The Daughter in Law

by Nina Manning

  Ben wandered into the room looking annoyingly lively, and closed the door.

  ‘Where have you been?’ The breathing hadn’t worked, the tension in my voice was apparent.

  ‘Just sorting out my mum’s computer? She asked me to do a couple of things. Are you looking forward to getting back home?’ Ben was breezy as he skipped round to his side of the bed and hopped up next to me. We were going home today. He had yet to break the news to Annie but his sense of relief to be leaving the beach house was palpable.

  ‘Your mum brought me coffee. Wasn’t that nice of her?’ I grinned inanely and heard the petulant tone in my voice.

  ‘Did she? Oh right. I told her I’d bring it. Never mind, hope she didn’t see you in your negligee,’ he laughed. I frowned at him. Why was Annie so keen to bring me coffee herself, I wondered, as my mind flashed back to the incident in the bathroom.

  Ben shuffled closer to me, placed his chilly hand under the sheets and began searching for bare skin. I pulled myself back down under the sheets and allowed my husband to caress me.

  ‘There we go,’ came a sing-song voice and both Ben and I shot up from under the sheets. Annie stood in the doorway where Ben had closed it moments ago.

  ‘Mum!’ Ben wailed. I grabbed the sheets around me again. I looked at Ben, my eyes wide with question. ‘What are you doing, Mum?’ The agitation was fraught in Ben’s voice.

  ‘Delivering you your clothes. You get the full service when you come here, Daisy.’ Annie placed a small pile of neatly folded clothes on the end of the bed. I instantly recognised the T-shirt and pregnancy jeans I had been wearing yesterday and then, to my horror, I saw placed on top were my matching purple lace knickers and bra. I felt my face flush. Then I felt the anger rise.

  ‘Annie, I really don’t think this was necessary. Those…’ I paused with embarrassment and pointed feebly to my underwear. ‘They are very delicate.’

  ‘Oh yes, dear, I know. Don’t worry, I read the label and washed them accordingly.’ Annie said and Ben placed his head in his hands and groaned.

  ‘Right, who’s for a delicious fry-up?’ Annie said raising her eyebrows like an excited child.

  I had the sensation of watery mouth. I yanked my jeans from the pile at the end of the bed sending Annie’s perfect folded washing into array. With Annie’s huffing in my ear, I made it to the toilet just in time to throw up.

  Half an hour later, we emerged into the kitchen where Annie was standing trying to conceal her annoyance at having waited a further thirty minutes to serve the breakfast.

  ‘Well, your bacon will be dried up now. There’s fresh fried eggs but that’s the best I can do.’ Annie’s words were coarse as she stood wringing the tea towel between her hands. She looked hard at me. I was suddenly very glad we were leaving straight after breakfast. I felt like I’d over-stayed my visit here.

  ‘How are you feeling now, Daisy? Too many rich foods last night. I always pace myself over Christmas, nothing worse than mince pies and brandy sloshing around your stomach.’

  Of course, she was still refusing to acknowledge any real association with the baby. The baby I was having with her son. The baby that was still making me sick and want to retch again just thinking about Annie’s fried eggs.

  ‘Yes, it must have been that Annie,’ I said playing along. ‘I could have stayed in that bed all day though’ I said wishing I were there now and not at sitting in Annie’s stark kitchen.

  ‘It is a good bed, Daisy,’ Annie said stiffly. ‘Never been slept in by anyone except Ben. We will go for a walk later? I’ve got pancetta to make some turkey club sandwiches for lunch and a stack of board games just waiting to be played.’

  I looked at Ben and then hung my head, leaving him to deal with his mother on his own.

  ‘We’re heading back after breakfast, mum. Daisy’s got to teach a class later.’ Ben heaped sugar into his mug.

  ‘Oh,’ Annie said, her disappointment obvious. I looked at Ben, who was looking at his teacup. ‘And on Boxing Day? Well, I say, you girls never stop. Who wants to work out the day after Christmas? And in your condition?’

  ‘Daisy’s perfectly fine to keep teaching right up until the birth, Mum, as long as she takes it easy. And Boxing Day is a very popular day for classes at the gym.’

