The Weight of Dreams

by Molly Lavenza

I fumbled at Not-Declan’s shirt, searching for any movement to indicate that his lungs were expanding, but there was nothing, When I pressed the side of my head to his chest, Lantis’s voice rang out once more, but all I could make out was perfect timing in the midst of more garbled words.

  So far, everything in Faerie was perfectly timed. I would have rolled my eyes at the thought, but I was busy frantically trying to remember what I had learned in health class three years ago about CPR. Aside from the fact that some of my classmates had tried to use it as an excuse to make out.

  I leaned back on my heels and rocked forward, resting all my weight over my hands, which were one over the other on Not-Declan’s chest. How fast was I supposed to do this? Wasn’t there a beat, a certain timing?

  My hair shimmered in front of my eyes as it blew around my face, and I shook my head so I could see. Not-Declan’s eyes were closed, the lids a faint blue. I started to press down and release, keeping my focus on his face to see if there was any response.

  Lantis screamed, but I didn’t look away. Was he mad about what I was doing, or was he upset by the wind? What else could possibly make him lose his haughty demeanor so obviously?

  Back home this weather would lead right into a thunderstorm, complete with dark skies and grim, gray clouds that poured buckets of rain while thunder and lightning ravished the landscape. Here, however, the sun continued to drown us in brightness, until a huge shadow separated us from it.

  I kept my eyes on Not-Declan, hoping his own would open and reveal the pale blue that had fascinated me all day. Would I ever see those eyes again?

  “Such a strange child. To think you would care so much for such a worthless boy.”

  Without even looking, I knew who that mocking female voice belonged to. It couldn’t be anyone else but the mysterious her who had been such an important part of the boys’ conversations. An important part that still was unexplained, but I was going to change that, right now.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I wanted to lay over Not-Declan, as if I could protect him, although I wasn’t sure why.

  Lantis rushed over and stood on the other side of the boy who claimed to be his brother, his white eyes tinged a faint blue as he stared at the obnoxious woman behind me. Both of his hands were in tight fists, but he was shaking.

  Who was she, that she could trigger this fear in him?

  Whoever she was, she would have to wait, because getting Not-Declan to take a breath was more important than anything else.

  There was a flapping sound through the air behind my head, and I remembered the dragon that had just been here. The dragon that had a mouth full of teeth that could tear my head from my body in a heartbeat.

  “Wait, please.”

  Lantis held up a hand, his palm outward. He had yet to make eye contact with me, so I had no idea what was going on in his head. Or anywhere else. Was he so afraid of her that he had to beg for whatever he was going to ask for next?

  Not-Declan began to cough, and my own breathing revved up a notch. He writhed on the ground, and I slid back to get out of his way.

  “Is he having a seizure?”

  I directed my question to Lantis, but he looked down and away from the two of us.

  “Nothing quite so dramatic,” the woman behind me was derisive, her sarcasm unveiled. “I see that his time in the human realm has made him weak. Susceptible. Much like humans.”

  He stopped rolling around, revealing the mashed-up grass beneath him.

  “Declan?” I whispered, hoping he could hear me.

  “So sentimental.”

  Her voice was cool and smooth, but she ended her snide statement with a less than ladylike snort. She clapped her hands as soon as the words left her mouth, and I nearly jumped up in surprise.

  Before I could turn to look at her, Declan took a deep breath and lifted one of his hands to his chest. Something had changed, although I could be certain since his eyes were still closed.

  I wasn’t thinking of him as a fake anymore, and while this woman was annoying, she must have had something to do with this shift in him.

  Lantis took a step back, and when I saw his feet move from the corner of my eye, I allowed my gaze to trail backwards. A filmy lavender gown pooled in the flattened grass only inches from my own feet, as I sat back on my heels.

  More curious than wary for the first time in my life, I didn’t stop at the shimmering fabric, lifting my chin as I slowly looked up, stopping only when I realized that the woman had skin the color of a pale lizard.

  The color of my skin.

  I sucked in a breath. It took me a few moments to realize that my mouth was open, just as hers was fixed in a very satisfied smirk.

  “Hope.”

  Declan’s voice was scratchy, as if he was suffering from a sore throat. Without letting the woman out of my sight, I reached my hand out to him until I felt the tips of his fingers touch mine.

  “He’s always been a weak boy, at least emotionally. An outcast, if you will.”

  I felt my eyelids close a little as I took her in, refusing to let her disparaging comments get to me. At least not yet.

  Her hair was a dark gold, like mine but with a depth and solidity that must have come from age. She didn’t look that much older than me, but her demeanor was mature, assured. Like she was used to getting her way.

  No adolescent identity crises in her recent past and none were on her schedule for the future.

  Declan’s fingers curled around mine, but he didn’t hold them tightly, and I wondered if whatever had happened to his mind and body had left him weak.

  His brother hadn’t said a word since he had pleaded with the woman. But what was it he wanted from her?

  Neither boy was going to do the honors, so I decided to introduce myself to her. After all, telling her who I was meant that she would reciprocate, and I would finally learn the identity of the elusive her I had been hearing about for what seemed hours.

