The Weight of Dreams

by Molly Lavenza

  Astrafael rose up, flapping his gigantic wings, and my stomach sunk deeper into my back, pushing me closer to her. I had never been on a plane, or anything else that would fly, and had no idea if this would end with me vomiting more lake water all over myself.

  “I am not accustomed to introducing myself, as I have attendants to handle such formalities.”

  I felt her smile against the side of my head, the forced intimacy making me gag as Astrafael’s legs pushed through the air below us, as if he was swimming as well as gliding along the wind current with his enormous wings.

  “I am Acanthe, Queen of all Faerie.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  I might have suspected that she was one of the rulers of Faerie, but to hear the words, in her own voice snapping at the side of my ear, was frightening.

  Who was I, who didn’t even know who or what I was, compared to her? Did I even have a chance at survival now that I was in her hands?

  Do not show your fear. She feeds on it.

  It was my turn to smile now. I had but one ally, one strong of body and clearly of heart. If he had survived under her control, so could I.

  “And now, you will answer me.”

  I felt like I was back in school, which seemed so far away now.

  “Uh, what was the question?”

  Queen Acanthe sighed dramatically, as if she had to deal with idiot fae creatures who had unknowingly been raised as humans all the time.

  “Why did you agree to come to Faerie? Surely Declan didn’t force you.”

  I frowned. How well did she know him, and what hold did she have over him that he reverted to his true self when she arrived?

  No, he hadn’t forced me, but what answer could I give her? Did I even know why I had come?

  “I didn’t have anything to lose, except my parents and my friend Corrie.”

  Curiosity. That’s what she meant when she had said the word earlier. Sure, I had been curious. Doubtful, but interested. Ultimately, I had little to lose, and from Declan’s revelation, I was doomed to die soon if I remained in the human realm.

  Just as it is so easy to die here.

  Astrafael’s harsh words were couched in his low and comforting tone, and I kept my hand on his neck, hoping that he could feel my thanks for his continuing concern for me.

  The queen could shove me off the dragon at any time, or slit my throat with those horrible nails of hers. There had truly been no moment in Faerie when I hadn’t been in danger.

  “What do you hope to gain, though? That is the question.”

  I didn’t really feel like waxing philosophic, then or ever. It was a legitimate question, but I knew that she meant so much more by it than just an interest in my plans for the future.

  “I don’t know,” my honesty was all I could offer her in response. “I don’t know why I’m needed here, or what I could do to help anyone when I don’t even know who or what I really am.”

  Careful.

  Astrafael’s warning made me stop talking. Would the queen be satisfied with what little I told her?

  “Declan was remiss in explaining this to you, I see.”

  She is very angry. Tread softly.

  How much more careful could I be? I wasn’t fighting her, and I had told her the basic truth, just not all of it.

  “He didn’t tell me much, just enough to convince me that I needed to be here.”

  We were moving so fast now that my hair flipped across my eyes and then up, so it glided like a halo around my head. The sky was a pale violet, the clouds close enough that I wanted to reach out and see if they were as soft as they looked.

  I covered my mouth to stop myself from laughing. Somehow I knew that the queen wouldn’t appreciate it, not now, not ever.

  “Declan has been a very bad boy. But I’ll deal with him later. Right now, there’s someone you should meet.”

  My social skills did not extend to the pleasures of making new friends, although I was more worried that whoever she was referring to would not be a friendly face. I had met more enemies than friends that day, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with those yet.

  “She’ll be so surprised. We had no idea that you would be visiting.”

  That didn’t tell me much. Would surprise help me when the time came? Was there any way to get out of this encounter?

  No. Besides, she needs you.

  She? The queen?

  Asrafael was silent, the queen quiet but intense behind me. I knew she was paying attention to my every movement, my every breath. She couldn’t hear my thoughts, not like the dragon, but she wanted to.

  “I don’t really understand. Declan was sent to find me, wasn’t he?”

  Queen Acanthe raised one of her arms to the side, and a flash of light and crack of thunder burst over a forested area to our right. What had she done that for?

  To show you that she can.

  Her random display of power didn’t impress me.

  She nearly rested her chin on my shoulder, but her skin didn’t quite touch mine. For all my life I longed to be able to touch others without terrifying repercussions, but I was disgusted by the closeness we now shared.

  “You are so charmingly naive.”

  Astrafael coasted lower in the air, and a densely wooded area came into view. Was he supposed to land down there?

  I couldn’t see any clear ground where he could, but the more we fell through the sky, the closer we grew to that very spot. Both of my hands clenched together on the pommel, although nothing would save me if we crashed into the treetops.

  What purpose would that serve? Was the queen immune to injuries? Would she endanger her ageless dragon just to kill me?

  Her arms slid around my waist and she held me close, as if she meant to comfort me as well as keep me from sliding off the saddle. The belt was tight, so there was no reason for her to touch me at all.

  “I sent Declan to find you, but he made a few mistakes along the way.”

  Do not be afraid. Not of the landing, at least.

