’ve talked about quite a few, but haven’t decided for sure yet.”

  “It’s such an exciting time, the birth of a first child. Enjoy these last weeks of time alone with your husband, Rose. Soon enough everything will change.”

  Rachel woke from her trance and said, “You make it sound awful, Ruth. Why go scaring Rose that way?”

  Ruth snorted and said, “I’m doing no such thing—simply giving young Rose a wise bit of advice.”

  Rebecca nodded and supported the other woman. “Yes, she’s right, my dear. There is so very little time when we are alone with our husbands in the world—very soon the babies begin arriving, and life changes, but in a wonderful way. We want Rose to enjoy this time with Noah and to understand that it’s special.”

  “I don’t know why all the girls are in such a rush to get married. I’d be happy living on my own without the worry of a husband or children,” Rachel said.

  Rebecca’s eyes widened, and she scolded her daughter, “Hush now, Rachel. Don’t be talking like that.”

  Ruth had a tight smile when she said, “Don’t mind her, she’ll be changing her mind soon enough.”

  “No, I won’t.” Rachel rose abruptly, nearly knocking her chair down with the motion.

  I looked at Katie with wide eyes, and she only shrugged as Rachel left the room in a hurry.

  Rebecca sighed and said, “I don’t know what’s got into that girl. She’s always been temperamental, but lately she’s been impossible.”

  Ruth reached over and patted Rebecca’s hand and reassured her, “Maybe losing Sarah has been harder on her than you think. Don’t forget, she survived the house collapsing when her sister did not. That’s a difficult burden to bear, I’d say.”

  Rebecca nodded and sniffed, rubbing the wetness from her eyes.

  The warmth of the wood-burning stove in the kitchen kept the numbness from setting in. Even though there was grief in the room, there was also friendship and love. As long as these women had each other, they could survive anything.

  I suddenly realized with a sharp pain that I was only a visitor now, and I was filled with envy of what I’d lost when I’d help convince Noah to go English.

  A loud knock was immediately followed by the door bursting open and Suzanna and Miranda rushing in from the cold, dark evening.

  Almost breathless, Suzanna said, “I hope you don’t mind us stopping by, Ruth. We desperately wanted to see Rose.”

  Ruth stood and said, “Of course not, girls. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. I have some mending to do in the other room.” My ex-foster mom took the few steps to me, and I rose and let her embrace me tightly. She murmured against my ear, “It’s been wonderful seeing you, my dear. I do hope you’ll visit again soon.”

  When she stepped back, she eyed me with a wise and knowing stare before she left the room.

  Rebecca followed suit but was completely silent during her hug. I could tell she wanted to speak, but the words must have caught in her throat. When she left the room, tears were falling down her cheeks.

  Katie touched my belly softly with her hand and said, “May the grace of God be with you when you deliver, Rose…and please bring the sweet angel by for a visit. I hope that he or she will know their cousin, Stephen. They will be close in age, and I’m sure they’ll enjoy playing with each other.”

  “Do you think that’s possible?” I asked hopefully.

  Noah had been so vague about whether we’d be able to return anytime soon, I really didn’t know what would be allowed.

  Katie’s nod was hesitant. She said, “Only time will tell for sure, but I’d welcome seeing you again.” As if the emotion of the situation was too much, she quickly went to the bassinet that Ruth had set up in the corner of the kitchen for just such visits, and reached in to gather up her baby boy.

  “I’d best be heading home myself. Peter, Daniel, Isaac and Naomi are staying with me tonight, and I reckon they’ve worn Jacob out. It was good to see you, Rose.”

  Katie’s smile lit up her face, and then she was through the door. The blast of cold air entered the kitchen just long enough to leave a harsh impression of her departure before the door closed.

  I didn’t have long to miss her, when Suzanna crossed the room and embraced me. Unlike everyone else, she didn’t worry too much about the great bulge of my belly and pressed right into it. I laughed at her exuberance and then received a calmer squeeze from Miranda before we were all seated in front of the stove.

  Although I’d enjoyed my time with the other women and even felt a strange bonding toward Noah’s sister, these two were among my closest friends in the world. And, unlike with Amanda and Britney, the fact that I was pregnant made no difference to them. It was a way of life in their world—I was just experiencing it a little before them.

  “What have you two been up to…getting into any trouble?” I teased.

  Suzanna rolled her eyes and barked, “Ever since you left the community, getting into trouble isn’t as much fun anymore.”

  I knew she was joking, but I put on an offended face for a few seconds before I began giggling.

  “You’re rotten, you know that, Rose. You had me going for a minute.” Her tone changed, and her voice slowed when she added, “Actually, I have some news for you. We both do.”

  The following silence from the outspoken girl was strange, and my curiosity made me burst out, “Well, out with it.”

  “I’m getting married in March and Miranda a month later.”

  I let the words sink in and then reached out to grasp each of their hands. “It’s about time.”

  Suzanna’s face went from an excited grin to a sudden frown. She said, “Don’t go telling anyone…only our families know. We’ll make the announcements in early February.”