  For all I knew, we could have been in Faerie for days by now. It wasn’t like there were clocks or watches, or even cell phone reception to keep track.

  I closed my eyes briefly, my thoughts racing as I considered what I was doing. No one was in a position to help me, even though I had no idea why I was in Faerie, or what had happened to Declan.

  Had I been too mean to him? How could I have known for sure that he was hidden, or trapped, or whatever had been done to him to make him change his behavior.

  And those eyes.

  His hand slipped into mine just as I pressed my lips together, determined to handle this next step on my own.

  “I’m Hope. Hope Lampers.”

  My right hand was in Declan’s, and my left was on the ground, helping me keep my balance. There would be no handshake, but she didn’t seem put out by my lack of attention to such a basic politeness.

  Her pasted-on smile dimmed slightly, barely enough for me to notice, but then it returned in full force as she simpered.

  “Of course you are, dear. Of course you are.”

  Not only did I have no idea what she meant, but she wasn’t telling me anything. No name in exchange, no explanation as to why she was there. The dragon huffed out a breath that sent half of the flowery meadow resting at a 45 degree angle from the ground and I stiffened.

  Declan’s hand was firm in mine, but he remained silent, as did Lantis. I could have looked back and checked on them, but I didn’t want to stop looking at her.

  But why?

  “This is quite a surprise, I must say. Declan, do you have anything to say for yourself?”

  The air around us was quiet, the breeze calm as the only sound was that of the dragon’s slow and deep breaths. Apparently Declan didn’t have anything to say, for himself or anyone else, but I wondered what she expected of him.

  What had he told Lantis earlier?

  I couldn’t do it. Tell her that I just couldn’t do it.

  Her eyes flashed a deep violet in the sunlight, vibrant and unnatural at the same time.
What did she expect from Declan that he hadn’t been able to deliver?

  “As always, I am a generous ruler, and forgiveness is not impossible.”

  I frowned as she closed her eyes and tilted her head, sighing. My own gaze shifted back to the boys, and I caught Declan’s eyes with my own.

  His were a glassy blue, and I wanted to fall onto the grass beside him and kiss him like I had back in the meadow, when he had looked so devastated.

  Lantis was shaking his head, but his focus was on the woman, who had finally given me a clue as to who she was.

  A ruler.

  If Faerie worked the way it did in fairy tales and various world mythologies, it had a king or queen, or maybe both. Could this creature be its queen?

  That would explain her attitude, but not the way she frightened Lantis and bullied Declan. Why were they afraid of her, and why was she there now?

  Maybe most importantly, why had Declan returned to himself when she arrived?

  What hold did she have over him?

  “So much to think about, isn’t there?”

  Her words were calm, almost soothing. How had she known what was going on in my head? Was it just a guess, was it that obvious from just looking at me?

  Before I could answer, she kept talking, her eyes narrowing as she looked from Declan to Lantis, then back to me.

  “You’ll come along now, and this will all be over.”

  Since I didn’t know what she meant by all or over, I squeezed Declan’s hand more tightly and turned to Lantis.

  “What’s wrong with you? You’ve been running your mouth for what seems like hours, and now it’s like Medusa has frozen you in place.”

  Instead of responding, he lifted his hand quickly, his eyes growing wide and the whites disturbingly round.

  She was closer to me now, and I could feel her without even taking a look. My body shuddered as if a chill had spilt through the air.

  “How dare you,” she hissed, then snatched my arm roughly and dragged me away from Declan. It took me a moment to realize what was happening, but my kicks and screams didn’t slow her down for an instant.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Apparently she didn’t like being compared to Medusa, even in a roundabout way.

  The dragon’s breaths slowed as she pulled me closer to it, until I was face to face with the beast, who was so much larger than any creature I had ever encountered. I was tempted, in spite of paralyzing fear, to reach out and touch it, to rest my hand on its nose like I would a horse.

  Its eyes swirled in a sea of blue and green before sliding to focus on mine, and everything around me was blocked out, save for the dragon, its shining eyes, and soft breaths.

  My lips curled into a smile, and without thinking of anything but my desire to be close to it, I stepped forward so the two of us were only inches apart. I allowed my arm to rise, hovering over its mouth and face, and when I lowered it between the animal’s eyes, they closed slowly, like a cat’s would when petted.

  The silence around us was deafening and clarifying. Nothing mattered now but this moment between us, and I wondered how I had ever been afraid of its absolute perfection.

  Many fear me, it is why I am hers

  Its voice echoing in my head was no surprise, and I naturally thought back, knowing now that it could hear and understand me.

  This woman uses you to instill fear in others?

  The dragon sighed gently, his body shifting minutely under my hand. Its skin was rough with soft patches, multicolored when it had seemed a dark brown from a distance. Yellowish green, darker where its layers of skin was soft, it was a miracle of creation.

  She captured me long ago, and I have been with her since.

  There was no sadness in his voice, only an acceptance that must have come from such a long time of being under her control. What would it do if it could be free again?

  He. I am a male.

  I swallowed hard. He heard my every thought, not only the ones I meant for our conversation.

  Do you have a name?

  His eyes rolled to the side, as if he was looking out for something. Or someone.