  There was a slight snarky tone to Astrafael’s voice, and I knew he was warning me to remain on my guard about the queen.

  Why had she wanted me here, if she was only going to be nasty to me, and to Declan, once I arrived?

  “So many mistakes.”

  Her voice was the last thing I heard before I closed my eyes against the rush of green, leafy treetops that filled my vision, and while I fought myself against holding my breath, Astrafael’s legs skittered to a skipping stop along the ground.

  Bright lights glared at the edges of my eyes, which I kept tightly closed.

  “Silly girl. Afraid of all the wrong things.”

  Queen Acanthe laughed coldly, and I felt her hands slide over my lap and take the belt, the sound of the clasp clicking loudly in my ears. I didn’t know what I would see when I opened my eyes, but I felt alone now, without Declan or Lantis to explain anything.

  Not that they had ever been very forthcoming with any information.

  I stifled my annoyance at both boys, hoping I would see them again. Especially Declan.

  They will not desert you.

  Desert? What if they couldn’t find me, or if they were hurt. They had been unafraid to help me, and while they had been terrified of the queen once she was face to face with us all, I thought they would find their courage once we were gone and out of their sight.

  I hoped they would, anyway.

  “What should I be afraid of?”

  My voice was hardly a whisper, and I wasn’t sure that the queen heard me until she answered, her own voice as low as mine, but darker, menacing.

  “Me.”

  I opened my eyes wide.

  A kaleidescope of colors and lights flashed around me for a few moments as I blinked, trying to figure out where I was. It wasn’t like I would recognize it, since I had never been anywhere in Faerie before, but maybe I could figure out what it was.

  After all, some things about Faerie had been true to childhood stories, dark an
d light.

  “My lady! My lady!”

  Small children like the ones who had begged for my help came running, their faces fearful and concerned. Their thin arms waved to their sides, like the humans they resembled in a flurry of excitement. They were pink-cheeked and wide-eyed, as if they couldn’t wait to get close to the queen and do her bidding.

  Couldn’t wait because they were afraid. Afraid that a lack of enthusiasm might earn the queen’s ire.

  Your intelligence will help you.

  Astrafael’s gentle reassurance reminded me that I was still on his back, and I rested a hand on his neck again in thanks.

  My intelligence. I had never considered myself very smart, and no one else had, either. If I could just keep the pieces of what I could gather together in my head and work out the missing parts, maybe I could figure out what was going on.

  And from there, what I needed to do to help Faerie.

  And live.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Corrie was a big fan of The Wizard of Oz. If she had been with me, there would have been delighted screaming in my ear, and possibly, a fainting teenager flopped across my lap.

  But I was alone, facing not only a clearly antagonistic faerie queen but an uncountable number of childlike fairies who, I had been warned, would tear me into bits with their teeth once the sun went down.

  I held a hand up over my forehead, lifting it enough for me to see in the brightness. The queen, who was now on the ground smiling smugly at her admirers, took my arm firmly but gently and tugged at me.

  Did she want everyone to watch her behaving kindly towards me, unlike our ascension onto Astrafael? Did these creatures’ opinions mean so much to her?

  The dragon made a soft whooshing breath.

  Hardly.

  She was like a politician, one who didn’t want anyone to be able to say anything negative about her but still maintaining power through any means necessary.

  But if she was so powerful, why did she have to be mean? Maybe she wasn’t like that to these faeries, and I had been quick to judge her.

  Their expressions, however, revealed the tension and stress in their efforts to welcome her. If they didn’t seem happy enough to see her, what would she do to them?

  “We have a guest in the bower, one I expect to be treated with the utmost of respect.”

  And why would they do that? Could they tell that I was there to help them?

  Of everything the boys had told me, I would have to contend against the queen in order to do what I was brought here for - save Faerie.

  From her.

  Overwhelming wasn’t quite the right word for it, but my ACT study guide wasn’t on hand for me to look up a better synonym. The queen was a bully, much like those I had faced for years back as a human girl, and maybe it was best to just act as if her behavior didn’t bother me.

  After all, it’s what human adults always said. Ignore the bullies, and they’ll stop.

  Yeah, that had never been super effective in my experience, but it was worth a shot now. Who said faeries were enough like humans to respond in the same way?

  I stepped down the rope ladder carefully, enjoying the closeness I still shared with my single supporter, Astrafael. With one last pat of his skin, I moved away, closer to the queen than I would have liked but reluctant to show her any sign that I was nervous.

  With a smile, I face the bustling crowd of faeries, who stared at me, then back to the queen. Were they waiting for her to tell them how to respond to me?

  Respect, but in what way?

  Silence, or cheering? It seemed like she was waiting for them to do something, to show some sort of emotional display.

  “Hope is one of us, newly arrived from the human world.”

  A low hissing began from a small crowd close to the back, and the queen stomped her foot.

  “Enough! She is no human, but belongs here.”

  She turned to me, her smile sickly sweet.

  “With me.”

  The roar that overcame the crowd started where the hissing had angered her, and soon the noise made me want to cover my ears against their ringing response.