  I leaned back, quickly counting the months in my mind. “That’s almost four months before you even let the word out. Honestly, I don’t know how you’ll be able to keep it secret for so long.”

  “Time will go by fast—there’s so much to do to prepare,” Miranda said in her quiet, birdlike voice.

  I looked between the two of them and said sullenly, “I wish I could be there.”

  “I know. So do I, but it would never be allowed for you and Noah to attend.” After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, she added, “We’ll get together right after the wedding. Once Timmy and I move in to the farmhouse we’re going to rent, you can come by anytime.”

  “I don’t know, Suzanna. I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

  Suzanna’s face firmed with a determined look. “Don’t go acting like that. Sure, you’re not Amish and things won’t be the same as before, but you’ll always be my friend, and Noah and Timmy have been best buddies since they were two. It’ll be all right—we’ll have more freedom once we’re all married.”

  Miranda sighed and said, “That’s what we hope, anyway.”

  Suzanna turned to her and said sharply, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Everyone talks about having more freedom when they marry, but it doesn’t seem to work out that way. You know it deep down to be true.”

  Suzanna leaned back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest. Her silence was her way of agreeing.

  “How can that be so? Once you are out from under your parents’ thumbs, you can do what you want.” I directed the question at Miranda.

  Miranda shook her head softly and replied, “We change from the authority of our parents to that of the church, which is even more diligent about watching us and keeping us in line. Our parents don’t have much more freedom than we do now.”

  “Then, why do it—? Why stay Amish?”


  Miranda said, “Because that is who we are. We trade our freedom for the support of community. Some would think us crazy, but others might be jealous of our blessings at the same time.”

  “Yes, I have been, at times,” I murmured, thinking about Lucy and the neighbors I’d traded Meadowview for when Noah and I had moved to the city.

  Wanting to wipe the melancholy feeling from the room, Suzanna exclaimed, “Oh, I have more news for you.” She paused and said with a grin, “Guess what? Constance is also engaged— They’ve been trying to keep it secret, but I’ve heard that it will be a week before mine.”

  The news shocked me, and I asked, “To whom?”

  “John, the oldest Yoder son— Do you remember him?”

  Searching my memories, I tried to pinpoint him but couldn’t. There were so many Yoder boys, and they were all blond. Their faces glazed together in my mind, but having Noah’s ex-fiancée hitched was a good thing in my book.

  “I wish them all the best.” I tried to sound sincere, but the girls knew better. They burst into laughter, and I joined them.

  After we all sobered, a thought popped into my head, and I asked, “Do either of you know what’s going on with Rachel? She’s in quite the mood.”

  Suzanna nodded and leaned in to whisper, “She hasn’t been right since the tornado. When she’s not snapping at someone, she refuses to speak at all.” Lowering her voice to the point I had to strain to hear her, she added, “And, to top it off, I have it on good authority that she’s been flirting with two boys.”

  Suzanna’s words directly conflicted with what Rachel had said to us earlier about not wanting a husband or children. My shock must have shown, because Suzanna said, “I definitely think it’s true, and you won’t believe who the boys are.”

  What she said next made me almost fall out of my chair.

  “It’s Micah Schwartz…and your little brother, Justin.”

  51

  Sam

  When Rose came through the family room doorway with Noah two steps behind her, I wasn’t expecting her to bypass me completely and head straight to the TV. She yanked out the Xbox cords. The fuzz of static lasted for a second, before she turned off the power to the television and faced Justin, her hands on her hips.

  “What are you doing—are you insane?” Justin yelled, jumping out of the recliner.

  I glanced at Noah, who met my gaze for a second, but he only frowned and remained on the couch.

  Rose stood up straighter. Her stomach bulged, but she was still formidable when she blasted back at Justin, “You’re the insane one. What are you thinking, getting involved with Rachel Miller?”

  The words split my head like an ax. No way… But looking back again at Noah, I knew with sickening surety that Rose was indeed serious. Damn.

  Justin sat back down in defiance and shrugged. He said in a milder tone, “You could hardly call it getting involved.”

  Justin’s nonchalant attitude seemed to placate her a bit. She said in a more civil voice, “How do you even know her?”

  “I’ve only talked to her a few times when I went next door to help clean up the mess from the storm. Dad ordered me to.”

  Piping up in Justin’s defense, I said, “Yeah, Dad did tell us to go over there and help out whenever we could. We’ve spent a lot of cleaning up, and I even helped with the framing of the new house. I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal of this.”

  “Oh, it might sound all nice and innocent, Sam, but Justin isn’t really being honest with us. There’s more to this than he’s saying.”

  Before I had the chance to follow up, Justin’s voice rose again. “There’s nothing going on, so just leave it alone, will you? That girl’s totally bent, anyway.” He looked up at her and smirked, and I knew he’d either lost his mind or he was desperate to cover his ass.

  Rose’s eyes widened at his challenge, and she said, “You shouldn’t be messing with her, Justin!”

  I jumped up and put my arm in front of her just in time. Even though Noah was married to my sister, he still had no clue to her volatility. He was several seconds too late.