  Ben looked at me and gave me a quick subtle wink.

  ‘Well, I never,’ Annie said eyeing me up between serving the eggs and bringing the plates to the table.

  ‘Breakfast smells great,’ I said through a strained smile as Annie laid our plates in front of us. She returned with a full teapot, the very one she had burned me with at our last visit. Annie stared straight at me as she edged the tea pot between me and Ben. I folded my arms and laid them on my lap. She walked to the other side of the kitchen and when she was far enough away, I picked up the teapot and poured out. As I was pouring tea into Ben’s cups I whispered, ‘You’re going straight to hell lying to your poor mother like that.’

  ‘Not entirely lying.’ Ben leant over the table and whispered, ‘We’ll be doing our own work out later.’ He winked and I slapped his hand.

  ‘Naughty boy,’ I whispered and looked up as Annie returned our way carrying a plate of toast.

  Twenty minutes later I pushed my plate away with barely half the food eaten, I looked over at Ben who had cleared his plate entirely. He was now standing up patting his pockets.

  ‘Hey, Mum, did you find anything else in my pocket when you washed those jeans last night?

  ‘No, son, why?’

  ‘Oh, it’s just I swore the flat keys were in one of these pockets.’

  ‘You probably didn’t bring them. We didn’t lock up because Eve was still at home,’ I said, picking up a piece of dry toast and nibbling on it. Annie who had been hovering around the table the whole time, looked down at my plate.

  ‘Oh, Daisy, dear? Not hungry? I thought you had quite an appetite, young fit girl like you?’

  ‘Sorry. It’s just that, well, I’m not a massive eater first thing in the morning…’ I felt sweat prickle under my arms. Was she doing this on purpose or had she forgotten what pregnancy felt like. ‘It was good, thanks Annie. Just not as hungry as I thought, I guess.’ I looked at Ben for some moral support but he was still frisking himself and looking agitated.

  ‘So no keys, Mum?’

  ‘No son!’ Annie’s bark rang loud and clear around the kitchen. ‘I mean… really, could you not have just dropped them somewhere?’ she said more softly. ‘Stop badgering your poor old mum.’ Annie gave a silly laugh, and then her attention was back on my plate. I flashed a look at Ben; his face was a myriad of emotions I couldn’t fathom.

  ‘Do you think it was that last mince pie you ate before you went to sleep last night, Daisy?’ Annie said bluntly.

  I counted to ten in my head and smiled.

  ‘Maybe the baby likes mince pies.’ Ben said, reaching down and stroking the bump as Annie picked up both of our plates. She looked as though she was trying not to look at us, but I saw her steal a glance at Bens hand.

  ‘Maybe,’ I said absently.

  ‘Well, if you’re leaving, I have a stack of food in the freezer for you to take home. I don’t suppose you have time to cook, do you, Daisy.’

  I felt the rage bubble up inside me.

  ‘You really didn’t need to do that Annie…’ I began.

  ‘Oh, I did. It’s what a mother does for her son. Especially when he earns so little.’ Annie looked at me and tilted her head to one side. Her eyes fell momentarily on my stomach. ‘You’ll see one day.’

  ‘Thanks, Mum, I appreciate it – we appreciate it, we do.’ Ben began and I felt my stomach drop in anticipation for what he was about to tell her. ‘But things are looking up. I’ve got some work in the new year. Not like the few gigs I’ve had in the local pubs here, but real work.’

  ‘Oh, really, son? A real job?’ Annie scoffed. ‘You wouldn’t survive out there in the big bad world. Soft lad like you.’ She looked at me with blame i
n her eyes. ‘For how long?’

  I gulped hard.

  ‘A few months in the Outer Hebrides.’

  I looked at Annie. She couldn’t conceal the horror on her face. She couldn’t control where she looked, her eyes flickered between me and Ben. Then she managed to compose herself. She took in a deep breath through her nose and turned on her heel, leaving the kitchen this time.

  ‘Well, I hope they are paying you well,’ she said as she walked out of the door. Ben’s upper body seemed to deflate onto the table.

  ‘That went well.’ My voice was thick with sarcasm.