  Astrafael.

  Astrafael. It sounded like a name from a classic fantasy story.

  I rolled my own eyes at my idiocy. Everything about this day screamed epic fantasy, in ways my childhood fairy tales could never have imagined.

  Why is she here, with me and these boys?

  Astrafael’s eyelids drooped, covering the giant orbs halfway so he looked sleepy.

  All of you are important to her. Be wary, she cares for no one but herself.

  So our importance was for her own purposes. It wasn’t a surprise, considering her expressions and attitudes.

  And how Declan had been told by more than one fae creature that he had failed her, which did not bode well for him.

  Declan!

  It was the first time since Astrafael and I had entered our own little thought bubble that I felt concern for anyone or anything besides the two of us. Could everyone speak to him like this? Could she?

  No. It’s best she doesn’t find out that you can, either.

  Something sharp dug into the back of my arm, and I was violently pulled away from Astrafael, only to be dragged back to his side.

  “You are braver than you look. Not many humans, even if they are truly fae, would be courageous enough, or perhaps stupid enough, to stare a dragon in the eye.”

  She shoved me until I had to lift my hands to brace myself against Astrafael’s belly.

  “You have somewhere to be, so off we go.”

  Astrafael was outfitted with a huge saddle and harness, much like a horse’s. I didn’t know the particulars of ones in the human realm, since I was never allowed to ride even a pony in the children’s area of the county fair, but this one was cinched tight over his back and stomach.

  A short rope ladder hung from the side of it in place of a stirrup, since there was more space to cover to reach the back of him than a horse.

  “I don’t have time for your hesitation. You didn’t come here to stand around, did you, girl?”

  I reached out and grasped the rope ladder as I turned to face her.

  “Who are you?”

  My gaze wandered around behind her, her flowing gown fluttering in the wind and getting in the way. She snickered, knowing that I couldn’t find the boys I was searching for.

  “Your knights in shining armour. They have their uses, ones that I will determine. Get on now, before I lose my patience.”

  Was Declan okay now? I felt a little guilty for being so mean to him, if he was truly my Declan.

  Yes, he is, and he will understand.

  My head snapped around to stare at Astrafael. He might be the only one who would really tell me what I wanted to know.

  What I needed to know.

  There was no question as to who I could trust now. No one, not completely, except the beautiful dragon at my side.

  I pushed my hair from my face as I turned back to the rope ladder, not sparing the woman a second glance. She hadn’t answered my question, and I wasn’t holding my breath waiting for an answer.

  Holding my breath might have saved me back in the lake, but waiting for anything now wasn’t going to save me again.

  The condition of my skin was evident, still unexplained, as I watched my hands grip each strand of rope on the ladder, my bare feet strangely agile on them while I worked my way up to Astrafael’s back.

  The saddle was wide enough for three or four people, and a couple of thick straps like a giant belt hung over the middle.

  “Don’t take this personally, child, for it is not your fault that you’ve been raised through lazy human ways.”

  She stopped talking, but I felt her breath on my neck. I had to force myself not to let my shoulders rise up to my ears so she would see that I was afraid of her.

  As you should be.

  Why would such a grand creature be afraid of a mere woman? I wondered as I slid my leg over
the saddle. She grabbed the belt and pushed it out of my way and I sat down in the middle of the soft, worn space.

  How many times, how many people, had been carried into the skies by Astrafael? Had he minded this part of his captivity, or had he enjoyed any of it, or the company of any of those he had transported?

  Your boys, there.

  What did he mean? He must have read my thoughts, so either he was answering, telling me that he liked Lantis and Declan, or he was pointing them out to me.

  Or both.

  When I looked up to see if I could locate them, she was right in my face, swinging her leg behind me so I sat in front of her, and she took the belt straps in her hands. Winding them around us, she tugged one through the other and slid it into a wooden clasp with a loud clasp.

  “Was it curiosity?”

  Her hand was suddenly in my hair, her fingers sliding through the golden strands. I wasn’t sure what she was asking, so I waited, my eyes searching the ground for the boys.

  They weren’t where we had been only a few minutes earlier when she had appeared. If Astrafael hadn’t mentioned them, I would have thought that they were gone. In one way or another.

  “You will answer when I speak to you, girl!”

  Astrafael tensed under us, and I rested a hand on his neck, leaning forward a little to do so. She yanked on my hair and pulled me back to her, and I couldn’t help the small squeal of pain that escaped my lips.

  I didn’t want to give her any more ammunition against me, or either of the boys, than she already had.

  “Why should I?” I dared to ask, letting my hand go to my head, where my scalp stung. She still held my hair and was now wrapping it absentmindedly around her own hand, holding it out to our sides.

  “Respect. Fear. Admiration.”

  I covered my eyes with my hand, my other hand holding tight to the pommel of the giant saddle. I had suspected that she was someone in power, one who ruled through intimidation, but I wasn’t going to fall for any of it.

  Although fighting her right now would be a sure way to fail.

  A sure way to die.

  “Astrafael, now!”

  She shouted, her words a loud bark right beside my ear. I closed my eyes against the brash surprise, unable to stop myself from cringing.