  Why did I belong with her? It took me a moment to consider what she said. If I was supposed to defeat her in order to help Faerie, why would she want me close to her?

  Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

  I couldn’t remember where I had heard that, but it was a very common saying, and now I understood what it meant. If I was with her, she could keep track of what I was doing and saying, aware of anything I did that might be part of an effort to end her rule.

  Was I supposed to end her reign, or end her?

  That hadn’t been made clear, but I was pretty sure that she wouldn’t give up her powerful position while she was alive, so . . .

  I forced myself to smile at the childlike creatures churning against each other in front of us and realized that we weren’t in a forest, or meadow. It was a cave, dripping with moisture on the walls and open under a bright, shining sunlit sky.

  Colorful jewels in a rainbow of colors studded the walls, and I craned my head to look up and around at the extravagant display. Were these all naturally occurring gems? What sort of place was this, to harbor such incredible beauty?

  “Ah, humans always appreciate shiny things. So easily distracted.”

  Queen Acanthe’s words were soft, the smile never leaving her lips as she criticized me. I didn’t care what she thought about me as a human or as a faerie, but I couldn’t help the annoyance that crept into my head.

  She didn’t even know me, but she had sent Declan to find me when I was just a baby. If she wanted me here all those years ago, why wasn’t she happy to see me?

  Was it the mistakes that he had made, the ones she mentioned, that left her cold towards me? How was I responsible for whatever he had done?

  I didn’t want her going after him, either. If I could do something to alleviate the situation from where I was now, I would have to figure that out, maybe even before I saw Declan again,

  If I saw him again.

  I bit my lip and told myself that I would see him, and Lantis too, so whatever I could do to make our next meeting more, for lack of a better word, productive, I would focus on that.

  And not getting into any trouble with the queen, at least any more than I already was, for reasons I didn’t understand.

  “Don’t think so deeply. Our lives here are simple. I lead, they follow. There’s no reason why you can’t fit in, is there?”

  The queen’s eyes met mine, her pupils dilating as her words left her lips.

  Liar.

  My smile was as wide and false as I could make it, my thoughts full of the memory of the kiss I had shared with Declan in the meadow when his despair had made my heart ache.

  “No reason at all,” I answered, and lifted my hand to wave at the adoring and terrified crowd surrounding us.

  “Shall I introduce you properly?” She offered, her head inclined in mock politeness.

  I had no idea what she meant. She had given them my name, and told them that I was human. Or rather, that I had been raised as a human. That had been enough to upset them, although I was truly fae.

  She turned away from me and gestured to a thin girl who seemed a little older than the rest of the fairies, who stood behind us with her hands folded in front of her chest. Her hair was lavender, smooth in a veil to her waist.

  At the queen’s beckoning, the girl raced forward, her eyes alight with interest. But she didn’t smile.

  Her bow was quick and low, well-practiced and natural.

  “My lady.”

  Queen Acanthe rested a hand on my arm and pushed me a little forward, as if I was a child who needed prodding. I supposed that I was.

  “Zusana, we’ll need proper garments for the presentation.”

  The girl, Zusana, slowly straightened from her bow, her eyes finding mine quickly. Her mouth fell open into a tiny O, and she closed it quickly.
r />   “And the colors, my lady?”

  The queen’s smile didn’t reach her eyes as she lifted her chin. I turned to look at her, but she stared ahead, not at either of us.

  “Gold, of course. Nothing else would be suitable for a princess of Faerie.”

  With a flick of her hand, she dismissed Zusana, who rushed off, holding her own long skirt in her hands as she turned a stone corner and was gone.

  I stood still, sure of the words I had heard but not truly sure what they meant. Was the queen lying to make me feel more secure here, with the idea that I was someone who had value to her?

  Surely a princess would be valuable to the royalty here in Faerie, but I was anything but regal. My hair fluttered in front of my face as I opened my mouth, and I had to pull strands from my lips before I spoke.

  “Can you clarify what you just told her?”

  She shook her head. Around us, the fairies huddled together, whispering among each other as if they assumed we weren’t paying them any attention anymore. Did they have to stay until she dismissed them?

  “You aren’t the smartest child, are you?”

  The queen sighed, shaking her head to emphasize her disappointment. Or her sarcasm.

  “I believe I was quite clear, Hope. You are a princess of Faerie.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  It was laughable, but I wasn’t laughing.

  Was there a reason for her to lie, about something so . . . so tied to her?

  If I was a princess, and she was the queen . . .

  But that made no sense.

  I stared at her, my mind working through everything I could remember Declan and Lantis telling me. They were both princes, brothers, but they hadn’t said that the ominous she was their mother.

  They were dark-haired, tall and pale eyed. She was shorter, with golden hair and dark eyes.

  Like me.

  Why would she want to proclaim me as a princess? That would have to serve her in some way, or she wouldn’t bother. After all, I had no idea who I was, so she could tell me and everyone else that I was the girl in charge of cleaning toilets.