  I looked at Ben for a reaction to my comment, an eye roll or a shake of his head, but Ben’s expression was blank as he stared off into the distance. His mind was somewhere else entirely.

  Annie

  I could tell Daisy did not want to be here for Christmas. Did her mother never teach her any manners? I’m seriously wondering what Ben ever saw in her. Apart from the bleeding obvious. She struts around showing off every asset she has. And whilst carrying a baby. No shame.

  I could tell she didn’t like any of the presents I bought for her. I always relished a handkerchief set and soap when I was younger. And fancy not eating the breakfast I cooked for her? I’ll be honest. I know breakfasts aren’t my strong point. I’ve watched those cooking shows. I know it’s the new millennium, I know these new fancy quick and easy Aussie-style breakfasts are in vogue, but I like a good, honest full English. And so does my Ben.

  As for not stopping until the end of Boxing Day and leaving before lunch…! I spent the day taking down the decorations after they both left. No point keeping them up just for me, was there?

  But then that bombshell from Ben about leaving to work away on the other side of the country? I bet the two of them had a good old chuckle about that. Ben won’t be able to handle it, he’s never been away anywhere before. How does he intend to manage a relationship with Daisy when he’s all the way over there? And with a baby just months away. I’ve told him before and I’ll tell him again, marriage is not easy. Who knows what that girl will be up to whilst he’s not there? But there is the upside that he will come crawling back when it all comes crumbling down around him. I would have him back here in a heartbeat. I worry about him out there without me. People do terrible things; no one is really safe.

  This was all Daisy’s fault. If she hadn’t wormed her way into his life, our life, probably making all kinds of demands of him, then we would still be plodding along as we always did. I wouldn’t have him working himself ragged to support her and that child when there was plenty of room for the two of us here. I would have had the upstairs converted or even the cellar, so he could have his own space. Why did he have to leave me? It felt like it was happening all over again. I couldn’t bear to feel neglected again.

  I needed to get a grip and put a stop to all of this now. I spent far too long protecting my son, I needed to keep him where I knew he would be safe.

  Grace

  During that first cooking lesson, the lady saw me staring at her little boy, a mere toddler.

  ‘I had to bring him, his dad’s at work. I can’t get a babysitter. I know Emily a little bit. She doesn’t mind.’

  I looked away from the little boy who was contentedly playing with his toy train and then up at the woman. She was tall, her golden blonde hair tied neatly into a French plait. I noted how her skin was flawless and her cheeks were rosy pink.

  ‘Oh. He doesn’t bother me. He’s very sweet. What’s his name?’ I winked at him.

  ‘Michael. But we call him Mikee, don’t we, love?’ The lady looked down at Mikee, who continued playing with his train, seemingly oblivious to anyone or anything around, too engrossed in his toy to look at the desperate woman in front of him. ‘Got two more, both at school, mind.’ Then she patted her stomach and leant in. I could smell her perfume. It smelt like Chanel or something equally expensive, although I wouldn’t really know. She whispered to me, ‘And another one on the way. Haven’t told the husband yet. But I just know, you know?’

  I nodded. I knew alright. I had felt the perpetual ache of hope in my breasts, lulling me in, making me believe my body had created a baby that this time would stay in my womb long enough to develop.

  She introduced herself as Jenny and held her hand out to me. I was presented with a beautiful green and gold vintage ring on the wedding finger of perfectly manicured hand. I took Jenny’s soft hand in mine and looked up at her again as she smiled down upon me, almost regally. She had perfectly white teeth and a soft pastel red shade on her lips which complemented those naturally rosy cheeks. I tried to suppress the bitter feeling of jealousy that was stirring in the pit of my stomach but I couldn’t shift it. This woman was like a golden goddess. How was it that some women got all the luck? They had looks to die for and could get pregnant without thinking about it. Here I was struggling to hold on to one baby in my womb.

  ‘I’m Grace,’ I said then realised I had been holding Jenny’s hand for a few seconds longer than necessary, but Jenny didn’t seem to mind nor notice.

  ‘Oh, what a beautiful name. Do you have any children?’