  Rose gripped my arm and threatened, “If you don’t move, Sam, you’re going to be a casualty when I kill him.”

  “You’re not going to kill anyone…at least not in your condition. Really, do you want your baby experiencing this kind of violence while it’s still in the womb?”

  Rose leveled a hard stare at me and said, “Don’t patronize me.” She pointed at Justin, who was still sitting leisurely in his gamer chair. “Justin shouldn’t be getting involved with Rachel Miller on any level. She’s nothing but trouble—the entire situation is nothing but trouble. I know. Justin, you don’t want to end up with the problems Noah and I have had. Tell him, Noah. Tell him to stay away from your sister!”

  Justin was unfazed and looked up at his brother-in-law with an “I dare you to” look, and I suddenly had a lot more respect for my little brother. Staring at him for the first time in forever, I saw that his face and body had matured into a good-looking fifteen-year-old when I hadn’t been paying attention. He had the same brown hair and bright blue eyes that Rose had and could pass as her twin, but whereas her face was extremely pretty by anyone’s standards, his was beautiful in a masculine way.

  It suddenly dawned on me that he had the capacity to be more of a headache than Rose ever had. Justin was a bad boy in a zoned-out gamer’s disguise…and the little shit was smarter than us all.

  Noah put his hands gently on Rose’s arms and tugged her away from me and Justin. In a calming voice, he said to her, “Rose, sweetheart, if your brother says nothing is going on, then I believe him. You know how the Amish girls gossip—Suzanna probably misunderstood.”

  Rose screeched, “Oh, I’d take Suzanna’s word as the gospel compared to Justin’s— He’s lying!”

  Justin stood again, and the four of us were facing off in the center of the family room when Dad walked in.

  “What’s going on in here?”

  The silence that followed Dad’s question was palpable. For once, I didn’t dare to say a word. I would leave it to Rose to decide how to proceed. After all, she was probably right to be worried about our little brother and whatever mess he was getting himself into.

  Noah just stared at the ground and Justin looked straight into Rose’s gaze, unflinching.

  In a sudden release of energy, Rose let out a breath and said, “We were just arguing about the television. Noah and I wanted to watch a movie, and Justin wouldn’t get off the Xbox.”

  Dad frowned at Justin and said, “Justin, don’t be rude. Your sister doesn’t come to visit often. The TV is hers tonight.”

  Justin smiled and said, “Fine,” before he left the room.

  I had a few seconds of feeling relaxed before my gaze met Rose’s.

  She was backing off for now, but the look she gave me said it all.

  Rose might be completely wrong about Justin and this Rachel chick, but either way, she wouldn’t let the matter drop until she got her answers.

  52

  Rose

  The man’s finger came alarmingly close to my nose, but I held my ground, although my insides felt like mush. Darkness had settled in a few minutes earlier, and the street lamps illuminated my neighbor’s angry face. His wife stood a few feet behind him puffing on a cigarette. She hadn’t spoken, but she didn’t need to. Her glare conveyed her hatred easily enough.

  “You made a big mistake, girlie, and you’re going to fucking pay for it.”

  Noah wouldn’t be home for several hours. I tried to close the door, but the man’s hand shot out and kept it in place. As panic swirled inside of me, I said with effort, “Please, go away. I don’t want any trouble with you.”

  “If you’d minded your own damned business, I wouldn’t
be here on your porch. You brought this on yourself.” He smirked and said with a mock sweet voice, “And you being about to pop out a baby. How unfortunate.”

  Behind his shoulder, the green dually truck pulled to the curb and parked beneath the lamp post. I breathed a sigh of relief. When my neighbor had hurled obscenities at me earlier in the day when I’d returned from shopping, I’d called Sam, crying. He’d been getting ready to pick Summer up for a date, and I wasn’t sure if he’d actually come to the city on such short notice to stay with me until Noah got home. But here he was, and just in the nick of time.

  Sam shouted out, “Rose, are you all right?”

  The man let go of the door and turned. He grabbed his wife’s arm and dragged her along with him off the porch as Sam and Summer reached it. Just as I thought—the man was a complete coward.

  He growled over his shoulder as he was crossing into his own yard, “She’ll be fine if she learns to keep her trap shut.”

  Sam rushed the man and grabbed his shoulder, spinning him around.

  “Don’t you threaten my sister, you loser,” Sam said.

  “Sam, stop!” I yelled, terrified. The man was bigger than Sam and probably nearing thirty. Even if he weren’t a violent drug dealer, he’d have been a lot to handle for anyone.

  “Fuck you,” the man said as he shoved with both his hands on Sam’s chest.

  Sam swung, hitting him soundly on the side of the face. The crunch was loud, and a spurt of bright red blood flew through the air. Summer got a hold of Sam’s midsection and held on, and the wife grasped her husband, whose nose was now bleeding profusely. I ran outside.

  “Sam, are you okay?” I asked, clutching his arm.

  “I’m all right,” he said. “He didn’t get me.”