  I released Jenny’s hand and shook my head looking down at the counter. I began re-organising the recipe cards that were laid out neatly in front of us.

  ‘Not yet. But we’re working on it.’

  ‘Oh well, you’re still young! I know friends that had their first in their forties. When you do, you’ll love it. They are a handful, I can’t tell you they aren’t. But they are worth every second of the aggro. It’s all I wanted to do, to have kids. Started as soon as we were married.’ She leant into me again, that scent of her clinging to me. ‘Well, maybe just a little bit before if I’m honest. Don’t tell my eldest though!’ Jenny laughed and nudged me. It was all I could do to force a smile. ‘I just can’t live without the little blighters. But things are…’ Jenny paused. ‘Things change, don’t they? All I know is, I need to touch up on my culinary skills. Especially now there will be another mouth to feed. My husband likes to cook and my mum, well you know mums, she was such a great cook. She could do anything with anything. That’s what I want to be like, to be able to make something from nothing. Do you know what I mean?’ Jenny smiled and cocked her head to one side. I nodded again, because I did know what Jenny meant, more so than she or anyone would ever be able to understand.

  Daisy

  The sound of the morning traffic was strangely comforting. I like to hear everyone rushing off to work knowing that I have a few free hours before I head off for my four back-to-back classes. Others might be up at the crack of dawn making the most of their time, but for me, this was making the most of it. I suppose I should have been one of those people fearful of their own company especially when time flows before you like an endless expanse and opens up opportunity for thought. Being alone with one’s thoughts could be very dangerous. But somehow it didn’t work like that for me. These times spent alone didn’t fill me with fear or dread. I didn’t sit and drag up the past or think about what has been done. You can’t change the past. There is only now and I had been alone for long enough now. I was a big girl. I could handle my own. When you keep all your secrets locked up so far away that even you can barely reach them, then all is well in the world. I was safe. No one knew the real me. The things I had done. The hurt I had caused. Not Ben, not Eve. And not Annie.

  I was living for now and heading for the future. I had wonderful opportunities in front of me. I had been working at the prestigious gym in town for over a year. Although I was self-employed, I would get some maternity allowance once the baby was born, and with Ben getting paid handsomely for his work on the album with this new band that were tipped to be the next Coldplay, we would do okay.

  Then I hoped Ben would take some time off to be with me and the baby. The thought of being alone with a little person who was entirely dependent on me sent ripples of anxiety around my body.

  Since I had been with Ben, he had begun to make me see mys
elf properly again and I began to realise my potential. Something I had stopped realising I had. That’s why Ben and I were perfect for one another. Just a few months together, but we clicked, we gelled. We were destined to be together. I had felt it in his touch the first night and he gave me a strength I didn’t realise I had and I knew I did the same for him.

  I watched him from my bed. He moved slowly around the room, folding jeans neatly and placing them carefully in the wardrobe, arranging paperwork, notes he had written, lyrics he had jotted down. Everything he did, he did with dexterity and a certain degree of softness that I had never before witnessed in a man. Other men before Ben had their softer sides, but there was always that obvious masculine way about them that they needed to assert; the way they would move from room to room or place objects down, all with force. But not Ben. He was tall and virile but soft and gentle. It was not something I had sought in a partner but when I met him I was drawn to him in a way I had never been with anyone before so I knew it was meant to be.

  ‘Come back to bed.’ I must have whispered loud enough for him to hear, he turned around with that yielding glow surrounding him, ready for me to take him and mould him exactly how I wanted him. He would surrender into me as he usually did. That I was certain of.

  Later that morning I had my bag packed ready for my classes and I sat at my laptop at the table in the lounge. Little waves of nausea pulsated around my body and I felt an overwhelming tiredness. But I needed to work. I began to check through a few emails as Ben hovered around. I had stopped asking him what the matter was whenever I saw a frown building. I had begun to leave him well alone when I could see he was somewhere far away in his mind.

  Today was different though. That frown was nowhere to be seen and he looked very much in the present. He had brought mint tea and placed it in his usual careful manner slightly away from my laptop and elbow, out of harm’s way but just within reaching distance. My concentration was brought from my computer to Ben’s presence at my side.